LUNCH!
Alt: Ten grand cash. If you had to blow ten grand in a day legally, what would you buy?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:53, 128 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

twenty thousand goes on your mum

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:55, Reply)

And with the change?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:56, Reply)

a powerful course of antibiotics and some germolene

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:00, Reply)

dunno, prolly invest it in a high risk FTSE100 index tracker fund

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:56, Reply)

I'd probably have a curry

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:58, Reply)

Your people have large families, so you would probably only be able to get poppadoms.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:59, Reply)

Stop preaching

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 May 2015, 11:59, Reply)

Am I in trouble
Deep(ak)?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:00, Reply)

big curved telly, new laptop, several pairs boots and trainers, 24 cases of Rio and a holiday to Italy.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:02, Reply)

Hope you don't misbook
And end up going to Rio with 24 suitcases and then trying to drink Italyl
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:04, Reply)

I tried to drink Italy once
I think I won on points
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:13, Reply)

I'd still have a good time

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:15, Reply)

I think you've exceeded the hypothetical 10k limit with the first two items

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:07, Reply)

£3k

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:09, Reply)

why do you hate Apple so much?

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:36, Reply)

dunno what ur talking about

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:39, Reply)

as usual, to be fair

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:05, Reply)

I went to Italy once, it was lovely but I found it too hot.

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:06, Reply)

I think I've just set some sort of record for bachelor cooking foodwrongness.
Cumberland sausages and bacon, fried and chopped, then added to cooked pasta with Uncle Ben's curry sauce and chilli sauce and garnished with a generous slathering of crispy onions.
( .Yeti., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:11, Reply)

Its Uncle Bens
Hallelujah its Uncle Bens!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:13, Reply)

Uncle Ben has just died.
No more Mr Rice-guy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:28, Reply)

I duuno, that doesn't sound too bad.
Bit early for lunch though: that is definitely foodwrong if that's your breakfast.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:13, Reply)

It's actually alright.
Could do with some mushrooms, but I didn't have any left. I'm also an hour ahead of all y'all so it's lunchtime over here.
( .Yeti., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:17, Reply)

I'm wondering in what countries you could possibly buy cumberland sausages and uncle ben's curry sauce.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:21, Reply)

It's a trick question.
I had the sausages imported. By my mum.
( .Yeti., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:22, Reply)

I bet she smuggled them in up her chuff even though she didn't have to.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:23, Reply)

In her special "importing pocket"

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:23, Reply)

You two should totes get a room or something.

( .Yeti., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:26, Reply)

plenty of room in your mums massive chuff

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:29, Reply)

It's had me whole head through it.
Can you imagine?
( .Yeti., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:33, Reply)

Yeah. I imagine it'd be a bit like what that naked bloke saw when he posed for the artwork on Therapy?'s Troublegum.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:49, Reply)

I'm now listening to a bit of Screamager with my lunch.
Happy memories.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:12, Reply)

alright gonz

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:34, Reply)

yuck

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:34, Reply)

My old housemate once had a mountain of pies, chips and beans then decided that wasn't enough so threw super noodles over the top.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:40, Reply)

Spend it on AVCs

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:14, Reply)

fund selections plz

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:19, Reply)

Aliens Vs Corbett FTW

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:22, Reply)

a new bass, loads of records and a car probably.
or, if we've not done the joke yet, 40,000 goes on your mum
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 13 May 2015, 12:17, Reply)

some really lovely new pans for the new kitchen
and a holiday
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:20, Reply)

a holiday, some new clothes for said holiday

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:21, Reply)

5000 lotto tickets

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:22, Reply)

a new ride on lawnmower. or drugs

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:22, Reply)

I want both.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:27, Reply)

have both

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:33, Reply)

Something about really good grass...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:30, Reply)

could be better, thinking of reseeding the whole thing and going strictly Alpine grasses.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:34, Reply)

I reckon mowing the lawn while bollocksed would be a bit rubbish

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:35, Reply)

I've done it while still pissed from the night before.
It's not fun.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:41, Reply)

my friend's dad bought one of those ride-on lawnmowers before anyone else had ever seen one and it was his pride and joy (in his defence he is stupidly mega-rich and his garden is more like a county)
it promptly got nicked. he bought another. it promptly got nicked. he built electronic gates to protect the third one. it tickled me to think of someone veeeeery sloooooooooowly getting away on the first two.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:04, Reply)

I bought a petrol mower
Self-propelled, electric start and everything. A ride-on would be overkill for my lawn
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:11, Reply)

My dad's got one of them.
It's a lot easier if you add some wire or elastic to hold the dead mans handle in.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:12, Reply)

Good point
Best not to have it running when removing the grass box though - tends to chuck grass everywhere. DAMHIKT
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)

Fucking lawnmower sprayed grass all over landscaping bark I'd just put down at the weekend.
I was so angry I killed a neighbours cat with a house brick.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:26, Reply)

I'd like a ride on mower, but have been told our lawn isn't big enough to warrant it.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:05, Reply)

I think I would even struggle to get it through the door of my council flat.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:10, Reply)

maybe if you let the horse out first and pushed the plasma telly to one side?

