Morning everyone.
Today is my last day of work before a holiday. I have 10 days off. Going to be lovely I reckon. I want suggestions as to what to do. I've got a week in Tenerife bought and paid for, but I've got a couple days either side to play with.

Alt. What have you got planned?

Altalt: Do you like fireworks?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:10, 251 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Good morning, how does moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I've been infectiously happy over the last few weeks, to a nausiating level; since I've started to drop my a couple of different tablets (steriods turned me into The Incredible Sulk and [other one] basicly made me wake up with a hangover for the last 6 years). I find myself whistling and singing randomly, talking to strangers on the tube*, doing good deeds**, thanking my train driver as he looks out the window, and striking up conversations with pretty staff girls. I've gone back to full on autistic puppy mode, it's brilliant !

Yesterday my new fridge/freezer, dishwasher and oven arrived, it's soo cool, it's HUGE. I'd say the fridge/freezer is bigger can a coffin. Today the flooring is going down.

I reckon this time next week, the kitchen will be 100% complete along with having everything put back and all that. Then it's CHRISTMAS DECORATION TIME. FUCK YEAH.

You doing fireworks this year? I'm going tomo, really looking forward to that. I'm totally gonna score me some mulled wine if I can.

My new Google Nexus 7 32GB should be coming today ! It's on a delivery truck !

* Last night there was a baby crying the train down; and everyone was doing that no-eye-contact-but-I-feel-your-pain thing that londoners do. My phone bleeped, and say to the person next to me, in a supprised voice, "Oh ! That reminds me ! I must reconfirm my historectomy appointment next week".

** Sorted out a sleeping homeless man with breakfast for when he wakes up; warned a phamacist that their wifi was open and showed him that I have access to his main computer with all the patient records on; bought my diabetic uncle some sugar-free stuff; pointed out a fix to a big donation-run news website that saved them a fortune on unnessersary hacker-protection.....
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:13, Reply)

I just posted a really long reply to this in its own thread YOU SHIT.
EDIT: nice to see you're in a chirpy mood though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:16, Reply)

Sorry man =( Here is a video for one of the funniest scenes in movie history, to make up for it. It's only 5 seconds, promise it's not a virus.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMHluTrbVcI
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:20, Reply)

That appears to be a clip of a fat man being hosed down in a garage.
I think I'd have preferred a virus.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:24, Reply)

Nah I'm only kidding.
Fat man clips EVERY TIME.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:25, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=ohz8_IafGwE#t=28s
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:28, Reply)

Gordon Ramsay's really let himself go hasn't he?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)

I'll be honest with you dude, these days, I'd take a low-level STI if it meant I got some nooky.
I figure, 3 minutes of hot sweaty passion would be worth the exchange for the 5 seconds of a nurse putting a swab down my willy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:26, Reply)

I couldn't agree more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

So you changed your drugs and feel awesome?
That's cool. How was your birthday?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Yup !
They put me on steriods, then I had a complication with my stomach stuff that put me in hospital, so they put the steriods up. Then they noticed that the steriods gave me a bad reaction; but that had a less negative effect on me than not having them. Then the people who put me on them had cancelled appointments and all that shit, which meant I was on them for a whole month longer than I should have been. But now I'm coming down on them, and they've done their job, I feel top of the world.

And with the other one, it was something to help me with head-stuff, been on them since I was like 18, but when Dad went 5 years ago, they jumped up. The effect of them lasts for 12 hours, I called it "zombie mode", I'd be dead to the world within a few hours of taking them. They're used for date-rape. And I'd seriously struggle to wake up. I've spent the last few weeks sleeping really baddly, but now I'm used to the lower dose, I'm waking up feeling really happy and wanting to FUCK YEAH the day.

* But not as
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I love fireworks! I got to set them off for the first time on the 2010 NYE. FUN.
This weekend I will be going ot the gym.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:18, Reply)

When I was growing up, from the ages of 0ish to about 14ish, on my birthday (31st october), that saturday, my parents would have a party for me and all my friends.
Where during the day my mum would bake a cake and me and me mates (only the best one, it was a very prestigious event this, you would have to be on the list for this part, totally BFF4EVA material) would decorate it with sweets and icing-pens*. And then in the evening, we would have a fireworks party. I used to really love that.

