Looks like the Fail have lept aboard the bandwagon
dating.dailymail.co.uk/

Who's your idea of a worst date or what's the worst date you've ever been on?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:12, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can I be the first to say you?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Aww thanks Chompy, can I reply in kind?
I've found the perfect guy for you
dating.dailymail.co.uk/profiles/75514312
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

ha ha, "I'm a bit mad me"
fuck off amature interneters.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:19, Reply)

"I'm not opinionated and like to consider other sides of a discussion" bland as hell and will say anything to get you into bed, I'll be a little self deprecating about my weight, but you can bet your arse I'll give the next person who calls me fattie a cold hard Paddington bear stare and no mistake.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

So how did you find this site anyway becky?
Were you looking for online dating sites or much worse reading the Daily Mail?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I was sent a link to a funny article
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Yes.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Admiting you've got a problem is the first step.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

What's the second step
Refusing to acknowledge the first step?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Paypaling me money or something.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:44, Reply)

Oh noes I appear to have forgotten my paypal account password
If you Western Union me $400,000000000000000000 i'll get in touch with paypal and ask if I can refund it to you that way and add the money I owe you on top.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Trying to transfer the money now, what's your account number?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

********

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Too many to mention
They often involve being on a date and an ex turning up. Then it turning out that they know each other, and going home together for a smoke.

Or being on a date and my totally mental drunken lesbian ex turning up and sneering.

Or being on a date at a gig and the poor buffoon getting himself dumped for invading my space and impairing gig enjoyment. Feel me up AFTERWARDS please.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Dating within the same shallow gene pool? Poor show ,)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I never know these things 'til they happen
They're not the type of people you'd expect to know each other.
[Well in some cases, I really should have worked it out ;)]

There's this lad in Liverpool who knows almost everyone I've ever dated. Even the ones who don't know each other. I don't know how he does it.
Every time I'm looking for a taxi he's getting out of one. He even knows my mum's next door neighbour. He's even friends with my female ex's girlfriend's scouse friend.
He seems like a lovely fella but I dread seeing him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Sounds a bit stalkery to me.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

It does but it isn't
He's just omnipresent or something.
And he has the same name as a boy I went out with when I was 15.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Is he cute?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:33, Reply)

The one I went out with at 15 was bloody beautiful
I still sometimes kick myself. But I was scared of boys, dumped him and went for a girl instead.

This omipresent one is good looking, but not really my type, and was happily attached last time I saw him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

What are you 12?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I think by 12 they're saying 'buff'
so he must be 10
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:47, Reply)

And a girl with pigtails

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Whatever works for you.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

We'll go on a date when you come down, or I come up.
I can't promise I won't encuridge you to bring back your lesbian friend with you, but I can promise I won't encuridge you to bring back the ex boyfriend.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Oh we won't be seeing any more of her
My parents and the police have seen to that.
I'll be showing you a photo of Omnipresent Man just to make sure you don't know him though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

'round here, for a few quid, I can get some local kids to say he touched them.
One facebook group latter and he won't be seeing the general population of your local HMS for a good few years.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Oh man, I started to fill in the form to find some matches, and I ended up making a profile.
Oh man =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Whoops.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Also, I'm not quite sure what to make of this.....


ASDA and SUBWAY: BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS OUT OF STRANGERS
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:25, Reply)

True likeness of Gonz

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

mmm
many years ago I took someone out on a date and my parents rocked up at the same restaurant.

The table next to ours.

All the others were busy.

*sigh*
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Potential foursome?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Jesus Christ

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:25, Reply)

that
would make it a gangbang
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Yup, he's THAT good..