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:12, Reply)

Bin bags full of kid limbs do get in the way.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)

coming soon to bbc3 - serial killer housekeeper Xtreme

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:17, Reply)

On Benefits Street?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:22, Reply)

we've got one in France
with a mini plough attachment thing

It's basically a toy tractor brrrrrm brrrrrm!
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:15, Reply)

this is what I am talking about

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)

not just size that decides whether to have a ride-on

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:19, Reply)

only people with small penises think size isn't important

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:23, Reply)

Laziness?
Obesity?
Brain injury?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:28, Reply)

are these your standard tindr questions?

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:29, Reply)

tindr grindr
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:52, Reply)

Records, Posh Toaster, Blender, Food Processor and new knives.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:42, Reply)

b3ta, then shut it down

( $$ ✅, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:43, Reply)

the correct answer

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:44, Reply)

It'd be like one big mega deloltion.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:44, Reply)

and what would you do with the remaining £9,999.99?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 12:54, Reply)

Fried chicken, sweet potato mash and some green stuff.
Alt, new bike. The type with an engine. Or buy the wife something beautiful and thoughtful.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:03, Reply)

or you could pay off some of your dismal pub's crippling debts

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:05, Reply)

Nah, just go insolvency route.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:06, Reply)

I'll look out for the listing in the London Gazette

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:08, Reply)

Lunch is soup due to the stitches in my gums
10k? I'd probably a kit car restoration project. Or a load of guitar gear, possibly a load of guitar building gear.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:09, Reply)

A kitcar conversion is a good idea. What would you go for?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)

I'd like to get one that needs a bit of work
Maybe an abandoned Robin Hood build or a Westfield that needs some work. I'd even think about restoring a landrover
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:16, Reply)

I'd go for an old beaten up landie.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:18, Reply)

Schimitar

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:21, Reply)

Pigs to drive.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:23, Reply)

That's because they are brought to you by the good people that made the Reliant Robin.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:26, Reply)

The last generation robin had a top speed of about 90mph.
You'd have to have some bottle to try that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:44, Reply)

And have an endless supply of undercrackers in the boot. Did it even have a boot?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:46, Reply)

Ooh no!
Too much like hard work - a fibreglass body that old is a world of never-ending pain. Mechanicals wouldn't be too bad, I just wouldn't tackle one.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:25, Reply)

also, prone to overheating due to radiator being horizontal

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:42, Reply)

I thought fibreglass lasted forever.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:43, Reply)

Can delaminate/fade etc due to sunlight, impacts etc

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:47, Reply)

Modern glassfibre is better but still not immortal
60's and 70's is not good. In theory it should be weatherproof but stress-cracking, UV exposure, variance in build/fill/glass/epoxy quality mean it's a no from me!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:49, Reply)

I bet the epoxy winter nights fly by Chez Placid.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:52, Reply)

I'm a mine of information
Some useful on a daily basis, some useful on occasion, some you may only need once in a lifetime.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:54, Reply)

3000-4000 correctly priced salads.

( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:10, Reply)

ten grand children.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:12, Reply)

Paedo.

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)

Even Sian Williams is a grand child

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:15, Reply)

You're still a paedo with rape raisin eyes.

(Good evening Good evening, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:29, Reply)

Alright 'Kim Carnes'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:31, Reply)

Children cost a lot more than a grand, unfortunately.
Well, white ones do.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)

I reckon another couple of weeks and the price of Greek ones will have dipped to a few hundred
They're not super-white but a few months in the cellar should pale them up
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:16, Reply)

Fill them up with love piss.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)

love piss, bebbeh!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:31, Reply)

mine

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:38, Reply)

pfft.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:43, Reply)

I could get £10,000's rent on a safety deposit box and just put a note saying 'You're a cunt!' in it.
Then sling the key away. I'll sign it over to the person who pisses me off most without them realising it. Once the rent expires, they'll probably go in to retrieve the contents thinking that it contains something of worth. At which point the written message telling them that they're a cunt will be a revealed. The deposit box company will have a good laugh, and if it gets nicked then I'll just be calling the theieves cunts.
( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:18, Reply)

Won't that get you like a century for a safety deposit box, they're not that expensive.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:19, Reply)

it's a really massive sign

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)

With flashing lights that spell the message.

( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:25, Reply)

I'd rather convey that sort of message via marching brass band and a banner. 10g's would probably be enough to hook that up.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:27, Reply)

you can't go locking brass bands in boxes

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:29, Reply)

Morris dancers?

( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:30, Reply)

you're only allowed to lock them in pewter-lined willow baskets

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:31, Reply)

Once oil is discovered in North Korea, and they've been liberated
we can use their card flipping skills to spell it out.
( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:29, Reply)

Apparently they recently executed their defence minister, with anti aircraft shells. Lovely fuckers.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:34, Reply)

a blessed mercy I should imagine
they've previously executed people using flame throwers and hungry dogs.
(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:41, Reply)

I'm sure they probably deserved it.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:42, Reply)

One of them sniggered at his haircut and those peculiar collars on his suits.

(lol man river definite greek god, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:45, Reply)

like any good progressive police state would.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:45, Reply)

He fell asleep when he was supposed to be protecting Kim.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:42, Reply)

I'm sure the posh places will charge more than that.
It'll help with the ruse too.
( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:28, Reply)

i'll store it for you for that

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:38, Reply)

Half a storage box?

( Muns, Wed 13 May 2015, 13:58, Reply)