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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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where are you all? it's like being on perma 2.0
so, rory reckons he is "mr average". are you average and invisible in a crowd, or does anything about you stand out?

alt: is harters dead? what have you done with him?

altalt: lunchweekendplans?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:09, 193 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Harters is dead in a fucking ditch.
I just ate six wasabi peanuts at the same time.

Yeah, that's right, SIX WASABI PEANUTS, SIMULTANEOUSLY.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I had some wasabi peas a few weeks ago.
Like horseradish, innit?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:15, Reply)
my friend's dog got into their cupboard and ate a 2kg bag of them
it cried every time it had a shit for a week.

also there is a LOL picture on the internet somewhere of a sushi bar where the wasabi bowl has a sign next to it saying "this is not guacamole". something must have gone horribly wrong previously.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:16, Reply)
yeah
Mustard an' all innit.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:17, Reply)
That's a whole day's worth of food for swipey

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:16, Reply)
i've just eaten a whole bag of chickpeas ACTUALLY
88 cals for breakfast and lunch!
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:17, Reply)
Just another 1900 odd calories needed for the rest of the day then.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Also, calorie counting as a method of losing weight is bent and stupid.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Why?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:31, Reply)
i sort of agree and sort of disagree
in that 2,000 calories of mars bar per day ain't helping anyone.

but if you are generally eating healthily, it's a useful GUIDE as to how much you are taking in and burning off.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:35, Reply)
Here's a useful guide:
88 calories for breakfast and lunch is woefully inadequate, even for a chunky bird like you.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:42, Reply)
I heard a consultant on R4 a few weeks ago ripping a 'diet specialist' a new one for spouting the latest mumbo jumbo
The gist of his recipe for losing weight (for the 99.9% of us that don't have metabolic problems)?
Burn more calories than you consume. There are two ways to do this, lower your intake to less calories than you burn or up your calorie burning to more than you consume.
That's it in a nutshell.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:42, Reply)
Or you know, do a bit of both.
Eat a bit less, do a bit more.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:48, Reply)
I have a big nose.
I also wear a hat.

Lunch - dunno - I'll take suggestions, which I imagine will generally be along the lines of suicide.

Weekend: dog-sitting with Mrs Vagabond's friend. I'd quite like to watch Big Trouble In Little China.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:15, Reply)
christ, i've not seen that film for YEARS
we were allowed to watch it as a "treat" for the end of year science class when i was 11.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:15, Reply)
I've not seen it.
Jack Nicholson, innit?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:16, Reply)
i really can't remember!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:17, Reply)

Nicholson Burton
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)
oh, you mean the one about the water and incest

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky,
and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:27, Reply)
I'm not sure what any of that means, but it sounds inCREDibly saucy, you lucky thing!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:31, Reply)
When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck,
against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:35, Reply)
LOVE this film.
The lightning dude was well boss.
Bit like Rayden from MK
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)
Dunno about everyone else, but I'm at work, working.
I am Kent 2012/13 Mr Average. Nothing about me stands out. Unless you count my nice coats and shoes.

alt: Dunno, I'd like to say I don't care, but I like that chap.

altalt: Watch films, drink beer, get money, get bitches, get high all the time.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:17, Reply)
are you gonz?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:19, Reply)
I just don't know anymore!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:24, Reply)
It depends on who else is in the crowd.
Alt: Almost certainly.
Altalt: Just been invited out for lunch at the weekend. Need to find a way to ditch the family.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Harters hasn't been seen since that new Space Invaders game came out.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:18, Reply)
oh, we've moved on have we?
all that fucken work for nuttin
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Your work has been recognised and a slot has been reserved for you on the populol page

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:22, Reply)
too fucken right, I aint workin here for the tips y'know

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I have massive curly hair as anyone who's met me will notice.
Sometimes people on public transport ask if that can touch it and I've caught people trying to smell it before.

It's rather upsetting.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:19, Reply)
your hair IS all of teh sex-eh

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:20, Reply)
this^

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)
Curly hair does smell different to straight hair.
Well, mine does.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Are you telling us your pubes
Reek of a sweaty nut-sack?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Are you saying I've got pube hair?
That's not very nice.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Well, I don't know.
You make an entirely innocent statement and people start leaping to all sorts of unreasonable conclusions.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:30, Reply)
Well if you'd have just let him sniff it when he asked he'd likely have a different opinion.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:33, Reply)
he's always asking to sniff girls
best to ignore him
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:35, Reply)
I'm pretty normal looking.
I reckon Mrs Harters has found out about the torrid affair and shot him and his mistress. He'll be somewhere in Epping Forest now, mark my words.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:26, Reply)
Your evil twin was on my metro again
He is about 6'6"
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
we need a photo you pussy

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:56, Reply)
+ of

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:03, Reply)
I'm slightly wider than average, balding and I have a beard - so nothing outstanding*
Alt: DFKDFC
Altalt: Lunch will be with Pooflake at a hostelry. This weekend I are mostly looking after a mental Jack Russell** and rearranging/rewiring my home office to incorporate another computer.

