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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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 Please fill this thread with fucking anything
	Please fill this thread with fucking anythingOHNO moments. When did your arse start chewing toffee at something you've just done? I've just run an audit on one of our main customers sites and the system suddenly stopped working. Turns out someone else was also doing a job on there and they had stopped everything on purpose
Alt:
Halloween/Bonfire night stories
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:52, 249 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
 I had an OHNO moment when I posted a new thread and EVERYONE FUCKED OFF
	I had an OHNO moment when I posted a new thread and EVERYONE FUCKED OFF(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:58, Reply)
 Nah, he's down there talking about wiping his spunk off a directors laptop
	Nah, he's down there talking about wiping his spunk off a directors laptopI'm guessing Truffaut
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:14, Reply)
 There's been a few times I've pressed a button then gone "er.....hang on a minute.....wait...what?"
	There's been a few times I've pressed a button then gone "er.....hang on a minute.....wait...what?"Nearly wiped all the permissions of a regional main filestore once.
alt: Me and the bro do Halloween properly, the wives take the kids out and all the dads sit round a large fire and drink beer.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:00, Reply)
 I proper shit there for a minute as they are a managed service site too
	I proper shit there for a minute as they are a managed service site too(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:04, Reply)
 Which would you be prouder of
	Which would you be prouder ofFinding the cure for cancer
or
Starting the zombie apocalypse?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:01, Reply)
 I went on a date a few weeks back, right
	I went on a date a few weeks back, rightAnd one of the first questions she asked me (after explaining how obsessed she is with zombies) was what would I do if there was a zombie apocalypse and what would be my signature weapon.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:19, Reply)
 What a twat. I hope you punched her right up the bloody throat for that.
	What a twat. I hope you punched her right up the bloody throat for that.(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:21, Reply)
 I finished my pint and left*
	I finished my pint and left**after finishing another three pints after
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:21, Reply)
 Doesn't matter anyway, she got dead offended when I told her the Hobbit was shit
	Doesn't matter anyway, she got dead offended when I told her the Hobbit was shit She won't be back in touch
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:22, Reply)
 Seems birds these days fucking love the Hobbit
	Seems birds these days fucking love the HobbitThat's at least three women who've looked at me like I've taken a shit in their handbag by opining that it's a load of old guff
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:40, Reply)
 Its at that point
	Its at that pointyou should have stood up dropped your kecks slapped her around the face 3 times (and 3 times only) with your dick... shouted "THIS IS MY WEAPON OF CHOICE"
and then walked out in silence
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:22, Reply)
 She was over two inches away so wouldn't have worked
	She was over two inches away so wouldn't have workedBut good thinking
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:23, Reply)
 I'm not a big fan of Halloween, but I did carve this for micro last year
	I'm not a big fan of Halloween, but I did carve this for micro last year
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:03, Reply)
 
	 I'd like to do something like this for her this year, but I'm probably too cack handed.
www.dotcomwomen.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/haunted-house-pumpkin1.jpg
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:06, Reply)
 Lusty showed me this one last year:
	Lusty showed me this one last year:thoughtsofabeardedgent.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Dylans-Pumpkin.jpg
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:07, Reply)
 A student wearing a traffic cone on his head crawling home pissed. Excellent!
	A student wearing a traffic cone on his head crawling home pissed. Excellent!(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:08, Reply)
 Plus you can walk around and see the good ones people have spent time carving, and placing outside, their craft beautifully illuminated by candlelight
	Plus you can walk around and see the good ones people have spent time carving, and placing outside, their craft beautifully illuminated by candlelightAnd kick the shit out of them.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:14, Reply)
 Don't take offence, because your kid's alright as far as kids go.
	Don't take offence, because your kid's alright as far as kids go.I mean, she can't hold a proper conversation, but I expect that's her age rather than full-blown mental retardation, but I'm so bored with hearing about children.
It seems everybody I've grown up with is banging on and on about how kid A is doing this, or plastering FB with pictures and so on.
/general whinge.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:15, Reply)
 I went through that phase. You'll feel differently when you become a parent.
	I went through that phase. You'll feel differently when you become a parent.In the meantime, tough shit. Put up with it or fuck off.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:16, Reply)
 I accept the non-bold part of this post as unfortunate fact.
	I accept the non-bold part of this post as unfortunate fact.The bold part, we'll see.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:18, Reply)
 I couldn't agree more. As soon as people have kids that's the majority of their conversation.
