Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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That thread ended up smelling of nerd so I've fucked off here instead.I'm seeing an old, old chum tomorrow who is a Master Thatcher. He's in town thatching a roof at the Chelsea Flower Show. It's fucking hard work but I think that's a great job, nice traditional English craft. I expect that I'd be shit at it but I detest managing people and office drudgery so it appeals.
What job do you fancy? A real job not 'bong tester' or what have you, don't be a prick.
Alt: who of all the people you know has the best job, in your opinion? It can be you and good luck to you if it is.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:02,
247 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
Me neither, lovely as they are.You are also obliged to re-thatch them every 10-15 years which is great for my pal as his repeat business is almost 100% of his clients as he's so good at it, isn't too costly and is such a lovely chap.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:06,
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also, not many about so a lack of competitionsee also decent stone masons
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:07,
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+ white bus conductors OH YEAH I SAID IT(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:10,
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do they have bus conductors any more, now even the lovely old routemasters are no moreapart from route 9, which is in fact the VERY bus i take home from work on occasion
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:14,
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I can't believe you would ever get on a bus.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:15,
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yes, i quite like london by busbut under very specific circumstances: it has to be after about 9 at night, so no traffic, and i have to get the very front seat on the top deck, and there have to be no cunts on any of the seats immediately near me. then it's just like a giant red taxi that goes almost door to door.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:17,
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one rather drunken evening i did try to bribe the driver £50 to take the bus right down my streethe said no :(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:19,
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I've thought about setting up a gin distillery.You can turn it around in no time and everyone's having a right wank about micro-producers these days.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:07,
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Yep, what you should do is hire a few mongs in the office call yourself a charity and then claim back all the tax.
Waitrose will lap that mong gin right up.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Downside: blindness and death from alcohol in 6 months tops(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:09,
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Nine years on here should stand him in good stead for that.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:13,
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i quite fancied a weekend holiday cottage with thatchbut then someone told me that you get horrific spiders living in it.
now they make me itch with fear and loathing.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:07,
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You know four poster beds with canopies?People had them out of necessity to stop rats and stuff dropping onto them whilst they slept. Not so romantic after all, hey.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:08,
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i just wonder how often those drapes etc get washed nowadays, even in fancy hotelsnot often enough, is my conclusion
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:09,
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Yup, even though they're sodden with medieval rat piss(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:10,
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You've turned this question upside down with a comical sideways look at the world of work here!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:09,
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IF ONLY SOMEONE HERE WAS ABLE TO WRITE A SCRIPT FOR ONE!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:14,
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sorry, i'm too busy working on minedid i mention we've been invited to NEW YORK to talk to BIG TV COMPANY about it? hell to the yes...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:14,
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It may have slipped out once or twice(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16,
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now you're just taking lines right out of the script(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:18,
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It's fucking awful.I did some real life trolling of my girlfriend by putting it on and fake laughing, she ended up hitting me.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)
I watched about ten minutes last week. It's like it was written by a sixth former from 1984.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)
wait am i not meant to want to work in an office?i have never worked in an office and i would quite like a job where i'm sat down, indoors, sorry if the idea of working in an office is too wacky for you i guess
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Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:18,
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He was 'internet' before 'internet' was even known.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:14,
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I was going to say 'bong tester' but if you're going to be like that...(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:10,
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My uncle announced in all seriousness that when he grerw up he was going to be a horse.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16,
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He was 28 when he said this :o((
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16,
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What are horses after? What exactly is it that they want?(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:17,
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Sneaky little cunts, the lot of em(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:19,
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What are they grinning at, eh?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:22,
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I haven't even got any sugarcubes, so they can fuck right off out of my face.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:27,
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I haven't got anything against them per seI'm just saying that if they want to stay here they should wear a fucking saddle.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:28,
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They come over here, take all our carrotsFuck off back to Horseland
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:23,
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I know a thatcher and he barely gets a day off, such is the demand for his skills vs availability.Just in case anyone is under any illusion about my aspirations, I'd really like to be able to earn a living as a musician.
