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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning folks,
How are we all on this super excellent Friday?
Qotw the week is back, it's raining, it looks like I'll actually have to do some work today. It probably couldn't get much worse, except for the exciting news that Friday is here!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
What you up to today? My brother is back from Japan (he was on tour because he's a successful member of the family) and he says he has a traditional Japanese gift, any guesses?

Alt: what's your fucking problem?
Altalt: Friday 13th. Shit innit?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 7:42, 228 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
very polite schoolgirl tentacle rape sake

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:01, Reply)
live at the Dublin castle

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:01, Reply)
I'M SEEING THEM AT INFEST!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:03, Reply)
my fucking problem is your spastic fucking face.
You should change your name to Phil. Phil Iddomyde.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:02, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:09, Reply)
I'm recovering from norovirus, but have to go into work early.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:06, Reply)
nice!
spread it around and ruin those pricks weekends
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:08, Reply)
when I had that it made my squits look like mustard and smell like dog food

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:09, Reply)
fingers crossed you'll die.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:09, Reply)
must have swallowed a fly

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:25, Reply)
hi
problem is life, mate
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:08, Reply)
a round egg can be made square according to how you cut it; words would be harsh according to how you speak them.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:15, Reply)
stick your square egg up your poop hole.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:18, Reply)
poop? you yankee prick, disembowel yourself

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:19, Reply)
aluminum. elevator.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:21, Reply)
vitamins

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:22, Reply)
highschool gun massacre

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:24, Reply)
altalt there are two friday the thirteenths in a row and this only happens every twenty four thousand million years this could be the END OF THE WORLD so why don't you try our new diet pill?

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:24, Reply)
not fat.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:31, Reply)
try our all new homeopathic isotonic herbal muscle gaining lotion

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)
New sofa arrived Today
The amount of cash that fell out of the old one nearly paid for the new one. Plumbers are in too, re-building my bathroom. I've got the whole of next week off too. Life is is one step up from shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:25, Reply)
you and el baggo are OT's very own paedophile ring

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:29, Reply)
alright?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)
it was a simple statement of fact
Who am I to judge your lifestyle?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:32, Reply)
alright?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:36, Reply)
alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:39, Reply)
I win.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:40, Reply)
Can 2 people be a ring?
More of an earring
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)
I think being in rings is part of the problem

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:52, Reply)
Why was your sofa stuffed with money?
Are you one of those OAPs that doesn't trust banks?
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:29, Reply)
No, just fallen out of my pockets over the millenia.
And what's so trustworthy about banks?
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:31, Reply)
I wondered that as I typed.
Then I realised that I'm in that comfortable middle bracket where money isn't something I really have to worry about - sufficiently well off to not have to worry about overdraft fees or PPI fraud, too poor to concern myself with investment returns or tax avoidance.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:49, Reply)
Croissants for breakfast?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:52, Reply)
I'm reasonably financially secure,
not Dr. Shambolic.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:14, Reply)
hot cross buns from now until Easter

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)
Morning, Mr Leby
We don't see much of you round these parts nowadays.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:55, Reply)
I hope to be back more often.
My desk is currently in a position where the screen is visble to all and sundry. When I go back, I'll be tucked up nicely in the corner, where no body can see I'm skiving.

Morning Tangles.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:58, Reply)
I think my b3ta monitor is visible to anyone who sits at that desk over there, but it's usually empty so I don't let that bother me and anyway I've got work on the other monitor, what's your problem?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)
My screen is usually black background.
It is really obvious if its light grey. I've only got one screen.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)
one monitor? what is this, the 1960s?

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:18, Reply)
I'm a luddite.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
He's got you a sword so you can kill yourself to make up for shaming your family.
alt: bitches
altalt: Only if you're superstitious
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:30, Reply)
He's bought you a kimono and some of those skewers to make yourself a ginger samurai cunt sprout
I really hope this is true
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:40, Reply)
I stole the Kimono dressing gown from my hotel in Japan.
Not quite as good stealing as AA but I do like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:08, Reply)
Haha. That's quite the mental image
Keyword: mental
(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)
The kimono in my mental image is pink
With flowers and birds and butterflies traced onto it
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:42, Reply)
I have tried the cunt sprout look, it is distinctly "not for me"

