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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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 New thread required more urgently than a dirty protest in Nando's
	New thread required more urgently than a dirty protest in Nando'sThis whole missing plane malarkey. I know it's a bit bigger than your keys, but stuff just goes missing all the time doesn't it? I still can't find a pair of trousers that went missing in 2005. We haven't moved house so they must be there, but they're just not. Explain that.
What have you lost that's infuriated and confounded you? Apart from your interest in my Mum?
Alt: Unapologetic sport thread, who's going to win the Premier League/qualify for Europe/get relegated/laugh loudest at Manchester United.
AltAlt: This Jonathan Trott business in case the Rev is about
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:28, 146 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
 I've lost a TV remote control
	I've lost a TV remote controlwhich is fucking annoying. Mrs Cow has a really annoying habit of "tidying" things up. This actually means stuffing things into drawers, cupboards, etc. with no thought as to finding them again
Alt:
1st Chelsea
2nd Liverpool
3rd Citeh
4th Arse
Relegated:
Fulham, Cardiff, Sunderland or Norwich
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:31, Reply)
 Yeah women do that
	Yeah women do thatThe advantage of being under the thumb is it makes stuff easier to find when one does all the housework.
Fancying City to bottle it then?
I'm throwing Swansea into the mix for third relegation place (Fulham and Cardiff are gone), but that might just be optimism on my part.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
 I do, yes
	I do, yesIf we can give them a scare then I think someone else will do them before the end of the season. Swansea might have too many points but they were certainly looking didgy until the last few
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:36, Reply)
 The only thing I can see keeping Swansea out of trouble is Wilfried Bony
	The only thing I can see keeping Swansea out of trouble is Wilfried BonyIf he gets shot to death with a gun tomorrow they are FUCKED. Garry Monk knows fuck all about management except "kick 'em harder lads" which is conveniently all he knew about playing football. I would love to see him fail spectacularly.
I really don't like Swansea.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
 The new Star Wars really shouldn't have been filmed at the Dr Who studios
	The new Star Wars really shouldn't have been filmed at the Dr Who studios(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
 Deep-seated belief that they paid off the ref in our play-off semi-final with them a few years back
	Deep-seated belief that they paid off the ref in our play-off semi-final with them a few years backThree staggeringly obvious penalties (two by Garry Monk) and two obvious sendings-off (one by Garry Monk) over two games. It's either bribery, or bad refereeing, and that never happens.
Also the way the pundits cooed over them in their first season in the Prem when Norwich were clearly the better promoted team.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
 Innit
	InnitHow badly have they missed him this season? If he was fit Laudrup would still be in a job
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
 I am well pleased with our result against them
	I am well pleased with our result against themFinally a win. Just need 3-4 more before the end of the season.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:10, Reply)
 I feel bad for him, really
	I feel bad for him, reallyBadly out of his depth, no PR training to deal with the press, he's going to explode soon.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
 you made sporty delete his thread
	you made sporty delete his threadhe's such a gentleman
i have lost interest in this stupid hen do. first it cost £350. now we've been told the dates have been changed from fri - mon, when we'd booked a day off work and a hire car to go thu - sun. plus we have to bring stupid fancy dress and a "secret item with memories of the bride". wtf. she has done nothing but moan about the groom not proposing for the last 6 years, how can i sum that up? for 50pence?
alt: fuck off
altalt: who?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:32, Reply)
 Give her a voucher for your services.
	Give her a voucher for your services.Looks like it won't be long till she needs a brief.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
 Employing poetic licence Tingles.
	Employing poetic licence Tingles.Had I kept literal it wouldn't have worked, unless there was an issue with her drains or sutin.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
 Hen dos are shit and no one likes going on them, as far as I can tell
	Hen dos are shit and no one likes going on them, as far as I can tell(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
 Take one of those dolls that go "waaaaaaah" when you squeeze their tummy.
	Take one of those dolls that go "waaaaaaah" when you squeeze their tummy.(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
 Take her to Nando's
	Take her to Nando'sDo a dirty protest in the shape of a tiara
Boom
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
 Your girlfriend didn't like those trousers and threw them out when you weren't looking.
	Your girlfriend didn't like those trousers and threw them out when you weren't looking.Hth.
Alt: All sport is bent. /ac
Altalt: Dunno what that means, soz.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:35, Reply)
 That's actually very feasible
	That's actually very feasibleExcept that would mean she likes all my existing trousers, which is definitely bollocks
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:38, Reply)
 Every usb stick I've ever bought.
	Every usb stick I've ever bought.Could be Liverpool even though I hate them.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:39, Reply)
 Just because you hate scousers, doesn't mean they are nicking your usb sticks
	Just because you hate scousers, doesn't mean they are nicking your usb sticks(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:40, Reply)
 Don't be so pessimistic mate
	Don't be so pessimistic mateI'm sure you'll beat them before 2149
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:55, Reply)
 I still hold a bit of a grudge against you lot for that season
	I still hold a bit of a grudge against you lot for that seasonWe'd only lost 2 the season before, and came second. Then, the beach ball happened, at everything went to shit.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:14, Reply)
 I've lost my work jumper :(
	I've lost my work jumper :(It can only be in two places and it's in neither. Fucking jumper goblins running off with my shit.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:41, Reply)
 What the? Out of order!
