Off Topic
Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So
Naked Ape is a bent spastic, Kroney is French, Monty is bankrupt, I am short, Dozer works in admin when he's not libeling peers of the realm & Al is fat.
What other facts can you claim about B3tans? Real or false.
Alt: Apparently Dave Lee Travis is the latest person to be arrested in the Savile investigation. Who's the worst DJ you've ever heard on radio?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:08,
243 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
You're also incredibly angry about everything, don't forget that.
Darth is gay.
Alt: Ryan Tubridy.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:11,
Reply)
I am considerably less angry than I used to be.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:13,
Reply)
Fair enough
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
careful you don't want to set him off
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:25,
Reply)
kroney is an elf
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:12,
Reply)
Enzyme has a brain the size of a planet
BGB is lovely, Tourettes has a magnificent chestm. I have an erormous cock.
(
Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:15,
Reply)
One of these facts is a lie
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
If something is a fact, by definition it cannot be a lie.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:18,
Reply)
I agree, BGB is a terrible bitch.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:18,
Reply)
D'you think that is why she killed herself?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
Maybe so.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
Correct.
The real answer is 'Enzyme is a nullo'
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
h,
ve, +m
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
I can't remember who anyone else is.
Alt: I've never been able to stand Jo Whiley. I know I am not alone in this.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
I did love the Viz description of her
Bat faced witch Jo Whiley
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
She's just shit.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
Haven't read viz for years, until I was shown it the other day. 'Nobby's piles' when he goes to fly with Ryanair had me weeping with laughter.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
I bet your plughole looks like a Gorilla's anus after you've shaved
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
bet your plughole looks like a Gorilla's anus after you've shaved am a bent spastic
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:37,
Reply)
lols
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
Captain Placid is dull
AA hasn't started shaving yet, Pooflake shits himself in work meetings, Chompy is a bespectacled, rape-addicted chubby chaser, Localboy is dull, HH is weird and Tangles is Peter Gabriel.
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
Shaved this morning, thank you very much
Immediately remembered why I tend to shave in the evenings as soon as I left, cold air on it wasn't the nicest!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
Quender
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
I shave in the evenings so that I don't look all blotchy in the morning.
My throat has quite sensitive skin so shaving at night gives the skin time to recover. I then double moisturise in the morning, and apply cologne to the back of the neck.
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1783098
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:50,
Reply)
I read this as 'Please post as much abuse as possible below this post, thanks'
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:51,
Reply)
I really hope you get sued.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:52,
Reply)
I'm not going to get sued.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
How the fuck can you double moisturise?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:52,
Reply)
He has a second wank
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:54,
Reply)
at what point do you pause to allow your boyfriend slow, tender, loving access to your crack?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
it's how I remain so diggable
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:05,
Reply)
this is not answering my question, old buddy old pal
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
you're all bert
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
Classic deflection there, Bert.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
sorry, i was too busy fucking my sister to put much effort in
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
Shut up you fat northern tart.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
:(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:42,
Reply)
Alright?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
no
but only stressed about work, nothing interesting.
how's the babba?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:49,
Reply)
She's getting better thanks. I will see her on Saturday when I get back from Poland. Waste of time being here tbh, I have done precisely fuck all.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
good to hear
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
"i like this"
the improvement, not you wasting time in poland
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
hey swipey can i ask you a long and boring property question on gaz please?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:44,
Reply)
No, lino is not an acceptable substitute no matter how realistic it looks.
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
hahaha!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
hey swipey can i
ask you a long and boring property question on gaz please? am a bent spastic
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:46,
Reply)
you're like a child with a box
the entertainment is incredibly simple and yet they are incredibly happy
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:47,
Reply)
Yes.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:49,
Reply)
go on then!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
Bakwells are the best
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
tesco lemon or toffee bakewells
mmmm
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
I'm also lonely and unable to get girls.
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
true
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
USS Cold Dark Abyss of Sorrow
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:30,
Reply)
GOT!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
Objection!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:25,
Reply)
To what exactly?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
the libellous comments in the first post
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
Kroney isn't French?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
he's as French as an onion on strike
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
I fucking LOVE this!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
B3th is CONSTANTLY on the rag.
