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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm threadstomping Gonz because I'm an evil internet bully.
I was just on the phone to an online optician, and their 'on hold' music was 'I can see clearly now the rain has gone'. I was still laughing at that when they came back on the line.

Otters, quickly - what other songs would be aposite for hold music?

'Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me' for any customer service department, obviously.

Alt: I'm doing admin today, which is why I'm sat by the computer. What are you doing today?
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:38, 163 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Your mum.
I played a board game last night and I kicked arse. It was great, I'm amazing.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:39, Reply)
What game was it?
Was it Trivial Pursuit? No-one will play that with me any more because I always win. And the Logo game. I like that, and everyone always complains because I 'know stuff'.

Ooh, I've made myself all cross.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:48, Reply)
It was Settlers of Catan, which if you haven't played yet I suggest you do. It's great.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)
What's a suave, erudite, non-LARPing fellow like you doing playing Catan?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)
It's good, you can make the cities into a swastika

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Wood for sheep!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
i get this

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)
WE SHOULD HAVE A CATAN BASH!!!!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)
i Catan't wait!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
I get told off for knowing 'too much shit' when we play SceneIt, so no-one plays that with me anymore
In my defence, it's really fucking easy.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)
i reckon the only person who could beat me at 'Friends Scene It' is DJ.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
I wouldn't stand a chance, it's only the normal one I've tried

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
I'd play you at Trivial Pursuit
and I'd kick your arse

Then apologise for the same
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)
I reckon I'd give you a good run for your money

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
This has the makings of a desperately sad b4sh all over it
All we need now is a location convenient for you (Macc), b3th (WSM) and me (Naaaaarch). Piece of piss.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
i'm totally on it.
I suggest Weston super Mare. It's super handy, and it's got a pier.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Maybe we could play the game halfway up the pier
as it's slowly eaten away by the inexorable passage of time. Adds an element of danger that you don't get with other board games.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:58, Reply)
Rugby is the place that's about the same distance for each of us
However, it'd probably be easier to get to London.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:59, Reply)
Fuck right off.
Why would anyone want to go to that shithole?
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Either that or Northampton

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)
I suggest the three of you play at the olympic stadium.
And it would be well lol if you meet up with backpacks and fake AK47's
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)

un im
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:50, Reply)
can we expand this to play the cock game? where you replace a key word with cock?
"i will always love cock"
"i would do anything for cock (but i won't do that)"
"i can see clearly now the cock has gone"
"i got the cock"
"thank heaven for little cocks"
"here come the cocks"
"i want to marry a cock keeper"
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)
shitdullborringfuckoffdiespaz

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:42, Reply)
wait, wait i know this one........

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Today is a Good Day by New Model Army
for any funeral directors.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Slayer: Angel Of Death.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Cock of Death

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:46, Reply)
Angel of Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Angel Cock Death
Sounds like Swipe's preferred method of death.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I'm planning on looking in on b3ta in a couple of hours, hopefully you'll have deleted this thread bt then

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
oh come on roar-face
you know you want to play the cock game
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
you are an enigma wrapped in a mystery
slathered in custard. Perhaps that last bit is wishful thinking...anyway, you never give anything away, Rory, you're making it hard for the girls here to resist
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:43, Reply)
I wouldn't hold your breath.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:48, Reply)
i think he should
and leave his webcam on so we can watch him turn blue
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
brick in the wall
for a college.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)
cock in the wall.
I'm playing, Rache. But I'm not having fun.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:43, Reply)
you're doing very well. i like that one.
more more more
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:44, Reply)
You want me to give you more cock?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:47, Reply)
the first time ever i saw your cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:50, Reply)
today
i have been decoupaging some more. Later it's archery and I might go to a stitch and bitch in a slightly pretentious cafe/cocktail bar
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Is it evening thread time already?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:43, Reply)
yeah, we're mixing it up
throwing out the normal order of things and fucking this shit up good
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Home sweet home!!!!!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:46, Reply)
Fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck
and take your cakey noms with you.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:48, Reply)
*rides off on the back of a kittum*