*Other than my beer belly
** They're all mental.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I just sliced my finger open.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:29, Reply)
lucky you don't need manual dexterity for work

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:30, Reply)
It hurts.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:05, Reply)
hh is dead?
Oh well, I didn't like the unemployed cunt anyway. In other news, I am about to eat. Suggestions please.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:29, Reply)
I suggest you kill yourself as well.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Noted Rory.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:33, Reply)
I am the clown with the tear-away face. Here in a flash and gone without a trace
alt: dunno, whos that?

altalt: ive got a better yoghurt today. this weekend i might have to have some fish & chips and a can of tizer. no, Iron Brew actually. no, tizer. i might just have some chill con carne actually. oh i dunno
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:44, Reply)
alright pizza nobs?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
alright westie

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Is it pub time yet?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)
It's ALWAYS pub time!
Alcoholism is a serious issue.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)
going round a mate's tonight, his Doris is cooking us Paella

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)
This is a good plan

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:54, Reply)
and i have loads of peroni nicked from my sisters wedding!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:55, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:58, Reply)
i bought a round last night (monty was on the peroni, which is what reminded me)
and every single one of those motherfuckers ordered something different. it was like that "i went shopping and i bought" game. BUT I REMEMBERED THEM ALL! HA!
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:59, Reply)
CLEVER GIRL! WELL DONE!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:00, Reply)
I WOULD HAVE MADE SURE TO FORGET YOUR PINT OF YEAST INFECTED YOGHURT, HAD YOU BEEN THERE!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
You're funny today

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:03, Reply)
i'm very hungover
and shortly have to go and breathe alcohol fumes over a small, terrified child, aka reading scheme starts again today!
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:05, Reply)
She remembered 6 items.
Quite a feat I think you will agree.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:02, Reply)
9
ACTUALLY

and this was despite the factor of you trying to slip my arse a fudge finger
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:02, Reply)
i thought you'd appreciate this ;)

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:59, Reply)
err wot?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)
west london bezzie innit

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Ah I see, I live in South WEST London and you live in WEST Kensington
gotcha ;)
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Not really, she was calling you one of those stupid little dogs.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:59, Reply)
they are bigger than windy's dogs

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
they are shit dogs for shitcunts

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:09, Reply)
i love all dogs
apart from great big ugly slobbery ones.

yes, yes, like YM...
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:10, Reply)

og ick
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:13, Reply)
GM, surely?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)
IT'S KENSINGTON HIGH STREET

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
I think I have a migraine coming on

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)
Migraine? MIGRAINE? It's always all about YOU, isn't it?
Why is it never an usgraine, eh?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Not even my the top ten 100m runners

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I didn't know you were a girl

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)

migraine period
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Dunno
I'm quite tall but thats about it. Mr Boring

Alt:
I hope not. I like hh

AltAlt:
I have some lemon gordal olives, some mexican spicy cheese and a lunchtime meeting. Not a good combination. Tomorrow we have a bouncy castle turning up for Calf 2's birthday party. I will not* be having a go

* will
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:51, Reply)
SIX WASABI PEANUTS!!!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:08, Reply)
enough about your green reeking penis dude

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:09, Reply)
yer wotevs, fatso, wotevs

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:11, Reply)
FIVE BAGS OF CHICKPEAS!!!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:10, Reply)
My waki hair helps me to stand out.
Alt: I do hope not

Altalt: fun with daughter tomorrow, that's about it for my weekend - I want a big lunch seeing at all I had for supper last night was a couple of bits of squid
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:11, Reply)
You could have made an effort and had six at least.
Poor show, Sir.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:12, Reply)
I've really let myself down here,
sorry guys
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:13, Reply)
Hey Monty - what's your take on exciting new pop act The Sisters Of Mercy?
Cunts or not cunts?

I was listening to Dominion this morning, and it fair filled me with Friday happiness (along with it being Friday, obviously).
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:20, Reply)
First LP great, then they went and have remained shite.
When I was a lad I must watched that Wake concert film about 100 times.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:25, Reply)
Yes that's pretty well Mrs Vagabond's outlook.
She doesn't approve of anything post-1985 - in general, as well as SoM.

I like the swirly vox and smoother production, personally, but I do see what you both mean.

I'm entirely undecided on what to have to lunch, yo. Think I might just go for a Sainsbury's Suicide.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)
I think Imma treat myself to something hearty

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)


(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
come to Barnes food fair on Saturday it's like someone shoved Richmond up their cock end and shat out some organic hummus

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:13, Reply)
Barnes is for pricks, no offence

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)
you will be most welcome

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:15, Reply)
up yours

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:21, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)
have you just realised that you are french?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:14, Reply)
:( I miss Ol' Harters.
Hope he gets a new job sorted.

