Draw up a chair
and settle into Thursday's thread.


( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:24, 342 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*draws up chair*
*settles in*

*twiddles thumbs*

Quiet this morning, eh?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:33, Reply)

Morning Al
I take it this is a physical site rather than a website you're talking about?!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Good morning, all!
I hope we're all well, today?

K26k, I hear you're a scientist? What level, what discipline and how geeky?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:39, Reply)

@Al
I advise packing a crowbar and bolt cutters.

@Stig. Morning. Yes, I'm a physicist. I work in materials science these days, which is sort of what my PhD was about.

Slightly geeky. But I still have enough social skills to talk to womencats.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:43, Reply)

Morning folks
My second (and last) day in the office this week.

Should probably make myself very busy really.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:45, Reply)

@K26k
Are you based in Jockland? Or Sassenachland?

I'm a chemist. BSc (passed with honours). I'm fluent in Inorganic, organic and analytical. Physical chemistry was my worst subject. I hated it!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:47, Reply)

@Stig
I am a true Jock, resident north of the border. Evidence of Caledonian-ness in my profile!

Good to have another scientist around here. Our numbers are growing.

I was crap at organic chemistry. I could never remember all the reaction kinetics and so on. Physics was much more logical to me, as you can work stuff out without having to remember it parrot fashion.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:49, Reply)

K26k
I think you're being harsh, there. Physics was no more than maths advanced, to me. As long as you remember the appropriate maths formulae, you're OK. Organic chemistry is a bit of a pig, but once you break through the initial barrier, you're fine. Inorganic is a doddle and analytical is my favourite! FT-IR? I'm mad for it!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 8:55, Reply)

*yawns*
Being back at work sucks!

Quiet today :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:01, Reply)

Each to his own, Stig!
I've forgotten much of what I learned anyway :(

I just had a look at my profile. What a load of nonsense! I really must clear it out sometime. It's like the cupboard under the stairs that you just keep putting junk into and closing the door, until one day the door no longer closes and you have to get in and throw lots of stuff out.

Edit - Morning, TGB.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:02, Reply)

Morning folks!
I'm hitch-hiking to Wiltshire on Saturday! Adventure!

I'm no scientist, but I get my head around atomic physics, quantum mechanics and lots of spacey stuff. Yes, that's a technical term :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)

I say
'tis rather chilly this morn.

Discuss.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Biology was always my strongest science
Although human biology was tough, but that may of been because I had the dullest lecturer know to man.

Hey k2k6
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:08, Reply)

I got my thermals out
for the first time since March. Damn they're sexy!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:11, Reply)

n03l
pervert.

I prefer the wearer ;)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:12, Reply)

I never got on with biology
maths and physics are much more sensible

apart from harmonic motion. that's just confusing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Morning, recent arrivals
@Ethel - no chillier than recently hereabouts. Still in double figures (Celsius) this morning.

@TGB - I never studied biology. My knowledge of human biology has been gained, er, empirically!

PS - It's may have been!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:13, Reply)

Ooh
Not even half nine and someone's already come onto me :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:15, Reply)

Science in general....
bores the pants off of me. Cars were always my first love.
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:18, Reply)

You been
watching people through their bedroom windows again k2k6?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:20, Reply)

@TGB
Of course not!

*coughs*

I meant it was more like 'on the job' training!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)

You paid for a hooker?
Bit extreme ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Morning!
Good morning my little lovelies!
How is everyone today? I am going crazy and turning down a job offer today and diving headfirst into the world of temping.
Aceness.
no3l - where in Wiltshire be ye hitchhiking to?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:22, Reply)

YEEEESSSS!!!!!
I've just scored an interview! Looks like it's time to dust down my suit, brush up my interview techniques and flash my best smile!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Final target
is Milton Lilbourne, south of Marlborough. Going to see a mate who's broke and ply him with cheap cider :)

Edit: 'on the job' just had me cackling :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Stig
Congratumalations!
I have to ring my old boss now and say thanks but no thanks.
aarg!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:27, Reply)

Hey Lucy :)
Good luck with the temping! It is quite hit and miss but at least if you don't like the job you can just leave!
Stig good luck with the interview!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:27, Reply)

thanks, all.
Lucy, what is the job you're turning down and why are you preferring temping? You can speak many languages, why not find work as an interpreter?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Good luck
to LvP and Stig!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Stig
I am turning down my old job in a coffee shop and gift shop as I already have it on my CV and it's not doing me any favours.
So I'm temping to get some admin experience and a weekly wage. Also, if I temp and finally get offered something in London I can up and leave and not need to give much notice.
I don't have any interpreting or translating qualifications. My plan is to work for a few years so I can finance a Masters in Translation!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Morning all!
How are doing this fine day?

/Amped up on coffee.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:33, Reply)

@TGB
Pfft!

Don't be daft. I'm Scottish. I'm more careful with my money than that!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:37, Reply)

*is wary of morning people*
Just been informed I will be cooking breakfast for four on Sunday morning. Lucky me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:37, Reply)

Is that for four people
or for 4 a.m.?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)

If it was 4am
I would have wrote 4am :p Or possibly 0400 if I was running on Military time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:39, Reply)

@k2k6
So you paid for a hooker after having watched her through her bedroom window to ensure she was good value for money?
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:40, Reply)

@Lucy
I don't mean to be the harbinger of doom, but it's extremely lean on the jobs market (I'm being made redundant) so grab whatever you can.



And before anyone else says it, yes, I know you can put a rude spin on that sentence, but I'm not like that.
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:41, Reply)

TGB
Nom nom nom nice breakfasts!
I like cooking big breakfasts for lots of people. Maybe I should just get a bed and breakfast!

That's another one to add to the B3ta business empire!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Morning all!
I'm working from home for a couple of hours this morning, before heading off to the Gramophone awards. V swish!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:43, Reply)

Morning all
espcially Stiggers - enjoy the football?
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Stig
I am all too aware of the crappy jobs market at the moment, I've been applying in London all summer. That's why I'm looking for temp stuff at home as well.
I rung my boss and she said if I change my mind I can go back so that's ok!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)

@The Stig
You just missed out - we had a vacancy for a test manager at our Nurburgring test centre a couple of months ago.

Sounds like a natural habitat for The Stig :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Well done LVP and The Stig!
And a good morning to everyone!