Alt: It depends on the person. I have a friend who is a teacher and it is the perfect job for him as he loves the sound of his own voice and being the centre of attention, so having a class of 30 kids who have to listen to him all day suits him fine.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:11,
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I just saw an advert on tv and thought to myself "Aren't they those two guys from the Fosters adverts?"Turned out to be an advert for Fosters. What's wrong with my brain, Tangled?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:13,
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It's possible you were sobering up.Drink more to ensure this doesn't happen again.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:15,
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the fatter dark haired oneused to live in the flat above my friend in streatham. i've never seen a human being eat so much.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16,
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He looks like a massive prickWas he a massive prick?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:18,
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My money's on 'massive prick'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:19,
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We *are* talking about the Grand National, right?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:19,
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Always comes first, that one(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:23,
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whatever your girlfriend tells youit doesn't happen to everyone
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:22,
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AND they've got their own type of shoes!Do I have human shoes? Do I fuck.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:29,
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he was very full of himselfhad a girlfriend who was about 50 times hotter than he was, but he treated her like shit
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:20,
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Alt: the director of wine buying for Waitrose.£200k a year package, lots of first class international travel and being paid to taste wine.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:12,
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My mate does somethign similar.He's not allowed to eat chillies, drink coffee, smoke, and a bunch of other things. There was an especially weird thing he couldn't eat, but I've forgotten what it was, might have been grapefruit.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16, Reply)
No fucker stands in the way of me and my grapefruit(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:18,
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a short term lease in your case, clearly(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:10,
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Being Battered so I could clothes shop in Baby Gap. I'd like to be a bong tester.
Alt: I have the hardest job of anyone.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:16, Reply)
Practice Penis at a Porn School.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:18,
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Ok, examiner who passes out the qualifications for porn stars at PHD level.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:24,
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I genuinely like my jobEvery day is normally different and it is a good laugh. I've had loads of opportunities to move but I like it here.
I'd always fancied being a pilot as a kid but it isn't actually that well paid
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:26,
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I could potentially spend the next two days at home drinking though*ponders*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:34,
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All good. Eyesight better than last year. All good. I'm not caning it enough!
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:40, Reply)
my father was a fighter pilot for a bit, fucking loved it, but had to leave when his eyesight deteriorated.He's never quite got over it.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:28,
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I wasn't aware that Bruce Lee even had his pilots licence(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:31,
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Nono, I was totally in the military.I had a uniform and everything.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:33,
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...until the armpit seams went(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:33,
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i heard he shot himself in the foot with it(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:37,
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.303 Lee Enfield bolt action, it was.A bit vintage, but I was only a cadet.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:39,
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Fucking hellHow old are you? My granddad had one of those in WW II
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:41,
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They don't let hormonal 13 year old schoolboysplay with modern weapons.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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I find the older weapons don't kill as much(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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You're less likely to accidentally shoot someonebecause a) they dont give you clips, you have manually load each round and b) if you point it anywhere other than downrange, they'll take it off you and never give you one again.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:46,
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how old is he?about 15 years older than his "girlfriend"
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:49,
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Me too...but I still have that same urge to become an astronaut that I've had since I was about 8.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:29, Reply)
I'm currently "growing" my "LinkedIn" "connections".Wanna connect? Having a warehouse manager that can't differentiate between "cost of product" and "amount of product" would totes raise my profile.
Best job is my mate Lee. He's the head of strategic planning at RBS. The guy gets a proper fucking war room with a map in it and a throne and everything. I'm WELL jelly.
By the way, I made OG watch Lord of the Rings and she's really enjoying it. She also really enjoyed the new Star Trek film. So much so that she's willing to watch Star Wars and watched some of the older Star Treks. I'm totally ruining that girl. She'll be putting on a Lieutenant Uhuru outift and booking tickets to Comicon in no time. I'm a fucking hero amongst nerds.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:26,
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Because her parents were lazy good-fo' nutt'n NIGGERS(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:35,
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Even numbers on the Star Wars Captain Kroney, always the even numbers.(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)
DONT YOU DARE GET STAR WARS AND STAR TREK MIXED UPBECAUSE OH GOD I DONT CARE
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:30,
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what does that mean?the best ones are 2, 4, 6 and 8?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:36,
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Pretty much, although it's more like the shit ones are 1,3,5,7,9 etc
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:39, Reply)
Why is Empire Strikes Back shit?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:40,
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i wonder if i have a pic of itif i blank out his face, i could post it...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:41,
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That cardigan is awesome.Charms thought so and she's in FASHION. So eat that.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:41,
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So that's like ... 2 people who like it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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to be fair to charmshe is basing this on a fb post that she didn't deny. she didn't exactly say, "oh yes i've been frigging myself bald over these pics ever since".
