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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning bastardsThis morning my hotel served me scrambled eggs with chopped chives mixed in. This is both unnecessary and unpleasant. What other food wrongs annoy you?
Alt: The NHS. My daughter has had some excellent treatment by the NHS this week. Do you love the NHS or loathe it? Or are you simply mildly indifferent to it?
AltAlt: How’s YM? Has she recovered from her last anal prolapse? Did it sting when they took the stiches out? I bet it did, what with all the clagnuts they had to cut off.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:03,
237 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
Baked beans ruin a cooked breakfastThe nhs have always been pretty good in my experience, same with the filth.
They had to use a broom handle to get it all the way in
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:07,
Reply)
+1 on the baked beans - in fact anything from a tin in 'tomato sauce' is an abomination...... as is tomato sauce itself*.
Alt: The NHS are phenomenal, saved my life more than once and gave me back the pain-free use of my arms and restored my manual dexterity.
Altalt: Still dead.
*Mayonnaise, brown sauce, salad cream etc etc all fall in to the same category of 'vomit - inducing heathen wrongness'
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:21, Reply)
cheese with fruit in.Pointless and wrong, like your existence.
The NHS are superb.
In other news, really excited about doing my MA. The course looks right up my street. The fees, not so much.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:24, Reply)
DozerWhy go for more higher education? It's like polishing a turd.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)
because the MA focuses on my areas of interest.Plus an MA differentiates you from other graduates. Everybody gets a 2.1, how do you stand out from that?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)
You stand out by being good at your job, so your career advances quickly.When I'm hiring someone to do a job like yours I couldn't give a shit if they have a degree or not, let alone an MA.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:31,
Reply)
When everyone has qualifications experience counts for a lot more.
A lot people with very high qualifications have little life experience and make terrible managers, the type who can't turn their laptop on without asking for help.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)
yeah thanks Loco, I'm 32 and been in my industry for over 10 years.So cheers for the condescension.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)
You've been in your industry 10 years and you haven't advanced more than that?I'd give up if I were you. You're obviously not suited to it.
Have you considered a career 'on the bins'?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:44,
Reply)
In fairness, if you can't stand out in your job after 10 years, I'm not sure how an MA will help anyway.Not that I'm against people studying just for studyings sake, mind.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
He does stand outEvery says "who's that prick in the turquoise shirt fishing a turd out of the deep end? And why does he have bits o metal in his face?"
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:46,
Reply)
same industry, not same job.And it's more studying for its own sake really.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Those cheap deep fried sausages in a cooked breakfast get on my nerves. Alt: The NHS is legend. Too right that it was part of the Olympic opening ceremony. They keep me alive on a daily basis.
Alt alt: YM says "Hi". She's in the shower.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:26, Reply)
Cheap sausages are wrong, wrong, wrong. As is cheap water filled bacon.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:28,
Reply)
I haven't eaten a cheapo banger in years. Ugh.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:36,
Reply)
I'm fairly sure that if you are eating somewhere that does deep fried sausages you only have yourself to blame.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:34,
Reply)
what I want to know isHow the hell did your daughter catch that STI to begin with?
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Alt: The NHS is 'OK'Some of it is alright I suppose. One of their nurses nearly killed my daughter when she was less than an hour old, and was a grumpy disagreeable piece of shit in the process so it's not all good news.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
I think having an NHS is preferable to having to have health insurance.And while we're on the subject of British institutions, I think the BBC is fucking ace too.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
I agree, but it needs to grow a backbone and tell the The Sun, The Times and The Mail to go fuck themselves and it doesn't give a shit what they think.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:00,
Reply)
It is desperately apologetic all the time.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:01,
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It fucking should be.NONCE ENABLERS.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:04,
Reply)
The more you write that, the more it looks to me like it should be a Countdown Conundrum.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/wont-somebody-think-of-the-licence-payers-plead-abuse-victims-2012111348731
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
A simple 'thanks' for my help would suffice.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:02,
Reply)
I like chives in my scrambled eggs, I think it works well. I reckon the NHS has spent more on me by now than I'll ever earn in my lifetime, let alone pay in taxes. I'd say its mankind's greatest achievment, and I can't work out for the life of me how anyone in the states can object to such a system.