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:49, Reply)
*goes for KFC*

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:50, Reply)
It might as well be.
The day threas have been epically shit recently.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:46, Reply)
i did my best :(

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Gaz someone who cares.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:48, Reply)
MOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Any of Dozer's shit 'sadcore' bands for the Samaritans?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Try Words by Low for that one.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)
I think the Fleet Foxes' should do the hold music for a Osteopaths staffed exclusively by supermodels.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:50, Reply)
This is very witty

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)
but no one will get it.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)
it's cos they are a shit band

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
No, it's bullying of Naked ape.
Specifically this post b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1241966
So I said Osteopaths cos they deal with back ache
and supermodels because they're beautiful.

Lol I'm sure you'll agree.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
i wish i'd left when i said i was

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Then your sides would still be together :(

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:59, Reply)
I thought the 'foxes' bit was a reference to supermodels
and the 'fleet' bit you'd got mixed up with flexibility
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)
Hold On, by Wilson Philips.
Or I Hate People, by the Anti Nowhere League, a masterpiece.

Alt, I'm sitting with my laptop in the park, having a cheeky doobie. Enjoying myself, thanks for asking.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:50, Reply)
"I've got a song that'll get on your nerves"
Whilst recording people's reactions to that playing over and over again.

Alt: Working, then pub later, going to enjoy a payday pint.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I've got a cock that'll get on your nerves

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Let's talk about B3tans we don't like,
and be proper bullies. Can't stand that fucker ...................
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I hate Bear Pookie the Jobraith fan

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:52, Reply)
I've heard he's a bit of a bell-end.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
see above for details

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)
Oh, I don't fucking know, b3th. God.
Everybody's being well mean to me, today. And I don't even mean on here. Real life bullying :(

Also: I hate the cock game. I alwyas lose.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
it's cos you've got a shit phone

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Probably.
Maybe I should start larping.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
The Human League's "Don't You Want Me Baby"
for an aspirational recruitment agency specialising in the upskilling of cocktail waitresses.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:55, Reply)
"Don't You Want Cock Baby?"

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:56, Reply)
or the liverpool version
don't you want me cock
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Or a plea from a sentient pacifist revolver
Don't You Cock Me Baby
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Also works for London
in a knees up muvver brahn sort of a way.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 11:58, Reply)
Cock up Muvver Brahn.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Not even your gay boyfriend wanted your cock.
I bet even Darth would hesitate.

Oh, yeah. Internet bullying, right here.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
I pride myself on judging each case on its individual merits or lack thereof
ase ock
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Beatles classic
The Long and Winding Cock.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Another Beatles classic
Love Me Cock
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:01, Reply)
A Hard Cock's Night

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:01, Reply)
All you need is Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)
I Wanna Hold Your Cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
get a room ,you two

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)
Eight Cocks a Week.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)
Yellow Cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)
Here comes the Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)
One of their earlier pieces:
Good Cock Miss Molly
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)
This is like freshers week all over again.
But everyone is ugly. and I'm sober.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:02, Reply)

everyone is I'm
I'm everyone is
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
those two things are linked

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Drive my Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Yay! I'm a virgin again!

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
You won't get a hurried handjob behind the bins here, either.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
no, this time you'll take your time

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:10, Reply)
Roffle.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Cock, You're a Rich Man.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
the cock album
love me cock
sergeant pepper's lonely cocks club band
lucy in the sky with cock
norwegian cock
baby i'm a rich cock
cock (that's what i want)
can't buy me cock
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Cocky Cocky Shake

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Cock it Be.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)
Something by Tammy Wynette, for a marriage guidance councillor.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)
Justified and Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)
3 a.m. Cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:07, Reply)
I just died in your arms tonight
for Dignitas.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Excellent work, my man.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Lola
For a sex change surgery.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:12, Reply)
Hahah

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)
The Walk of Life?
Dire Straits are enough to make one suicidal.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:12, Reply)
"walk this way"
for a clinic specialising in hip replacements.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)
I'd go with Hippy Hippy Shakes.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
Wouldn't that be more suited to a Parkinsons clinic?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:23, Reply)
shit thread B3th.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Compared to the last few weeks, this is Voltaire to Dan Brown, trust me.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)
Fact

