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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Friday afternoon thread timeI call sex fails
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:38,
140 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
well, your parents made one godalmighty sex fail...(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:40,
Reply)
There was a couple of times in my younger druggy days where I'd wake up at my parent's with a guy and have to hide him cos I wasn't out yet.The majority of my encounters have been wins, though.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:40,
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Oh dearThe home walk of shame is a particularly difficult one. I once had to do that and explain away some bird 14 years older than me
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:42,
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I used to walk from the town, past the moor to Fawdon (near Gosforth) after always spending taxi money on beer.In the bleak midwinter, when I used to wear VERY short and tight t-shirts (I know), this was an issue. I resolved it by nicking milk from vans on the way :)
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:45,
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Met her in a pub in Kensington, shocked by how fat she waso She called me gay to a homeless man.
But we had a relative laugh, she'd helped me with the eviction chatted for like an hour and a half.
Had a few drinks, thought ahh fuck it lets go back to hers.
Went back to hers, had a pizza apparently (I have no idea) I was freaked out by the fridge content. Can't remember exactly but I think it was a single tomato and like 40 bottles of water.
Both stayed in the spare room. had depressing sex
I smoked on her balcony as far as I remember I put the fags in the ashtray but who knows.
Went for lunch the next day.
Went to euston.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:44,
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The Human League's new material was lacking their usual catchy angle.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:47,
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I thought it was a Pulp thing to begin withSounds like an extract from John Doe's diaries.
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Yeah, I was going to do a Common People pun (
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:50,
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there is nothing more common than a polyester tablecloth shirt and a pleather jacketexcept maybe roll-up cigs and a straining hairy gunt
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:51,
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Or fucking strangers off the internet.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:53,
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says the man who groomed his wife ON THE INTERNET(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:10,
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Can't say I've seen that combination out and about too muchDo you live in a rough area?
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Well, I have you have better choice in women than you do in pizzas(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:02, Reply)
I don't think it's good boyfriend etiquette to refer to her as "it"(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:05, Reply)
Drug cock fails were most commonThat moment as a youth when you realised that while the pill had made your blood rise... the ineffectual nubbin that was left in your trousers was of no use to man nor beast
(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:45, Reply)
I was told this about speed on many an occasionNever bothered me though
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:46,
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and if you could manage it, you could never cum and kept going, and going, and going.Exhausting it was.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:48,
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I remember trying in vain to thumb it back in once. I'm glad she was on as many drugs as me.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:52,
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Like putting a marshmallow through a keyhole(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:54,
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Was seeing this girl for about a week, I was desperately in love with her, one that got away sort of thing, still think about her from time to time. Anyway, went back to hers one night, and got busy as it were. Afterward, I started to notice a horrible smell, we were pretty grubby stoner types do I just wondered if she'd not changed the sheets in a bit, or left some food under the bed. But it kept getting worse, so I mentioned it to her, she said she was worried I'd shit myself thanks to all the booze, and I was a little offended, but very drunk so you know, then she got up to look for the smell and it turned out her cat had shit in the bed and it was all over her back. Gross. We stayed at mine from then on.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:47,
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BORK!!That made me smile and grimace at the same time.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:49,
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hahahahahahahahaha!WINNER
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:54,
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I've mentioned it before but upon losing my virginity I was told"It was okay, just nothing new for me" which was the beginning of my life of sexual dissatisfaction.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:47,
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I was 14, but she was older and more experienced,At 15.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:50,
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maybe you shouldn't have started with your sister(
rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:50,
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My offer still stands. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:51,
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Hi there swipeypoo. How are you?
