Drinking
It's fucking great. Tell me your tales of the sorry/hilarious states you've managed to get yourself into please

Alt:
Aches and pains. I was uphill gardening yesterday and then painting until 10pm. I fucking HURT today. Are you hurting?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:19, 234 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I once got so drunk I did something I regretted and then I felt a bit bad.
The next day I didn't feel at my best.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:20, Reply)

More lies! When will this lying end?????

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

after she's married him and it's too late

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:23, Reply)

I love drinking but there are much better drugs out there.
Alt: nah I'm in pretty decent shape all things considered.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Two worst occasions of drunkeness
1) Blacked out in the toilet of a notorious gay bar. Got woken up by my mates banging on the door two hours later. Cunts.
2) Accidentally drank two thirds of a bottle of southern comfort while watching telly. My missus was deeply unimpressed. I threw up A LOT.

hth x
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)

My mate passed out mid-piss and cracked his tooth on the bog whilst pissing all over himself
I lolled
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Woah
Yeah, I must admit, I would've laughed at that too.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)

my back/kidneys hurt
I don't know why
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)

How are your front kidneys?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)

they seem to be ok, maybe i'll alter my urine differential to send more through the front kidneys

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

That will help
Simple bias adjustment should do the trick.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Dehydration.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Your kidneys are taking the piss!!1!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Why does no one laugh at my jokes anymore :(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:32, Reply)

I thought you were calling Nakers a cunt.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Cancer

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Pink sock

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Aquarius

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:26, Reply)

how can you feel your kidneys?
do we have nerves in our kidneys?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:39, Reply)

I once dfrank a litre of Smirnoff blue by about 4pm and woke up under a sprinkler on some cunt's lawn.
The TOP RADIO DJ AND MASSIVE CUNT Christian O'Connell burnt my socks on the fire /ac
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:26, Reply)

in a thread linking celebrity name dropping post par excellance
I once went swimming in a lake in black tie with Richard Branson
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Was it your first time?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:29, Reply)

doing what?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:31, Reply)

It was a Virgin "joke"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Most of my serious drunkenness happened in my student days
e.g. chundering in a wardrobe and not realising until my sense of smell kicked back in the following afternoon.

alt: no, just a normal Monday.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:27, Reply)

First proper payday I went mental on diesel
Then puked in the morning and thought my stomach had exploded until I remembered
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I once had a small glass of sherry while playing scrabble
And spelled out 'Bum'! AND got a triple word score to boot!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Crazy mo-fo

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:32, Reply)

It's these middle class professionals self-medicating with alcohol that's creating a ticking health time-bomb for the future

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Damn right

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

*drops monocle*

(socynicalsohip, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)

I am a paragon of restraint and moderation and have never made a fool of myself through over-indulgence.
Alt: I took little tangle swimming yesterday for the first time in months. It turns out that I am still desperately unfit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I read that as swinging.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Oh no, we still regularly do that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Everyone in Tango's commune shares physical love as an expression of unity and trust.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

+up to the colon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

It's actually very beautiful, man
And hardly any of us have got the clap.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Only when the "yurt guitar" is out

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I was in a pub on the weekend that tangers here would have loved.
It was all hippy types singing folk at each other and doing spoken word performances and being vegetarian at everything. The house guitar had a fairy on it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

I hope that both performers and audience closed their eyes during the really deep bits?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:51, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1960679
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:52, Reply)

there was standing and swaying.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

up to the elbow

( Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I'm burning up
send help
( Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

*calls fire brigade*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:31, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GHe5BPb6Yg
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:37, Reply)

*brings burgers*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

after a few light beers at a local drinking house,
We acted like terrible scamps, and I think upset the publican, and were asked "to finish up and go home young gents, you've imbibed enough for one evening"
Oh how we did chuckle as we skipped home.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:33, Reply)

x

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:33, Reply)

morning sweety.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Yo Wind-o

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)

hi there.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:40, Reply)

That's not how Rory tells this story.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:38, Reply)

