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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Shall we have a new thread?
Why not?
So what is in store for offtopic in 2013?
Slow painful death? Massive flounces and bertdowns? More of the same?

Alt: Just to milk the very last out of the Christmas season - best or worst gifts you received?

Altalt: Can I have my proper name back now please, mods?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:04, 197 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Alt: best: some of my favourite cologne.
Worst: not seeing my kid.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)
your ex didn't let you see her?!?!
what a fucking cuntbag.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Quite so.
So we'll have our Christmas this weekend.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Hope it goes really well for you mate.
I'm sure your little girl will love it.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:17, Reply)
She loves it right enough.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Altalt: I've had to resort to the old 'underscore in the middle' game.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I stole your username.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Give it back, then.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:47, Reply)
It's not really stealing
It's copyright infringement.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:12, Reply)
At least you weren't so stupid as to steal your own name.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:14, Reply)
ha, I got great gifts.
purple tupperware, and a charm for my bracelet. I was happy.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:11, Reply)
They sound great!

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:15, Reply)
You sound sarcastic,
but I really did love them. Purple is my favourite colour, I collect tupperware because it's dead handy and lasts forever. And my brother actually put a fair bit of thought into the charm for my bracelet. it was nice to be thought of like that.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:16, Reply)
I hate it when people try to put a bit of thought into their present buying.
Just stick to the list of stuff you know I want please.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:18, Reply)
ha, I'm dead easy to buy for. I don't really *want* anything because I'm happy with pretty much everything I have.
but buy me something small that shows you've taken the time to think about what I like? And I'll be guaranteed to love it.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Is this a reference to Noel's penis?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:28, Reply)
no.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:39, Reply)
I got good presents.
A stack of cash, some nice books and I bought myself a new cologne because fuck you, that's why.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:17, Reply)
What's with "cologne"?
Isn't it aftershave?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)
No, aftershave is weaker and splash-on
Cologne lasts longer and comes in one of those fruity push spray bottles.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:21, Reply)
He's so fucking common he doesn't even know this. FFS Stunned.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:24, Reply)
What do you expect?
He doesn't have time for this sort of thing what with keeping an eye on the Artful Dodger and Bill Sykes and the rest.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Indeed.
It's beyond his south London ken.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:30, Reply)
Keeping it real, right here.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Oh Stunned, you're such a rasclart.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Isn't it all just 'perfume'?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:23, Reply)
I don't know, I'm not dozer.
Probably.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Some of us don't like smelling like a yurt which has been sealed with organic yoghurt.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Your hair will start to clean itself if you leave it for long enough.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:26, Reply)
this thought actually makes me feel sick

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:27, Reply)
It's not true either.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:36, Reply)
* insert generic joke about 'how would you know, LOL you're really bald' here *

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
I used to have dreadlocks as a child.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
ginger dreadlocks
beautiful image
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
What makes you think I'm ginger?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:42, Reply)
i spend every thursday night frantically fingering over your childhood pics on fb, of course
almost broke a nail last week
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Your vagina is a lot like an emery board, I'll grant you.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:48, Reply)
are you moving to hammersmith?
you and naked ape and i can have LOLWESTLONDON bashes.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:27, Reply)

L LONDON OFT more like
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Well, I will be if I can get the flatmate to stop looking for stuff in fucking Highgate.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:29, Reply)
here's a radical thought
you look for some stuff too?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:32, Reply)
Fuck off.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:33, Reply)
do enjoy finchley

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:34, Reply)
I'll just get a different flatmate if this one can't be trusted.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:37, Reply)
You could also get a dog and bark yourself.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:34, Reply)
I know right?
What's the fucking point in other people if I still have to do everything myself?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
what's the point in fucking other people?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
Saves on RSI

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:39, Reply)
fun.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
emotional chocolate

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
revenge

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
blocking out other things

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
feeling good about yourself.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
feeling bad about yourself

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
all true

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
reminding you the need for regular STD checkups

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
also, last but not least.
procreation.

any others I've forgotten?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
To clear out clogged pipes

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:03, Reply)
Euw have things got that bad, Cavy?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:04, Reply)
like an abandonned plughole

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:08, Reply)
You've taken the trouble to kidnap them and keep them locked in your basement all this time.
Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Not hard, Zoopla or rightmove are piss easy to define an area and a price range
pull your finger out.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
That's what SHE'S for.
Do keep up.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
nice new 2 beds in goldhawk road from about £450pw
that's about as cheap as a 2 bed flat in hammersmith will come, if it's not to be a total shithole, i reckon.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Luckily I don't have to do any of that shit
due to having a flatmate.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:43, Reply)
no way would i trust someone else to choose where i wanted to live
you're a very trusting man

yes, we need to split the rent evenly, even though i have the double bed and en-suite, and you have a box room and have to knock on my door when you need a piss at night...
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Wot a mug.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:45, Reply)
My role is to view the potential flats
and give judgement. She's fucked without me.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:46, Reply)
2013 will prove to be OT's best year yet!
Cooking stuff and a wine decanter. Typical middle class ponce stuff. And a match of the day quiz, a Darth Vader Keyring, cola bottles, fizzy cola bottles. I love Xmas.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:19, Reply)
the slow painful death will continue until the final rattle
alt: i was totally spoiled, no crap gifts at all. main present was the amazing holiday, but i also got some nice clothes including a proper rah chunkyknit ralph lauren cardigan and a handbag, makeup, funky cushions for my sofa collection, money etc.

altalt: how do we know it's the real you?

monty's ex is a selfish cunt.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I'm the fake me as well.
The mods clearly know this from the message they have posted on my banned account.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Is your favourite wine
"Daddy, I wanna go to Barbados!"?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:28, Reply)
wouldn't that be a wHine?
i am seriously sulky about being back here. that beach was fucking epic.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:32, Reply)
if we're going to whine.
it's going to be 35 degrees here tomorrow, and higher than 40 on friday.

Although I'm going to the beach, I think I will be dying.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:32, Reply)
london is cold, grey, wet
and i came back to 852 emails, of which about 210 need action.

swap? please??
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:33, Reply)
sure.
pay all my flights, rent and everything else, and I"ll do it.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:36, Reply)
it's so tempting

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Not sure they'd allow an non-legal qualified person handle all that technical stuff though.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
gash
the fly in the ointment
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
GASH

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
you're a gash

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
She could easily afford to.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:38, Reply)
DF's 2013 OT predictions;
Yazz "The Only Way Is Up" Award for Most Improved Poster; GeordieJay.
Most Likely To Bertdown; Nakers. Everyone has a limit, even bent spastics.
Most Likely To Persevere Despite Obvious Moribundancy (totally a word); the irrepressibly chirpy Sportscow.
Danny Dyer Award for Most Likely To Start A Fight In An Empty Room; Battered. Again.

Add your own below, I've run out of creativity/patience/coffee.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:28, Reply)
I don't think Nakers is going to attempt sexual acts with any of his siblings.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:32, Reply)
No level of depravity is beyond your average OTer Poppet
Look at Labs. He took up RUNNING. For god's sake.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:35, Reply)
So? I joined the gym.
I go every day when it's open and I'm not sick. most days for an hour or more.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:37, Reply)
DEPRAVITY etc
The missus and I have just started a new fitness regime actually. Hoping enough piss-taking if I fall behind will help me keep motivated. And am going teetotal to shift some gut. Are you sick a lot?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:39, Reply)
no. I got sick at the start of december for the first time all year.
but I seem to be having a few allergic reactions lately.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Oh rubbish
Gluten intolerance? Or lactose?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Personally I am WHISKY CHAT intolerant.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I discovered about 4 months ago now that I'm having a lot of trouble with gluten, as well as MSG.
And there's something else that we haven't been able to pinpoint. Makes my mouth tingle and abit puffy, and I get hives. Not fun.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:53, Reply)
Ouch
Have you had a checkup at the doctors? Be a bit weird if they couldn't pinpoint an allergy.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:55, Reply)
well see it's in the caf food on campus. and it seems to be in everything.
so because we can't access the caf food ingredients lists, I have no idea what's causing it.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Don't worry though, a doctor's trip is actually booked for next week.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Good :-)
I reckon you should sue the campus caf. Or blow it up.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:05, Reply)
no thanks.
to both.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:06, Reply)
You could at least lobby them to provide food that doesn't make you ill for god's sake

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Poison Ivy?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:55, Reply)
I'm not a doctor
but I think you're problems come down to the fact that you're a nancy gaylord.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:56, Reply)
well I did learn from you, the Best Nancy Gaylord there is...

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Nothing I eat makes me get all sick and girly.
I'm a fucking apex predator, me.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Er
Helloooooooooooo!
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:08, Reply)
We should have occasional amnesties where new people can post and not get the piss taken for a whole day
That might attract a few.

Alt: Got some games, some books, some CDs, a dressing gown that for legal reasons cannot be referred to as a Jedi robe, and some booze. King of Tokyo looks like a fun game.

AltAlt: I parked my name quite happily on another account and got it back without issue*

*unless you count being unable to remember the password for either account and having to do a reset on both, at which point I realised I couldn't remember the email address I'd used to set up the parking account
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Wouldn't a day of no piss-taking be incredibly shit and dull?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:36, Reply)
I'm only here for the pisstaking.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:40, Reply)
And whisky chat
Don't forget the whisky chat.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
I never tire of it.
MORE WHISKY CHAT PLEASE!!!!
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
I drank some whisky last night.
True story.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:43, Reply)
PLEASE NAME THE BRAND.
THIS IS A VITAL COMPONENT OF WHISKY CHAT.


THANK YOU.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
There were four of them.
I don't know the names of any of them.
Er... one was a bit 'peaty'?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Make up names then.
My favourite is Auchtenbruichshladdie. It's got smoky notes and in no way at all tastes like Jimmy Krankie's pissflaps. Which is lucky.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:50, Reply)
I ASK FOR A TEN YEAR OLD LADDIE!!!!!!!!

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:51, Reply)
You haven't lived till you've tasted American Flange
It tastes exactly like American whisky.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:51, Reply)
I like to pretend that I'm talking about abusing a child when really I mean that the whisky I drank was aged for some time in its barrel.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:53, Reply)
That must be hilarious.
Do please feel free to post this several times a day, I can't see it ever becoming tiresome and irritating.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:57, Reply)
My wife bought me a pair of brandy glasses and a selection of 5 different brandies for me to try.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:15, Reply)
If they can't take a bit of awful bullying
then I wouldn't fucking want them here. They'd HSH up the place and TRL would come back.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:42, Reply)
Maybe all the good posters would come back and make it like it was
before it became like /talk 2.0
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Like beckyletters and Maladicta.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
RIP the good posters

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:51, Reply)
It'll attract them for precisely two days
One to think "Hey this is alright" and a second on which to run for the fucking hills.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Also, how come everyone else is allowed to have a spare account and I'm not?
Terrible discrimination by the mods here.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:37, Reply)
I can't access mine because I have forgotten the login/pw.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
aha me too.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:59, Reply)
I might be missing something here
but where in your name does it normally have an I that it doesn't now?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:41, Reply)
he's used a capital I instead of the L
(I assume)
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:42, Reply)
If you look carefully, I'm called tangledupinbiue at the moment.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:42, Reply)
Had no idea
So I wouldn't worry
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Descrimination is what it is.
an outrage
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:44, Reply)
HEY GUYS LOOK IT'S COLIN KWIKFIT!!!!!

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:03, Reply)
*Canned laughter*

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:03, Reply)
I've got one.
Just so you know.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Very little, as more posters will leave
Alt: Whilst I thoroughly appreciated the bottle of Port my Dad gave me, I did not appreciate the hangover it gave me. I also felt like a fucking heathen for the way I'd gone through it so quickly.

Rather happy with tickets to go and see Les Mis in London, should be good!
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:36, Reply)
I'm sorry, did you also get a vagina for christmas?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Obviously I have to stick up for AA here
Also; Wicked.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:52, Reply)
This is just the sort of support he needs to save his reputation.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:55, Reply)
AA has a reputation?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Well, you know what I mean...

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:58, Reply)
I think he's secure in the knowledge
that the post of OT bumlord is taken.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:05, Reply)
As in '1, 2, get with the'

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Who sang this?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:04, Reply)


(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:06, Reply)
Oh my God, it's the British Will Smith!

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:07, Reply)
"You know the difference between you and me?"
"I make this look piss-poor"
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:10, Reply)
I fucking love that bloke.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:11, Reply)
I absolutely do not consider him to be a complete penis.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:17, Reply)
Only if you are sure you are finished with it.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:54, Reply)
les miserables is ace
and gets the Cavy SuperCool Stamp Of Approval.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:02, Reply)
This year everyone on Off Topic will get sex at some point
and not necessarily with a domestic animal.


alt: best - money I spent in Russia. Oh and some ear rings with a skull and a purple rose on them. Worst - spotty onsie which was at least a size too big (took it to the shop and exchanged it. To be honest, I think that's everything I got, but I've not done my christmas shopping yet.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Still trying to train those guinea pigs, eh?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Dunno but I hear /talk is considering having a mass exodus over here once it inevitably dies on its arse later this year

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:17, Reply)
Hello Alan.
We were having a discussion about how often I shave my balls earlier. How do you do yours? I just use the same setting on my clippers that I use for my face. Saves time, that way.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:18, Reply)
I don't.
Sure, you may get that sweet, smooth feeling for a whole day or so but having itchy velcroballs until it's fully grown back or you shave it again is not my cup of tea, unfortunately
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:31, Reply)
How's your Missus with those rats in Nimm?

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:22, Reply)
Hey Tanglebum.

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:19, Reply)
i wonder if he shaves his bum twice a day
to stop it tangling too much
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:20, Reply)
Don't be silly
Once a day is usually sufficient.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:21, Reply)
Alright Wind-eze
Recovered from all the new year cunts yet?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:20, Reply)
I maded a new thread

(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 12:26, Reply)

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