Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
Time for a new one.Tell me, how would you run your perfect resturant/bar/pub/place-people-go-to? What would be your USP? Where would it be? Let's say you have a £500k budget.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:02,
148 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
gonna need more than that gonz, fuckload more.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:03,
Reply)
£1m will do? property included.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:07,
Reply)
I'd open a chippie.they make shit loads of cash.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
Small chips and a battered sausage ya mate, open with loads of vinegar and salt(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
I ain't found a chippy that does proper chips yet.Real proper chips, that are golden and crunchy and like buttery mash on the inside. Ma' always double-cooks her chips, its nothing new, heston isn't a visionary here. I would rather them mostly be golden and risk a few black ones than most of them be pale and risking mostly non cooked ones.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
Delia Smith talked about double cooking chips way before that whippersnapper was poncing about.(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:18, Reply)
Yeah? Well I quadruple cook mine.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:24,
Reply)
one round my way does good chips.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:18,
Reply)
LETS ALL GO THERE FOR LUNCH!!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:23,
Reply)
There's one in South Woodford that does it. He sells everything and shuts about 20.30 when it's all gone.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:21, Reply)
I'd open a kind of barista-style pop-up Welsh/Gabonese fusion joint from a loft in Hackney.When anyone came in I would flay them alive, roll them in salt and then shit in their eyes. Then I'd dissolve them in acid and do a lol.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:07,
Reply)
PS hahahahahwww.london24.com/entertainment/showbiz/david_walliams_reveals_he_tried_to_kill_himself_multiple_times_1_1566378
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
It's not that difficult, is it?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
Waqqqi is, as waqqqi does. That's my motto.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:12,
Reply)
Depends on the location.I'd do a pub with proper food, during the day try to get people on working lunches with a 2 courses for £10 sort of thing. Small menu that changes relativley often, every 2 weeks or so. Simple fresh food, if possible local.
Hot bar staff, music in the evenings but not too loud, nice outside area.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:09, Reply)
I'm sure the baroness could help bring in some customers in the evening(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:12,
Reply)
I'd open a wimpy tribute restaurant in Brighton that only sold benders(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
I hate cookingI'd take the money and run away to somewhere that doesn't have an extradition treaty with us.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
Surviving, long journey home from corporate wankfest yesterdayWhich was quite good fun really, pretty tired and hungover though. Bon Iver is getting me through.
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:19,
Reply)
I'll have a carpark where around the outside people can set up food stalls, and then in the center it'll have some nice seating under cover with heating where people can take their food too.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:13,
Reply)
I fucking love sitting in car parksThey just a je ne sais quoi Donthca think?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:22,
Reply)
I'd have Monty on the bar, Al as resident DJ and Nakers as the chef.In other news, just had gig details confirmed.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)
I would do a deal with Needoos to franchise them across the country. Need more cash to do it though. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:19,
Reply)
i'd buy this vets i've been having problems withand burn it to the ground with the manager trapped inside
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:21, Reply)
did you just call my girlfriend an animal, you fucken perma-single cheese eating surrender monkey prick?(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:24, Reply)
I think he did.I hear he accused you of bestiality several times over the last few days.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:27, Reply)
he also implicated you in the Jimmy Savile scandalAnd photoshopped you into photos of Haut de la Garrene.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:33, Reply)
I didn't call her anything. I implied it. Totally different.I like the way you're using single as an insult, though. Novel for the internet, that.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:27,
Reply)
no kroney, i said perma-singlethere's a world of difference between someone who chooses to put it about a bit, and some foppish nancy girl who couldn't get laid in a charity brothel and couldn't hold onto a woman if he used bungee cords and a Pritt stick
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:30, Reply)
SHE GOT THE ALL-CLEAR ACTUALLY OMG STOP BULLYING MY CANCER GIRLFRIEND(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:33, Reply)
Phew! Otherwise that would have been in really bad taste. Like her tits.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:34, Reply)
Haha oh, so it's the old "ugly on the internet" one, then.Sorry, that's much better.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:32,
Reply)
and again, nobody said anything about ugly, "foppish nancy girl"you have issues, man
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:33, Reply)
Lies. I'm not semen to anybody.Haven't you been listening? I can't get any. You're an idiot.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:40,
Reply)
alright Monty?I have had my gig details confirmed. I'll be using an Allen & Heath mixer. Great mixers, but I use pioneer at home and have only ever played out on pioneers.
And vinyl only.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:56, Reply)
My Double Decker's gone now.I thought I'd better update all the people that showed interest in the last thread. It doesn't do to leave a story unfinished.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:43,
Reply)
Thanks Kroney.It felt odd to just ask how that was going, so I appreciate the update.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:45,
Reply)
did you eat it as one thing,or pull the nougat off the crispy base and have them seperately?