All i've had for breakfast today is a banana (forgot I had no bread or milk...), so all this talk of a cooked breakfast is making me salivate.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Biology
Is my favourite science.
(Bsc hons Zoology)

But then again, I never shut up about it, do I?
I've got a decent understanding of physics, and chemistry from a biochem point of view.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)

The Job Market
Is shit.

Except for recruitment consultants. There are hundreds of ads from recruitment agencies, recruiting recruitment consultants, but fuck all real jobs.

Hey Ho.

I'll go and do the laundry, then.


And to add to the sciency flava, Marine Biology/Applied Zoology.

Which has been about as much use as a spare nipple, BTW.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Kaol
I kept my promise :)
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

hey duckie
I need a job where I earn lots of money by being sarcastic, mean and not doing much....

I need to become Simon Cowell

edit: and hello everyone else that popped up whilst I was waiting for my incredibly slow internet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:50, Reply)

*ping*
*appears suddenly like Mr Ben's shop keeper*

god damn I'm bored this morning. Office bound again, same as every day.

Does anyone fancy paying me to travel round the country and have some actual contact with people?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)

@TGB
You need to be a board level director at any large company :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)

*reads*
well, I'm glad I work in the part of engineering industry that tries to protect us from flooding. we're not short of work!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:53, Reply)

hmm
*starts looking through BoardDirectorVacancies.com*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:53, Reply)

*frowns at vipros*
You people with your real-world-relevant degrees...

*graphic-designs bitterly*
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Don't worry Kaol
My degree is in Philosophy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Oh, ok :D
Could always be worse, I guess!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Good morning!
What industry are you looking at, osok? We carry a ton of advertising on our website for one particular industry, if you're in to Market Research then give us a look over.

Of course, that could be totally useless.

I used to be a recruitment consultant. Don't. Just... don't.

EDIT: I have a BA (Hons) in Theatre (Acting). See how my real life has bugger all to do with my degree! Marvel as I don't have the guts to try and be a professional actor! Wonder as I still work 9-5!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Kaol
At least we've got an 'ology'






(Apologies to M. Lipman)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Osok...
Yeah...

I like the fact more that if you know how an animal works, you can kill it easier :D

I loved doing human biology!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Hey DiT
I had to run for miles before losing John Anderson yesterday :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:03, Reply)

I didn't lose him...
In fact, he's standing behind me right now. Occasionally, he'll blow a whistle and shout 'Contenders Ready?' before climbing on my desk and dancing the macarena.

I think he's lost it a bit.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Morning all...
I have awoken with a worse hangover than usual today...

I was informed yesterday that my whole IT department is to be outsourced to HP. Meaning that by Jan 1st I will be forced to move from my current comfy B3ta filled job 2 minutes from my house, to a ...well...'fuck knows what I'll be doing' job in Tamworth or Solihull - which is cocking miles away.

Everybody around me is utterly miserable. It's the uncertainty that's the worst thing. I've only been here 6 months ffs.

EDIT: Sorry for bringing the morning down and all that :(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:09, Reply)

Ah!
The Macarena!

My drummer called his uncle a couple of weeks again.

He said that there was a massive amount of background noise, and he couldn't hear what his uncle was saying properly.

Then his uncle said "I'll just turn the music down".

As the volume dropped, my drummer could clearly hear that he'd been blasting out The Macarena.

While sitting at home.

Who does that?
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

Pooflake
that sucks dude.

uncertainty is a killer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:13, Reply)

@Pooflake
That's very poor. What do brown sauce companies know about computers anyway?

Edit@Captain V (from way up there ^^). Yes, got it in one.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:14, Reply)

*hugs Pooflake*
That's rubbishy. But you get to see me next week! Lucky lucky you! :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:14, Reply)

*hugs poof*
That's rubbish, sorry to hear that :(

Also, thanks for putting a downer on my Macarana story :p
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:15, Reply)

Pooflake
That's shit.

Solihull wouldn't be too bad for you - it's an easy-ish drive (depending what side of the city you're on) from Cov (but certainly not 2 minutes away).

Tamworth would be a fucking nightmare.

It's the uncertainty that's the worst though. Hope you find out something more concrete soon - at least you can start planning around it then.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:16, Reply)

@ Vipros...
I know...they've tried to do the right thing by letting us know as soon as they heard, but it has now just started three months of worry for everybody.

If only I had an 'ology' like you lot...I'm as thick as a welshman's cock and only blagged this job through interview charm and general bullshit.

*calls home to tell kids Christmas is cancelled*

@All - thanks for hugs etc. I am on the wrong side of the city for Solihull too...and I did crack the brown sauce joke at the announcement yesterday...strangely, I didn't get many laughs.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Sorry to hear that Pooflake
I hate how companies can play with their employees so complacently.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:17, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Kaol, Wookiee has a Macarena story! Ask him next time you see him.

*prepares to be shouted at by Wookiee*

Pooflake, how crappy.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)

Brown Sauce?
Explanation for ignorant non-locals?
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:22, Reply)

HP, Kaol
As In Hewlett Packard. Or sauce.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Sorry to hear the Pooflake
Hope it all comes good for you.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:24, Reply)

I don't have an 'ology
jobs in civil engineering are fairly abundant though.

My sympathy goes out to all of you with job difficulties. I can't properly imagine how shit it is.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:25, Reply)

Oh, I see...
*feels stupid*

Well...
At least I'll be able to buy you a pint next weekend, for all the good it'll do :p
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:25, Reply)

Pooflake
I don't have an "ology" either.

I do have the girth though - but it's bad bad news, I'm really sorry to hear it. If there's anything in particular you do I can keep my eyes and ears open for anything opening up.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

I'm back.
Just been talking to my boss about this interview (need time off work).

Rubberduck.....arrrgghhh! I would have sexually assaulted a donkey for that job (for the record, you don't want to know how serious that last statement was!)

@pooflake. Sorry to hear that, man. I got told at the end of Feburary than my site was to be shut down (hence, the job hunting). It was a cushy number as well. 15 minutes from my home, lots of time at a computer, etc
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:30, Reply)

I'm a generalist IT bod...

Who has done a bit of everything but is an expert on nothing.

I could always put my business plan into operation...

I had this brilliant idea about building bungalows for dwarfs...

There's just one tiny flaw...

baddum tish

/coat

*fails at attempt to brighten mood*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Work in Health and Safety
Where all the cool people are :D

haha Poof I did laugh at that :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave till his Bill Withers.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Poof
That made me laugh :(

TGB, I agree. You have to be awesome to work in H&S...
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)

Yes...
Work in Health and Safety.