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:11, Reply)
he has brought you back a statue of a tanuki for your garden
it's a racoon like thing with large swollen testicles. That or weirdly tasteless sweets.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
I'd like that.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)
I'm going to guess at something that, while perhaps pretty, is shit and impractical and you don't really have anywhere to keep it.
Alt: All manner of tedious complaints about traffic, its poor management and the general ignorance, selfishness and oh God this is boring

Altalt: see above, but I can see the light of curry and drugs and alcohols abuse growing gradually larger at the end of this tedious tunnel.
I bear the date no grudge.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:55, Reply)
spare me your life story

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:57, Reply)
Aw but I was just getting to the good bit

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)
[SPOILER]
You die at the end
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)
I might skip ahead a few pages, this bit is a bit boring.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:07, Reply)
all the protagonist seems to do is post on the internet, not funny stuff either, just a load of old shit.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:08, Reply)
There was just a really exciting bit where I went to make a cup of tea
But now we're back to the tedious internet posting again
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:17, Reply)
Good chat-up line.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)
50% of the time, it works *every* time

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:04, Reply)
you had me at 'sp'

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)
SP

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:06, Reply)
I dunno, he was on tour with a proper rock star, and the stories they tell is pretty raucous. maybe I'll get a slave or something.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)
A foot binding
Alt:I have a sore throat which means that my voice is currently so deep that I am communicating with Blue Whales

alt2: paraskevidekatriaphobia is one of my favourite words
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:04, Reply)
I like to sing spirituals when colds lower my usually girly voice.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:09, Reply)
*wades in the water*

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:13, Reply)
alright bonz,
Maybe you could do a bit of Clarence "frogman" Henry with your sore throat
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:08, Reply)
Could be anything, they have a fuck ton of tradition over there.
I'm going with cheap imitation samurai sword

Alt. I have a lot of problems
AltAlt. Not really, Fridays are pretty good in general.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:09, Reply)
Surely there are specialist shops that sell six fingered gloves?

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:15, Reply)
In Cornwall they're just called shops.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:15, Reply)
I reckon he's got me some sort of sex toy.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:08, Reply)
I'm back from a course in Germany. Baden Baden is a bitch to get to and not a very exciting place
Today I will be doing as little as possible ('working' from home). My guess is he's bought you some whisky.
Alt: Not enough sleep for the last three days - makes me a bit ratty RIGHT!!!
Altalt: Not in the Julian calendar.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:10, Reply)
So did Old Man RIver get a mod recruitment gaz or not? I'm just dying to know.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:16, Reply)
I did.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:17, Reply)
I think this is rather 'lol'

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:19, Reply)
I'm clearly an ideal candidate for such a role.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:31, Reply)
Do you think your nemesis, the crybaby mod, has left 5EVA then?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)
I heard they died of the bloobloos

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:42, Reply)
Poor ufm.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
That's made my day. I may even crack a small grin.
When do you start?
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)
excellent

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:25, Reply)
BOOM!
I'm working from home, and I've got very little I need to get done today.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:28, Reply)
Juicer time?

(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:44, Reply)
It will be later on.
I might stick some bacon on.

And maybe make myself a sausage sandwich as well.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:45, Reply)
^ WINNING MORE THAN MEATSNAKE

(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
Well, if you can't dress like Lada Gaga when you're making breakfast, when can you?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
That took me far too long to get
I might go for a nap
(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:03, Reply)
work time wank!

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:05, Reply)
I didn't notice it was Friday 13th
Mind you, stupid superstitions are for woofters and blobbing birds anyway.

I am ace today my friend. Possibly also tip-top.
(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:37, Reply)
top Friday!

