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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So, it seems that a sunny and warm weekend is on the horizon
How will you make the most of this wonderous two days? I'm off for my standard Saturday 9am ParkRun then will most likely be in the garden all day. Dads night out at 7pm to watch the England game at 11pm in the pub so no doubt a touch messy

Fathers Day on Sunday so (hopefully) a lie in followed by more garden and a roast dinner
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:21, 192 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I'm going to spend it indoors, just to piss off the sun.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Good work

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:25, Reply)
fat cunt. homemade card from kid. possibly containing glitter.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:28, Reply)
How is having a roast dinner on a Sunday being a fat cunt?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:33, Reply)
It's a general insult, sweetcakes xx. Nothing personal.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:36, Reply)
No, I am a fat cunt

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:41, Reply)
My missus is away for the weekend, so I'm just going to sit around getting stoned and masturbating.
Oh and probably look after the kids as well.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:34, Reply)
They will be fine for a couple of days don't worry

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:40, Reply)
I haven't been told what I'm doing yet, but in an ideal world I will be lazing about, eating and maybe having one whole pint of beer.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Careful

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Carrot sticks and girly drinks await

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I need some more gin

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Gin is a mans drink. You mean Bacardi breezers surely

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)
I dont think I've ever had one

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Carrot sticks? With no dips or hummus? Can't see it happening.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)
Double dip time

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)
I fear I shall never double dip again :(

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Sad times man. Sad times

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:46, Reply)
I'm going camping on Donington Park race track.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Saturday - probably a bit of work in the garden and allotment, while keeping an eye on the test match
Saturday is also World Gin Day so I'll be sitting down with a few for the England game. Like I actually need some kind of made-up day to do that.

Sunday, I'm running the kids up to Dundee for another volleyball trial for the UK School Games. So I'll be at a loose end up there for about 4 hours. Besides becoming a heroin addict and impregnating a teenager, I'm not sure what else there is to do in Dundee.

We'll probably go somewhere for Father's Day tea when we get back.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:50, Reply)
I think they have cake there

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:52, Reply)
There's cake everywhere if you look hard enough

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Nyommy cayke?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:59, Reply)
The best kind
We have loads in our house at the moment \o/
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:00, Reply)
WORLD.GIN.DAY
WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:52, Reply)
Also, father-in-law is here at the moment
So the latest patch of garden to be sorted will be cleared and dug over, ready for turfing \o/
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:53, Reply)
\o/
Make sure you put netting over your fruit and your brassicas. Fucking birds will have the lot.

/BitterExperience.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)
The seagulls round our way seem more interested in eating the dog

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:56, Reply)
You want him to dress up in what now?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:56, Reply)
You callin' me flat leek?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:57, Reply)
*looks at bra*

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:58, Reply)
*points at chicken fillets*

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:00, Reply)


(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:01, Reply)
It's on t'internet lad.
There's an 'event' of Facebook.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:54, Reply)
IT FAIL

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)
It's the real deal
worldginday.com/
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)
They've got some old boat there I seem to recall

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:54, Reply)
I fucked a PE school teacher there once
It were reet fun but boy could she have done with a trim "downstairs"
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)

PE teacher there once
It were reet fun but
could she have done with a trim "downstairs"
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:56, Reply)
Nicely done

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:57, Reply)
Im off to Matlock Bath, Staying at Portland House for a bit party weekend with some rock climbing etc. thrown in for good measure.
As such, today is my friday, bitchesssss
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:54, Reply)
Matlock Bath is lovely
Gulliver's Land there is a bit run down these days but it's still pretty cool having a theme park up the side of a steep hill. I recommend the cable car up to Heights of Abraham also.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)
I cabled YM's heights of Abraham only last night

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)
I've thought about what this might mean for too long and now I need mind bleach
:((((((
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:06, Reply)
I was thinking of going to the crappy £3 aquarium for the lols.
Mainly we will be having drinks and getting wrecked in the country :)
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:10, Reply)
A-QUEERY-CUM more like!!
sorry
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)
damn you

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)
You're not helping the cause here!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:16, Reply)
AQUEERIUM more like, etc.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)
GLOVER'S land more like
/cornwall
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)
My weekend starts tomorrow
The missus is away at Download for the day so I'm just going to sit around getting stoned and masturbating.