RARGH RARGH RARGH alcohol RARGH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:39, Reply)

after a few light beers at a local drinking house, to be sure
We acted like terrible scamps, to be sure and I think upset the publican, and were asked "feck off"
Oh how we did have a craic as we skipped home. fiddley dee
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:40, Reply)

lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

You have to read it at 10 times normal speed as well.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

it's alright though,
Rory is a work place bully, who berates his staff for the smallest mistake, instead of offering constructive advice and further training opportunities.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:40, Reply)

offering constructive dismissal more like
hahaha this is a truly hilarious lawyer joke, where is rory when you actually need him?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:43, Reply)

I got it.
Not funny
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

don't be pissing on my chips with your hot steaming piss, man

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Look, I know we've been flirting a bit, but I am in a relationship and not really in to piss play. Soz.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:48, Reply)

that just makes me want you more
i did actually have a few dates with a guy who wanted to make pissing on me "an annual event". he said "don't worry, i drink pints of water beforehand, so that general wheatiness is not on duty - there's a soldier you really don't want to run into."

there was no further date. what a fucking FREAK.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)

I dunno, I've been browsing reddit, there are some fucking weird fetishises out there.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)

i love reddit
but only the funny page. i've never really bothered with the rest of it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:03, Reply)

I was bored at work yesterday, started browsing around. I saw stuff. Horrid stuff.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)

i saw the daily fail article about the women posting pics of themselves nekkid or in their underwear
in return for karma or gold, whatever the fuck that is.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:11, Reply)

You leavin' us, Winpers?
:(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)

nah,
But I work weekends and this place is dead on a Sunday night. Don't worry, you're still my favourite.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:08, Reply)

xx

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:10, Reply)

it never used to be
but now it's a graveyard. i don't think the stupid pictures help, without reopening the argument. people log on, see a whole raft of fucking daft gifs, and immediately go elsewhere.

ironically probably to look at fucking daft gifs...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:10, Reply)

god, all sorts
from the early days - frolicking in our underwear in the fountain outside buckingham palace as 18 year old students
- getting so horrifically drunk that i went home, got into bed, then remembered my friend was staying and i'd left her in the club, walked halfway back across waterloo bridge in my pyjamas before i was spotted, confiscated and taken home by my (strict non-drinking muslim) flatmate

- to last weekend, persuading total strangers at a rave that they really wanted me to draw on them with my neon rave crayons, and drawing a truly epic neon pink CDC on someone's bare chest

and everything in between.

alt: nothing that wasn't caused by the above. braving an open top bus tour and hamleys with a 4 year old would have been pretty epic, even without a hangover; with one, it was nearly game over for the people on the ground
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:39, Reply)

WTF did you go to a rave for?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:42, Reply)

for the LOLZ
and the fact that nowhere else on the planet do complete strangers let you draw giant neon pink cocks on them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:43, Reply)

To prove how she is totally over her "ex"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:43, Reply)

i haven't spoken to him ALL WEEK actually

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Text messages don't count, right?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

Text messages Anal
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

nope, it's been complete silence, game over no-contact
he cried, i didn't. i was quite proud of that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

That settles it. He's a woofter.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)

The only response to getting dumped id to punch the bird in the face
and go out and hate fuck her sister
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)

^^ Precisely this.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

i didn't dump him
and i don't have a sister

your rules mean nothing here
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

neither do huge long emails

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

none of those either
silence is rusty, rather than golden, but it's better than the previous shite
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

If this is still true in a month I will be interested.
Otherwise, zzzzzzzz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:08, Reply)

it will be true in a month
promise
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:16, Reply)

£5 says he was there

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

well of course he was
i didn't go by myself, did i?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Ginger doesn't show up in the dark

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

:(((

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I'm not usually too bad with drink. I tend to fall asleep before I do anything stupid.
Alt: I'm fucking aching today. Cricket all day Saturday and Sunday. Wicket-keeping certainly fucks with your thighs, hamstrings, bum-cheeks etc. Strikethrough ahoy.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Did they fours it in?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:41, Reply)