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:04, Reply)
i eated some sausages so there gutted losers

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)
^ WINNING

(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:49, Reply)
how many sausages?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:07, Reply)
just shy of 2

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)
Happy birthday to grangledupinblue, 88 today.
Not sure if she's logged in here today or not
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
I heard she's meeting stunned poster for a birthday treat

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)
I'm confident he'll take good care of her.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:57, Reply)
I'm gonna put my log in to her later

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:06, Reply)
We are fine and dandy today
Had to fuck off to work without letting the builders in today. They can climb over my garage, the lazy fucks. I've got a large amount of work to do this weekend for a change but this all pays the builders innit

Alt:
My problem is I spilled coffee on my desk

AltAlt:
Keyword: FRIDAY
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:57, Reply)
just leave them a set of keys.
Sure they can be trusted.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:04, Reply)
The garage lock is fucked
You have to open it from inside
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)
When I was a kid some scrotes glued up our garage lock and until it was replaced my mum made me climb over it and open it from the inside
I love my mum I do,
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:20, Reply)
It could all have been so different if that door was still stuck

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)
HIYA!!
I was reminded by my date that it's steak and BJ day tomorrow so Im looking forward to that. even though I'll have to cook something steak based.
it's gonna be a Geisha for steak and BJ day.

alt. I can overreact to things sometimes.
altalt. The remake was :( Lots of tits though for those who like tits.
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:59, Reply)
Sometimes?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
WHO YOU FUCKIN TALKING TO, PRICK?!

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:02, Reply)
I reminded my wife that its S+BJ day tomorrow and she reminded me to Fuck Off.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:03, Reply)
I don't even want the steak

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:09, Reply)
what's steak and BJ day?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:06, Reply)
It's where you ask the missus for a BJ, she smacks you in the eye with a book and you use a steak to bring down the swelling.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:07, Reply)
sounds like fun.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:15, Reply)

www.officialsteakandblowjobday.com/
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:15, Reply)
what a load of old shit

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Yeh for you, who gets them several times a day
But for some of us its our only hope!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:19, Reply)
sorry i didn't think about it that way

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:22, Reply)
Which do you put on your steak first? Jam or Cream?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
ALWAYS JAM FIRST ON EVERYTHING EVER

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:27, Reply)
you're getting fish and chips and that's it

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:19, Reply)
that's fine, i wouldn't ever knowingly participate in such a bent stupid made up day anyway

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:21, Reply)
Like Christmas and New Year eh!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:22, Reply)
i hate new year, but as a christian i believe jesus' birthday is a historical event and should be celebrated

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:23, Reply)
With Lammeta and Stockings just like in the Bible.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:25, Reply)
and eggnog

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
Thats what they used to call Myrrh.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:37, Reply)
YOUN A GAYSHA

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)
I'm the new b3ta mod

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:04, Reply)
bollocks.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:05, Reply)
I have a feeling, and I'm just guessing here, the McChinaman may actually be the new QOTW mod

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:07, Reply)
Good, perhaps this signals a new beginning for QOTW and the start of its revival.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:05, Reply)
He's just the pair of safe hands QOTW was calling out for

(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:09, Reply)
dear god, can you imagine the questions?
you have two pairs of red heels, one hotel room, and a jar of nutella. tell us about the depraved acts you would commit in there whilst watching the news.

you have been locked in a petshop over night. what do you "do" first?

hahaha this just reminds me of one of monty's finest moments - talking about shitty kids' jokes, and i went for the old "what do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?"

"dozer," monty promptly replied. lolololol.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:11, Reply)
one pair red, one pair pink

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)
are you some kind of weirdo?
Why would I want two identical pairs?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)
who says they are identical??
i have 3 pairs of red high heels. they are all different!

no pink ones though.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:17, Reply)
That's gone and put me right off my stroke.
Thanks.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:18, Reply)
they're all adult sizes anyway, soz

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:18, Reply)
^ has man's feet

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:29, Reply)
yes, because women's shoes don't come in adult sizes
you lentil curd freak
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:41, Reply)
I hear that he once got kicked out Ann Summers for asking if size 6-8 meant years.

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:30, Reply)
Every time my wife mentions the size of my kids clothes i.e. "This is 4-5 years"
I reply "Really, they look brand new"

Never gets old.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:35, Reply)
I'll use that with my wife.
For some reason she doesn't appreciate jokes like that.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:38, Reply)
Women eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:44, Reply)
to be fair
i don't think not appreciating "jokes" like that is unique to women
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:45, Reply)
Yes it is.