You'll be able to do all sorts of cool stuff like doing a risk assessment to make sure that a wayward engine doesn't roll onto your foot.

*runs*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)

H&S
I used to work in Health & Safety for the NHS. I got to go around and assess workplaces, which was dull until i got into theatre. They let me spend the afternoon watching an amputation!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

*cries*
Duckie it is a well known fact that people that work in H&S are the most unsafe people in their own homes :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

You deserve a medal for that one rubberduck
*hides behind miscellaneous inconspicuous collection of engines*
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

I've never had an
Unsafe thing happen to me.
I guess I'm not H&S properly any more though...
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Kaol
all your unsafe activities happen to others :-P

Pooflake: that joke is excellent. I sent it to my manager. It's always nice to see someone across the room develop a big grin and shake their head :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)

@TGB
It's an equally well-known fact that mathematicians are crap at counting up in restaurants :(
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)

H&S eh? – I’ll take anything

*reeks of desperation*

As mentioned above, it’s the uncertainty that’s killing me at the mo.

Already I’ve heard baseless rumours that I might be able to stay here, and that HP encourage working from home, or even that I might get a promotion out of it. But bog-diddly-all is set in stone, and as one of those people that nothing ever works out for, I’ll just sit in mindless pessimism.

Then again, HP are a more reputable company for my CV. It’s better to say I work for one of the biggest IT companies in the world than say I work for a drug dealer that used to be called Gehe – which was pronounced ‘Gayer’.

Drugs and IT – I thought I had a job for life!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

@TGB
No. It's a well known fact that people who design bits for cars are the most unsafe in their own homes.

Consider the evidence:

- Scraping some old wallpaper off the wall - 8 stitches in left hand

- Opening a can of paint - 3 severed tendons in right hand and 17 stitches

- Demolishing a conservatory - 8 stitches along the jaw

- Connecting a trailer to a car - loss of all the skin on one knee.

- Attaching a new magnetic catch to a wardrobe door - drilled a hole all the way through left thumb. 3 stitches.

I'm officially full of DIY fail.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Hahaha!
Did you try and open the tin of paint with a bear?

Or a chainsaw strapped to a nailbomb?
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:52, Reply)

No..
A knife.

Not a Kaol-style machete.

A normal, blunt, crap table knife.

The paint tin was fairly well stuck, so I was pushing hard with the knife, which was working great until my hand slipped and ran down the blade while still gripping with all my force.

It's a weird sensation having a hand that's half paralysed and doesn't work any more.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

Rubberduck (or should I say 'Lucky')
With that track record, they actually let you drive big shiny expensive things?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

@rubberduck
Do me a favour? Stay away from my house, ok?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)

@rubberduck...

It's for those reasons that I never partake in any sort of DIY activity.

I let the wife do it and get injured instead :)

*Accepts 'man of the year' award*

*cries*

*starts rambling acceptance speech*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:58, Reply)

The wallpaper
scraper injury is the best!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Wow!
I had no idea that you could do so much damage with a table-knife.

I like that idea :D
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 10:59, Reply)

100?
EDIT: Hell yeah!

Also: The only one of those that made me feel funny was the skinless knee.

I really should consider a career in medicine...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

Morning all
That's one of the most impressive lists I've seen in a while Rubberduck.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

I'd love a career in medicine
Well... Autopsy.
I'd be so good at it :D
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Full on officelol
@ Opening a can of paint with a bear.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Himjim
All that, and more, on Kaol's Exciting Leam-Bash Extravaganza :p
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)

Kaol
You're a bit too keen on autopsy; you're supposed to wait until they've died...
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)

The advantage of all this
Is that I have a rather impressive collection of scars, which tends to make people think twice before doing something to annoy me :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)

kaol
as long as you were in no way involved in the persons death that would be a good job for you :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Well...
I've finished hand-drawing my six signs for hitch-hiking on Saturday and the return on Sunday... it's actually quite an easy route. If anyone sees a guy with glasses and a slight paunch wearing a blue teeshirt, holding an A4 drawing pad with black lettering on it, stop and pick me up :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)

By the way...
Who's heading off to Loon's bashette tonight? what time will you be getting there?

I will be there at approximately 7pm, and will stay for around an hour.

FEAR ME!

Does some minor level gladiation.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)

I'm looking forward to it
a lot Kaol. I'm sharpening my blades wit as we speak.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)

*panics*
Pathology report:
25/9/08.

Subject has extensive lacerations, bite-marks on the liver and kidneys and is missing most of their blood.

Research into their medical records shows that they were in hospital to have an appendectomy.
They vanished from outside the operating theatre whilst fully sedated.

Conclusion:
Cause of death was pre-mortem autopsy.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

I am bashing tonight!
Not sure what time I'll arrive, but will be there by 7pm.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

I am actually starting to
fear for my life with all this talk of knives :(

Woo 28 second refresh time on the OT thread. My work really needs to sort out the "broadband"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Knives are lovely
Examples of a master-cutler's work, vision, imagination and technical ability.

Plus you can cut 'things' with them.

Squealing, struggling 'things'.

Screaming, convulsing, spraying, edible 'things'.

Ahem.

*takes happy pill*

*ignores voices*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:17, Reply)

People are
"things" too :)

*looks slowly around the office*

*grins*
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Also,
bulletproof and stab proof vests? Riiiiight.

Go under the armpit V_V
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Himjim
Or inner thigh, hit the femoral artery, game over in no time.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:24, Reply)

Jim...
Or the face :D
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:25, Reply)

^Too right.
Mrs Devil's Dad, ex-military and armed response police, says that if you get shot under the arm while wearing a bullet proof vest, the bullet can actually bounce around inside you and do a tonne of damage.

It's a small chance, but a chance nonetheless!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:25, Reply)

Inner Upper Arm
Nice big brachial artery.

Apparently.


Edit: Bullet Resistant Vest. No such thing as bulletproof yet.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:27, Reply)

True dat DiT
Like shooting people in the head with a .22 rimfire rifle.
The bullet will go in, but won't have enough force to come out, it'll just bounce around inside causing massive head trauma.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)

Jim...
Been reading Max Brooks? :)
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)

Nope
just googled him - does he write about shooting Zombies? I got that nugget from an article about the first Finnish School shooting!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Yeah, he
Wrote The Zombie Survival Guide.
I recommend it!

Ah... Finland... *shakes head*
Still, crazy Virginia Tech kid is winning.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:33, Reply)

Himjim
He does.

