Chickenlady's advice thread
Ask for advice on anything, anything at all and Chickenlady will answer it to the best of her (my) abilities.

I hate talking about myself in the third person it sounds daft, don't you think?

Anyway, what advice would you like?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:01, 189 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

first, I have a bit of advice to give you
here it is: advi
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Thank you.
I'll store that alongside a half eaten biscuit.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I prefer
vice.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Should I get a flat which is nice but will make me cash poor
or get another flat which is alright, closer to work but in a shit neighbourhood, and cheap.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Get a piece of paper
draw a line down the middle and write out all the pros and cons of each place then the one which has the most pros wins. I'm guessing the bad neighbourhood will have lots of pros hanging around on street corners. You'll have extra money so you'll be able to befriend them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:07, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I'll be living on the same street as an "escort service" in the cheap one.
This puts me off.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:09, Reply)

That will make it real and gritty
if that appeals.
Alternatively you could live in your expensive ivory towered flat and never go outside because you will be penniless and will then have to start up your own escort service in order to pay the bills.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:11, Reply)

yer thatll learn him

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

these are the sort of choices
cheap

not cheap
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

good sized rooms in the cheap one by the look of it
is that £400 furnished and the other one £500 unfurnished?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Yeah it's nice enough on the inside but the area's shit, really shit.
I'm not certain about either of those choices but there's a good bunch of similar flats on the same roads/areas. I'm going to look round in December once I have something resembling a deposit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:21, Reply)

it comes down to whether you reckon you can afford it without compromising your lifestyle
also, is rent, or your pay, likely to increase?

might swing it one way or another
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

I get a pay rise this month
and another in April, neither are massive though.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:23, Reply)

if you think you can afford it I'd go with the nicer area
if the shitty one is as shitty as you say
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:27, Reply)

I might have to make A SPREADSHEET!!!!
oh man I can't wait.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

O MAN I'Z SO JELUS!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Not cheap looks nice but
I think you ought to go and have a proper look round first - it could end up being pretty much the same as the cheap one but in a nicer area.
How long do you expect to live there? If it's going to be a long term(ish) solution then I'd go for not cheap just because you'll feel safer.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

6 months ish, maybe a year.
I don't have any long term plans as yet.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Cheap is handy for library, not cheap is handy for boozing
Which do you value more?
(Concrete Cow, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Cheap's also handy for the thearter district,
I find the hub a bit pretentious for drinking in.

You must be a local, where are you from?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:26, Reply)

Bradwell Village, then Shenley Church End
Sadly now Southampton. From one end of the concrete spectrum to the other.
(Concrete Cow, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Ahh,
Where did you go to school?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:30, Reply)

One of the Denbigh Pretzel Massive
innit
(Concrete Cow, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:34, Reply)

St Pauls cruw
yeah, we had purple jumpers, we didn't care!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

You did have God on your side, I suppose
Anyone taking the piss would get smited
(Concrete Cow, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

We also had the highest teen pregnancy rate in MK.
Catholic School girls.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:40, Reply)

dear chickenlady,
i am a nice underage bird but seem to have trouble pulling "men". i would like any tips on how to avoid the feckless jobless layabouts who lie on my sofa eating my food and drinking my booze while i graft my bollocks off at errr...school.

how do i avoid boys and find myself a nice man?

yours,

rosalicious age 14 1/2
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Go to bashes,
there's loads of hansome elligable batchelors there.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:07, Reply)

this is a right fucking lol seeing as i have more than a few b3tan ex's
no ta love
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Go on
Some of them can even spell 'handsome'....

Even 'eligible' too!

Very few can spell 'bachelor', though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:06, Reply)

alright rosealicious

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:08, Reply)

alright alethegeordie

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:08, Reply)

Oops
an extraneous "e" appears to have crept into both our posts. What are the chances of that happening.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:16, Reply)

oh man its almost like i noticed!