I don't think I understand what this means...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Six story

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

spend about 20 mins a day stood at a light squat, like a tai-chi pose almost.
Just slightly bent knees, back straight. You'll feel tension in all those rear end and thigh muscles. Stand until the muscles shake, then stop. Rest properly. In a week or two your muscle stamina will improve and you'll find your wicket keeping improves
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:43, Reply)

You'll also be able to shit from about 15'

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Thanks WP
That's pretty much what you do when your keeping wicket - but for hours and hours on end. It's the first time this season I've played Saturday and Sunday which probably accounts for the extra discomfort. It shouldn't bother me at all after another couple of games.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:47, Reply)

do it in the off season then,
I used to get terrible bum cramps.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)

I think I might give that a go actually.
The season finishes in September and then there's nothing until winter training in about March.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)

*Gay post ahead*
I do it while ironing, just drop the board height a couple of notches. Means I can concentrate on upper body work at the gym, as that seems to be enough to keep leg muscles in check when combined with working most days on my feet.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)

This is actually pretty sound advice...definitely giving this a go

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Can you send me photos? Preferably shot from the ground looking up? And if you could be naked that would be great too.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:05, Reply)

*clicking madly*
since with or without context it should be preserved for posterity.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:16, Reply)

Please insert credit card...

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 13 May 2013, 12:02, Reply)

In an attempt to be healthy I've got some crunchy beetroot chips with vinaigrette
so are so, so horrible : (
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Sounds crap
Just roast them with balsamic vinegar and chilli
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Even I don't eat this shit.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Harsh burn dude

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:46, Reply)

they probably aren't healthy anyway
i thought buying pitta chips instead of crisps would be healthy. checked the fat content. holy shit.

i buy ryvitas instead of crisps now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:46, Reply)

there was very little choice unfortunately

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

hang on
what kind of a place has little choice, but that choice includes fancy beetroot crisps? walkers ready salted, that's "little choice".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

little choice of anything healthy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:00, Reply)

fried beetroots are not healthy
sweet onion ryvitas and a nice side of bleach, that's what you want
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:03, Reply)

baked not fried...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:05, Reply)

This is where fatties constantly get it wrong
Instead of the sensible option of not eating crisps, they look for a 'healthy alternative to crisps'
Just stop cramming stuff into your greasy maw.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:05, Reply)

please do fuck off, ta.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Last night I drank 8 cans of shit cider and half a bottle of Jagermeister
and I feel just fine today thanks
( Peej, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:48, Reply)

That's cos you've not sobered up yet

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)

things going well then?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Not too bad, got a shag last night too

( Peej, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)

top erectile skillz there

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Not really, was like trying to force a marshmallow down a plughole

( Peej, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

click

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:13, Reply)

It was wonderful x x x x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

Where did you learn that thing you did with your tongue?

( Peej, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

his mums

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

you're making darth jealous

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Darth Jealous eh?
*makes notes*
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:11, Reply)

socks are on the what, now?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:15, Reply)

+ p

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:41, Reply)

A lady never tells x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:59, Reply)

The insides of my thighs ache like fuck for some reason
Suspect I'm having sympathy pains for Callum McManaman's missus
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:49, Reply)

There's a bad tackle joke here somewhere

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

explanation needed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Callum McManaman's missus your Mum

Does that help?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:52, Reply)

not really, if I'm honest

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:53, Reply)

Callum McManaman is a footballer
He had a better than average day at the office on Saturday. Suspect he was too drunk to raise a smile on Saturday but will have taken out his jubilation on his other half/a prostitute/the cast of Hollyoaks once he sobered up.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

football stories are lol!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

Would you prefer some tales of 'rugger' hi-jinx?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

nah, you're alright
i like sport, but have little interest in the participants of the pitch/court/track
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)

\o/
oh...
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Alt: not any more! Drugs FTW

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

WOO YAY DRUGS

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:55, Reply)

Isn't it!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Ho yuss

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:56, Reply)

In other news, I'm totally excited about leaving the country on Wednesday.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