I'm on the wagon for a bit so Saturday will be football minus beers and Sunday will be being a lazy fucker getting fed grapes and watching films.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:58, Reply)
I am in negotiations with bitchtits to try & see my daughter on Father's Day.
Other than that I don't have many plans, other than time in the garden & some job hunting.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:01, Reply)
I can't believe some of you have to negotiate seeing your kids on Fathers' Day.
Fucking harpies!!
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)
I'm trying to negotiate a day off from mine

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Does your step-daughter see her dad much?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Not often, but way too much when she does.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:06, Reply)
He lives in Leeds and so does she so fairly often, yes
though when she was young he wasn't interested
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:10, Reply)
I cannot understand why a parent wouldn't be interested in spending time with their kid.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:10, Reply)
this^
I think he feels guilty about it now. Buys her lots of stuff
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Because little kids are really annoying, loud, expensive and dull.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:16, Reply)
this^
but your own aren't. Thats the odd thing
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)
Well, they can be quite annoying.
And they're definitely loud.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:20, Reply)
and expensive

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)
Nah, only idiots spend loads of money on their kids
They are very easily pleased for next to no money
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:23, Reply)
This is true
Daughter is obsessed with fucking loom bands at the moment. 99p a pack
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:24, Reply)
What the fuck are loom bands
I saw a sign in a shop selling them
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:26, Reply)
Elastic bands basically
You can somehow "knit" them together into things
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:27, Reply)
Half inch elastic bands in many colours for making bracelets out of
the Hoover is full of them......
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:29, Reply)
This seems to be a nationwide obsession then

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:30, Reply)
They still need feeding though
Kids cant live on cunt touching alone
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:25, Reply)
They can have the scraps off my plate
I'm not a monster
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:25, Reply)
You're mixing up 'kids' with 'YM' here.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Wrong

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:23, Reply)
^^^^^

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)
^^^this
Although as we're spending the afternoon/evening at friends for a BBQ they'll play most of the time, so I can get stuck into the ale.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:07, Reply)
What about me? I don't even own an kid.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:05, Reply)
Steal one. You see it in the papers all the time.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:11, Reply)
GAYpers more like!!!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:14, Reply)
YOUN A GAPER

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:14, Reply)
( O )

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)
*enters*

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)
"HELLO?........hello?....hello?.....hello?......."

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)
They can have mine for the day.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:09, Reply)
I've not had one fucking Fathers day lie in the last 7 fathers days
And one year the bloody forgot!
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:12, Reply)
I'm hoping for one as I'll not be in until about 2am

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:12, Reply)
One year the wife crawled out of bed a 11.30 (i'd been up with the kids since 6)
After an hour I said "You know its Fathers day right?" she said "Shit, we had better go to Tesco" she went in picked up some shit bottle of brandy and then drove to her dads house. It took another 2 hours for it to dawn on her that I have two daughters.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)
I take it you did the same on Mothers Day

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:16, Reply)
Nope
She get two cards, one from each kid, no single card cop out bollocks there. THen she gets a lie in, breakfast in bed. Flowers, Chocolates and whiskey. Oh and I do all the housework.

Every year I hope this will show her how its done. Every year it doesn't!
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)
I believe the correct term is
FUCK THAT SHIT
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Next year she's getting my dick in a box.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:19, Reply)
It sounds like she already has one of those

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:20, Reply)
She's certainly got his balls in her handbag

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)

x ok
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)
That would mark

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)
Might add a bit of spine to it though

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:22, Reply)
Leaf it
Its hard for him
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:23, Reply)
Might be the only way a (pre)face gets on it though

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:27, Reply)
maybe the problem is that the same gifts every year is lacking in imagination?
put some effort in, man.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:26, Reply)
I don't get her the same shit every year
I got her an iPad last year so fack off ranga
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:29, Reply)
READ YOUR POST (emphasis added)
She get two cards, one from each kid, no single card cop out bollocks there. THen she gets a lie in, breakfast in bed. Flowers, Chocolates and whiskey. Oh and I do all the housework.

Every year
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Every year was part of a new sentence
How did such a fucking idiot become a lawyer?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:34, Reply)
the present tense and the fact that you don't refer to a specific year lead the court to construct that you buy the same tired old shit every year
verdict:

GUILTY
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:57, Reply)
What the fuck would you know about mothers day?
You'll never receive a mothers day gift. They're not from me are they! Its my mum I buy the same tired old shit for.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:00, Reply)
i'm certainly glad i'll never receive one chosen by you
yours sound shit
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:14, Reply)
You have no idea what I get my mum
I have never told you.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:18, Reply)
it can't be worse than chocolates and whiskey

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:19, Reply)
Depends if you like chocolates and whiskey really
If someone gave me Chocolates and whiskey I wouldn't be an ungrateful bitch.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:20, Reply)
unless they had one direction on the box?!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:25, Reply)
I'd drink One Direction whiskey
Its just crappy pop
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:32, Reply)
if you bought me chocolates and whiskey
i'd let you drink the whiskey for me. i'm nice like that.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:36, Reply)
I'm not buying you anything
you're a meanie
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:37, Reply)
It's no wonder his wife hates him so much

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:29, Reply)
i thought we all knew that

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:32, Reply)
And did she then go
"Oh, you're the father of my children. Right."