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:45,
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To be fair, she outright ignored it.Which is as good as a confirmation, I reckon.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:48,
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you won't mind swipey posting a picture then will you?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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Of course I'd mind.Invasion of privacy and betrayal of trust innit
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:44,
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the only pic i have is a mahoosive close-up of his froggy faceand a clump of shoulder. i could crop his head off and post the shoulder
although he used to have a pic of his face in his profile, is that still there?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:45,
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spoilsportshe could post the cardigan and we may all say, "hey, that's actually a nice cardigan, shut up swipe" and you'd be vindicated.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:46,
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it is a peculiar mingling of green and brownyou would not be saying that
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:46,
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Dulux define such a colour as "shart"(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:46,
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i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm177/rachelswipe/cardigran_zps1d880cce.jpg
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:48,
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You may want to delete this as your pic appears (
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:49,
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mehnothing that hasn't been on here before. it proves the NOT GINGER thing!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:50,
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also, does it?it doesn't when i click the link!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:50,
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All you have to do is delete out the /cardigranxxxxx.jpg bit of the address.(
Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:52,
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And now I've just told everyone who was too thick to know to do thatwhich is basically just you.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:52,
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There are two picsOne of THE CARDIGAN and one of you
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:52,
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it's not the best one of me eitherluckily i deleted the one of me and greggs hat, you animals would have had a fucking field day
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:53,
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Is she the ginger bird in the next shot?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:50,
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no, you must be thinking of christina hendricks(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:51,
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it looks like it was made from lentilsby TUiP
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:52,
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is this post really pervy or have I misread it?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:39,
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Aren't all of your posts really pervy?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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Are they?You've made me all self conscious now you yurt sucking big dicked daddy man child.
(, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:46, Reply)
Oh baby you're so hot(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:48,
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A high powered yet emotionally retarded lawyer moves in with a lackadaisical French geek with HILARIOUS consequences(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:39,
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your "thing" is that you shrug your shoulders to everything and sit around in your pants(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:40,
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That is indeed my thing.Probably ought to change it for the sitcom so I don't get recognised in the street and mobbed by lusty women.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:42,
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The lawyers thing is that she is really good at her work, fierce, yet respectedbut a tough northern Methodist up bringing and numerous failed relationships have left her on the brink of a crushing emotional breakdown, with HILARIOUS consequences
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:42,
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i'm catholicand arguably the most spoiled person on here.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:43,
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and yet you have no children...how does that work?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:44,
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my emotions were just fineit was his that were the problem. fucking men!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:41,
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Yeah, 'cos you didn't go sniffing round his ass loads of times AT ALL(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:42,
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Shame he can't say the same, really(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:44,
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That's why he dumped you.All you had to do was peg him a little bit, but noooo
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:47,
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woah woah these last two posts have confused mewhere do the other fingers go in guys?
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:58,
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wee wee wee, all the way back to Norfolk(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:01,
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it was a long way back to even realise where it started(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:58,
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we all got to see a picture of swipey as wellso if you were wondering what that distant buzzy noise was. It was the internet wanking
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:00,
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I'm wearing a shirt that looks a bit like a French cafe tablecloth.They'll go nuts over that.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:01,
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i'm not dressed like a posh twat at all todayi feel a bit naked
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:05,
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darling, to me you'll always be a plebso don't worry about it
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:07,
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looks like this onecdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0194/0451/products/wp_prod_dkb_checks_boy_folding_2_130224_large.jpg?2481
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:06,
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I have a shirt just like that, expect with a spread collar instead of button down(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:07,
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Mine's not button down eithersimilar pattern, that's all. Half collar.
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Kroney, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:07,
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they are totally greeni have the pics right in front of me
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rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 May 2013, 15:06,
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fucking hell be realistic eh?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 13 May 2013, 14:58,
Reply)
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