US, right?
Whereabouts?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Massachusssssssssiethingie.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)

Oh aye. Not been there.
Supposed to be great though. Have fun eh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)

That's the plan.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:02, Reply)

"Massive-huge-tits"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Yes, and I'm taking them to America

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Hold on, who is going to be modding this place while you're away?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:25, Reply)

away here
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:26, Reply)

Which drugs?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Codeine. Best of all the drugs.
Except morphine.
You missed my day of 'being wasted'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Oh do tell
/popcorn
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:00, Reply)

b3th was posting on here, smashed off her lid, it was LOL, she seemed to be having fun, the end.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)

^what he said.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 May 2013, 11:01, Reply)

We should have a b3ta "smashed off your lid" day
Everyone attempts to get online whilst upgefucked on once substance or another. Then the next day we could all be horrified by the contents of the popular page
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:08, Reply)

This is a remarkable good AND bad idea

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:14, Reply)

BRING. IT. ON.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:17, Reply)

And how would this change your posting behaviour?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:20, Reply)

It would be a level playing field!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:28, Reply)

hai monty

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
That was MEAN
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 13 May 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Home brew chat
I started making my first lot of wine yesterday... so should I move to MK?
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:09, Reply)

it's for people who can't afford real beer
you should delete your account and kill yourself in horrifically painful fashion
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:13, Reply)

rape face, rape face whatcha gunna dooo....

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:14, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1959583
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:15, Reply)

Egggsactly!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:16, Reply)

Depends on the sort of wine...

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:15, Reply)

liquid arse wine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Shitraz

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:21, Reply)

I make more wine than Chompy

( Peej, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:19, Reply)

D'you know who pisses me off?
Those fucking book pricks who go around workplaces selling shit cookery books to the pricks who work there.
I wish they'd all fuck off.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:24, Reply)

Charity bag cunts can fuck off too
I must get one a day at home posted
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:25, Reply)

I don't mind them - saves me from buying bin bags.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:26, Reply)

Fucking scrappy gyppo cunts too
Rang my doorbell last week on Sunday at 8am to see if he could nick my cooker that was in the process of being installed that weekend

I hope they all die in a heather based fire
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:27, Reply)

He's pretty rubbish at theft
if he asks you if he can do it first.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

We need a new thread.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:30, Reply)

i need new kidneys

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:39, Reply)

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/may/12/boyfriend-says-my-vagina-is-repulsive
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:40, Reply)

lol " and reward him when he demonstrates maturity."
WHO'S A GOOD BOY? WHOOOO'S A GOOD BOY?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

Well done for not lolling at my minge tonight, have a biscuit.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

woof

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)

wow he's a prick eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I suspect it's more "deeply confused about his sexuality and/or was sexually abused as a child"
rather than "actually being a prick"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

yeah, but he don't have to tell her does he?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Some of the others look fun too
'I am an 18-year-old man and for the last three years I have been addicted to masturbation and internet porn' - so an 18-year-old man then.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:49, Reply)

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/08/partner-refuses-to-anally-pleasure-me
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

This must be a joke...
m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/feb/25/girlfriend-wears-celebrity-mask-sex
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

I would, but I can't remember all the really good ones.
Soz. I used to be quite good at waking up in random women's beds with not the faintest fucking idea about how I got there, though.

Alt: I need some sleep, but otherwise OK. My arm is strangely aching again where the plate is, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:42, Reply)

ah the sexsomnia excuse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:44, Reply)

I never used it as an excuse
I was always gutted I couldn't remember with the fit ones.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Yeah, "fit ones". Right.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:47, Reply)

crippling emotional problems, of course.
goes without saying.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)

'Course.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:55, Reply)

I went out for a couple of pints with Monty and Jeff on Friday
I woke up at noon the next day and couldn't find my t-shirt for two days.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:50, Reply)

how far up did they push it?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:51, Reply)

real good?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:52, Reply)

can i be in your next movie please?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)

clickin

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 13 May 2013, 11:53, Reply)