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:06,
Reply)
All one thing.Sometimes I turn it upside down so the biscuit's on top, though.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:09,
Reply)
Second idea, a really posh greasy spoon, bacon cured on site, sausages and black pudding hash browns made in a kitchen which you can see.
All sausages slow cooked for an hour at least.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:50, Reply)
That's not too bad an idea.I reckon there are a few people off here who would go for that sort of thing and they're the sorts who like to pay a premium so you could ludicrously overprice the menu.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:55,
Reply)
I have no idea how much that would cost to run, but you could sell the sausages/bacon/black pudding, as another source of income.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:58, Reply)
There's a place opening in Farringdon soon which looks interesting,it's called burger and lobster, and there's only three things on the menu, a burger, a lobster roll or a lobster.
No bookings, in out simple menu which is an idea I like.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:54, Reply)
I'm looking down the list for a vegetarian option there and I don't see it.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 12:57,
Reply)
It is fairly high up on the animal cruelty for food stakes.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:01,
Reply)
my rules are no animal flesh.I eat eggs and have dairy, but no fish, poultry or meat.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:05, Reply)
You're ok with pork sword though.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:07,
Reply)
MUST KILL HUMANS IN THE NAME OF ANIMAL WELFARE(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
See you there thenwww.timeout.com/london/restaurants/venue/2%3A30799/burger-lobster
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Looks like something a prick would link to(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:06,
Reply)
Holy shit that sounds good. (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
For mine, I'd have no dress code, as I've found that how people dress doesn't change how much of a wanker they areI'd have a pool table, I'd show sports on TV (only if requested though, and it'd be in a seperate room to the main bar). I'd have live bands on from time to time, but I'd prefer a well stocked jukebox.
There would have to be a large beer garden, as there are very few of them round here, makes me realise just how much I actually miss using them.
There would be a minimum of 4 ales on at a time, with at least 1 being locally sourced. Cocktails would only be allowed once a week, pitchers are a no-no.
I'd also allow suggestions for what the next ale should be!
Drinks banned would be Fosters, Carlsberg and Pepsi, it's real Coke (and Diet) or nothing.
/just like last time.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:01,
Reply)
Great it'll be full of chav twats in 3/4ength track suit trousers and vestsCan they bring their Staffies in?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
I've been to places before where shoes are a must, people must be well dressed, etcAnd there's still been people kicking off all the time.
Remove the things they're more likely to drink, and they're less likely to be there, hence the no Carlsberg, etc.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
what's up with pepsi and coke and not being the real thing?do you drink a lot of coca cola?
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)
Aren't they essentially the same thing, just in different packaging?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:44,
Reply)
Didn't she marry Spandau Ballet or something?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:46,
Reply)
THEY TASTE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, FFS(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:46,
Reply)
where the hell do you drink that the people are going without shoes?OMG
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:36, Reply)
ah makes sensewhat with people living longer there are fewer corpses lying about to get shoes from
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Most pubs are more than happy to allow you in wearing trainers, Q(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
if i went to a pub carrying gym equipment i'm pretty sure they'd refuse to serve me(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Trainers that you wear on your feet, Q(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:41,
Reply)
what you mean like one of those personal trainers who helps you stretch before you exercise?(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Cocktails are a draw for women.Not every girl likes cocktails or cares that much, but it only takes one in a group to say, nah I fancy some cocktails to stop them all going.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Obvious strikethrough time(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
My old local offers cocktails once in a blue moon, when they do them, they do wellWhen people come in the week after, ask for them, and don't get them, it's rare for them to then leave. They'll usually just pick something else instead.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:10,
Reply)
Would still have a wine selection and a good collection of spirits with mixers for them(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:16,
Reply)
Women look at a pub with pool tables, sport on the telly and real ales on the counter and go to a cocktail bar instead.
(
Kroney, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
Hence the sports being on in a different room, would probably have the pool table in there too(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
Perhaps you could have another room for knitting or summat?Maybe playing old episodes of Woman's Hour?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:36,
Reply)
+to show off my sunburned armpits(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
I'd do one like those renaissance fair eating experience things, but so families could experience gritty inner city life while they eat their Colonel Ohio Chicken in the centre ring would be trolley jousting, dog fights and a drunk man trying to get on a bus
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:09,
Reply)
they come pre-opened under you seats(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
I"ve always fancied running a Speakeasyand whenever the cops turned up, I'd press a button under the counter and the whole place would change into a tea room.
(, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:13, Reply)
I hope this doesn't cata-poult the region in to war(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 4 Oct 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »