Bleurghhhhhhhhhhh.
Bleurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I feel horrible.
How do you feel?

alt: It all got a bit political in the pub, how do you deal with political idiots who insist on having an opinion without seeming to have ever done any sort of research, or doing any real thinking on the subject other than shouting tired clichés at you?

altalt: Fuck Wednesdays.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:15, 213 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Al and CQ were in your pub?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:17, Reply)

ahHA!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:24, Reply)

This guy's good!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Do you think they would take on me?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:29, Reply)

:o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:30, Reply)

Sorry, it's early

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:33, Reply)

I feel pretty awesome.
I mostly feel pretty awesome. It's probably something to do with being pretty fucking awesome.

alt: I generally call them a cunt until they cry.

altalt: cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:18, Reply)

I will feel awesome post breakfast.
Right now though. nope.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:23, Reply)

I saw you calling people cunts yesterday.
You bad man. How dare you point out that they'd made an utterly fatuous comparison.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:57, Reply)

NO TROLLING OF REAL LIFE FACEBOOK PEOPLE !!!!!

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:15, Reply)

I feel sexy. Sexy and TOUGH.
Alt: I say 'oh do be quiet Al, with your delusional and cretinously simplistic liberal student hand-wringing drivel'.

Altalt: Wank Thursdays
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:20, Reply)

Self inflicted?
Alt: glass them in the cunt.

Altalt: agreed
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:24, Reply)

No, I was forced to drink all the beer.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:31, Reply)

I drank no beer and still have a headache
In other news my new goose down duvet is awesome
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:34, Reply)

No one cares.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:34, Reply)

I don't care that you don't care

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Yes you do, don't lie.

( wanderlust, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:36, Reply)

I also have PVC windows and do not care about monty's thoughts on them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:37, Reply)

PVC windows, vinyl bathroom floor....
Nakers: supporting the UK plastics industry single-handedly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:39, Reply)

Someone has to drag us out of this slump
And it aint going to be tangles recycling his own shit into coasters that does it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:40, Reply)

I would not want to put my drink on one of those.

( wanderlust, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:43, Reply)

They're OK with cold drinks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:44, Reply)

They're organic.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:45, Reply)

not caring, here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Alt: set fire to them.
It is my answer to most things.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:25, Reply)

alt:
A cretinous 'socialist anarchist' acquaintance of mine once hectored me about the entire Financial Services industry 'ripping off the poor'. So how are pensions a bad thing? I asked. Well, he said, the State should take care of that.

How would that be paid for? I asked. Well, he said, raise taxes.

Raise taxes? I said. The taxes that you deliberately don't pay, in spite of claiming to be a Socialist?

This is the same guy who insisted that there is no real difference between house and techno.

If that was true, I said, there would be no such thing as tech-house, a genre that he was only that evening angrily accusing several breakbeat artists of having jumped ship to.

He's pretty thick, and doesn't realise.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:31, Reply)

I genuinely had to check to see if this was Fakedozer or not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:33, Reply)

If that is the case, I said
Then you genuinely are as thick as CQ.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Poor old Wilfred.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:36, Reply)

I only retold the tech house thing
As an example of how stupid this guy is.

Well, that, and how private pensions rip off poor people, in spite of the fact that if you have disposable income to put in a pension then you are, by definition, not poor.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:39, Reply)

The other day, some IDIOT was trying to tell me
that the tune we were listening to was dub-tech hardbag - when it was OBVIOUSLY hard-dub ballbag!!!! WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:40, Reply)

the other day some idiot listened to Insane Clown Posse.
He was clearly a cunt with pronounced learning difficulties.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:44, Reply)

Nah, Fakedozer is alright.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:36, Reply)

I thought 'that Fakedozer chap is master of parody, but should've shoehorned in some 'WHISKEY CHAT'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Nobody can pull off my unique take on WHISKY CHAT

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:40, Reply)

I feel fine.
Alt: Always ensure that you get a double seat.
Altalt: One day is much like another. I don't have favourites.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:34, Reply)

Hi Ben!
When are you going to be funny again?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:37, Reply)

again
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Soz, I'm too busy having dinner parties round at the Lloyd-Webber's.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:39, Reply)

I bet you live in "Thatch"ed cottage.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:41, Reply)

I feel quite ill.
I had an allergic reaction to something today. Half face swelled up and I was covered in hives. Not fun.

Alt: I leave the conversation before calling them a thickheaded cunt.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:40, Reply)

how racist is it really over there?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:41, Reply)

Pretty racist depending on where you go and who you talk to.
Much like any place I suppose
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:42, Reply)

yeah,
there's a lovely Dutch couple that come in to the pub quite a lot, they were in the other night a bit pissed up, and it turns out the woman is a horrible racist, the fella looked very embarrassed.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:52, Reply)

She's oppressing Abo's right now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:42, Reply)

I think you may have caught VD off Lokesy's gazzes.
Seek urgent medical attention.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:41, Reply)

Probably that flame grilled galah you had for supper

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:41, Reply)

probably, the feathers were a little on the crispy side.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:42, Reply)

I feel splendid
I even survived the NCT thing last night without telling the tutor that she was a hippy idiot, and that generally aromatherapy is not considered a method of "pain relief" ... at least not by my wife. Result.

Alt: I simply come on here to practise.

Altalt: better than frot thursdays.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:59, Reply)

What is NCT?

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:02, Reply)

'No Coons Tuesday'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Oh that's right.
Damn the meeting was on yesterday and I didn't go...
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:03, Reply)

lolz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:03, Reply)

National Childbirth Trust
unless you're Irish, in which case it's an annual test to make sure your car is roadworthy, which is somewhat confusing to my Irish mate here who's wife is up the duff.

They run classes on what to expect at birth and with a small baby. People go because they are terribly middle class and you get to meet non-chav people who are having a baby at the same time as you, thus giving you people to meet up with and talk to.

However, they are terrifyingly Nazi about things like home birth and breastfeeding, and usually run by people who are into "woo" things like homeopathy. They are very hard to handle if you are a scientist, so the best solution is to just keep your mouth shut.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Our lady wasn't to bad with the whole hippy thing
and out of 7 couples we like 3 people.

Definately worth £300 odd quid
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:09, Reply)

In fairness this one wasn't that bad
it's just her website bangs on about aromatherapy and reiki (or whatever the fuck, you know, non-contact massage)

It's the "intervention rate" thing they go on about that does my head in, as in the implication it's a terrrible thing. Yes, I'm sure we'd prefer to not have a doctor involved, but FFS medical science progress etc and it's better than the bloody mother or baby dying.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:11, Reply)

agreed
and with regards to breastfeeding, yes it's great. but if for some reason you can't, then the woman is left feeling like a failure due to all the pressure they've been subjected to.

PS: fuck off to mumsnet
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:14, Reply)

as long as she doesnt breast feed in public
That is disgusting.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:15, Reply)

it makes me SICK

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:15, Reply)

I know its only right
that they should share...

Just imagine the joy of having a nice warm fresh glass of mummy milk on the morning train
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:18, Reply)

I have tried mummy milk, it's quite sweet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:19, Reply)

And yet when I try to share my 'daddy milk' I get four years!
It's health and safety gone mad, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:29, Reply)

double standards Monts
the white middle aged man is being oppressed
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I think reiki is the one where they rub a cooling minty yoghurt and cucumber lotion onto you

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:42, Reply)

rofflecopters

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:19, Reply)

fuck that, set them straight or they'll never learn

(PsychoChomp, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:09, Reply)

fuck that, set them straight or
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Yeah but can you PROVE
Homeopathy doesnt work... eh eh eh can you with your big science brain
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:10, Reply)

You can't prove anything to retards.
Or US Republicans.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:12, Reply)

I can prove retards can't swim, does that help?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:13, Reply)

YES. It's a start.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:13, Reply)

one in the same

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:15, Reply)

"and" not "in
Jesus Christ Bonzo.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Cocking fuck it

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:45, Reply)

Homeopathy
is the solution to the worlds financial problems...

We have taken all the money in teh world and diluted it so that it is now only 1 part in every million... now it is more effective than before which explains why there is no recession.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:17, Reply)

I think it's perfectly acceptable to treat people with the memory of a drug
as long as they don't mind being paid with the memory of money.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:19, Reply)

I feel your pain, bruv.
I had to listen to Monty the other night. I was about to set him straight when a couple of ladies came over and bitch slapped him thus saving me the bother.

Altalt: Clunge Saturdays.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:01, Reply)

IHATEYOU

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Bitch Slap, Bebbeh!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:03, Reply)

But we're only in this mess because of the situation the last lot left us in!