* One year, Aunty Barbera proudly anounced at the cake-decorating part a new joke she heard. She was completely deadpan and serious about how 'new' this joke was. It was "Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side", it was unintentionally helerious .
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:25, Reply)

I like that.
I didn't have parties as a kid. No one wanted to come.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

You were that much of a dag?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)

pretty much.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Aww, =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Massive drink and drugs twister OF COURSE. Durr.
That or visit an owl sanctuary or a Victorian folly.

Alt: Lash it up today and tomorrow, taking kid out for lunch with Lusty's folks on Sunday.

Altalt: they're shit, and when people start going 'oooh' and 'aaahh' at them like fucking halfwits, it makes me feel all stabby. I mean really, ffs. They're only good if you are on mushrooms.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:19, Reply)

Fireworks are good if they're an illegal item and you've never had a go at them before.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:20, Reply)

LEFT FOOT, RED, COCAINE
RIGHT ARM, GREEN, WKD
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

PS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:22, Reply)

I have to have a stern word with my plasterers.
There are scratches and rough bits. I could overlook maybe a couple, but there are loads.

Then on Saturday going to see Dave Clark and Luke Slater playing techno.

And why do people on trains take the aisle seat, leave the window seat free and then get arsey when they have to move to let you sit in the window seat? Wankers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Dave Clark's excellent.
Well he was when I used to go out to that sort of thing about 15 years ago.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)

I used to enjoy the metallic shards of Red 2 stabbing my brain when I was off my pickle in some large dark room somewhere

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)

I've never listened to Archive One
:'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)

I can probably arrange a copy if you want one

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

*Ahem*
.
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I'm gonna have a go on that, see if I still enjoy it.
Ta
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)

ooh yes please

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)

It's up there ^

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)

He's a bit slow is our Britass.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

will look later.
Could you gaz me that please?

And did you enjoy Incunabula?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Have done
and haven't listened to it yet but its on my agenda of stuff I've gotta listen to
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

You must be WELL GAY

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

That's precisely the era I am thinking of.
Not sure I'd be that keen to revisit it now but was all good jolly larks at the time. Ritchie Hawtin was always worth a look around then, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Spastik still gets played in clubs today.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

Do you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

lololol

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

he is indeed
And my mate who I'm going with has been played on DC's radio show before.

I have heard funny stories about how much of a prima donna Luke Slater is.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

He's an oddball fo' sho'.
Not as bad as the Aphex Twin who is both a crack fiend and monumental penis.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

DC went through a phase of playing heavy metal and wearing eyeliner
This was about ten years ago.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)

d g
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)

SP

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

good work.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Morning.
I recommend you drink some beer, maybe smoke a sneaky joint or two and go and see some bands play.

Alt: ^That.

Altalt: No.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)

Alright Monts
Edit - I've just realised that you were agreeing with my recommendation.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Nah I was saying 'alright?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Nice to have a couple of days free before you jet off
I'd suggest a serious amount of doing fuck all, just wind down so you're already chilled by the time you get to the resort hotel.

Alt: I'm studying for some serious interviews.

Altalt: Love them, I'll be going to three displays this weekend (two on Sat night, one of which starts at midnight) and I'll enjoy every whizzy flashy bangy moment.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I wish, but the car wouldnt start this morning,
So I've gotta fix that tomorrow now. Rubbish.

I'm going to miss bonfire night, and Saturday I'm playing a gig in the woods for some hippy wedding. There better be fucking fireworks.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)

This is not the weather for tinkering with cars...
... Unless you have a heated garage.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

i think its just the battery is dead.
I hope its just the battery is dead.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Fingers crossed
Electrical issues with cars were always my least favourite, they're a bugger to track down. Good luck!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

I am not good with electrics.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Dead battery often means duffed alternator
and if it's that flat that no lights come on the battery is probably trashed inside, it ruins the plates inside. Had it happen twice on an old Escort.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)

its a dynamo in my car.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Does it do tricks?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Crikey, how old is it?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

1959

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

That's older than ME!
*only just, mind*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I think i just ran it down driving almost exclusiveky in the dark for a week,
Running, heater, lights and wipers together on an old car won't last long.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

British?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Yes, I am
And damned proud of it, too!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Yes.
And before you start. Yes, I know.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

I wasn't going to ; )
The tutting and head-shaking is usually reserved for the 1970s stuff. All-Aggros and Marinas classics?? Pieces of shit then and now.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

yeah,
It's a morris minor, so the engine will never die if I look after it. But god in hell I can hear it rust as I drive along.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Nice
and holds value if looked after, too.