I'm quite popuLOL in my little group of friends. Don;t make too much of a fuss and always there with a cutting remark.
I'm well shit on here but I try.

altalt. Soup and a sandwich and a weekend of sweet fuck all. Gonna do a nice stew tonight. Couple of lie-ins with the other half. Nice.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:21, Reply)
Alright chutters
You're great on here, hush yo' mout'.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:21, Reply)
Cheers bro! :)
xoxo
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)

lie- bumm
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)
HAHAHAH GEDDIT BUMMINS HAHAHAHA

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:23, Reply)
How was Peej last night?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:28, Reply)
He was spewing his guts up this morning, bless him.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)
skillz

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)
He seemed quite put out that people keep comparing him to Will from the Inbetweeners.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)
briefcase wanker

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
and by "people"
you mean me
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:45, Reply)
That was me, Tuesday
What was he drinking?
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)
Brown beer

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:37, Reply)
Lightweight.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)
Oh YOU!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)
Oh LOOKS wise.
I think Im pretty easy on the eye. Very thin on top so shaved head. Bit stubble.
Ice blue eyes for you to get lost in.

*twirls pubes*
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)
I'm having a pint. Hair of the dog FTW.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:25, Reply)
heeeeeeeey!
*fonzthumbs*
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:27, Reply)
I wish I could do the same.
I had far too many martinis last night :(
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)
You're a disgrace!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I am hanging.
I didn't even drink that much.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)
We witnessed history last night that we must never forget.
Mr 'short arms deep pockets' - our chum Lighty, actually bought a round. .
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:36, Reply)
Maybe he's acclimatising to life in the more generous South.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:37, Reply)
I never thought it would happen. I savoured every sip, as it will probably be years before he does again.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Really?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Amazing eh?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
I don't care.
I am having the week from hell at work. Those vespers went down far too easily. It's alright knowing people in the industry...You get treated like a right little darling if you go to their bars to say hello.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:36, Reply)
I'm watching Bouncers from last night.
Turns out in Sunderland you can get drinks for 50p.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)
Doubles?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)
It isn't that cheap.
No wonder Sporty spends his lunch hour drinking Peroni. It's probably cheaper than Ribena.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)
It's too blackcurranty for cows

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Surely that dog must be dead by now? If not its older than Helen Daniels.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)
I watched the one last week from where I used to go drinking.
The whole series makes me never want to go out again. People are awful.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)
I used to go to that nightclub
trufax

Thursday nights used to be an excellent alternative/indie/metal type thingy. Drinks were never 50p though :o(
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:38, Reply)
Did you all sit on the floor when they played James?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:39, Reply)
Not once, no
I went for a pint
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:39, Reply)
Did the DJ dip the music during the chorus of 'Living on a prayer' and everyone sang along?

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
Of course

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
PROPER CLUBBIN'

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:42, Reply)
fo sho

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)
I've seen that sitting down thing happen at an Erol Alkan gig.
He weren't playing James at the time neither.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)
Not even in my top ten Hot Chocolate/Aluminium smelters

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)
That club is selling three trebles for a fiver.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:40, Reply)
The other club used to be £2 in and 60p a drink on Tuesday nights
That got me into some slightly messy states
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:42, Reply)
It looks like a horrific place.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)
If I can get a pint for under £3.50 I'm happy.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)

I have to write an article on using pension contributions to reduce income tax liability this afternoon.

I really cannae be fucked.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:40, Reply)
That sounds incredibly dull. Tell it to get fucked and get on the sauce.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:42, Reply)
^ tggi ^

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)
nah, can't do that neither
I also have to do an article on the performance of the FTSE over the past year.

FML yo.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)
Here, I've done it for you.
Contribute to a pension and claim tax relief on your contributions.

The performance of the FTSE this year has been up and down.

YW
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:48, Reply)
Is this your job, or just a hobby to match your personality?
Yeah, well I live near the Eurotunnel.
TML yo.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:48, Reply)
part of my job innit bruv

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:52, Reply)
That sounds *fascinating*, you're an interesting man.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:59, Reply)
Ive got a mountain of admin shit to contend with,
Im gonna coast it today and do it on Monday.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)
altalt: Need to go shopping and get the Doris a birthday present.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:51, Reply)
Nothing says I love you like a dildo

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:51, Reply)
I liked that one she did with that rapper M&M.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:53, Reply)
She's probably another of Monty's customers.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:55, Reply)
buy her theatre tickets for a london show, like "book of mormon" and a fancy dinner
you can always crash at mine
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:55, Reply)
Considering the action that spare bed has seen
this is an offer not to refuse.
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:59, Reply)
I bet the fat mess hasn't changed the sheets. There will still be a stained mix of their sweaty juices on them.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:02, Reply)
I think Nando's do gift cards now.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:02, Reply)
So does YM

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:05, Reply)
Yeah, but she charges by weight, so it would cost you a fair bit.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:11, Reply)
BOOM!

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:13, Reply)
Did you trip over?
SOMEBODY GET THE WINCH
(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:16, Reply)
And you, Gaston.

(, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:19, Reply)

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