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
I thought she is post-menopausal.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
:\
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
That's why she's always in such a foul mood, K.
Obvious, when you think about it.
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
Tread carefully, Kroney - this one could be flying the red flag too.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:33,
Reply)
'up on blocks'
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:35,
Reply)
'riding the cotton pony'
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:35,
Reply)
'got the painters in'
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:38,
Reply)
'flying the Japanese flag'
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
'surfing the red tide'
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
LOOK JUST FUCK OFF, RIGHT!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:40,
Reply)
Haha
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:40,
Reply)
'brewing a vampire's teabag'
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
Turn her upside down and she'd make a water feature in a tim burton film.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
Loud office lol
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:41,
Reply)
lolol?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
Cavey dresses like Gandalf and chases fat nerds dressed as orcs around a field with a foam sword.
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
Sportscow has collected every bogey he has picked out of his nose for the last four years.
Kroney secretly wears a superhero costume under his clothes at all times, whatever the weather.
Anotherwanker always cries at the sad bit in Bambi.
The Light in Chains actually wears chainmail during daylight hours.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
I call them Derek and they live on my desk
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:30,
Reply)
Only if another immortal is in town
common sense, really.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:46,
Reply)
username failed moderation is saying we're all 'fucking obnoxious'.
b3ta.com/questions/deconstruction/post1783067
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:30,
Reply)
meh
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Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:34,
Reply)
le meh
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:51,
Reply)
he has a point
my fence story had better win this week
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:50,
Reply)
Up against the other five stories that have been posted this week?
You may be in with a chance.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
woohoo
glory shall be mine
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
b3th, kristine and poppet stood uncomfortably in the corner, sipping at bacardi breezers and comparing feet size.
the rest of the room was taken with the fat sweaty mass of flesh that passed for OT. all were huddled together, chatting, grunting, wanking and talking about crips. the only exception was monty, he stood in a pile of his own filth and muttered about how shit the walking dead is. finally, slowly, one tiny member of this unholy morass broke ranks and scuttled on stunted legs to the trio of females. his screeching high pitched voice rang out as he tugged the hemline of poppet's skirt.
"Here love, can I see your growler?" battered asked with a disgusting smile and a barely noticeable erection in his asda george junior 4-5 size trousers.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:47,
Reply)
POTD.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
I prefer Bloods
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:49,
Reply)
i like eggs
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:50,
Reply)
*egg high fives*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:51,
Reply)
You've broken it, you fool!
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
SCRAMBLE!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
I'm shell shocked by this poor pun.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
He poached it from someone else.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
I'm such an oeuf
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
this is no yolk
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
Albumen' smack you in a minute, sunny (side up) Jim
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
go boil your head
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:03,
Reply)
Go to shell
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:04,
Reply)
why are you soldiering on with this eggstremely silly pun?
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
you're such a pair of cocks
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
calm down love, no need to lay an egg.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:09,
Reply)
here we go a-hen
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
It's getting a bit pathechick
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
Because it's eggshellent
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
I'm ammayonaised.
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
I did for the devilry
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
You need a benediction ?
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:03,
Reply)
Cheeky monk-ey
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:04,
Reply)
It's more of a meringue-utan
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
prefer Bloods am a bent spastic
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
proper work lol
click
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
swipey burst in through the doors, locking them swiftly as the mewling of cats could be heard in the distance.
she looked around angrily. "WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING ABOUT ME!" she screamed before bursting into tears and chewing on a steak bake.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
there are no words for how hurt i am
by your failure to remember that i am allergic to cats
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
that's why you locked the door, to keep them out. duh
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
oh
first time there'd be any pussy at a bash
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:11,
Reply)
well, harmless ones anyway.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:11,
Reply)
non-toxic gash bash
interesting concept
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:13,
Reply)
It'll never happen.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
at the sight of meat being consumed, tangles collapsed in a heap and offered a prayed to the universe.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
AA raised his quart of cuntspiller EPA 5.8% mild bitter to his lips and sipped the foam through his beard.
"I met the universe once. it likes coldplay," he recounted. nobody cared.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:14,
Reply)
I couldn't grow a beard if I tried
Aside from that, worryingly accurate...