And then sulk for the rest of the afternoon?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)
No, she gave the brandy to the father of her children

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:18, Reply)
and cousin

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Something like that

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Poor Peej

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:19, Reply)
If it's any comfort, though
Father's Day is kind of a pointless bag of shit nothing day.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:20, Reply)
^ no kids or dad

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)
And long may it continue.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:21, Reply)
\o/ its the sensible way to live

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:22, Reply)
I think you should give the old fella a call on Sunday
Try to patch things up a bit, yeah?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:23, Reply)
You know what? I probably will. Thanks m8.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:25, Reply)
I bottle would be nice though

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:22, Reply)
I had to give my eldest some money so he can pick a shit present, to wrap at school for me.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)
my dad has bought his own present
and thinks i'm going to pay for it.

i don't think he understands how presents work.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:27, Reply)
At least he's got what he wanted.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:29, Reply)
His daughter 200 miles away?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:30, Reply)
*nose/point*

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:31, Reply)
He said you have to pay your debts first before buying him a present.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:30, Reply)
you need to remind me of these things!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:31, Reply)
I have done regularly since the 5th May.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:34, Reply)
Well he buys everything else for you, why should you pay for his presents as well?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:26, Reply)
i wish he did
he has always had this thing about me having a job.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:27, Reply)
48/2 FFS.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2301891
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:05, Reply)
I'm working this weekend #prayforxav
but not for too long! #phew

Not interested in the footy but some friends are having a get together to watch it so I might go to that.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)
I have the option of overtime
I might do some on Friday and Sunday night
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:16, Reply)
sat evening seeing the lovely lusty
sun i might see what my brother is up to, and see if frog will consent to being dragged over to the seaside (a different seaside).

still vomitous :(
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:31, Reply)
Morning sickness is something of a misnomer - you'll probably feel rotten all day

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:32, Reply)
i thought we'd agreed that i was far too old for that?
i can't be dusty/post-menopausal and pregnant. make your mind up.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:32, Reply)
Sure you can
I mean, you can be fat AND ginger so why not?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:36, Reply)
Cheryl Bakers' updated lyrics didn't go down to well.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:37, Reply)
I don't know how you could be post-menopausal when you are constantly blobbing

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Still, at least you won't have to worry about that for the next 12 months or so

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:41, Reply)
heh heh

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:33, Reply)
BALLANCE YOU CUNT.
75/3
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:38, Reply)
Coo-ee. It's me.
I don't like this work malarkey.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:43, Reply)
I started at 11 today, but this has done nothing to ease my boredom now I'm here.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Fuckin' bollix, innit.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:49, Reply)
Yeah bruv, working is bullshit. I've got loads of better things I could be doing.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Like sitting outside in your underwear eating crisps and drinking beer

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:01, Reply)
Underwear is for amateurs.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:04, Reply)
something to wipe your hands on though

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:09, Reply)
+ s

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:12, Reply)
3 days in my case as I'm taking monday off
I might stop up Sunday night to watch the football, you see.

There may be a run round the park at some point but I'm not promising anything.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 12:50, Reply)
Guess what I'm getting my father this fathers day!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:21, Reply)
is it chocolates with whiskey inside?!
i bet it's chocolates with whiskey inside!
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:24, Reply)
A tesco hudl tablet

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:24, Reply)
A tie?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:25, Reply)
A new hosepipe?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:26, Reply)
WINNAH!

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:31, Reply)
i dunno a fucking mug or something

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:28, Reply)
Some piss for his grave?

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:31, Reply)
Is it a book

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:47, Reply)
Anal sex

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:47, Reply)

9gag.tv/p/aKjN2w/this-guy-wanked-all-the-penis-like-buildings-in-london-and-it-s-so-inappropriate?ref=jts
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:25, Reply)
it's not a link that cries out to be clicked, in all fairness

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:25, Reply)
I found it funny.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:26, Reply)

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