	What the? Out of order!Nick one of Battered's, they're all Algerian cashmere, or Peruvian llama-wool or something.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:58, Reply)
 My ability to give a fuck
	My ability to give a fuckHad a big falling out with a friend two months ago, not even slightly interested in reconciling. She fucked up, yet is trying to tell people that I need to apologise. Thankfully, most know that she's overreacting, I just don't give a shit.
Alt: United under Moyes remind me of Liverpool under Hodgson. At least they don't have H&G backing them, then they'd start to learn how much worse it can be in football.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:43, Reply)
 Alright chompy, be careful this could drag on over the next three years
	Alright chompy, be careful this could drag on over the next three years(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:46, Reply)
 Does she make a habit of doing that?
	Does she make a habit of doing that?I'm willing to bet money on a positive response, here.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
 Aye, we've argued before
	Aye, we've argued beforeI've tended to let bygones be bygones, as it's easier, but this time she was kicking off at my GF for no good reason, it's because she dislikes her.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:51, Reply)
 If she's that sort of person, no wonder you're not bothered.
	If she's that sort of person, no wonder you're not bothered.Stay rid, I would. It gets tiring constantly being the one expected to make all the conciliatory moves. My ex-girlfriend was like that and I'm a much happier person for not having to put up with it any longer.
If all the apologies are one way, that's a person not worth knowing imo.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:56, Reply)
 It's bizarre, she has two personalities
	It's bizarre, she has two personalitiesOne of them is the reason we're fantastic friends, been close for years, etc
The other one is a bitchy, argumentative side that has come out far more often since I got a girlfriend. Before I got with her, the two of them got on just fine. Now, I can't even have them in the same room.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:01, Reply)
 Nope, never. Did shag her best mate on the floor whilst she was in bed, mind.
	Nope, never. Did shag her best mate on the floor whilst she was in bed, mind.(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:06, Reply)
 Pissed up after a night out, take it you're the pure gentleman at that time?
	Pissed up after a night out, take it you're the pure gentleman at that time?(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:11, Reply)
 he has a kid and a 9 month duffage scenario
	he has a kid and a 9 month duffage scenariohalf a pint and he's asleep dreaming of past glory days when he could actually have a night out/sleep with his sister
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:12, Reply)
 bit old skoll, get her to give youa  call on the phone at 5am instead
	bit old skoll, get her to give youa  call on the phone at 5am instead(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:16, Reply)
 no no no
	no no nothe dead mum can't make the call. she's DEAD. someone else has to do it for her.
BUT WHO? WHOOOOOOOO?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:25, Reply)
 the one person who couldn't have done it
	the one person who couldn't have done itwhat, with his flid hand, and all. how do you expect him to dial??
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:36, Reply)
 Only reason I can think of for her to be unpleasant to your GF is she envies her mate
	Only reason I can think of for her to be unpleasant to your GF is she envies her mateWell, the obvious alternative is that she actually dislikes her, but I've met your better half and find that spectacularly hard to believe
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
 Tell her to get over it or lose a mate, I guess.
	Tell her to get over it or lose a mate, I guess.Sounds pretty insecure to me, causing trouble and then demanding you come chasing after her.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:22, Reply)
 Thing is, I don't want her to get over it
	Thing is, I don't want her to get over itI want an apology and an assurance that this bullshit won't happen again. If nothing else, at least the assurance.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:28, Reply)
 In my experience
	In my experiencepeople who won't apologise will never apologise. They'd rather lose the relationship. People are stupid, what can you do?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:42, Reply)
 Football isn't sport it's a pantomime of plebs, posturing and posing like pricks
	Football isn't sport it's a pantomime of plebs, posturing and posing like pricks(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:50, Reply)
 well Darth isn't, he's one of the long term sick with one of those cunning illnesses no one can see or prove he has
	well Darth isn't, he's one of the long term sick with one of those cunning illnesses no one can see or prove he has(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:52, Reply)
 I lose 'phone chargers - and laptop chargers. Fucked if I know why, they should be in a wall socket all the time.
	I lose 'phone chargers - and laptop chargers. Fucked if I know why, they should be in a wall socket all the time.Alt: Football is a girl's game.