( Peej, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Fuck off, PJ.
I blame The 1819 Act for the Resumption of Cash Payments.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:05, Reply)

We should never have left the Gold Standard.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:09, Reply)

yeah.
Fucking Cromwell.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:09, Reply)

We should dig him up again and rebehead him

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:09, Reply)

Fuck you barons and your "Big Charter"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:10, Reply)

yes, but gordon brown sold all the gold
so it is basically all his fault
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:12, Reply)

Yeh and I never voted for him to be president of england!

( Peej, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:25, Reply)

who does have gold then?
surely we could gather some SAS or some such together and go and steal some, and just pretend we found nazi gold?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Gyppos.
They've got fucking shitloads of it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

my great aunt has some gold
maybe we should mug her?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Is she a gyppo?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)

she lives in a house, so i don't think so
she lives there alone though so it'll be easy to rob it
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Could you case the joint then?
This is criminal speak for 'find out where she hides stuff'
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:05, Reply)

in her knickers

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:12, Reply)

This robbery just got sexy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:17, Reply)

touch my aunt

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I feel alright
I went to a comedy night last night, it was pretty good. 4 shiny-faced popped-collared young lads in the front row got a fair bit of stick as a public school boy band for the first half, then it got worse after the interval after the compère asked the one in the pink shirt what his name was and he said "Rupert".

"So, I guess you all met in the Guards then" said the compère after he'd stopped laughing. Turns out Rupert IS in The Horseguard. That was the rest of the evening's material right there.

(Best name suggested for their boy band was probably "Eton Mess").
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:17, Reply)

5ives
would have been very witty
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Why?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Because 5ive were a boy band in the nineties with hits such as "Slam dunk the funk" and "Got tha feeling"
and "Fives" is a game played at Eton
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:37, Reply)

It's also played at Winchester.
It's like squash but if someone nicked the racquets aka really shit
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:39, Reply)

ie public schools, like the boys in the crowd

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

so it's just handfuls of balls?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:44, Reply)

nah, you slap the balls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:45, Reply)

politics, law, economics and football
are fertile ground for any idiot to google and then yammer on and on and on like s/he actually understands them. it's a bit like watching monkeys throwing faeces in the zoo. except the monkeys realise they are talking shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:34, Reply)

They are normally banned subjects at the pub,
but I was drunk and got suckered in to it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:36, Reply)

i think the 3 topics one is supposed to avoid in polite conversation
are religion, politics and money.

but i guess we could all think of worse.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:39, Reply)

'Asians'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:40, Reply)

you missed all sorts of hand wringing fun on here yesterday

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

i think i caught the tail end of it
was that the one about % income?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:46, Reply)

there was much incredulous rage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:48, Reply)

were al and hypo-chomp wringing their wet little hands again?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Al only popped in at the end
tangles was up to his ears in hand sweat though. But that may have been Lokesy's.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

His massive sweaty palms are infecting us all.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

I wouldn't want to play fives with him, that's for sure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)

shame bella is RIP
that would have made for comedy gold
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Nakers was all "bring back the workhouses!"
You'd have been proud
( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I actually never pulled that card
I said let them perish through malnutrition
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Hyperbole for the sake of the narrative, young man.

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

workhouses are for those who are willing to WORK, frenchie
everyone else can die on the streets
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:51, Reply)

He also updated "Let them eat cake" for the C21st, to the more progressive "Let them all die"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:51, Reply)

shame, i bet he'd have looked beautiful in that hoop skirt and powdered wig

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)

*flashes ankle*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Tired
Fell asleep early last night, woke up at 2am, couldn't get back to sleep until 4am.

Alt: I post their blog on /links.

AltAlt: Better than Tuesdays for me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:37, Reply)

I don't know why I'm whinging to be honest.
Not much happens in the pub on Wednesday lunch, so I'll mostly be fucking about on here.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

You're whinging, simply because you are one of life's whingers, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:41, Reply)

THIS GLASS OF SODA WATER IS TOO COLD!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I didn't think WP was that young...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:07, Reply)

26 innit, which is old compared to you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough. I honestly thought you were several years older than that, I do apologise.
Aye, 2 years older than me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Fair enough
Tuesday is the day I deal with the majority of our regular customers, always busy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Mostly Winders, I walk away.