	I couldn't agree more. As soon as people have kids that's the majority of their conversation. Good luck to 'em, but it's pretty dull for those without small people.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:18, Reply)
 It's the whinging I don't like. If you're fed up with having sleepless nights, which you knew would be a problem before you spawned
	It's the whinging I don't like. If you're fed up with having sleepless nights, which you knew would be a problem before you spawnedthen you shouldn't have had them, should you? Plus making everybody look at photos of a kid that they don't really care about beyond being polite.
At the very least, I'll keep it off Facebook.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:22, Reply)
 I find it amazing that on Facebook so many of my grownup friends have suddenly turned into babies
	I find it amazing that on Facebook so many of my grownup friends have suddenly turned into babiesOne day, picture of their face, next day, some child. Must be a youth treatment.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:27, Reply)
 Probably the same ones who would ask other people to remove pics with their kids in the background.
	Probably the same ones who would ask other people to remove pics with their kids in the background.(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:38, Reply)
 I don't have any kids
	I don't have any kidsBut I'm impressed you thought I was in any way capable of convincing a girl to let me put my winkie in her foo foo
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:20, Reply)
 If I can become a father then anyone can.
	If I can become a father then anyone can. Apart from Gonz or Chompy obvs.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:21, Reply)
 I've got four members of one kid's family on my FB
	I've got four members of one kid's family on my FBThe father, the mother, the aunt and uncle. All four relentlessly spam it with pictures of what is, quite genuinely, the hairiest fucking baby I've ever seen in my life.
All the responses are all cooing over a great head of hair and all I can think is "that kid is at least half Yeti".
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:25, Reply)
 The dad complained that one photo didn't get enough likes saying
	The dad complained that one photo didn't get enough likes saying "How is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen?"
I thought "We'll see how cute you think it is when the next full moon comes round and your baby girl bites your fucking arm off".
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:29, Reply)
 By that point, this kid will have a beard to rival Brian Blessed's
	By that point, this kid will have a beard to rival Brian Blessed's(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:38, Reply)
 MUFF
	MUFFDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEE
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:39, Reply)
 You know you can filter what shows in your news feed?
	You know you can filter what shows in your news feed?What am I saying? If I know this, you must know this.
Hide breeders, stop moaning.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:28, Reply)
 Why should I?
	Why should I?Elsewhere on the internet spammers get banned by the admins.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:30, Reply)
 Just reply to anything baby related with NOT RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS
	Just reply to anything baby related with NOT RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTSor tell them you're a paedo, that'll stop it
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:41, Reply)
 Originally Celtic, I believe - from the Oirish Jack O'Lanterns, no?
	Originally Celtic, I believe - from the Oirish Jack O'Lanterns, no?Likewise Trick Or Treat is from the Scots habit of "Guising".
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:24, Reply)
 I once put a client on hold to transfer them to someone who they'd try to ring direct to but hadn't answered
	I once put a client on hold to transfer them to someone who they'd try to ring direct to but hadn't answeredwasting my time to put them through to a number they'd already called led me to describe this person as a "fucking retard" or somesuch to my colleague sitting at the next desk. That was when I heard breathing rather than a ring tone on the phone...
*affects sportscow accent*
"ah yes verysorrysir nobody home, byebye, this is Rajesh by the way oh yes"
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:07, Reply)
 ooof
	ooofOne of the chaps in our office received an email from one of our partner compaines taking the piss out of him
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:09, Reply)
 Thought I'd forgotten to copy a director's data
	Thought I'd forgotten to copy a director's databefore wiping his laptop. That was a pretty pant-shitting moment.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:07, Reply)
 I copied our development manager's data onto the network and rebuilt her laptop from scratch
	I copied our development manager's data onto the network and rebuilt her laptop from scratchto find that some "helpful" person had "tidied" the shared area....
2 weeks after I started
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:10, Reply)
 If you take two weeks to copy data to and fro
	If you take two weeks to copy data to and froyou probably deserved it, you lazy bastard.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:12, Reply)
 Yup
	YupOutlook pst files are the worst, nobody realises they're on the HDD till it dies and takes them with it, lost forever with no backup.....
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:11, Reply)
 Many years ago we had a virus outbreak and immediately pulled the internet plug
	Many years ago we had a virus outbreak and immediately pulled the internet plugI was logging into mailboxes to remove the emails and then emptying the "Deleted Items" folders when afterwards one of our developers complained that all his important files had gone.
Me: "Where were they held?"
Him: "Deleted Items folder"
Me: "....."