I thoroughly recommend getting the Zombie Survival Guide, and then Year Z.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:33, Reply)

*scared*
I think I may actually be busy next weekend...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:34, Reply)

The much-maligned .22 rimfire
Will penetrate Kevlar better than a lot of 'Magnum' rounds, and has a proven lethal range of about a mile in the right circumstances (naturally, a Septic shot someone 'by accident').
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Year Z?
Not "World War Z"?

Also... What does "rimfire" actually mean?
I makes me laugh a little bit...
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

Rimfire
Made me chuckle too.

I have no idea about firearms. I can tell a shotgun from a rifle from a handgun, but that's about it.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Kaol
(a) the primer for larger calibres (centre-fire) is contained in a separate cap in the centre of the base of the cartridge, the firing pin hits that and off you go. The .22 is a bit tiddly for that so the primer compound is sealed withing the external rim of the cartridge, and the firing pin strikes the rim, and bang.

(b) what you get after too much mexican food
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:40, Reply)

Kaol
Ah yes, World War Z, i was getting confuzzled with Year Zero, the NIN album...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Magnum rounds
are pretty crap really, they really only exist because they can. Granted they'll put someone down, but you're much better off with a .45.

Edit: I'm talking about the stupid .50 pistol rounds here, the .357 and .308 rifle cartridges are useful for hunting.

Edit2: Where do they sell these crazy books? Places like Forbidden Planet?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Himjim
The .45 (I assume .45 ACP) is fine at close range, does very bad things to whoever it hits, but the muzzle velocity isn't much cop.

A .357 Magnum (which is just a beefed up .38 Special) will outrange it, and crack an engine block apparently but is really too long to fit into a semi-automatic, which is why short fat rounds like the 9mm Para, .40, and .45 still survive.

(Ignoring such sillies as the .44 Automag and .44/.50 Desert Eagle as you needs wrists of steel and they weigh about as much as a Range Rover)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Waterstones
I was flicking through the zombie guide in there a while back. I have to walk past there when I go to town I'll have a look :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Yeah
I was thinking more along the lines of I'd rather have more bullets at a closer range - if I had my choice I'd be on a roof/hill/hide with an AI AWR :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Himjim
I'll bring my copy along if you wanna have a look!

I think you can get it from comic shops.

Osok, cheers for the info :)

I don't know all that much about guns (apart from shotguns, haha!).

If I was to have a handgun, I'd want a Colt .45 revolver. With hollow-point bullets.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:57, Reply)

I'm back
And am trying desperately not to fall into a pit of despair.

What's happening people? I'm at a bit of a loose end today. Not quite sure what to do.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:58, Reply)

I enjoy firing guns at static targets
but I could not and will not ever fire at a human being. Unless it was a life or death situation, of course, but I doubt one of those will ever present to me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 11:59, Reply)

@DiT
Why only an hour?

@Clendrix,

If you're still there........naff off!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:01, Reply)

I agree, Jim.
For all the jokes about shooting someone, I'd rather not.
Unless I had to.

Stig, because he doesn't want to see you for too long, just in case :p
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Hi Lucy
The two people who know where I live (or will do) are talking about guns and knives and generally maiming things :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Hey Lucy
I feel the same - got nowt to do. So bored and the day's just dragging. Feel very *meh*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

TGB
Oh no! Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be nicely behaved around you!
Won't you boys?
*looks stern*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

@Kaol
Yeah, you'd far rather use a knife, wouldn't you?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

Post your best
jokes then.

Or I'll think of a QOTD.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

QOTD
If you could eliminate any country off the face of the earth, who would it be and why?

N.B: This question is all theory. I do not endorse mass genocide!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:06, Reply)

Lichtenstein
Cunts!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:07, Reply)

I'm rubbish at jokes
And the only one I really know has already been said, the Bill Withers one.
BK - it is a meh day isn't it? I was quite chipper this morning but it's all gone downhill from there.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:07, Reply)

@Stig
To clarify - are we actually physically destroying the country, or just killing all of its people?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Vatican City
/Cunts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Mr. K
Exactly :)

There's something special about seeing the sparks go out in somebodies eyes :)

IN OTHER NEWS:
This looks fucking exciting!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7634927.stm
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:09, Reply)

@k26k
The country and its people. That way it represents the worst of the worst.

i.e I'd love to eliminate the United States, but I do know a few nice americans, hence it stays.
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:10, Reply)

If we're talking about physically removing the country from the globe
I'd say Switzerland. I reckon it'd make Europe look aesthetically better. It'd be like having a pond in the middle =)
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:11, Reply)

@ Lucy
Same here. I've been asked why I haven't placed a particular order by someone.
"We told you to set the account up 3 weeks ago"

My response,
"I told you we needed the product and the quantity to do this. How can I order when you don't tell me what the fuck you want?"

Cunts
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:12, Reply)

well...
BGB and I are on.the train to London now. Wi-fi on a train is cool!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:12, Reply)

I'd get rid of America
Then everyone else would play nicely.

EDIT: Sorry Loon :(
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:12, Reply)

Kaol
It's just a good thing I don't live there anymore isn't it :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Well...
Collateral...
Sacrifices have to be made and all that :)

But you're lucky, yeah.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:14, Reply)

South Africa
because...

*sings*

I've never met a nice South African...

(you young uns won't remember that)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:15, Reply)

I'd eliminate.....
Germany. I hate the country, I hate the people, I hate "logical to an illogical end" attitude and I hate their cars (Volkswagens are rubbish, Toyotas are much better, more reliable and cheaper). As much as I love "Black Forest Gateau" it's not enough to save it.

Belgium comes a close second.

@K26k

and that's not bloody surprising man! Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b******s, with no sense of humour! ;O)
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:15, Reply)

BK
Arseholes the lot of them! Let that be your consolation.

I'm so bored I may well tidy my room in a minute. That is desperate isn't it?

Hi BGB and Loon!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:15, Reply)

But Stig...
What about the Nurburgring and the Autobahns :-(

I was going to vapourise France, until I wondered where I'd get my next supply of cheap wine from.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:16, Reply)

@ K2
Spitting Image!

Edit: I'm only 22 ;-)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:16, Reply)

Belgium would be a good candidate
except for two things:

Spa-Francorchamps racetrack, and Belgian chocolate.

The rest of the country's crap.

Edit@himjim & Stig - That's the one!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:16, Reply)

That is desperate Lucy
In other news, the dutch guy at work walked past and I thought of you and giggled, much to his bemusement.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:17, Reply)

^K2k6
I remember!