(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:47, Reply)
may i refer you to the post by our mutual learned friend mr light of the chains below
ner
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
Don't start eh Darlin'
Go stick 'kettle on or summit
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:48, Reply)
i'll stick it on your head

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)

Are you sure you wouldn't be happier on www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:46, Reply)
does the hotel room come with Sian Williams and Rachel Khoo?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:19, Reply)
you're the qotw mod, you set the question!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:20, Reply)
Khoo, Williams and Minogue

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:29, Reply)
Is it true about the bum thing? Do people really do that? I thought it was an urban legend.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)
dunno mate

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:17, Reply)
*MULTI FLOUNCE*

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:33, Reply)
Pretty good.
I murdered a mouse and the mrs won an employee of the year at a company awards thingie last night for being awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:20, Reply)
Anyone here who wins employee awards is usually blowing or fucking someone higher up.
Just sayin'
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:23, Reply)
In this case, I think it's probably because the company newsletter thing she writes
got picked up by a director in the States as being awesome.

Just sayin'. Kind of proud of her.

Edit: Not that I'm saying she isn't blowing or fucking someone higher up, you understand.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
As long as we agree that shes cheating on you then its all good.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Well, no doubt she'll get sick of slumming it after a while.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:48, Reply)
WHERE? There on the stair

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:34, Reply)
How did you kill the mouse?

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Cheapo Sainers mousetrap.
Took a few seconds for the frantic squeaking to stop, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:47, Reply)
Not really murder then is it.
Any intruders into your house are fair play.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
That's not what the law says.
Reasonable force only, no murdering.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
killing animals isn't classed as murder
you hippy
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
^ Self employed Doris haver

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:35, Reply)
I just went for a poo and when wiping discovered some undigested pepper skin lodged in my arsehole
Not cancer, you'll be glad to hear.
(I helped save b3ta! Muns, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:27, Reply)

pepper

fore
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:36, Reply)

pepper sweetcorn
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:42, Reply)
Oh Jeff.....it was bad enough BEFORE the strikethrough

(I helped save b3ta! Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:42, Reply)
+ SKIN

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:43, Reply)
Weak as I am.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:44, Reply)
Should I do my next course in London or Bristol?
I reckon Jeff should give me a second chance to turn up on time and sober. But then London has Stunned Poster, Lighty, Swipe, and CRAAAAAAANLY, AND I might get to meet Meatsnake!










Oh yeh and monty I spose
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:47, Reply)
And my girlfriend!

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
First I've heard of this....

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:52, Reply)
What? Lighty has a girlfriend????

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
he makes a fist with a hole in it and smears a bit of lipstick on his thumb

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
And then takes it out to dinner

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
What? Lighty has opposable thumbs????

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
Oh right, yeah. Nice.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
You hated me! I have never seen someone so desperate to get out of a pub before!
Oh ok, you too! And lightys girlfriend!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
You what? You guys left to get your train.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
I'm choosing to remember it my way where I look good.
In all seriousness I would very much enjoy a pint or three next time I'm up.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:03, Reply)
LONDON!!!
we can take you for afternoon tea..........

then jeff and mrsjeff can come and stay at ours and we can all go out. wooo!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
When did you and PJ get a place together?
I'm always the last to know things.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
It's a half place really

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
ssssh, meaty might be reading this

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
He's dating you so I assume he can't read.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
Can't we just come to Cornwall? (Because it's better there innit)

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
we could go in may, when the family are there
and then sneak off and meet the peejs
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:52, Reply)
No. We're going somewhere else in May

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
well ok but i want to meet little unicorn-wing and fairy-batter at some point

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:54, Reply)
i don't

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
Just me eh! Good choice.

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)

ir

nn
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
Yeh right, like I'd give my kid a stupid name like that!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
I would absolutely love it if you came to Cornwall

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:59, Reply)
Can we visit the Carn Brea Castle Restaurant for a one of a kind dining experience and meet Jordanian host Mr. Sawalha and his family?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:09, Reply)
On time and sober are vastly over rated.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
I know but I felt bad. I wasn't in the best shape and wasn't much fun

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:03, Reply)
And you were late and drunk.
Wayhay!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
VG

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)
I also go to London.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
It's probably some schoolgirl panties in a ziploc bag
Alt and AltAlt: I'm at work.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
Alt: sometimes I get uncomfortable maintaining the same position for too long.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
I'd have thought "child rape apologist" would be a pretty uncomfortable position even for a short time

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:03, Reply)
Yeah, but the pay's pretty good.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 11:05, Reply)
reviving this one too

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 13:11, Reply)

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