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
top skills.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:12,
Reply)
I haz sklillez becas I iz a wizurd!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:15,
Reply)
steady, mumpers.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
c'mon fuckers, write a story about a fellow OTer!
do one about me! I fucking do them about you often enough.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
I'll give this a miss.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:18,
Reply)
That's what got you in trouble last time...
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:21,
Reply)
The emaciated stray horse almost knocked MMPS to the ground as he stumbled to the offy for a bottle of buckie and some Super kings
it had been a rough night; mrs.mmps had passed out and shat herself and his son had painted the 'lounge' walls with her feaces. MMPS shook his head and picked yet another piece of sweetcorn out from under his nails.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:21,
Reply)
Me pipes, me braw bricht pipes wha me wee mither hae gi' abou' henna bairn me wee mither gang ower many abou' on a braw bricht moonlicht nicht me couthie pipes at many a mickle maks a muckle me wee mither na mair, laddie, Na mair I' the warld on a verra braw fricht abou' I ken wha hae bled a man's a man for a' that and a' that and a mickle a muckle
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:21,
Reply)
I love the subtle narrative manipulation here.
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:05,
Reply)
MMPS crawled out of his deep-fried hovel,
the stench of a mixture of Buckie and what he referred to as ‘pish’ (NB this is what people in England with the luxury of teeth refer to as ‘piss’) burning his bulbous, red, veiny nose like napalm. He idly picked at his distended, diseased anus through his Kappa kilt and his pleurisy-ridden lungs rattled like a half-empty box of Highland Toffees.
'Och aye the noo' he bellowed in his unintelligble 'brogue'. His wife, Gudrun Ure, made a futile attempt to shoo away the flies which gathered like ill-omened stormclouds around their munchy box dinner.
ET CETERA
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:23,
Reply)
i clicked
mmps is just jealous, sweetie
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:25,
Reply)
I can churn this shit out standing on 'ma fucken heid'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
at least he fucking made an effort.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:29,
Reply)
hey
just because i can't translate what i said doesn't mean i didn't sweat blood to produce it
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:41,
Reply)
fucking hell, stick a cunt rat in then!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:48,
Reply)
the filming wasn't until 3 but he wnted to look his best for "Jeremy Kyle", so he shuffled off to matalan to get himself a five finger discount on a new trackie
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:25,
Reply)
christ, you're all fucking shit at this.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:24,
Reply)
I heard that you walked 500 miles, then 500 more.
Next time drive, you fucking dimwit.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:25,
Reply)
Hoots, help ma boab. Crivens!
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:32,
Reply)
Amorous Badger plays left back for Ipswich Town
Dr Shambolic has a tattoo of a goldfish on his cock. TGB knows Pi to 34 decimal places. Gonz once killed a bear. I could go on.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:18,
Reply)
Do go on. These are excellent.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
Most of the other things I know relate to b3tans sadly departed this place.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:20,
Reply)
Disasterprone?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:28,
Reply)
alwayz in R hartz
r hartz the ground
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:29,
Reply)
no, alive, just not posting.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:31,
Reply)
think you're too good for us do ya
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:32,
Reply)
clearly I don't.
as I'm one of the few still here.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:33,
Reply)
I hope someone played
The 'whaa whaa oops' sound effect when DLT got lifted.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:20,
Reply)
After years of playing criminal records, perhaps he'll have one of his own.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:23,
Reply)
JESUS WEPT
(
Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:25,
Reply)
he touched my hairy cornflake : (
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
Never has the catchphrase "coming at you through the cornflakes" seemed so apposite
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:34,
Reply)
Turns the milk salty
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:42,
Reply)
that's how porridge was invented
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
DLT'll be doing porridge soon!!!!1111!!!!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
He was nicknamed the hairy cornflake andhas been arrested on suspicion of being a cereal abuser
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:26,
Reply)
do fuck off
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
*click*
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:36,
Reply)
DLT = Dave Likes Teenagers.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
I wonder who they've got in the bottom half of that picture.