Ma' is doing good thanks, she still hasn't touched her iPad, doesn't have the head to learn something new, but her laptop is on the way out and I recomend she starts playing around with it. She goes on walks on a friday around london, little history tours, loves a bit of that. That reminds me, I got a Cafe Nero voucher she can have to worm her cockles. She'll love that.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
if she has worms in her cockles, maybe it's time she went to the NHS?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
The NHS is a wonderful institution, ruined by the fact that it involves people.
The NHS killed my mother, a doctor dragged his feet with a set of tests, a results form got lost somewhere, and due to a late diagnoses because the tests had to be re-run, the cancer my mother had moved in to her spine. They gave her 2 years, she lasted 2 days.
Then, after my motorbike accident, i was in hospital for 4 weeks nearly, and some days, it was ace, the nurses were helpul (it is more difficult than i thought to piss lying down, so they would hold me up and look away) then some nights, you wouldn't see a nurse, the chap opposite who was an old boy shat himself, and no one came till 6am. I know the trauma wards get busy, but 4 hours he was calling out for help, again, i was an idiot biker, and in a lot of pain, and deserve no sympathy, but some nurses and doctors understood that i was in agony and tried to help, and some just treated me like another form to fill in at the end of a bed. Basically, people are shit.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:13,
Reply)
I'm glad you didn't die xxxxx(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
Fucking hell Winders, that's terrible.PS alright
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
It was pretty shit.The dude who fucked it got the sack, and dad got some money. But not really the point.
How are you?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
Is "meh" some sort of foreign word for "poor"LOLOLOLOL DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE!
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Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:39,
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Let's be clear, the NHS did not kill your mother, cancer killed your mother.Just because you're a maudlin grief monkey like the whole of Liverpool doesn't mean you can write off the whole of the NHS just because a member of your family was unlucky enough to contract an unpleasant and ultimately fatal disease.
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Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:24,
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you're possibly the shittest troll on all of b3ta, that inculdes QOTW(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
I said the NHS was excellent you prune.And, as it was bladder cancer initially, a simple operation to remove it would have saved her life had the doctor not fucked it up. It went to court, he got done for it.
The NHS did not kill my mother, but it did fail in its duty to save her.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
I wish the NHS would kill you.NOT REALLY!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
I reckon about 20% of the nurses are so heartless and treat the whole thing like they're working on a factory line.Loads of times I've been shouting in agony/pressing the buzzer for hours without anyone coming, or someone looking in, then walking on without saying a word.
then about 20% I'd marry in an instant, and the rest I'd say are really good.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
I'm with you Gonz, people ruin everything.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:36,
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It depends, some docs are good and some are fucking terrible.on a whole we have no support for our son, he got diagnosed then that was it really.
he had a seizure a few years ago and we were told that it was because his room was too warm. this is bullshit, the actual head doctor was very pissed that we had been told this.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:19,
Reply)
no, seizures just happen sometimes.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
Then he was pissed 'off', or are you fucking American now?Make your mind up you foreign scumbag.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
was it actually because of the noncing?(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:22,
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If a train leaves Euston at 9am travelling at 85mphand another leaves Manchester at the same time, travelling at the same speed, at what time do they both pass Hemel Hempstead?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:22,
Reply)
It a joke leaves monty boyce travelling at 70mph, at what point does it become funny?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
They don't, there is no direct line from Manchester to Hemel.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
He's embarrassed himself here with his lack of knowledge on train lines.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
well, he can't afford train tickets, so I don't see why he would know.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:28,
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If you'd bothered to get a driving license you wouldn't have to worry about train journeys.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
What has he got wrong with him?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
The nhs won't be any good, but are there not decent special needs schools and stuff? I've a friend who is a carer, and says that they can be very hit and miss.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
his school is alright but still not great.he's 9 now, me and the missus are his carers and he's a cracking kid.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
Is he any good at the casino?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
No, but he's an excellent driver.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
I thought the documentary 'Rain Man' explained autism to me pretty well.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:29,
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a WHOLE documentary? christ, you should write a book about austism!!!(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:31,
Reply)
I've edited my post for clarity.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:33,
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yes, I got the joke first time around.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
Can you explain it to me?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
He's already recorded an album about it(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
He sewed a tapestry to illustrate how it made his soul feel(
Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
Good, I bet he's a smashing little fella.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