The convertibles and Travellers are silly money though.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)

there arent many about though.
Pre 60 convertibles there are only about 65 odd left registered I think.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)

One of my mums neighbours had one
sold it for over 6k iirc, a fair while ago. It was all white, looked hideous to me.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Clap if you love Windy Pig's car.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)

I'm just a pig now.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Fireworks should be limited to only officially organised displays. The idea that any knuckle dragging fuckwit can purchase stuff and set it off close to people's houses is stupid and dangerous.
Today will include some quality shed time, some work on the Poland project and an early evening beverage.

Parties to attend on Saturday and Sunday.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Alright Captain Health and Safety.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Alright piggy?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Fireworks should be limited to 'fuck off you noisy twat stop setting fireworks off.'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I also can't get my head around the idea of spending a load of cash to set light to something that makes a patterned light in the sky for 5 seconds. Waste of money.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

DMT really isn't that expensive

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Hahahaha
You are so very very right.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)

Neither is DMX these days
he's avialible for Wedding's, bar mitzva's and charity fundraisers
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Acid costs no more than a fiver and goes on for fucking HOURS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

I 'just say no' to drugs.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Are you anti drugs because of the awful experiece you once had
when a guy high on acid kidnapped you thinking you were a troll and locked you in his cupboard to show his mates?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Never taken acid, mushrooms or anything else that would make me hallucinate.
I spent several years doing BIG amounts of cocaine. Not touched it since April 23rd 2007 and never will again.*

*still miss it sometimes, particularly if I am in the company of others who are participating.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Did coke turn you into the big man?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Oh a height 'joke'. Not seen one of those for at least an hour.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

10/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

I glad someone appreciated it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Like everyone has said, just enjoy a couple of days wind down
This makes for better holiday chillage

Alt:
Out tonight for a leaving do - it will be messy

AltAlt:
Yes but the kids don't
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Go and see Skyfall
alt: Sister's Birthday shenanigans

altalt: Who doesn't, apart from James the 1st of course.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Me, Tangles, Sportscow's kids....
Shall I go on?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Well you are a miserable old git, Tangles probably worries that the explosions will kill some sort of rare moth, and Sporters kids are clearly bent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Conversely Kroney wants the fireworks to kill all the moths.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)

I know, right?
What isn't to like? Loud and colourful, we are hard wired to respond to that.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)

If that's right why do I hate Ainsley Harriott?
EH?????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Because you are in love with Dawn French?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Hahahah AWOOOGA

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Is that why Timmy Mallett was so popular?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Chilling out before you go is definitely a win
alt: bonfire party Sat, christening Sun, many beers....
Today, buying a new camera as the flash on mine expired with a loud pop the other day.

altalt: In the right place and time, yes. For me should only be allowed on NYE, bonfire night itself and the nearest weekend to it, any other time you should be done for causing a disturbance.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)

this reads like a comment on the daily mail website

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Not nearly enough racism

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Alt & Altalt: Fireworks are awesome. I am going to Blackheath tomorrow.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)

heath up
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Bring me my hyperdermic needle and my heroin, bitch!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)

I'm not all that impressed with load noises and bright lights.
soz
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)

He has a mental age of five

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)

At least I read all the legal documents that have my name on and are put through my door before signing them.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

I'm way too important for that stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Do you now have power of attorny?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)

black Hampstead
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Blackheath to a male sauna tomorrow, as when I am anally fisted I see stars.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

It's a celebrity sauna.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)

That's where 'Ains' earnt his nickname.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I thought it's where he liked to go to tickle those tastebuds.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

And swallow some 'Suzie Spunk'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

haha.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

alright pig

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Alright MMPS.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)

why the name change?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:43, Reply)

the gas horror from yesterday shit him right up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)

You said in a thread yesterday,
You weren't sure you'd still love me if I was just a pig. And I wanted to find out.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)

I do pig, I do love you.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

I knew that, i'm sorry for ever doubting you.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Halloween party tomorrow at my flat.
Should be fun although one couple that are going broke up yesterday, so we'll see if they both turn up.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

If they do
you should all decide to side with one of them and not the other.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I'm pretty sure that's already happened.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Siding with the girl is borring because blokes can laugh it off.
Women, however, will suffer for years.

Just saying you should think about it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

I'll stop the party at 11pm and have a vote.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)

If you are going to do that, people are going to need more information on which to base their decision.
I suggest that you nominate two people who know each of them well to present a case for each party and perhaps a character assassination of the other one.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I'm going to get a vat of tar and some feathers.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)

That sort of thing is character building.
They'll thank you for it in the long term.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Relationship Court, all rise, Judge Chompy in session.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

All those siding with Dave can you please stand on *this* side of the room.
Those siding with Julie, stand *here*.