(Ever your friend when it comes to oldie stuff.)
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:18, Reply)

@ Rubberduck
it's not enough to save it!

They eat sauerkraut for goodness sake!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:18, Reply)

BK
Ah my fellow countrymen...
I still don't get the dutch thing! But it's nice to know people think of me.

I shall start moving the mess around my room and see if it ends up any tidier!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Hey!
I like sauerkraut!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Ummm... yeah
I like sauerkraut in the right circumstances. It's lovely in Polish Bigos for instance
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

@Stig
Cos I have to go to Cumbria dead early tomorrow morning for a wedding so I need to go home and pack!

Also, I don't know what country I would remove. I don't think I'd remove any.

Re: Shooting (from way up there) I enjoy shooting at Clay Pigeons, the bastards. I've never shot an animal though.

EDIT: Hang on - no Germany, no Audi. No Audi, no Lambo. Germany stays.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

I thought you might, clendrix
Didn't know you were still here though!

@Kaol - ever tried kimchi? It's the Korean version of sauerkraut. Only nastier.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

I'd get rid of Solihull and Tamworth :(

in fact, lets make it all of Birmingham.

Sure, my 'Country-Destroying' gun would need to be 'toned down' a little - perhaps Himjim & Kaol could assist with the modifications?

Hi Loon, BGB and all newcomers to the thread!

*waves*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

@ Lucy
I'm sat surrounded by paperwork I can't do anything with til folk get back to me, and if they can't be bothered I'm not going out of my way to sort them.

Cunts.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

K2k6
I always try to pop up when needed.

Kimchi is horrible. Really horrible.

^Hello BK! You sound chipper today!
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)

Poof...
I dunno how to make things LESS kill-tastic :(

If we're allowed to destroy areas, I'd blow Surrey to fuck.
I hate Surrey.

Also, I've never had Kimchi.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:23, Reply)

BK
Can I suggest growling at some people? I often try to growl when I'm angry but I make such a pathetic little noise that I get the giggles instead.
It might help.

Or not. If not, have a cuppa. mmmmm.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:24, Reply)

@DiT
Get yourself an imagination and buy a Jaguar instead of an Audi and get an Aston Martin instead of a Lamborghini!

Germany is toast!

re: the kimchi. It's nice! Very piquant, but nice. I tried in it a South Korean restaurant in Los Angeles and next door (absolutely true) was a pet shop!

I just stuck to the vegetable dishes!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:24, Reply)

Noon
Hmpf.
Continuing the job crapness theme, I got woken up today by a call from the boss of the job that I started yesterday telling me that actually, he can't give me the job after all.
I am annoyed. I have been spending money on the basis that I would be working and get paid in a couple of weeks. And the fact that I worked four hours yesterday before he told me this royally fucks up the benefits I could have claimed. GRR

DiT, if you're passing feel free to call in for a brew.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Vatican City is a great suggestion
My choice would have to be UAE, because I'm jealous of people with money.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:26, Reply)

To lighten the mood
here's a (rather old) joke that I found lying around on a Unix machine.



A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says "Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads "Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the tin of treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, you cunt."
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:27, Reply)

OMG!
K2k6 used the word 'cunt'.

You're a sick man, K.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Hahaha!
The old person said a bad word!
:O
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)

@k2k6
Thanks for that. Made me chuckle and has cheered me up after an unpleasant meeting with HR.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)

@ clenders & Lucy
I am growling a bit. Just waiting for the fireworks from a very snotty email I sent.

*hugs both*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)

See, you should never overuse sweary words
I only bring such things out on rare occasions, for maximum impact.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)

I've got one
Stop me if you've heard it...

A man is walking along the street and sees a guy with no arms or legs at a bus stop. He calls to him "hey mate! how're you getting on?"
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)

Did you hear
about the drugs scandal at the Paralympics?

One of the athletes tested positive for WD40.

/Hull
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)

How difficult is it...

To distract a fattie?

It's a piece of cake!

*shames*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Oh dear
People are a little unhappy today.
*affectionately squeezes everyone*

There we go. That's a bit better.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

I was checking in to a hotel the other day
And the guy in front of me said "I do hope that the porn channel is disabled."

It's sick what some people are into nowadays.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@ Pooflake
Would that be your famous cake a la jizz?

*liked that story*

*edit* @ LM
That's hilarious!

@ Lucy
I'm just bored. *squeezes back*

*rotates*
That's better!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@LVP
It's been a long time since I was squeezed by a posh Dutch person.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:38, Reply)

Thanks BK...

I'd almost forgotten about that post.

I have the memory capacity of a Guppy fish.

Who am I again?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:39, Reply)

Well,
I'm reliably informed that the QOTW will be closing soon.

But don't worry! There's still time to vote for the best stories.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

I'd get rid of America too, actually.
At the moment I'm more than a little steamed with both the government and the financial system. Besides, eliminate the US and I could stay over here!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

*oooooOOOooh*
Watch out for that handbag, Stiggy! *has plenty of imagination, thank you*

Nothing wrong with Audis at all. I don't have one, but there we are.

Still, as long as you leave my beloved Alfa Romeos alone we're all square.

@Fuzzy: Where are you, then?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Cap'n V
Well it's a rare treat. So enjoy it!

Al - Ha. That made me laugh.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:44, Reply)

@ Kaol...
Shame on you for pimping your post

Edit: @Al - spluff resistant won't do any good...I had full my spluff-proofs on when I met him and BGB still hasn't managed to remove the stain from her kitchen wall...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:47, Reply)

@DiT
There's plenty wrong with Audis. The last-generation Audi A4 (particularly in S-line spec) is one of a very small number of cars that I refuse to drive. It seems to have some sort of weird anti-compromise with the suspension settings, possessing neither anything approaching good handling nor any degree of comfort. It's the only car I've ever driven for 40 miles on a stretch of modern motorway and alighted feeling carsick at the end due to the constant jiggling and twitching.

I've driven most of the cars on the market today, and I can honestly say I'd rather drive a DaewooChevrolet than an Audi.

Shit. I'm talking about cars again.

*beats self repeatedly with propshaft*

( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:47, Reply)

^
Another stroke of sartorial brilliance, there!

EDIT: Stop it already! I like Audis, so ner!

(Also, my boss just bought an R8 and says I can drive it, and as that's as close as I'm going to get to a posh car for a few years I'm takling what I can get!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)

@Kaol
Kaol. Hello!
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:50, Reply)

Hi!
That was a bit odd, Capt'n V, but... *waves*

*backs away*
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:51, Reply)

*returns*
hmm countries to blow up...