(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:32,
Reply)
localboy requires only a sol campbell sticker to complete his 02/03 panini premier league sticker book.
he has quintooplers on every other sticker in the collection, including the shineys but no one has the one he is looking for.
he can often be seen roaming the panincons plaintively asking for "his precious"
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
the bastards never issued that one on purpose
Years I've been looking! Years!!!!
Damn you!!!! *shakes fist at sky*
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:38,
Reply)
captain placid once worked as an ambulance driver.
he was sacked after getting lost in a cul de sac on his way back to the hospital while weeping uncontrollably listening to radio 4.
the child did not survive.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:37,
Reply)
the mighty badger won the 1997 hot dog eating contest in new york.
he ate an incredible 278 hot dogs in 3 minutes. he was quoted as saying "where's the chips?" after his great achievement.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:39,
Reply)
This may well be true.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
Awesome!
(
Peej, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:41,
Reply)
barry from eastenders holds the record for the longest tantrum in a tesco sweet aisle.
in July 2011 he took exception to his mum telling him he couldn't have a kinder surprise and a curly wurly. he screamed for an incredible 178 days 4 hours and ten minutes before his mum placated him with a pack of rainbow drops and a sherbert fountain. he also holds the record for the longest time anyone has held their breath during a tantrum, a lung busting 84 days 12 hours and 10 minutes.
his mother is due to be sainted early next year.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
Ha ha. This wins.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:45,
Reply)
JeffTheDogFucker has no toes.
Amberl once punched a horse and claims to have no qualms about punching any animal that wants to take her on.
Battered wears a nappy and sucks his thumb, his attempts to persuade his wife to breastfeed him have so far proved unsuccessful.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:44,
Reply)
kroney is latin for "pound cake"
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:44,
Reply)
I spent ages on my mmps story and you didn't even say thanks.
Prick.
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
it was.... I appreciate the effort.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:49,
Reply)
Manners cost nothing.
You are forgiven.
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:49,
Reply)
Psychochomp can't look up.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
unless it's a skirt
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:46,
Reply)
Excellent
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
the light in chains was the fourth member of the goonies.
he was ejected from the show for calling spike milligan a "fucking unfunny, shitfaced, conker stealing shitpile" live on air.
spike milligan refuted the claims he had ever stolen a conker.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:47,
Reply)
Isn't that the Goons?
The Goonies being an American coming-of-age story about spaceflight or buried treasure or something.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:52,
Reply)
proving my point here, only a true goon would spot the difference.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:53,
Reply)
What's that one where they build a rocket out of old bits of washing machine in some kid's back garden
and board a spaceship where they meet fungus the bogeyman?
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:01,
Reply)
That's "The Phantom Menace"
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:06,
Reply)
No, it's an Eighties kids' film.
Of the Flight of the Navigator and Space Camp era.
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:06,
Reply)
This one?
uk.imdb.com/title/tt0089114/
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:09,
Reply)
YES
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:19,
Reply)
YOU'RE WELCOME
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:31,
Reply)
I don't remember thanking you, but ok.
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:33,
Reply)
I'm going to have to hold a long and pointless vendetta against you now.
Then probably sheepishly climb down from this position later.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:39,
Reply)
Naked Ape was recently forced to move house
He boked on his oak
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:48,
Reply)
Quinten is actually a 76 year old woman from Wigan named Maureen.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
Monty is the "secret millionaire"
Battered is 7'2". Naked_ape is the question setter for "University Challenge". Kroney is a member of the SBS . Dozer works as a buyer for Primark and Tangles manages an abbatoir.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
"Your starter for 10"
"spell 10"
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:52,
Reply)
You'd probably answer that "One zero"
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:56,
Reply)
^This is one of my favourite zings of 2012
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
Just in time for the end of year round up of popular zings as well.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:59,
Reply)
do you click "i like this" on your own posts?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:02,
Reply)
do you click " i
like this" on your own posts? am a bent spastic
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:03,
Reply)
It doesn't count.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:05,
Reply)
*puffs inhaler, pushes NHS specs up nose*
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:10,
Reply)
*ticks (very important) boxes* *libels an innocent man* *is a prick*
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:13,
Reply)
I didn't libel him, nobody is going to sue me and I'd rather have 'prick' as an online reputation than 'rapist'
I would have thought that a committed and expert polymath like you could take some time out from your soon to be redundant Senior Admin role to read a tiny amount of civil law to realise this, but I now realise you're too busy fiddling with paperclips to be arsed.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:18,
Reply)
POW, right in the kisser
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:22,
Reply)
I think it'd be better all round if you just go speak to the lawyer and admit what you did was wrong.