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

we must both be spectacularly unobservant
we should totally make out.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:19, Reply)

i dont make out, all my bits and pieces are healed over

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:21, Reply)

Do you want to watch me have a wank then?
Or I could take a huge shit if you'd prefer?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:26, Reply)

nah im busy internetting and drinking beer innit
but you know what, if i werent doing any of that or washing my hair or having a fiddle or summat i still probably totally wouldnt fancy it
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:30, Reply)

What if I sweeten the deal
by playing Time of My Life by Green Day while I do it?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Stop it al, you're making me horny.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:37, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
i had this convo with gonz on facebook earlier...has someone been talking?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:37, Reply)

DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I was the other participant in that conversation.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Apart from Gonz obviously.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

haha stalky stalky
ive been getting dodge calls these past few weeks that best not be you
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Certainly not
I don't call, I just turn up on the doorstep with a hard on and a bag of skips.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Dear rosalicious
Nice men are just overgrown boys. The best thing to do is to take whichever one appeals most, chain them up in a cellar and wait until they become a nice man.

Alternatively stalk a full grown one.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:09, Reply)

dear chickenlady,
many thanks i'll take this on board and prepare myself accordingly. merry christmas mazeltov good day to you sir
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady,
I can't get the blood out of the carpet and the wife'll be home soon.

HALP!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Wash it with cold water
do not apply salt whatever you do as that will fix it into the carpet.

Alternatively pour red wine over it - she'll never notice.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:13, Reply)

I suggest you both MOVE OUT within the next few days.

( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

This is spectacular advice
I shall take it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Meh
Why are you worrying about that? We don't own that carpet, we only rent it! Mwuhahahaha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

What about the deposit?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

That's the trouble really.
Tightly and his deposits cause constant problems.
( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:24, Reply)

He left one in my hair once
I wasn't happy.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Haha
Don't lie, you loved it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

He hasn't washed his hair since.

( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:33, Reply)

This is what I mean
*fears*
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

or before...

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

hahahaha

( thealternativefact, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Meh
We'll put down a rug or something!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

None
I'd like lots of advice really, but it doesn't matter because I'll ignore it anyway and then you'll say I told you so.
Don't you hate it when someone gives you advice and you don't take it and they're waiting like vultures. And you try to take the sting out of it by saying "Yes I agree with you but I'm doing the opposite anyway, and we all know the outcome so don't bother saying I told you so." and so then they don't say they told you so but they give you 'that' look that means "I told you so."
Smug cunts. Like they're dead clever for telling you something you already know.

I've been ignoring everyone except my Nana. She likes to make big messes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:11, Reply)

i always do what i want anyway
i got this fucking fortune cookie the other day:
"your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others"

gee, thanks
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:12, Reply)

mind you, at least i have a fucking purpose
how many people can say THAT eh
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Well exactly!
Im neither use nor ornament!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)

i'll share my fortune with you if you want, we're totally kin

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Thanks hun
We're gonna need more sofas then...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:16, Reply)

i come with a christmas tree already erected and a lifetime supply of chocolate

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:18, Reply)

Have you got any crisps?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:19, Reply)

only a couple of bags of skips sadly
i have a fridgeful of beer though, totally on my 3rd right now
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:21, Reply)

I need wine
I'm in a shit of a mood and I have shedloads to do
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:22, Reply)

im more of a quantity than quality girl myself
i get the two bottles of red from the turkish supermarket for a fiver deal...probably their own bottled menstrual blood but it all goes to make a turd innit

chin up cupcake at least we're young(ish) and hot
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:24, Reply)

Is 31 still young? Deffo hot though. Fo sho.
I like the two bottles of Pinot grigio for a fiver off the (insert whatever nationality the two brothers are) near me. I don't care about thr quality.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:25, Reply)

of course it is we're in our fucking PRIME
i should be mopping my kitchen floor and shaving my legs right now but im sitting here with beer on the internet.

i fail at woman. what are you wearing?
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Manm you two sound like such an awesome catch
I wish I could squeeze you both together, then I'd definitely leave my fiancee.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:31, Reply)