Just you, then, Julie? Perhaps you should leave.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)

Have you tried the new cocktail "Sandy"?
It's a watered-down Manhattan.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Ba




dum




tish



LTI
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)

No I haven't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)

0/5
If you hear one 'joke' this year, make sure it's not this one.
(Legless is a prick., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)

A++++++ would review again.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Got any Herald of Free Enterprise jokes?
Or perhaps a John Smith joke?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Can you believe they were asking for charity for the "victims" of that Japanese tsunami?
I saw some images on Google and this one guy had TWO yachts on his front lawn.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Yeah, like those "starving" kids in Africa.
I'm not giving them money if they can afford Man Utd shirts.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Their stomachs stick out because they do not have the nutrition to maintain stomach muscles to hold in their guts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)

How do you stop one from drowning?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

take your foot off their head?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

No, silly.
Throw him a polo.

How do you know when one is going to sick?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

a twix!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

No, silly.
The village crowds around with bowls.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)

but how does he smell

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

You know, I'd question the effectiveness of a mint as a flotation device.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Yes but you're the sort of person who'd throw a water-wing into a pool
and expect the water to retain the memory of the flotation device and thereby cure people of drowning. You holistic prick.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

i dun a click

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Oh, 9.8/10.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Hahahahahaha.
9/10.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

*click*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Oh I missed this
V. good.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Too soon?
I got that off one of our NY chaps. The lobby of one of our offices there was under 5 feet of water at one point. He's currently working from his neighbours house.

But of course global warming is a myth etc etc
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

If you are going to use the word lobby then you have to use the word neighbor.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

the building is in the US though. So it has a lobby rather than a foyer.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I have a cold.
I hate being sick.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)

Halloween is over.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 2 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Oh right, yeah

( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)

make up a christmas name

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)

I've got a couple I'm mulling over.
I'll probably segue straight from Halloween to Christmas. Just like the High Street!
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Such savage satire

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:06, Reply)

Peter Cook is spinning in his grave.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)

My social commentry is both biting AND witty

( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Plus you are commenting on topics to which we can all relate.
I imagine a lot of people read that and gave a little nod of recognition.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

I made a rye smile

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Will you make it into some bread?
Perhaps in East Sussex?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

is both
consists entirely of
AND witty
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

textbook namechanging

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)

would you like a nice hot cup of man the fuck up?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)

No thanks, my throat's a bit tender for anything too hot.

( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Back to cum gargling then.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)

hey, my man juice is RED HOT thank you very much
least taht what is says in the local public bogs
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

there's no "back" as far as Kroney's concerned.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

He never really stopped.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

that's why his mum has stopped inviting him over

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Another Kroney bullying sub thread.
If our mod wasn't powerless I'd totally go running to her.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

If only you were a bit bigger and not so boney, Kroney.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I'm enjoying the shift in the bullying paradigm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I am smiling on the outside
but on the inside I'm dying.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)

we're all dying on the inside, Kroney.
Apoptosis.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

too slow
perhaps if you had some more red meat in your diet it might increase your reaction time. Just a thought.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Red meat is well known for its health benefits.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Now you're getting it!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

It's meat that made his throat tender in the first place...

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Speak to the bowel, 'coz the face ain't listening.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:16, Reply)

the bowl has cancer :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Sexy cancer?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

if you like scat then yes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Skiddly, bap, do, wop.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:28, Reply)

bowl cancer. Worst of all the cancers. Even worse than spoon cancer.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Four cancers?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)

dammit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)

well, yeah, it is.
Too much of it is clearly bad, but without it you're fucked on iron, most of the b vitamins and several other key things.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Testosterone and sexiness.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)

indeed.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)

I thought it was female hormones they used in animal feed?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)

No, that's feed dead whores to animals.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:32, Reply)

actually Badger, I asked my GP if there would be health benefits in going back to eating meat.
He quite categorically stated that there were none.

There are lots of sources of iron and B vitamins that aren't meat. You know this, I know this and Tangers knows this. So spare the sanctimony plz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Get you.
Veggies are bent, it's a well documented medical and legal fact. Look at George Michaels and Elton Johns. And that lad that played Spock in the recent Star Trek film.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Ironically it's the men putting hot meat in their mouths that are the straight ones.

( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)

But not the hot meat that you love so much.
And try and suck all of your B vitamins out of.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)

I am more bent than Kenneth Williams getting bummed by Rob Halford.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:30, Reply)

*waits to say Godwin*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Just like a smug Hitler

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:35, Reply)

much as I hate to appear to be on the side of Dozer here
why does anyone care what anyone else eats or doesn't eat? As long as it's not your cock or your own dog or something it barely matters
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I don't give a shit what anyone eats. Except vegans.
I object to being called sanctimonious for pointing out fairly obvious scientific fact, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Even I think that vegans are cunts.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Actually, there really aren't particularly.
because of the mechanisms and pathways of production of both groups and the hundreds of thousands of years of evolution that make us omnivorous and evolved to source our iron and Bvits from meat. Yes, it's entirely possible (if difficult) to obtain iron and Bvits from non-animal sources, but only by taking supplments of synthesied vits, particularly cobalamin. Which, of course, is totally natural and healthy. But, yeah, I'm clearly the one being sancitmonious.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:39, Reply)

That is a very detailed ZING.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:41, Reply)

If slightly inaccurate.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

which bit's inaccurate?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

"but only by taking supplments of synthesied vits"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

The only non-animal source of cobalamin available is enzymatically synthesised.
And there is still an awful lot of debate as to whether it's anywhere near as effective as the animal-sourced version.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I've already conceded that cobalamin is near impossible to source naturally in a vegetarian diet.
I was questioning your claim about iron and the other B vitamins.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I don't think my sentence is very well constructed, looking at it again,
B12 is the only one that's impossible to source naturally except from animal products. Iron and other Bvits are harder to source from non-animal products. Particularly iron, as in greens particulalry it exists in a form that we haven't evolved the mechanisms to absorb yet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Harder, but not impossible.
Sure, I would need to consume a much larger quantity of cruciferous vegetables to get the same iron as a small cube of red meat, but likewise, my body doesn't really require the iron that a 12oz steak would provide.
I'm not some anaemic, menstruating female.
Nor does the B12 worry me, I'm pretty sure I do not have pernicious anaemia either.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)

I'm pretty sure you do hve AIDs though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:13, Reply)

I should have worn protection when I slept with your parents.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)

B12 mainly.
The rest are freely available from non-meat sources.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:28, Reply)

not "freely"
Iron isn't easily absorbable from anything except animal products and the odd cereal.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:40, Reply)

He easily absorbs them from all the vitamin supplements
he has to take in order to maintain his body which, unlike him, isn't actually a vegetarian.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:41, Reply)

We're entering into strange philosophical territory here.
You are counting 'me' and 'my body' as separate entities?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Not that strange.
Your body hasn't evolved to be a vegetarian. It needs certain nutrients and minerals that it has evolved to take from certain sources. You as a person have decided to cut those sources out. I'm really distinguishing between the "you" that is an organic machine and you as an entity.
( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Vegetarianism isn't a particularly new concept.
I'm pretty sure I am not suffering from any deficiencies.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)

except in not being WELL BENT, amirite?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

You know that I am gay for you, Badge.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:07, Reply)

I'm only arguing so much because I'm hot for your lithe vegetarian form.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)

It's a lot newer than the evolution of the human body.

( Kroney, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Hahaha yeah RIGHT Lyndhurst.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)

YOU PLONKER!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Yeah, IF YOU'RE BENT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I really don't know why I don't take this approach in scientific debate.
I missed out on £1.5 million in funding yesterday by the width of a gnat's ball, perhaps I should email the BBSRC and tell them they are bent?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:42, Reply)

yes you should

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:43, Reply)

I considered posting them a single poo every day until they change their ranking system
but if fear it will be ineffective.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Plus all the red meat in your diet makes it difficult for you to produce one daily.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

mind piss

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I balance the red meat with stella.
which keeps me regular if unstable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

because you aren't that regular?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

It works for me. It's so versatile - perfect for so many different circumstances.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

My experience of holidays
is that you spend at least half of them still in panicky work mode and wake up at 7:30 instead of laying in bed for hours luxuriating in the yumminess of sleep.

alt: I plan to clean my car out. This seems like a small thing, but it is currently full of camping gear, mud and discarded sandwich wrappers
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Close all the doors and fill it full of water and washing up liquid through the sunroof.
Leave it for half an hour then open all the doors again. Job done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

this sounds like an excellent plan
I could have a bath in it at the same time
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

a my annual
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

If I had more than that
I'd wash away
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 2 Nov 2012, 10:32, Reply)