He's not after vengance, just justice. You wronged a 70 year old man with heart problems very deeply.
I bigger man would admit that rather than just throwing insults back at me because I'm telling the truth.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:24,
Reply)
I did nothing wrong.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:27,
Reply)
That's for the courts to decide.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:29,
Reply)
If he apologises and agrees to settle, it won't come to that.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:30,
Reply)
thing is though
If you read what I posted, I said he was the person named on the internet. I didn't mention the unfounded allegations. So there has been no libel, plus I guarantee you I will not be receiving any legal papers.
Everybody else has linked him to those crimes in their posts and sigs. So if I am liable to be sued, all you others are ahead of me in the queue.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:38,
Reply)
That wasn't the question.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:11,
Reply)
I actually was in the military, you know.
1st Guildford Squadron, Air Cadets. SAH!
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:54,
Reply)
sportscow once insulted the whole of india by laughing at a cow live on air.
In 2007 he was the co-host to the popular tv show "you have been in the framing" an irreverent clip show of people falling over.
after a clip of a drunk cow he said "hahaha, stupid fucking cow should have been chopped up and made into curry!"
he was run out of the country, like in that scene in raiders of the lost ark.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:51,
Reply)
lovin' this
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:52,
Reply)
Swipe lives in a council high rise near Gravesend.
Al is actually Prince Andrew.
B3th gives men prostate cancer.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:53,
Reply)
Rory is a technician at GCHQ
sadly his net access has been revoked since he broke the news of Osama Bin Laden's death on Facebook .
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 14:57,
Reply)
There are actually only four people posting on off topic under multiple sock accounts.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:00,
Reply)
Who are they?
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:07,
Reply)
rachelswipe, quentin, battered, mmps and The Light in Chains are all the same person.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:11,
Reply)
I should put them all on ignore then.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:11,
Reply)
I don't know why you are asking me - I'm one of your sock accounts.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:16,
Reply)
We're also Dozer, so may as well stop arguing with yourself up there ^
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:19,
Reply)
I am extremely insulted by this.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:12,
Reply)
OK, I admit it
I am also B3th, Gonz, all the versions of Monty Boyce, anotherwanker, Rory and Janet.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:15,
Reply)
You could probably afford to ditch the localboy account then.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:18,
Reply)
It's the worst of a bad bunch
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:19,
Reply)
I keep it as a decoy for the others
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:21,
Reply)
Kids in the 80's remember a smile on DLT's face when he treated them to a new release live on air.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:07,
Reply)
I guess that means he is correct in all his beliefs...
i for one welcome our new lizard overlords
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:16,
Reply)
guess that means he is correct in all his beliefs... am a bent spastic.
for one welcome our new lizard overlords am a bent spastic.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:17,
Reply)
"David Icke, has been telling the world that Jimmy Savile is a Paedophile for many years, but
only now he has been taken seriously."
ummm no one is taking him seriously.
(
PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:17,
Reply)
i wonder if David Icke posted that David Icke video
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:19,
Reply)
wonder if David Icke posted
that David Icke video am a bent spastic
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:26,
Reply)
Oh man, my USB 2.0 to SATA/IDE wire has arrived!!!!
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:27,
Reply)
my USB 2.0 to SATA/IDE wire has arrived!!!! I am a bent spastic!!!!
Naked_Ape I'M A BENT SPASTIC!, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:27, Ignore, Reply, I like this!
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:28,
Reply)
When it doesn't work I'm calling you
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:30,
Reply)
Yeah, good luck with that.
I do this for a living, I ain't doing it for free.
(
Kroney, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:31,
Reply)
When it doesn't work I
'm calling you am a bent spastic
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:35,
Reply)
Alt: Mark & Lard
I once ate a ham sandwich in my bentley using a space stick.
(
Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 15:42,
Reply)
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