GET YOUR OWN INTERNET WOMAN
IM FUCKING WORKING HERE
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Don't start lad
I'm on the edge today.
You bully me, and I'm gazzing every mod in the world. Even ones from other sites who don't even know what B3ta is.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:33, Reply)

I mopped on Sunday rah!
Yeah I'm a spring chicken when you consider I'm a cougarrr.
I'm wearing work clothes. Pinstripe kecks, white top, cropped red cardie thing.
Are you wearing a dressing gown with 20 Lambert silver in the pocket, you beer internet wench?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

im wearing those pink fluffy mule type slippers with the heels
a white shirt unbuttoned slightly...skidmarked baggy pants and an old grey bobbly bra absolutely reeking of beefy under tit sweat
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Phwaooooar
I'm on the turn.
I have those slippers in black.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

i asked for them for christmas once when i was 9
my mam got me brown fucking moccasins. what the shitty mcshit?
i didnt like it.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I got brown moccasins every year
Except for the years I got a pink pair and a blue pair.When I was a grown up I made my ex buy me black fluffy kitten-heeled mules and did not take them off for the whole of Yuletide.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:41, Reply)

we're like sisters
i'd move in with you and love you and shit but i dont think the world could handle that much sexy
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:43, Reply)

the world deserves the shit it will go through
when it tries to deal with that. It's not our problem, sis.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:44, Reply)

lets elope

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

ok
Can we just elope to my spare room? I'm not in a position to travel.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:49, Reply)

DEAL.

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Most of the time advice is either blindingly obvious
or the person is talking out of their arse.

I'd like to think I'm in the blindingly obvious camp although I have been known to fart in my sleep.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:15, Reply)

I fart constantly.
Maybe if I stopped I'd give my brain a chance.

Advice is blindingly obvious. When you ask for advice you're really ignoring the obvious and wanting someone to come up with idea you have in your head.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady,
can I burn lumps of pallet that still have nails in them that I've tried to take out but they won't come out cos they're too long and rusty?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Why not?
You just take the nails out of the ash.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:27, Reply)

That's what I thought
but I was worried they might ASPLODE AND KILL ME
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

You're getting metal confused with bombs there.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Nail bombs are full of win.

( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

No,
they're full of nails and explosives,
and they kill people.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:45, Reply)

but they win

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Pfft!
But they do it spectacularly.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

well yeah
if you used gun powder to light the fire
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Yes
as long as you take care when emptying the ash out later
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:27, Reply)

how do
have you tried hitting the point with a hammer to try and drive it back out the way it came?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Yes.
Plus tried levering them out with hammer claw and crowbar. I get most of them out but it's a bugger to saw up the wood when they're well stuck.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:29, Reply)

That's why carpenters hate using old wood.
Instead of sawing them, have you tried snapping them by jumping on them while they sit between two bricks?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

You don't know how amazingly clumsy I am, do you?
The chances of me having some sort of permanent disability form this are high. I'm already scarred from dropping a giant piece of particleboard on my shin. I fell up the stairs twice this week and I accidentally punched myself in the mouth last night while sitting on the sofa watching Home and Away.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:34, Reply)

to be fair
you deserved the punching for watching Home and Away

and for reminding me of when I hit myself in the eye with a book
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Home and Away
is background wallpaper TV for when you eat your tea. Besides, don't mock me - al watches Hollyoaks.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Why would you bring me into this!? WHY!? What have I ever done to you!?
Honestly, I take you to the best indian restaurant in London, I clean my toilet and give you an excuse not to sleep with Sexface and you meet your fiancee, and you go and tell the whole internet about what I like to do when I get back from work.

I will NEVER forgive you for this. NEVER!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:38, Reply)

It was the nicest two hours I've ever spent in a queue.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

but the seek kebabs, oh god, those seek kebabs.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

really want an indian now you bastard
will probably have one at the weekend I reckon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:54, Reply)

No you won't
what you'll have is a pale imitation of what you could have if you came to London. You should come to London, I'll take you to the Tayyabs. It will be AMAZING.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:02, Reply)

fucking hell I hate hollyoaks so much
I find it embarrassing to watch
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:39, Reply)

I always feel like punching myself in the mouth when I watch home and away.
Nothing strange there.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Cocaine and wank
or wank THEN cocaine.

