Something well fucking weird happened last night.
There was a knock at our door at about 11:15.

Lusty answered the door and there was a man stood there. Literally two seconds later four plain clothes coppers appeared and grabbed him. Really not at all sure what was going on there. I think perhaps he’d be going round knocking on doors to see if people were out with a view to burglary, and someone had called the old bill. They then questioned him right outside our door for about fifteen minutes, we could hear him refusing to give his address or explain what he was up to. He may just have been completely mental.

How about that!

Q: tell us about something well fucking weird.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:17, 263 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

sympathy reply
a couple of non-english speakers stopped me on my way to work for directions. I have no idea what they were looking for but he had a letter with the job centre logo on so I pointed out the large building directly across the road from us with the job centre logo in the window.
He didn't seem convinced that was what he wanted but fuck it, they'd probably have some Urdu speakers or whatever.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Later I discovered my wallet was STILL IN MY POCKET
how weird is that?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

whoah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Apparently lots of pick pockets hang around tube stations near where the signs are saying "watch out for pick pockets"
As when the average punter sees the sign they pat the pocket where they're wallet is, thus showing the thief exactly where to target.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Those clever Romanians!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I know right!
Inside those potato like craniums are some shifty little brains
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

maybe it is his house and you are part of a government conspiracy to ruin this poor man's life

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Wot a cunt, eh readers?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Well there is that, I suppose.
He was rather put out about it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Squatting is now illegal with a the possibility for a fine of upto £5k or 12 weeks in prison

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I hope monty gets done, he deserves it

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Fuckin hell you won't get any more stapler facts from me if THIS is your attitude.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

it's probably not even your stapler,
first you swap faces with this man at a high tech medical facility, seduce his wife and family then take his office supplies as your own. It's disgusting
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Staple/Off

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Fucken poliss. Hassling law abiding squatters.
I have just been mugged out of £20 of birthday cakes for the office. Why the fuck do they not buy me stuff?

What about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I never understood this tradition either
Some fatty bought £160 worth of cakes a couple of weeks ago...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

That's ri-goddamn-diculous
Me and Mrs Hats make all of ours. Costs pennies that way.
/thrifty
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

and you can make then in the shape of which ever fireman sam character you please

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

EXACTLY

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Elvis is CLEARLY the best

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Elvis, Adolf, Kermit
Three boys names you never hear anymore, purely because their potential has been reached. I don't think we'll ever see a more famous person with those names.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Ouch.
That's silly. £160 on cakes for colleagues?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I don't think he has much of a life outside work
he's head of the social commitee, runs the softball team etc etc. Really nice guy tbf.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

You should invite him to your home for a nice meal
and become bff.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

+i
+buddies
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

There is a MacMillan Cancer coffee morning thing going on in our office today
This means cakes and pies \o/
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

What sort of pies?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

hair

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

cream

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

frey bentos

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

mud

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Corned beef and potato

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

^^^^This

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

cake

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

The best kind!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Geek

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

pizza

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

If everybody buys the birthday person cakes then one day of the year you have stupid amounts of cake
whereas if the birthday person buys for everybody else you have reasonable amounts of cake spread throughout the year.

LOGIC.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Your face!
BOOM!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Girls
And the very second they stop looking, smelling and feeling the way they do, I'm going gay.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I'll be waiting...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

That was close.
What cunts, Drugstable?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Did anyone get me out last night and get me pissed and stoned?
'cos it feels like it today

Damn aliens
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

hahaha!
that's even better than my pissed up mate leaning over from the passenger seat to say "Good evening, Orifice......oh shit."
To his credit, the copper pissed himself laughing.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

what's weird right,
Is that as I get older, I am actually getting more and more handsome. I'm ridiculously good looking.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

I know exactly what you mean.
I am beating the fanny off with a stick.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Stop inviting Monty round then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I can't resist the long locks.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

ly good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)

that was tiresomely predictable Sporto.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

I am nothing if not predictable
...or shite, as it is known
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)

The onset of Prebyopia and cataracts CAN have some benefits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Should have gone to Specsavers

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Funnily enough a weird thing happened to me last night
I was innocently going around knocking on doors. This young lady had just opened the door to her flat when suddenly, without warning, four blokes appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me.
They then proceeded to question me outside this flat for about fifteen minutes, but I refused to play ball - there was no way I was going to tell them my address or what I was up to. Do they think I'm completely mental?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Terrible bullying of the LOVELY Tangled

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

tangled up by the blues, if you will

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
this is totes well OMG news. I'm glad you told the internet!!!

prick.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

I'm pretty emosh about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

you need to chose your doorsteps more carefully.
just stick to a box in an alley
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)