The isle of man, bunch of inbred fuckers. /personal grudge.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:51, Reply)

It was a belated response
To your Hello to me somewhere up there.

:edit: Kaol you git. You deleted the post I was responding to. Now I look silly.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:52, Reply)

What post?
You weirdo!

Stay back!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Yeessss!!!!!
Cars and mass genocide! Aren't you glad I arrived at B3ta?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Stig...
Not really...
You were OK, 'til I found out that you're Saff Affrian.

:p
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Kaol
I'm not a "saffa"! I'm British! Well....barely!
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:01, Reply)

Oh
Well in that case, I may well put my tongue in your mouth.
If you've not been touching a Yarris.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Stig
Are you only British when you're bare?
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)

I come back from lunch and
return to this O_o
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)

@ clendrix
Have you been at the aphrodisiacs or something in the last few days?

Everything's been nudiness and showers and bum love with you recently!

*flex*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:09, Reply)

To be fair
I've spent most of the last week or so hornier than a triceratop gang bang (if such occurences ever took place in the Cretaceous).
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Jim you could have come
back from lunch to find Kaol's tongue in your mouth
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:13, Reply)

@BK
So, do you have a problem with clendrix having teh horn?

No, didn't think so!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

@K2
Not at all. Wouldn't begrudge anybody their natural urges.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

Eh?
What's with all the tongues in mouths and bare men and flexing all of a sudden?

I always miss the best bits!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:20, Reply)

Oh dear...
I can't deny that my recent posts have been rather saucy.

I need therapy.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Anyone looking forward to tonight?
Or is it just me?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)

It smells....
Of arousal in here....
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:22, Reply)

Therapy, clendrix?
Or just a good shag?

*lowers tone to normal levels*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

I'm looking forward to tonight
But I'm not going to the bash ='[
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

Hi GotW
I have to agree, there's been a lot of sexual tension in the air recently...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

Hello LM
It does seem that way.

I take it there is a meet up tonight of some sort.

So would it be 'a spluff of b3tans'?
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:24, Reply)

Mmm...a good shag sounds nice.
Stig, my bed-mate and I were gossiping and giggling until 3am and then Upstairs woke us up at 7am, so although I'm looking forward to tonight, I'm scared I'll be asleep before the end. Please prod me with whatever's to hand if you see me slumped in the corner.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:25, Reply)

@LM
You might be right.

*pre-spluffs*

*rotates*

*edit* Clendrix
Nowt wrong with being slumped in a corner at a B3ta bash!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:28, Reply)

A spluff of b3tans
That's a great collective noun!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:32, Reply)

Hello everybody.
I'm looking forward to tonight as well, and I've got tomorrow off.

There does seem to be a large amount of sexual tension in the air at the moment and not just here. I'm wondering why now, surely it should be in the spring!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:33, Reply)

@ Clendrix
I can smash a pint glass over your head, will that keep you awake?
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:34, Reply)

Stig
Super! Thank you!
*buys protective headwear*

Hello Dok, you drunken bum!
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:37, Reply)

Clendrix
Errrrmm how can I put this.....

You have asked to be prodded with "what ever's to hand".

While in a comatose state.

While surrounded by drunken B3tans.

"Prodded"

Oh dearie, dearie, me.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:43, Reply)

@Miss Drixy
Me a drunken bum? I resemble that comment!

How ya doin'?

All QOTWers have to have a fun night tonight! That's Herr Doktors order!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:44, Reply)

Al
You must have seen that Southpark episode!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

Real ale enemas, Al.
Afternoon all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:46, Reply)

Wookie
That would be a waste of good drink!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Real ale enemas?
For some reason, I'm thinking:

2 blokes, one pint.

*bokes*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:49, Reply)

osok
It's the resulting photographs on flickr I'm scared about!

Edit: Dok, you're a skilled drunken bum.
Edit: Oh, another drunkard - hello W.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Ahhh, Clendrix has reminded me....
I don't like my photo being taken. So, if anyone takes a photo, let me know, so I can move away.

Many thanks. :O)
(The Stig, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:52, Reply)

BK
Your mind needs to be washed in bleach for that comment!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:54, Reply)

@ Dok
Yup.

*syringes ears with mind bleach*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:55, Reply)

Sexual tension?
I think so.

If I was in London tonight, I'd fuck the city to dust and ash.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:57, Reply)

Oh Kaol
That is a lovely image. You are a master of eroticism.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)

Kaol
Then thank god you're not.
*locks gate to London, just in case*
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:00, Reply)

As I held his quivering tumescent member
Kaol erupted like a nuclear bomb, spraying a mushroom cloud of spam juice into the sky of London, covering everyone in 10 mile radius instantly.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:00, Reply)

random rant
Despite being a clumsy muthafucka I have changed wiper blades before, but never on a Renault.

I'M GOING TO TAKE THE OLD ONES OFF WITH AN AXE. I don't think there's any other way. "Depress the locking clip", my ring.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:01, Reply)

Kaol
I can think of no worthier city to fuck to dust and ash than our capital.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Hello Crack
Having a nice day?
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:03, Reply)

Good :D
That'd be a hell of an evening...

Next stop: Royal Leamington Spa.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:04, Reply)

Anyone
want to help me do the same to Leeds?

*is frustrated*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:05, Reply)

Uh-oh
*puts on Cagoule*

*quivers*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Hello clendrix et al.
Nope.
I mean, my day is okay - I went out for breakfast and had a chocolate croissant, so it ain't all bad, but I can't budge those old wipers and I'm ready to wrench them off. I think my neighbours must be watching me out their windows, muttering "numpty...".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)

BK
You just want someone to grab your bits. I know your game.

@Crack - then it seems like an axe is your only option - but let us know how it turns out.
*has a pretty good idea*
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)

@ clendrix
I'm not that transparent!

*lies*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

@CHCB
You can do it. I have. It requires some cunning, good 3D visualisation skills, brute force and a little bit of luck.

You will have to apply a lot of force to get the old ones off, as they usually rust into place.

And you will cut your fingers on the sharp edge of the hook on the wiper arm, when the old blade suddenly gives way. So buy some sticking plasters first.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

Cagoule?
Hahahaha!

I love that vision...

A Cagoule in a glass case...
"Break in case of Furious Sexual Doomsday Scenario"
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:07, Reply)

I need to borrow an axe from someone
*shouts*
KAOL????