I've got a load of time off over christlemas, trying to plan a trip in to London with he who is late of this parish, if you're up for a curry and a lot of booze
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:53,
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OH YES definitely!I am not sure when I will be around, but he who must not be named has my number, so he can text me. woo.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:11,
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I tried the pinch technique of increasing stamina once.Did it wrong. You know when you put your thumb over the end of a hose? Yeah.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:53,
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Haha haha. Love it.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:54,
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You're meant to grip it tightly at the base.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:55,
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All your cums are belong to us(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 15:56,
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is that event a thing?(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:41,
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Half-falling asleep on the job isn't a great thing to betray to her.Certainly if in doing so she asks you what you're thinking, and you respond laughingly about the idea of your mate trying to play the banjo underwater.
They don't tend to appreciate that.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:01,
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A girl at uni fancied a guy I knew for years.Proper desperate for him to notice her. In the last year, at a birthday party, she finally got lucky with him.
The mistake she made was riding him. She thought he was just enjoying it until the snoring started.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:05,
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SozTo everybody: Dozer definitely didn't ride a mate of mine who found it so boring he fell asleep.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:14,
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I remember a conversation on here a while backwherein it was decided that fanny farts are more likely to happen when you have a welly boot and a chipolata combination.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:10,
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well, if it's decided on here then it can't be anything other than 100% true(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:12, Reply)
I did the walk of shame with bright purple hands once after pulling a goth girlWent to college and was asked "did you fuck a witch?"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:16,
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She did have slightly Mars Bar-y head(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:26,
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I have never had sex, sorry.Actually, that would be quite a fail.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:16,
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Thats not true.Dozer had sex with that bloke Kroney went to uni with.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:23,
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I'm having a hard time staying awake just thinking about it.(
Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:29,
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Did anyone see Question Time last night?One of the panelists was called Tokyo Sexwale. I immediately thought of this place...
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Thats my signature finishing move(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:25,
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Make her take your full weight by lifting your arms and legs in the air so she thrashes around like a beached whale right...
(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:41, Reply)
I found that Che Guevara type quite annoyingwhich is as far as my political views went last night.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:26,
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Their live concept album was a hard listen(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:27,
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Get your ambergrisy paws off it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:27,
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I spouted my sperm up your mum's blowhole(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:43,
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Fuck me this girl is wetter than an otter's pocket, I am a SEX GODEr no that'll be menstral blood and your sheets are fucked.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:25,
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Hilariously my iphone tries to autocorrect menstral to mentalWhich, if we're honest is more accuarate
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:28,
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That's because the word is 'menstrual'you massive flid.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:32,
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I WAS'NT THE ONE GUSHING LUMPY CLOTTING BLOOD EVERYWHERE!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:42,
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YOU DELIBERATELY STUCK YOUR FAVOURITE BIT OF YOURSELF IN THEREGROSS
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:50,
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I made the mistake of using not-specifically-designed-for-the-purpose lubricant on one occasion.Bad fucking mistake. Turned it all into a horrible, thick, cloying lumpy mess.
Worse than usual, I mean. Didn't do that again.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:58,
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why under these circumstances would you need lube? enough moisture already surely
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Weren't my idea, to be fair.In the circumstances I was pretty happy to go along with whatever.
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Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 17:04,
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you can be horny and bloody at the same time you know(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:42,
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Bloody horny baby!OK Austin
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:43,
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Oswald Moseley was all over that kinky shit(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:43,
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You mean you don't go and spend the week in your shed?You actually sully the HOUSE with your filthy dirty WOMANNESS?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:46,
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i hide out in the sex shed and paint a cross on the door with my own ladyblood
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:47,
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I would imagine it's a rare guy that doesn't have his red wings.(
Kroney, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:47,
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I know...every chap should know that:
When the river flows red take the brown path instead...
(, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:42, Reply)
if you've not tasted menstrual bloodyou're not a real man
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:44,
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i'm quoting someone therei can't remember his name, a comedian, a funny one
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:45,
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Andrew O'Neill it wasI remember now, he's a proper funny man
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 16:51,
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I've only seen him livehe's played locally and at greenman
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 17:00,
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waiti think that's someone else. Damn you current media and things I don't understand
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 13 Dec 2013, 17:01,
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Speaking of sex fails...http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25349738
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Dec 2013, 17:08,
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