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:44, Reply)

typical frenchie

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:45, Reply)

do any of you lot ever go diving?
i managed to brush my knee and thigh over some kind of shitty coral in barbados. it hurt a lot at the time, but only for about an hour. however, i still have a red swollen patch on my knee 2 weeks later. i could go to the doctor, but i thought it much better to ask the internet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:45, Reply)

No

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:47, Reply)

Try pissing on the effected area
Then gaz pics.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Knee aids
sorry to be the bearer an all that
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:48, Reply)

KNAIDS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:01, Reply)

that's carpet burns from where your boyfriend does you up the poop shoot from behind and pretends your a builder called Barry
HTH
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:48, Reply)

it probably laid eggs in your leg
eventually hundreds of writhing young coral polyps will burst from your leg looking for the ocean currents
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I thought about saying something about them migrating up towards the smell of seaweed and haddock
but decided it might be a bit creepy
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:51, Reply)

i think we're all glad you made that decision

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Not because it's inaccurate, just because we've all recently had breakfast.

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:55, Reply)

you know where you can stick that baguette

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I don't like fish dip

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:01, Reply)

+ Oh no, I love it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:05, Reply)

This should get more love
Jah love.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:31, Reply)

the fridge for later?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:01, Reply)

FAB, i knew i could rely on you all
who needs hospitals with advice like this? close down the nhs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:50, Reply)

They are.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)

I dive.
There will be some ickle bits of the coral in the wound. Go to the docs, get it cleaned properly.

Failing that, take some antihist and see if the redness and swelling subside.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)

urgh really?
it makes me feel a bit sick thinking that i have bits of it stuck in me. rank.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Stop bellyflopping onto living organisms, then.
Selfish.
( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Poor 'Greggs Hat'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:14, Reply)

RIP niggah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:15, Reply)

*sotto voce snigger*

( Kroney, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Pop your clothes off and let Daddy have a look.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I feel marvellous thanks WP
I dunno why, it's not catching, soz.

I am one of those political idiots man. You self righteous borgeouis scum.
( Theoban What of it, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

YAY!
THEOBAN IS HERE!

My phone got an update, and it changed how the keyboard works, and I prefer it the old way, but I don't think I can make it be the old way and it makes me :(
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)

I'm well shit at phone typing, my fat thumbs can hit every letter at once
They need to make phones in BIG SIZES for the chub of fingers
( Theoban What of it, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:54, Reply)

I think you're being oppressed by big telecoms.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

o2 will be first against the wall come the revolution

( Theoban What of it, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Busby is mocking him.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:58, Reply)

If it is an Android phone you can install other keyboardy apps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I had that too
the * is now not a shifted x which strikes me as MADNESS.

Why can't they leave well enough alone?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Try the version where dragging down the key gives the symbol
it's better but some of the common keys are on other screens, which is annoying. Doing a strikethroughlol or " is a right pain.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I will.
previously, while typing a selection of words apoeared above the keyboard, one of which is highlighted in blue. The space bar symbol was also blue, indicating that by pressing space it would add that blue word, meaning any spelling errors were instantly corrected, and with an obscure word it didn't know, you could over ride the change. Now it just puts whatever drivel I type on unless I actively select the blue word. It doesn't even put punctuation in for me like it used to. Fix it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I feel fucking brilliant, ta
Offer accepted on house and off to the pub this evening.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:57, Reply)

\o/
at last! have you sold yours then? Was it the one that you showed me?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:58, Reply)

We are buy to letting ours
House is a different one *gaz on way*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)

yeah, but fuck those southerners

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Yep, right in the face
Next to the sea, 100ft garden, south facing. Fuck yeah
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Being in the south, we don't need to make sure our homes are facing that way.
We already bask in the glory of being there.

Pass the croisant.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Not for you, lad.
*passes a stick of celery*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:05, Reply)

:(((((

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Look at all those chins
*shakes head*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:08, Reply)

There is one less than there was.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:13, Reply)

did you manage to tuck it into your collar?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:14, Reply)

No, I sold it to Channel 4 for a documentry.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Doing alright then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Not so bad. Ta.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:17, Reply)

100ft garden next to the sea?
Next year 90ft
2014 80ft
2015 50ft
2017 it's a beach house.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:33, Reply)

new thread plz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I feel canny
Way I feel about politics is they're all cunts. Don't trust any of them running the Cuntry.

Labour got us into debt and the coalition makes us pay for it.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 11:20, Reply)