Best urban legends?
I like the one about Ricky Martin and the dog, earlier on.

I also heard about a friend of a friend who was coming home drunk right and he got in an argument with his mate and his mate threw his phone into the bottle bank. The guy tried desperatly to get his phone back and as you'd expect got his head stuck in the bottle bank. His friend ran back to get help and some tools to help him out, but while he was away, someone bummed the poor defenseless bottle bank guy :(((
so sad.

What's your flavour, tell me what's your flavour.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:50, 147 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

you can fuck off an all cuntface

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Waaaahhh waaaahhh
that's all you scotch ever say.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)

HOOTS
fucking racist cuckold shit.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I don't even know what cuckold means, but I've seen it on porn sites so I'm not going to google it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Not porn:
oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/cuckold?q=cuckold
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Oh right.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)

forced to watch the baroness yiff to other men!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:57, Reply)

If I ever went even slightly Maximinimus, she'd dump me in a second.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Ahaha
Non-dictionary-owning boy. That's what they call you, you know.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)

When will this bullying stop :(

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)

It usually stops when the victim commits suicide.
Usually
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Although with the advent of tribute pages on facebook, it is possible to continue the bullying long after their death.
And even extend it to other members of the victim's family.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

I'd still carry on

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

There is that one about the crazy old drunk man,
who is offensive, and horrid, an is secretly a member of the Nazi party that escaped before he was tried for war crimes.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)

You look like a man from the distant past

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Like Tudor times or something

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I bet his pants are trimmed in ermin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

He wears a neck ruff to work

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)

"Percy, you look like a bird that's swallowed a plate."

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Black adder quote subtgread!!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:15, Reply)

"Rodney, You plonker!"

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

'RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCKKKKYYYYYY'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)

SMEG OFF SMEGHEAD!!!!!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)

"I'm the only gay in the village!"

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)

PROVE IT
Queer.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Tell me honestly that this doesn't look like you
northernelectric.ca/medieval/hats/hatpix/botticelli67.jpg
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)

i've got a moustache, but otherwise, yeah, thats a bit creepy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)

haha
Man, I love you Windy.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)

i found you
mizkatie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/miz-katie-never-hurts-to-laugh.jpg
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I WAS thinking of dying my beard actually
www.b3tards.com/u/0fcb2734f07769c5925f/windy.jpg
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:14, Reply)

nearly,
think more Jeremy Irons in Man in the iron mask.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Ooh yeah, he's lovely
My auntie used to babysit him you know. Of course you know. I've only got about 4 stories, and they're on rotation.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Now tell us the one about David Icke, Uncle Twohats.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Ahaha
I'm just pleased that someone's paying attention.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Hey guess what?
My SCARY SOLICITOR'S LETTER has been drafted, approved and is now IN THE FUCKIN' POST as of this morning. It's very exciting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Woah, wheels in motion and all that
It's all happening, Montezuma!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:28, Reply)

The white knuckle ride that is my life just got CRAZIER!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Well I hope it all works out for you, I really do

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:32, Reply)

If it doesn't, would you consider letting him have one of your kids instead?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

proper lol at this.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Oh absolutely

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Are we friends again now, or are you still not talking to me?
We can't go on like this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)

i didn't want you in my thread,
that was all, we can be friends in this thread.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Aww.
Does that mean we can bum now?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)

creepy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Hey, I'm not drunk OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)

why not?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Because YOU'RE GAY?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:15, Reply)

well. i. never.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Never?
Come on...
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Bankruptcy, mainly.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

I like the one about the guy on acid who kidnaps a downs kid
I taste like meat
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Didn't someone put that on /qotw and INSIST it was true.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)

i'm not familiar with this story

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Someone on Acid, finds an imp in the park, catches it,
takes it back home to show everyone, turns out it's not an imp. It's a downs kid.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I roared with lols when I first heard it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

It's superb

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:00, Reply)

you know,
it's stories like this that give acid a bad name. I find it hard to walk on acid, let alone kidnap people. I wish the lies would stop Montsy.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I once saw a bush turn into a lovely big teddy bear while on acid
Then my cousin had a bad turn and saw zombies coming out of the sea. And that was that.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)

i was sat on Gloucester green once,
and watched a lovely pigeon picnic. Then dan got the willies and ran off and ruined it for everyone.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Typical Dan behaviour!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Oh Dan!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Was Dan stuck in a bottle bank at the time?

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Dan ran off with my willy once :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Sometimes Dan just has to go too far.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)

How does everyone know Dan? I've never met him.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Oh come on Chomp, you know? DAN!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)

DAN!
You know, Dan, Dan.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:48, Reply)

You must know him. Everyone knows Dan!

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Daniel.
Danny-boy.
The D-Meister.
Dan, Dan, he's our man.
Dan Taysinferno.
YOU KNOW! DAN
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Sometimes Dan can be as much of a cunt as kerrrrazy kev

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:41, Reply)

That's some claim.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Steady on, Broaders

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Soz, I tried to like him but he just pushed it too far, y'know?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:56, Reply)

That's nothing compared to "David 'my friends call me dave, you can call me David" Dave.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Free the acid one!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)

oh what's this be mean to mmmps day jesus christ?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I'm only trying to brighten their day eely :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:55, Reply)

This is probably my fault,
i asked for a new thread, i didn't expect this to happen. I'm sorry Mumpso.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)

You're the worst out of all these talkers.