Altalt: Who the holy candy-striped fuck is Jonathan Trott?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 10:55, Reply)
 if you type "missing plane" into google
	if you type "missing plane" into googlethe first suggested auto complete is "missing plane found on the moon"
why are people so stupid?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:03, Reply)
 yeah but people are now searching for it, idiots
	yeah but people are now searching for it, idiotsthe most frightening thing i've seen was the suggestion that it's been parked somewhere to be loaded up and sent off as a flying nuclear bomb. wish i hadn't read that.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
 My building society savings book
	My building society savings bookStarted looking for it last week after I realised it wasn't in my bag. I've checked online and there haven't been any mysterious transfers to my cleaner's account so I'm probably just going to transfer it all over to my bank and into a decent savings account there. Shit interest where it is anyway.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:08, Reply)
 Sorry DF, late to the party here.
	Sorry DF, late to the party here.AltAlt: He's a fucking prick. Bailing out in the middle of the toughest tour in a few years, citing mental problems when in fact he was just being a fucking blouse.
That's the thing about cricket, some weeks you're playing against folk who can't lace up their own boots, and the next you're playing Mitchell Johnson with a flea in his ear.
When you're an internationalist you can't pick and choose who you play against. You've got to just man the fuck up and give it your best.
He has flaws in his game - he needs to get into the nets and work on them, not get in a taxi heading for the fucking airport.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:21, Reply)
 I rarely lose physical things
	I rarely lose physical thingsBut I am losing any work motivation, I think I might need to change jobs.
Alt: City will take the league, Chelsea 2nd, arse then Liverpool
think sunderland will just get out of bottom 3 with WBA to go down
altalt fucking lightweight,
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:24, Reply)
 Looking forward to 3 points off you at the end of the season
	Looking forward to 3 points off you at the end of the seasonwe'll need them.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:51, Reply)
 I need a new ISA, ideally instant access, and with transfer in. I don't want to be tied in to a fixed term.
	I need a new ISA, ideally instant access, and with transfer in. I don't want to be tied in to a fixed term.What should I go for? And why can't I get a decent interest rate? Fucking shit banks. Bunch of cunts.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:32, Reply)
 Instant access ISAs will always have shit rates
	Instant access ISAs will always have shit ratesGet a 90 day one at least
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:34, Reply)
 Interest rates are shit at the moment due to BoE
	Interest rates are shit at the moment due to BoE And as sporters says instant access ones are always worse. If you need to be able to get to the cash quickly you might be better off with a saver account from the bank, still low interest but you don't have the restrictions
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:37, Reply)
 I don't want to hear this. I just want money from the banks in return for lettting them have my money
	I don't want to hear this. I just want money from the banks in return for lettting them have my moneyand I want it tax free. Now sort something out.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:38, Reply)
 OK
	OK You can have the BD29 special ISA, 5.8% interest. Access your cash at any time no fixed term... Minimum deposit of 10k no questions. Send cash
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
 is he paying your mortgage in return for bumholey picture fun?
	is he paying your mortgage in return for bumholey picture fun?because it sounds like he is paying your mortgage in return for bumholey picture fun
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:04, Reply)
 cash or stocks & shares?
	cash or stocks & shares?Don't bother with a cash ISA unless you 100% need instant access.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:39, Reply)
 I don't know, but I like the way he's seen my question and then provided a response which has nothing to do with what I wanted.
	I don't know, but I like the way he's seen my question and then provided a response which has nothing to do with what I wanted.(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:41, Reply)
 moneysavingexpert.com go to ISAs
	moneysavingexpert.com go to ISAslook for best buys, phone the top one, enjoy your 1.7% interest.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:52, Reply)
 There's this Nigerian business who's been emailing me.
	There's this Nigerian business who's been emailing me.He says that he's got pretty tidy nest egg hidden away that he can't access due to his being persecuted. Now, he knows where to go to grease wheels via some correctly placed bribes. Unfortunately, he doesn't have any ready cash on him. Now, if we loan him some readies, he'll cut us in on the nest egg.
Sound good?
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:59, Reply)
 I have to drive past Swiss Cottage tomorrow.
	I have to drive past Swiss Cottage tomorrow.It's a shame that the names suggests it's a lovely location, but the reality is a shit road juntion.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:34, Reply)
 There used to be a thai restaurant over the road from the pub (run by a Sunderland fan, fact fans)
	There used to be a thai restaurant over the road from the pub (run by a Sunderland fan, fact fans)It served me the hottest chicken and coconut soup I've ever had
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:45, Reply)
 I'm struggling to work out what relevance this has to anything here
	I'm struggling to work out what relevance this has to anything hereBut CSB, anyway
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:46, Reply)
 Hangar Lane sounds like it ought to be a small road near a country aerodrome
	Hangar Lane sounds like it ought to be a small road near a country aerodromewhen in reality it's a vicious anal raping in road form.
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 11:53, Reply)
 you'd be in for a real disappointment if you went to the elephant and castle
	you'd be in for a real disappointment if you went to the elephant and castle(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:05, Reply)
 Speaking of Tim Sherwood:
	Speaking of Tim Sherwood:https://twitter.com/bankruptspurs/status/444626205874991104
(, Mon 17 Mar 2014, 12:29, Reply)
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