Which is the correct way?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:27, Reply)

it's always drugs first
bloody novice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady
my nose stud smells a bit funny. What should I do?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Stop smelling your nose stud.

( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:37, Reply)

+,

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:38, Reply)

you left out the comma

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:41, Reply)

mindpiss

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Me me me me me me!
*puts up hand*


Dear Chickenlady, I am a fairly attractive middle-aged lady with a gsoh and financially stable. So my question is this:


Why do I always get soap powder marks on my clothes when I take them out of the wash?
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:29, Reply)

use liquid capsules
much better
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady,
How can I stop my hair from falling out quite so much? What's the best use for all the hair that has fallen out so far? Will Catface still love me when I am bald and he is coughing up furballs?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:32, Reply)

Never did Gail Porter any harm.
Just hide the hair loss till you got a ring on your finger then it's to late.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Good call.
Though I swear if it gets any worse I'm cropping it short.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Tell him to stop licking your head so much

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:34, Reply)

He's grooming me.
It makes a change from the other way round.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady,
Should I return to my original hair color, brunette, or continue to dye my hair red?

Warmest regards,
Kristine
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:37, Reply)

*channels chickenlady*
red.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:38, Reply)

*agrees*
Red is where it's at.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:40, Reply)

ooh ooh lemme answer this one
KRISTINE YOU HOT YANK BITE OF SEXY YOU'D LOOK WELL PENG WHATEVER COLOUR YOU GO FOR INNIT

brunette. im red and i'd love to be brunette.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:40, Reply)

YOU'RE NOT RED, I love your hair color, I'm quite jealous.
I'm thinking brunette because the red fades to purple quickly and then I feel like white trash
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:43, Reply)

If you get it done professionally and purchase a shampoo for coloured hair then it will last longer.
I used to have red hair all the time in my yoof.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

yer im proper ginge
go back to brunette innit its well classy. mebbe get some lowlights put in
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

have you tried going brunette?
you'd look well gorgeous in any color
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Krispina, I'm about to elope with Rosita
Is she really actually fit IRL or should I leg it now before she gets up the duff?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:50, Reply)

All B3ta women are fit.
FACT!
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Too right!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

ive always maintained that qotw women are the hottest on b3ta

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

hahaha first evar /offtopic populol post
oh man im totally celebrating by having a beer in the bath and shaving my minge.

get in.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:43, Reply)

im acceptable
ive got all my own teeth and everything
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Better than that, you've got a set belonging to someone else too.
You won it in a game of kaluki
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 17:40, Reply)

who the fuck do you think you are eloping with Rosie, eh?
She's well hot and I can't believe you've got_in_there before I could even get close enough
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

I'm geographically nearer
That's all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

and so it goes
it would never work out anyway, she's too cool for me
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:59, Reply)

She's too cool for me too
but she hasn't realised yet.
I'm going to get her pregnant before she can change her mind.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

you're going to trap her, eh?
*fist bumbs*
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:03, Reply)

: D
Barefoot and pregnant
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:03, Reply)

aww thanks love, ginge innit
they'd have to bleach the lot before going ANY colour. sod that.
red's good on you but i reckon brunette with a few streaks of red
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

yeah, fuck bleach

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Wow, you're totally a hottie in real life
even with the moustache.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:50, Reply)

you saucy cunt you dont know, you ent met me

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:52, Reply)

What kind of red is it?
Is it Susan Kennedy pretend red, or is it foxy Pre-Raphaelite lady red?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:43, Reply)

When I first dye it
it looks close to this. I say close because I refuse to bleach my hair in order to get that exact color. But it fades very quickly, like after two washes.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

yeah that's gorgeous but difficult to maintain
Go brunette.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:47, Reply)

How do I halt the seemingly endless spiral of procrastination that's preventing me from studying for my exams?
MTFU and YM are not acceptable as answers.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:46, Reply)