Edit: @K2k6 - I have woeful 3D visualisation skills, which is unfortunate for someone who makes her living carrying out computer graphics research.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Yeah?
I'd recommend a hammer.
Or a machete.

I don't have an axe to hand.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:09, Reply)

@Kaol
can I borrow your machete then please?

I'll clean the blood off it before I give it back.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:11, Reply)

My last attempt.
www.b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/post253497
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:12, Reply)

@CHCB
Speaking of such things - I've just been trying to update the graphics card driver on my boss's elderly (but new to him) PC. And I've failed.

I think the graphics system actually consists of a small elf with a collection of 16 coloured pencils drawing on the inside of the monitor.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:12, Reply)

Himjim
I knew what was coming after reading the subject line. You deserve a spanging for making me laugh and remembering how long it'll be before the next series of Doctor Who.

:edit: Dammit k2k6 you as well! Stop making me laugh people!
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:13, Reply)

@CHCB Then you will be giving it back
cleaner than you are likely to get it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:13, Reply)

graphics cards
are only necessary for people into high-end gaming. Everyone else should make do with monochrome or, at the very most, the MS Paint palette. When I was young we didn't have all these fancy schmancy graphics processors. We were lucky if we even got to see a bitmap once a year. Computer users these days don't know they're born. Give them all etch-a-sketches, I say!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Aye but
trying to run Google earth under OpenGL emulation is so slow you'd be quicker to walk to the part of the planet you want to see and take a picture!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:16, Reply)

*grins*
So... I don't have to clean the hooker off the machete first?
Cool :D

*hands over*
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:17, Reply)

CHCB
I read your first post today as "Depress the locking clit."

It must be the exploding Kaol that did it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Yay!
*Avoids direct skin contact with dead hooker fluids*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:18, Reply)

Well, fuck it.
If the world's gonna end, I want it to be me that does it.

Fuck global warming.
Fuck asteroids.
Fuck nuclear war.

Give me a big enough knife and I'll cut this fuckin' planet in half.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)

Depressing the locking clit
is for Wednesday afternoons, and those have tailed off in favour of anytime-sex.

(But obviously sometimes I like to pretend I'm having verbose online masturbation sessions when really I'm just having straightforward mindblowing sex.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:20, Reply)

I now have a mental image
of CHCB attacking her wee Clio with a bloodstained machete, in a manner reminiscent of a more vitriolic Basil Fawlty!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:21, Reply)

@Kaol
But only with a really big knife and a really long arm.

You'd need to get a long way ayaw first.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:23, Reply)

it's true
I haven't bonded with the Clio yet. It's not a bad wee car, but I don't feel the inappropriate love for it that I felt for the Mk2 Polo.

I watched an old episode of Minder the other night and it was 80s car heaven for me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:24, Reply)

Yeah...
I like the idea of having a metal bar in orbit, with rocket thrusters.

Then flying it around the earth, at hyper-speed, a few metres above the ground.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Oh Al...
Is there no sexual situation you can't imagine?

I honestly thing you're blessed with one of the most vivid imaginations. Ever.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)

dammit, al
it's like you can read my mind.

*borrows goat*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Yeah
and I look like Bert's Auntie Sandra, and she's hot if you like incest.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:35, Reply)

I must need caffeine
I merged two of CHCB's posts, so in my mind she was blowing Minder in a mk2 Polo.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:36, Reply)

^
tis possible, if I had a copy of J.G. Ballard's Crash in one hand and some pumping tunes on the crappy little radio.
Edit: but while I was doing it I'd be thinking about the car.
Edit: and al, obviously.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:37, Reply)

We've been through that, al!
Don't make me use my messianic powers for evil rather than good!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:39, Reply)

That's probably it al
Or I might have seen pictures in one of my recent cases.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:40, Reply)

You're all getting smited.
Smited, I tell thee.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:41, Reply)

I've just eaten garlic
So i'd prefer to be sminted.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:42, Reply)

My powers have increased somewhat
since I teamed up with Jesus. He's got the flowing robes n'all.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Caffeine?
I'm buzzing like a fridge-full of hornets this afternoon.

A double espresso, 5 shots of whisky and a can of Relentless.
And some cigarettes.

:D
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:42, Reply)

No!
300!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

CHCB & Jesus?
Surely the World's most fearsome fighting team!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Wouldn't the fact
that the hornets were in the fridge calm them down a bit, Kaol? I thought insects got a bit sluggish in cold weather.

But I may be wrong. And I'm undoubtedly being excessively pedantic.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:45, Reply)

This is
A BROKEN fridge.
The heat pump is reversed.

Yeah, you were right. But I moved the goalposts. Oh yeah!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:46, Reply)

I'm listening to Girls Aloud.
That is all.
( thealternativefact, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:49, Reply)

I'm still listening
To 'Death Magnetic'.

I like it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Listened to that this morning!
I like it too.

Good album, although opinions seem to be mixed.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:52, Reply)

The caffine project is still on then?
I saw the perfect mug for you Kaol, it said

"Drink coffee, do stupid things faster with more energy"
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Hahaha!
Nah, the Espresso Challenge ended when I started getting migraines.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:55, Reply)

To continue my pedantry
the fridge would be more accurately described as 'modified', rather than 'broken' if the heat pump were reversed.

But I think I should stop here before I'm spanged. Or worse.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:55, Reply)

@k2k6
I like your style.

/chronic pedant
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Well I commend you
I can only take one cup and I start wittering like Spuds job interview scene in Trainspotting!
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I've seen Trivium
They were a bit ropey.

Listening to Pig Destroyer.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:59, Reply)

*twitches*
Yesssss...
You're right...

Just open the fridge and make sure for me...
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 14:59, Reply)

Currently listening to Thrice...
A band that can do no wrong for me at the moment...

REMEMBERED: The worst band I ever saw live, worse even than Incubus, were My Chemical Romance.

What? Oh come on, I was a Reading and in a cloud of Amphetamine. I didn't know any better!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:03, Reply)

I need to section myself or stop drinking so much coffee
I've just seen The Doctor, the Jon Pertwee Doctor, walking along the road outside of my work!

Does anybody else think that I need help?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Ah, Kaol
Surely you realise that I'm too old and wise to fall for the old 'open the door of the fridge-which-has-been-modified-by-reversing-the-heat-pump full of angry buzzing hornets' trick?