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:14, Reply)
 INORITE
	INORITEI'll keep all my important documents VITAL for work in the bin
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:16, Reply)
 yeah but it's EASIEST
	yeah but it's EASIESTand to be honest, I don't know how to map drives or which letter drive I should use, so desktop it is
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:29, Reply)
 yeah, like they are going to be any help
	yeah, like they are going to be any helphave you listened to yourselves recently?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:31, Reply)
 But why is it all P drive and M drive
	But why is it all P drive and M driveI just want a file called 'Put stuff here' I want it on the desktop and I want it from day one
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:32, Reply)
 1. WTF is command prompt?
	1. WTF is command prompt?2. why would I type that?
3. Why can't you do it for me?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:34, Reply)
 1: Start, All Programs, Accessories, Command Prompt
	1: Start, All Programs, Accessories, Command Prompt2: Try it
3: Because I don't work for your company, dumbass.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:35, Reply)
 also you don't even know if I'm using a dell or Asos or IBM
	also you don't even know if I'm using a dell or Asos or IBMso it probably won't even work
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:38, Reply)
 Firstly Asos are a clothing company
	Firstly Asos are a clothing companySecondly if you're using Windows it'll work.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:39, Reply)
 That's because you actually typed
	That's because you actually typed\\servername\shareddrive$ instead of the server the drive is on and the name of the share you want to connect to, isn't it?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:44, Reply)
 HOW DO I KNOW WHAT THE SERVER IS CALLED AND WHAT DRIVES TO SHARE WITH??!
	HOW DO I KNOW WHAT THE SERVER IS CALLED AND WHAT DRIVES TO SHARE WITH??!this is my whole point, just save it to the desktop and be done with it
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:46, Reply)
 I wish he was better at it, I never know what the fuck he is on about
	I wish he was better at it, I never know what the fuck he is on about(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:49, Reply)
 This is just like cars
	This is just like carsA BMW has a completely different way to drive it than an Audi.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:42, Reply)
 I typed in net use *: \\servername\drivename$
	I typed in net use *: \\servername\drivename$and nothing happened, I'm not sure Kroney even works with computers
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:43, Reply)
 He does! Why he sent me a pic of him working busy busy the other day
	He does! Why he sent me a pic of him working busy busy the other day
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:48, Reply)
 Depends, if the run box or cmd prompt is disabled by group policy he won't be able to.
	Depends, if the run box or cmd prompt is disabled by group policy he won't be able to. (, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:43, Reply)
 Yeah, but he prints emails, so you would expect that kind of thing from him.
	Yeah, but he prints emails, so you would expect that kind of thing from him.(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:30, Reply)
 yeah well when kroney has to "rebuild" my "computer" and "sync" the "files"
	yeah well when kroney has to "rebuild" my "computer" and "sync" the "files"I'll be the one laughing as I leaf through my correspondences
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:32, Reply)
 The bin, by the way, that tries to destroy everything in it on a regular basis
	The bin, by the way, that tries to destroy everything in it on a regular basisunless you specifically tell it not to.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:19, Reply)
 Ahah, no-one will think to look in my deleted items!
	Ahah, no-one will think to look in my deleted items!It's the last place I'd hide something TRULY important
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:17, Reply)
 I told our Russian customers something that was wrong, which meant they spent money for something they couldn't use.
	I told our Russian customers something that was wrong, which meant they spent money for something they couldn't use.WHOOPS
alt: I might make some bonfire toffee, haven't had that for YONKS
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:08, Reply)
 It's been over a year so if they were coming for me, I'd be got by now
	It's been over a year so if they were coming for me, I'd be got by now...probably.
They did make a petition asking for me to be fired though, that was fun
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:13, Reply)
 It's all a bit IT anecdotes in this thread at the moment.
	It's all a bit IT anecdotes in this thread at the moment.I quite like Windy's mug story though
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:24, Reply)
 HI INTERNET!
	HI INTERNET!It was my birthday on Sunday so I sent the whole weekend in a drink induced haze! It was ace.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:24, Reply)
 I hope the drinking met with the approval of Mrs PJ.
	I hope the drinking met with the approval of Mrs PJ.Otherwise, she'd have thrown the book at you.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:33, Reply)
 Mrs PJ is very much in my good books
	Mrs PJ is very much in my good booksI'd tell you why but I don't want to be wrong or painfully needy again.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:36, Reply)
 Yeh and if Battered even dares show his face about my place again I'll stamp on him.
	Yeh and if Battered even dares show his face about my place again I'll stamp on him.(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:40, Reply)
 I accidentally shat on your mum's chest instead of her face, boy was my face red!