In fairness that kind of shit probably goes on all day long where you live.
Jelly-head schemies all over the gaff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)

wow, yeah I wish I lived in that social paradise that is London.
wanker.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)

that is strange.
I don't have anything weird to tell you unfortunately. Can I interest you in a harassment anecdote instead?
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Go on then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

the ex is still sending me letters, messages and emails every day and has made it clear he's coming to see me this weekend whether I like it or not.
Am actually getting to the point of being a little freaked out. More than a little freaked out actually.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Strewth! That's a bit much
maybe go and stay with a friend for the weekend
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

rip poppet, in ur h8rtz 4eva.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Don't open the door to the prick, whatever you do.
Invite some male friends over and have them answer the door if he kicks up a fuss, to gently explain to him that he's unwelcome on the premises.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

fuck that, get a boxing kangaroo

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Or "call the police".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

and lots of lube

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

But don't invite Kroney as he'll surrender at the first opportunity

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I'd only get drunk and fight myself :(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)

We should never become bodyguards
Unless it's a sort of comedy Keystone Cops style firm.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

auld alliance bodyguards.
"pissed and run away!"
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

With the weather the way it is in Oz
can you imagine how badly his armpits will get sunburned?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)

I dunno man, he's french.
don't they not shave or something?

Weather is terrible here anyway at the moment. Cold and wet.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I bet he shaves them as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

But they're so silky :(
For a day. Then OH MAN itchy.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Filthy. Frog.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

For reals.
It's every bit as bad as doing your balls.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

clearly you're doing it wrong.
bit of moisturiser does the trick.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:34, Reply)

There's something very, very gay about moisturising your ballbag.

( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I was talking about your underarms, but hey, whatever floats your boat Kronos.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)

There is?
Oh...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Chicks dig that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)

It's the only thing for teabagging.
Three dunks and you're done. A lovely cuppa without leaving any unwanted visitors.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)

we really don't. ballbag regrowth is itchy on girls too, when things get raunchy.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Who have you been harassing?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Nell Mangel.
Keeps calling her a 'dag' apparently.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)

She constantly harasses me on here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:14, Reply)

She wants you. In a BIG way.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)

no, it's just because he's a cunt.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Your words can hurt, Poppet.
Cut deep.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
All because I keep rejecting her advances...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

That's why you want him
Dirty lezzer.
( Kroney, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)

pretty much yeah.
I'm all about the muff diving.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)

Y'know it is flattering to have a younger woman proposition you, but as I keep telling her - I'm married.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

it wasn't funny poppet, I already told you, I'm taken.
and you can have that jumper you made me back.
just a note, pubes do not make for a comfy jumper.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

but I plucked them out myself...

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)

they shouldn't be that wirey.
like a scouring pad it was.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

She's have Aboriganee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)

RACIST

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

?
half aborigine?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

stop making fun of gonz!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Free the crohns one!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)

That's the one!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)

The only thing weird in my life is mr b3th.
Well, there's me as well, I suppose. But I'm trying to pretend on the internet that I'm normal.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)

How's that working out for you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Terribly well
OBVIOUSLY
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Starting when?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Oh man, you're going on the LIST!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I wish MMPS was dead from the AIDS that anotherwanker gave him.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)

look, if you want a date just ask.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)

will you trap mah mate?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:49, Reply)

yeah, I don't speak sheepshagger.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)

I know how to wash.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

mother must be proud

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)

GUTTED
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2209553/Swimming-teacher-sent-sex-texts-person-contact-list-didnt-know-use-new-phone.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I love how these days you don't need to click on links.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Really, that link makes no sense at all

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:43, Reply)

oh man, it's like that time I emailed the whole internet about my one secret tip for whiter teeth
embarassing
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:50, Reply)

pints of cum?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)

nah you want smaller volumes of the high quality stuff
just poot it out of the straw onto a finger and rub it it well

www.superiorequinesires.com/stallionroster.shtml
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I'm going to decline clicking that at work...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Hey, anotherwanker! Hey you!
Remember when you used to post as Kano? You sent me a gaz once trying to get Glastonbury tickets off me, and it's really bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:48, Reply)

details please, who was Kano?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Kano you blind cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Kano you blind cunt.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)

yes I want to know this too....

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Wasn't he Inspector Clouseau's butler?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I was thinking the same thing
Monty, check in the fridge
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)

wasn't he the guy that goes 'woah' a lot in the matrix films?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)

There is no spoon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)

That's him - plays 'Neil'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

I don't know how they ever made the film, he just kept asking lawrence fishburne for more fees

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I went through my gaz archive
and there, many moons ago, were some gazzes from 'anotherwanker', signing himself off as Kano.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)

WOW WELL PLAYED CRACKER!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I amaze myself with my ability to read and all that stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)

frankly we're all amazed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)

was he asking you to be his sonja blade?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Bizarrely he calls me a 'dashing blade' in his first sentence.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 11:00, Reply)

in the words of AC/DC
he wants you to stab him with your "knife"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)