You can't
You obviously thrive on fear and adrenaline. You might actually become shit at passing exams if you do it the way 'other poeple' do it.
Carry on as you are, but make sure to keep mopping up the sweat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Yeah! men don't like sweaty women.
OMG! It all makes sense now.
( girlinthehole, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:50, Reply)

But I thrive on naps and cans of coke and cheese and onion crisps.
I won't start getting the cold sweats til tomorrow evening when it really kicks in that I'm going to fail spectacularly unless I do some work.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:53, Reply)

and that's when your mind will amaze you
Procrastinate. You can afford it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Well that leaves me bored for the meantime

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Don't say you're bored
Else I'll start one of my pointless anecdotes. IN MY ACCENT.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:59, Reply)

AAAAAAYYYYYYY, You know what, thas grace thad is!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

That was spot on
Even on the screen I can tell you knows your onions. There's a market on Great Homer Street, so we all call it Greaty.
One of my friends wondered for years who this "Gracie" was that scousers went to visit on a Saturday morning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Go on then, I can always read it later if necessary

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Shit, I can't think of one
I think they only spew forth when they're ill-timed and unwelcome.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Oh ffs.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:05, Reply)

You know I can't help it.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:07, Reply)

What being a Northern Monkey?
/ac
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:08, Reply)

I'm more than northern
I'm north-WESTERN!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Unplug your router,
make a cup of tea and start reading.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:52, Reply)

I need the internet as a study aid since a lot of my college notes are online
Also I don't drink tea. It's vile.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:54, Reply)

ok then,
do some work or I'll send you creepy gazes
(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Puts firmly back onto shitlist

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Well at least you might go and do some work.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I always think that fear does wonders for the brain
I'd leave the studying right until the last minute and scare the information into your brain... that and write in your pencil case lid any notes that you think might help you! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:57, Reply)

yeah i used to do the scare it in thing
You forget it a day after the exam but it was of no real-life use to you anyway.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Its a proven method
so coincidently is the 'pencil case aid'... helped me pass GCSE geography :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

We aren't allowed to take anything into the exam room. It's all done on new fangled computers nowadays.
sadface
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Bums
Then take the 'Arnold Rimmer approach'... write notes all over your body! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Oh I could totally pretend that I'm the guy from Prison Break WHO'S TOTALLY NOT GHEY and create an infrastructure on my body that reveals all of the answers
when you squint a bit.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Is there time?
Totally do it if there is! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I doubt it and I would probably get funny looks from other people in the room if I started spaktarding around trying to reach my scapula in order to get at the muscles inserting upon it
So doing it another time though :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Unfortunatly it's mostly useful interesting stuff that I need to know, so I could do with remembering a lot of it afterwards

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:00, Reply)

You can always turn away and look in a book
in real life.
But not in an emergency life-or-death situation...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Nope, been there...there's never enough time. I ALWAYS get the receptionist to pass my drink closer though as I don't know how long I'll be standing in the same position and may require refreshment :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Oh you're good...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:12, Reply)

You knows it.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:15, Reply)

Dear Chickenlady.
I have not shaved in 3 weeks and haven't had a hair cut in about 2 or 3 months. I put some clothes in the washing machine today purely under the bassis of that I'll have no clean pants tomorow, not even cleanish pants.

I put this down to the fact that I'm single. I would say 'currently single', but it's past that, it's 'single'. Plus I'm in a job filled with men who I, mostly, think are as scummy as scum of the earth, but staying in the mostly legal side. This week's story at work was about a guy who sexual assalted a granny and then shouted at her.

I belive I have lost all trace elements of self esteem that I may have had. Self respect too.

How do you propose I pull myself out of this slump and show the world what a handsome charming happy chappy I can be?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 17:38, Reply)

Dear Pauly
Go and wash. Have a shave and tomorrow go and get your hair cut. Behave like you've got a date, somewhere important to go, a real life.

Soon one of those men you work with will show their true side to you and you'll discover that he's been in love with you for weeks, months and now he's ready to share it with you. You need to be ready when love appears.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 22:46, Reply)