	I accidentally shat on your mum's chest instead of her face, boy was my face red!(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:26, Reply)
 May have mentioned this previously
	May have mentioned this previously...but in my early programming days I may have inadvertently brought down an entire IBM Mainframe whilst testing a couple of new programs. The whole thing collapsed in a heap, hundreds of users unable to do any work for the rest of the day. The IBM engineers arrived and took away copies of my code to study as they had never seen that happen before. That didn't really make me feel any better.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:27, Reply)
 *bows*
	*bows**accidentally pulls power cable out of the back of the mainframe*
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:59, Reply)
 \o/ IT ANECDOTES ARE MY FAVOURITE TYPE OF ANECDOTE AFTER AA ANECDOTES
	\o/ IT ANECDOTES ARE MY FAVOURITE TYPE OF ANECDOTE AFTER AA ANECDOTES(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:28, Reply)
 The only person in my company more useless then Nakers
	The only person in my company more useless then Nakersis a Welsh woman twice his age that genuinely didn't realise that the monitor and desktop box had separate power buttons.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:04, Reply)
 be fair, they don't have computers in wales
	be fair, they don't have computers in waleshow's your knowledge of oxen?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:05, Reply)
 We have a few of those
	We have a few of thoseplus ones who turn it off using the button every night instead of shutting down properly, then moan when it fucks up on a regular basis.
If they used, say, chainsaws as part of their job they'd all be missing limbs or dead by now.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:07, Reply)
 i most certainly do not
	i most certainly do noti hate computers. they don't make sense.
every fucking morning, my email system asks me to confirm my credentials. and i do. and i tick the box that says "remember me".
and every fucking morning, it forgets me. HOW?
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:06, Reply)
 Fantastic!
	Fantastic!I deleted all the products off our store 2 days after being promoted.
That was MAGICAL.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:38, Reply)
 please stop going on about monty and becky
	please stop going on about monty and beckyit's not fair on stunned
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:41, Reply)
 as a corporate trainee, i often didn't see daylight for 3 days straight
	as a corporate trainee, i often didn't see daylight for 3 days straightone particular night, it was about 3am and i was properly fucked. one of the assistants came in and asked if i could send him a copy of a disclosure statement i was doing for AIM (these fucking things are about 200 pages long, NIGHTMARE). i did it.
5 mins later, he's back. "swipe, where is that document?"
i checked my emails. fuuuuuuck. sent to the wrong peter. peter at w h ireland. stupid autocomplete, stupid bleary eyes. who the fuck are w h ireland anyway? i google them. oh marvellous.
i'd only fucking sent a confidential document about a potential float.... to a fucking STOCKBROKER.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:41, Reply)
 This is when you call me in a panic saying "HOW DO I RECALL AN EMAIL????!"
	This is when you call me in a panic saying "HOW DO I RECALL AN EMAIL????!"I say "An internal or external email?"
You say "External"
I say "I can't, it's in another company's mail system".
And then your fuckup magically becomes my fault, somehow.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:42, Reply)
 just the one minge
	just the one mingeturned out the guy was on holiday, so i got his IT department to confirm the email had been deleted unread, and stuck that on the file.
then i confessed to the partner, and said, is there anything else i can or should do? he looked at me. and said quietly:
"yes. don't do it again."
meh he still offered me a job!
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:44, Reply)
 I dunno mate, I was unreasonably happy this morning, but this has bought me *right* down.
	I dunno mate, I was unreasonably happy this morning, but this has bought me *right* down.(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:14, Reply)
 i only just got around to lunch
	i only just got around to lunchi have a POD "slow burner" salad (basically grains and green stuff with a bit of feta and fresh chilli) and some chickpeas
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:13, Reply)
 Well it's beer time in 3/4 of an hour. I shall have something then to tide me over.
	Well it's beer time in 3/4 of an hour. I shall have something then to tide me over.Plus, currently enjoying a delicious Strepsil.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:15, Reply)
 i'm not going to the pub until 7, dammit
	i'm not going to the pub until 7, dammitand you put me in FIFTH.
i hope you choke on your strepsil.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:16, Reply)
 don't worry, i'll get one of these boys to nosh you off later
	don't worry, i'll get one of these boys to nosh you off laterthat'll cheer you right up
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:19, Reply)
 I like the fact that you know what's happening but are seemingly powerless against getting drawn in to it
	I like the fact that you know what's happening but are seemingly powerless against getting drawn in to it(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:23, Reply)
 Except those sanctimonious pricks who bang on about it incessantly.
	Except those sanctimonious pricks who bang on about it incessantly.I hope they all get cancer.
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:30, Reply)
 I ent a smoker anymore.
	I ent a smoker anymore.Absolutely no desire at all. Makes me physically nauseous, now. I'm cured!
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:31, Reply)
 You really don't want to
	You really don't want toSome of the IT guys have been swapping stories
(, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:22, Reply)
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