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)
Penny Cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Penny Lane?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)
Screw both of you.
My thread was fine. I'm not the one who started waving cocks about the place.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:14, Reply)
Shitty cocks, for that matter.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)
hey
cocks made this place what it is today and we all know it
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)
shit cock b3th
Alternatively; shit off, I like it
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)
shit off, you like cock?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:14, Reply)
Shit off, you cock cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:16, Reply)
cock off, you cocking cock.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
Cocky cock, you cocking cock

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)
Duran Duran's "Hungry Like The Wolf"
For a dietician. Who specialises in vegetarians who've somehow managed to get fat. Or the playing staff of Wolverhampton Wanderers FC.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Bullet For My Valentine's "Hearts Burst Into Fire"
For a helpline dedicated to assuaging the irrational spontaneous combustion-based fears of Heart of Midlothian FC fans.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)
Cannibal Corpse' "Entrails Ripped Through A Virgin's Cunt"
for a joint torture/rape survivors guidance helpline.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:15, Reply)
"Hammer Smashed Face", for those traumatised by Sutcliffe's crimes

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)
Pervertedly Slow by The Jesus Lizard.
For any call centres.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:15, Reply)
More like
trained to be as slow as fucking possible
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Oh Yeah You Look Quite Nice
For callers to the Simon Weston hotline.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)
Fit but you know it
for a gym
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
'Shit Thread' by 'You Bunch of Flids'

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)
'shit bankrupt wanker' by Monty and the Boycetones.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)
This one
www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvFESQmeKpI

About your girlfriend who is taller than you.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:23, Reply)
Is Dozer another Tiny B3tan Man?
This place is going to need a theme tune soon. Maybe The Offspring's "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid (but you might need stilts)"
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)
I'm 5 foot 9 or so.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
and how tall is the gf?

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:29, Reply)
That's hardly short
You are shorter than the missus though
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)
+ my Mum tells me

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)
Dozer is even shorter than Battered.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Officially smaller than Battered.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:28, Reply)
I'm afraid I don't know that one.
I assume it's by a young person's beat combo.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)
they're shit
Fucking appalling 70s throwback wackness with a spasticated gaybo for a frontman.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:26, Reply)
If you don't like the first question
answer the alt.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:26, Reply)
The Arctic Monkeys' "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor"
as Chris Hollins' ringtone.

YES I'M STILL BITTER
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)
Pantera's "Walk"
for Shopmobility
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)
"Piles of Dead Jews" by Ethnic Cleansing (this is a real band and that is actually what they called their album)
Monty's bank's hold music. Calms him down before they tell him they're taking the house, the guitars and the hoover bag full of coke.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:24, Reply)
I think they've all fucked off.
Did I kill b3ta?
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:26, Reply)
*crosses fingers*
It was an act of mercy, b3th
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:29, Reply)
'Hangin' on the Telephone' by Martin, 12, Stool Analyst from Rochdale.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:26, Reply)
"Enter The Church Of The Apocalyptic Lawnmower " by Lawnmower Deth
for Dobbies Garden Centre.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Alt: cringing at this bent rubbish

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Start a better thread then.
Alternatively, stop whining like girl, you great pansy.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:31, Reply)
Sometimes I feel I make all the effort in this relationship.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:33, Reply)
It's only fair.
I pay all the bills.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:35, Reply)
Tell us about your exciting nights in playing board games!!
Did you roll a 6 and use your elven magic on that Orc, man that would be sweet
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:37, Reply)
Eating
Baby I Don't Care - our Customer Services dept
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:29, Reply)
Fats Domino's 'I'm Walkin'
for the 'I'm so obese from eating pizza I am now in a wheelchair' hotline.
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)
I think you're missing the point.

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:36, Reply)
I'm in a really boring meeting and I want my lunch

(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:35, Reply)
"Food glorious food"
Slimming world hold music
(, Thu 26 Jul 2012, 12:56, Reply)

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