he's fucking well annoying at times.it amuses me when people talk about folk being autistic here cause my son isn't a complete humourless wanker like these pricks are. he likes a proper lol.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
I'm pretty ignorant of it all really, I understand there is a spectrum, and some kids can do alright, with the right help and support, but also that some are lost causes. There was that Louis Theroux thing where he came across as a prick as always, but was interesting to see how different kids and parents deal with what is a seriously tough mental issue.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
It's hard going really, folks do their best but I really feel sorry for some kids.could you imagine monty boyce or battered with an autistic kid? sadtimes :(
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Luckily, my genes aren't faulty so it's not something we need to worry about.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
so you're a fuck up without anything to blame?sadtimes :(
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
That's entirely true, sadly,I had the best possible start in life. I have no excuse whatsoever for being this shit :(
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
I try extremely hard to be a good parent.I probably still get it wrong though :(
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
If Stunned has six apples and he gives three of them to Monty,how many oranges does Monty now owe to his creditors?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
more importantly, who does he have to shank to repay his debts?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
proper lol(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
I am laughing with you. not at you.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
You can't eat chestnuts.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
I had roast chestnuts last christmas for the first time, they taste like shit. Smell nice when cooking, but otherwise are shit.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
Chestnut soup is nice, and they're OK mixed in with sprouts.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
Your face is rank and pointless.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:44,
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No it's not, your mum needs somewhere to sit(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:45,
Reply)
You clearly don't know my mother then.She never sits.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
Is that what you'll get at the soup kitchen in the run up to Christmas?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:45,
Reply)
Very pleasantAnd I do feel rather more awake than I would normally.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
That'll be the impending shite(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:10,
Reply)
I saw Skyfall last night, it was pretty goodThe Odeon wanted more than 7 quid for some popcorn though, what's that all about?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
I think it's about idiots like you who are prepared to pay more than seven quid for some popcorn.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
Must be about £6.99 profit on one serving(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
of course its fucking not you moron.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
Heaven forbid I may have exaggerated a littleEither way it's a rip off
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:08,
Reply)
how do you know what the running costs of a large chain cinema entail?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:12,
Reply)
I don't know either but I do know our local pound shop sells 4 servings of microwave popcorn for £1, so unless the cinema stuff is served in platinum plated boxes that's one hell of a mark up.
However it probably subsidises the ticket cost for non-popcorn eaters like me, so yay.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Skyfall is rather excellent(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:10,
Reply)
There's a lot wrong with the NHS but that's not to say I want it gone.(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Because without it your girlfriend will have to strip extra hard to pay the rent.(
Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:22,
Reply)
hello children2 days off, and i've come back to an inbox that looks like a nuclear bomb of shit exploded in it :(
i'm stupidly healthy, touch wood, never go to the dr and only ever been to hospital to visit other people. conclusion: nhs employs some talented people and some utterly unemployable fucknuckles who would never get a job anywhere else if they got sacked.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:23,
Reply)
Only 2 days off to have liposuction & to recover from it? Well done.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:26,
Reply)
pfffffft4 days of birthday celebrations, i have been packing it ON, not sucking it OFF.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:28,
Reply)
Maybe if you did more sucking off you wouldn't have such shitty relationships(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:32,
Reply)
i used to love a bit of suckingbut then i saw you and stunned going at it, and i just can't face it any more
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:34,
Reply)
wouldn't the shit evaporate in the expolsion?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
thisthis is more accurate. landlords unpicking deals, clients asking stupid questions, colleagues asking hard questions... this shit be concrete.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:29,
Reply)
no wonder the iranians don't have the bomb yet, with fuckwits like you working for them.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
like he wouldn't have worked out a way to get high on the uraniumdoc brown for the 2000's.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
GREAT SCOTT!!!WE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE FUTURE MONTY!!!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:39,
Reply)
Yeah sorry about that.I was in your office and nature came a-knockin', didn't have time to get to the lavatory.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
It has that in common with most public services along with over-promoted fuckwits and too many people paid to attend pointless meetings at which they compete to spout the greatest number of buzzwords.
(, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)
LOL!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:34,
Reply)
this is more LOL than anything else that has been posted in the last 6 monthssad sad times
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
Things are truly dire in this God-awful cackhole.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
chin up, at least you're not a wacky quentin sockpuppet(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Nov 2012, 10:39,
Reply)
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