*is intrigued by the technicalities of the heat pump modification*

*has a look to satisfy scientific curiosity*

*falls for Kaol's trick*

Bollocks.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:10, Reply)

@ Dok
As he's dead, frankly yes.

@ DiT
Thrice are another band I keep meaning to check out.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Listening to Daft Punk
Best band I have heard recently is...Torche!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:13, Reply)

Well
I didn't say that it was Jon Pertwee, just his Doctor.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Do it if you can, BK.
I saw them at the Electric Ballroom a month or two ago and they were fan. tast. tic.

(Also, if you haven't got it already, The Alchemy Index is a masterpiece...)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:15, Reply)

'Noon
@Dok, I saw Jon Pertwee a few years ago doing a one man show. It was funny as fuck.

In other news, over the past 48 hours, I have slept for about 36 of them... hooray for illness.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Urgh I'm fried
Trying to focus or get any thoughts out from my head and onto paper or into speech is hurting a lot.

I'm going to be hitting the booze hard tonight. Fuck this t total bollocks I've got 5 more days before I start that!
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Hello there DG
He was a great man, and as you say, as funny as fuck. One of the great British actors if you ask me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Dok
Indeed. If he hadn't did in 1996, he'd probably be much in demand as young TV execs who grew up in the 70's decided the time was right for a secnd coming - much like they are doing with old Tom.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:25, Reply)

@al
Man-flu on the wane slightly, ta. Although I'm still taking the rest of the week off so as not to pass my frankly horrific germs on to my colleagues. I hate colleagues that drag themselves into work under the delusion that the place will fall apart without them - frankly it's more likely to fall apart as a result of you spreading your lurgy to everyone, you dozy twit.

And the sweary one is being not too bad - she's offered to bake biscuits!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Where'd everyone go?
Has everyone contracted my man flu? Bloody interweb viruses...

*Goes off to wash dishes*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:31, Reply)

@ Davros
Laughing at the sig!

Still got a touch of the lurgey myself.
Sounded like a spluttering Glaswegian tramp this morning.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:32, Reply)

Hello BK
have you seen Tourette's new sig yet...? *EDIT* and I've just noticed yours... pffft!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:35, Reply)

Aaah poor lickle ill men
I nursed mr VP all of last week :)

But then on the phone to him just now I turned into a little snivelling girly and had a little cry. I don't know what happened, I just got all upset about jobs and stuff.
But then I realised I was being a fanny so I tried to pull myself together and lied when he asked me if I was crying.

It was an odd phone call.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

My internet is slow
It's hard for me to keep up with the convo.

Woo biscuits! *hugs BK*

Anything else I miss?

edit: hugs for lucy too :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:38, Reply)

@DG
"swings only to Glenn Miller"
Like it!

@TGB
*hugs*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:41, Reply)

This thread is slow!
The bitching QOTW thread is where it's at!
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:41, Reply)

Yeah!
Let's BITCH.

Alright, DG! *high fives*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:43, Reply)

*hugs Lucy*
Don't worry about it.
I cry at the drop of a hat at he moment.

*drops hat*
*cries*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:46, Reply)

Thanks!
I'm not a crying girly type at all normally.

That's what made it so odd. Oh dear.

*picks up BKs hat and dusts it off*

*hands him a hankie*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:47, Reply)

Enzyme didn't like
my crap post.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:49, Reply)

Enzyme is
A critical pedant!

But I love him dearly.
( Cawl, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Hi all
Don't all rush for hugs at once, I take my time to produce caring cuddles.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Aww Al
You know I have a special one tucked away for you ;)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)

*pushes everyone out the way*
Can I take your car for a drive whilst you are preparing the cuddles? *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)

TGB
Only if you treat her with the utmost respect, she is a retired Mayors Official Transport, don't you know.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:55, Reply)

@Lucy
Thanks

*snots*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Of course I will be
careful with her Ethelred :)

I may pass on attempting to park her anywhere though.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Word up, Ethel!
How's it goin', blud?

*does a ghetto handshake*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:03, Reply)

Well...
That's the QotW out of the way.

*Opens sweepstake*

It's a double accumulator.

Will the new QotW be:

1.Brilliant
2.Good
3.Average
4.Poor
5.Total Arse-Gravy
6.'Mix-tapes' standard

and when will it be hatched?

1.Between 4 & 5pm
2.Between 5.01 & 6pm
3.Between 6.01 & 7pm
4.Between 7.01 & 8pm
5.Between 8.01 & 9pm

Roll up roll up! - Winner gets kittehs, huggles, cayke and (time permitting) two hours on the 'anal intruder'


EDIT: Crikey - they didn't hang about this time did they? All bets are off!..but Captain V - You still get the 2 hours ;)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:04, Reply)

I vote for
1 and 1.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:05, Reply)

Sup DiT
It be banging blud. How be you and your krew?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Aite!
We're huge, bruv. Like, rollin' wit' tha gold, innit.

(I'm ok thank you.)

The new QOTW will be whatever we make it.

*has a dream*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:09, Reply)

@ Al
Thats the common misconception.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Hmm
I sense the opportunity for greatness. But I have nothing. I'll just write some porn tomorrow to keep myself amused
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:15, Reply)

TGB
I so wish I could be bothered to write porn. I've been told on many occasions I'm down-right filth.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Ethelred we should
have a porn off tomorrow :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:25, Reply)

Sounds like a challenge
worthy of my time!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:27, Reply)

Excuse me,
but this Porn is off. I would like to exchange it for some fresh new pornography, please.









With some goats, if at all possible.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:43, Reply)

Dammit!
I've been stupidly busy at work for the last hour or two. And now I've just had a look through the new question.

It seems like there is scope for some laughs with this one.

Although CHCB appears to be monopolising it!



I'm off home. See ya.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)

You want goats DiT?
I shall give you goats :p

Any good posts up yet I had to *shock* do some work. Fun with F10s FTW WOOoooooo*cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:49, Reply)

My weekend is now official open
I'm going to go home, eat some food then go out and get very drunk. Much fun will ensue.

Might pop in at home before I go out. Might pop in after I get back while drunk. Who knows. The suspense is killing me is really not all that great in magnitude.
( Captain V, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:53, Reply)

I'll be off myself soon...
And might not be around until Monday!

I know you'll miss me for the next few days, but you'll just have to make do. Be strong, OT!

*grips air*

Be strong!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:09, Reply)

quick hello
Just a quick hello from the bus on the way to tonights bash, see those of you who are coming soon.
(bill, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 17:23, Reply)