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)

I got your back, brah.
I know we've had our how-can-I-say-it, ah, 'problems', but I think deep down you're a decent sort. Even if you are a fuckin' Krankie cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Actually I h8 U

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Hey, Mumps
Ask Monty the nationality of his solicitor.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, What are these?
JOCKANESE!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Charlie Chalk, Charlie Chalk, funny way of walkin and a wacky way of chalkin!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

Charlie Chalk was such a rapist.
Although I may only think that because he reminds me of Martin Clunes.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

I wish monty would fuck off to merrytwit island.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Mardytwat Island, more like!!! LOL?!!

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)

merrydown island more like!!!! the fucking tramp.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)

:o(
Even my fucking 'smiley' looks like Charlie Chalk.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

If I owned a tourest attraction in the south on the coast, my slogan would be "Let us Brighton up your day?"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:24, Reply)

For Brighton
d g
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:29, Reply)

I fail to see how this would entice people to come to Hastings.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:29, Reply)

I like that one about a guy on the internet that asked some other people on the internet
to help him with some pub quiz questions. So they do, right? He uses one of the suggestions more or less verbatim and someone in the pub goes up to him when he's hosting the quiz and says "hey you, are you nicking shit off the internet?"

Oh lol. You couldn't make it up.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:15, Reply)

that one is pretty good.
and totally untrue.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I like how pigster is a lazy shit barmaid and has to ask the internets to help with his shit pub quiz.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Bit tight for a Scot to call someone lazy.

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Says the Frenchman

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:28, Reply)

best strike about it then eh?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Or burn a few lorries.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Vichy bastards.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:31, Reply)

*blockades Chunnel*

( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

*invades France*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

A ZING-a-zang-a-zong for a holee-day!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:31, Reply)

I don't really know any, but I do enjoy reading these.
Mint is the best flavour.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Hey, I like mint too!
UNCANNY!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I've always thought that you two had a special connection.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:34, Reply)

It's because we're both awesome.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I fully endorse this highly credible conclusion

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Watch out Hatto, this homewrecker has got a history of pursuing married men.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Oh I'm not worried
I'm EXTREMELY unattractive
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Well, apart from you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Yeah well fuck you misery guts.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Not me, my little antipodean pal.
I'm in an excellent mood.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)

find a half drunk bottle of meths in a bush?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Nope!
A QUARTER DRUNK!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

She's confusing you with gonz.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:46, Reply)

LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

I quite like the one where the cashier loudly asks over the PA for a pricecheck on supersize tampax
and the stock boy mishears it as "thumbtacks" and PAs back whether they want the type you push in with your thumb or pound in with a hammer.

I'm sure that one totally happened.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Definitely
because I always buy my fanny mice from a hardware store.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Bum & Quim

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Ooh, I like this one
This guy goes down to the States from Canada. He comes across this amazing deal on acid, so he buys a hundredlot. He figures that it's not likely they'll strip search him, so he tapes the whole sheet to his stomach when he goes back. At the border he's ordered to get out of his car and wait in a room while they search the car. He gets so freaked out, thinking that they're going to strip search him after all, that he starts sweating. The sweat soaks the sheet taped to his body and he absorbs a hundred hits of acid through his skin. Pretty soon he thinks he's an orange and decides he'll have to peel himself, so he starts peeling off his clothes. To this day he's confined to a psychiatric ward, still convinced that he's an orange.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)

I heard a variation of that where he actually peeled his skin off with a knife.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:53, Reply)

But you dont need a knife to peel an orange
Is he not thinking straight or something?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:56, Reply)

This reminds me of the one about that guy
who, whilst incredibly pissed during freshers week, tried to take his contacts out whilst drunk. He wasn't wearing any and seriously damaged his corneas.
(berk, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Your face is an orange

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)

Why do people always make up lies about acid?
The original one was simply 'thought he could fly and jumped out of a window' and they've got more and more ridiculous ever since.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)

I took acid and thought I was a zombie
and got naked and ate this random guy's face by the side of a motorway. It was caught on camera and everything. Boy, was my face red!
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:03, Reply)

As was his

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:04, Reply)

WITH BLOOD!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:15, Reply)

BECAUSE HE'S EATEN HIS FACE!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I took acid and found it enhanced my enjoyment of music
well mental
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:04, Reply)

I took acid and it made me giggle
Not mental at all
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Check this out!
I took acid and SEMEN PATEL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:13, Reply)

SEMEN PATEL

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:26, Reply)

Holly would had a little cry in that other thread
What's wrOng with people?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Just read that. What a Jessie.
/qotwers are pretty wet, man.
( Kroney, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:05, Reply)

someone should fuck his shit up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

isn't there one about a loke who was always stealing drinks and stuff from the work fridge,
and one day stole what he thought was milk, but get this, it was breast milk!!!!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Oh HO!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:11, Reply)

keeerrrrrrraaaazzzzzzyyyyyyy!!!!11!11!1111!!!!!1!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:35, Reply)

12 oysters in
13 oysters out
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:08, Reply)

I heard a story once about this lady who swallowed a fly, and wasn't sure what to do, so she swallowed a a spider to eat the fly.
But then, the silly cow, she thought "Hold up, now I've got a spider inside me" so she swallowed a blackbird.... long story short, she ended up swallowing blue whale.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Greedy cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Hard to pick a favourite
I like the ones where there is a small element of truth which has become exagerrated.

"Fanta was invented by Hitler"; and
"Coca Cola has cocaine in it"

That sort of thing.
( WormuIus, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:36, Reply)

Marlboro are made by the KKK

(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:41, Reply)

Eva Braun invented the Braun Shaver.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 12:49, Reply)