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

My mate took a date to a chinese restaurant
he was just about to eat a bit of sweet and sour chicken and she said, "Oh, that looks just like my miscarriage". They actually went out for about 6 weeks.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Superb
Sense of humour AND she like teh cock
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Yeah, but she might not be a great lay
if her cludge-muscles aren't even tight enough to hold a sprog in...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

she was only 19
there must have been some tread left on the tyre
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Yeah, I guess foetuses are squidgier than turgid penises

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

She was a full on mentalist
I think he would have had a more stable relationship with a box of frogs
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

ITV's new flagship weekend prime-time dating show 'Take Me Out' featuring even-more-Geordie-than-Ant-and-Dec Paddy McGuinness
is like a stage version of my worst nightmare. Yeah, put me in front of a crowd of baying Sun readers, line up thirty women who look like they've just fallen out of a seedy nightclub and let them judge me? Suck my freshly-trimmed nutsack.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:22, Reply)

He's from Bolton is he not?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Definately NW not NE

(TheColonel, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 13:36, Reply)

My idea of a worst date,
Would be a Daily Mail reader.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Oh.
And I had a nice date lined up for you with Melanie Phillips...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I would dress real fine
and take a baseball bat to ensure she was re-educated correctly.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

"Hi, you must be Melanie...
Don't know if you had any preferences but I do know a great little Indian restaurant near here - really authentic. If you wanted a drink beforehand there's a terrific Polish vodka bar round the corner..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Yes,
Then when she said something "Daily Mailish" I would reprise the performance of Al Capone in the Untouchables and ding her on the noggin.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Agreed.
Likes - Waitrose and 4 wheel drives.

Hates - foreigners and the poor.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Last year.
He turned up and then acted like he couldn't wait to leave.

And you all wonder why I'm bitter and twisted when it comes to men.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Had you locked the Door?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Pfft!
We were in the pub.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

So he just stood there
scratching at the door, and wimpering.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Pretty much.

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Yeah', but someone smashed in the one 'round the back.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

The worst date
I went on was with a guy who worked at the Halifax. I had to go there everyday with the banking for work so I couldn't really avoid him. Eventually he bugged me for a date so much I figured I'd go out with him just so he'd shut up (romantic huh). We ended up around the corner at a cinema and he had an argument with me because I wanted to pay for my own ticket. Then he refused to let us see an action film so we ended up watching Enough which was a crap film with Jennifer Lopez in it. I lost my brain somewhere in the two hours it took for the film to finish and then we went to the pub. I didn't drink as I had to drive, he fell off his stool and grabbed my boob, then I told him nothing was going to happen between us and then he cried and told me he loved me, then got drunk and told me he was also in love with a girl he worked with. I encouraged him to ask her out and legged it.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:38, Reply)

And then you married him...
sorry
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:40, Reply)

HA!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Hehehe
Bless DiT. I met him in a hotel lobby and we spent about 3 hours chatting, then my sister turned up and we got hammered and he went on his merry way. I met him for lunch the following day (complete with massive hangover) and our love grew from that! Hehehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Aww bless :)
I know the real story, but I wont share it around the interwebs ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Hehehehe
DiT always tells it as he gradually wore me down - which is so romantic! Haha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:51, Reply)

That's why I got a little confused with the above story. I should work on the playing hard to get thing, seems to have worked in your case :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Hehe
For me that's the only time its actually worked in my favour. Also I wasn't so much playing hard to get as I was frantically trying to stop one of my friends from falling in love with me whilst trying to start a relationship with DiT!! Mental!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I met him in a hotel lobby was a high-class prostitute touting for business.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

it does sound that way...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I'd make a crap prossie
Regardless of how much I was paid, if the guy had a tiny penis I'd find it very difficult not to laugh and say 'what's the point' or 'where's the point' for that matter.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I met him in a hotel lobby
Your real name is Nikki and I claim my five pounds.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Oh Flim
I wish your life had been a 70s sitcom. It would have been my favourite. I'd have voted for it in all those polls :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:41, Reply)

It does sound like there's a good script in that little encounter
*considers plagiarism*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I think its been done
Third series of the Liver Birds.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I was thinking of that very show

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Are you Carol or Sandra?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Well I'd like to think of myself as Sandra, obviously.
But more likely Carol :(

I live in the next street from where that was set.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)

It should have a blue plaque or something.
Which it probably did until somebody robbed it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Don't worry
There'll be a blue plaque outside mine one day
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:59, Reply)

And it will say:
Here lived Roota.
Ambassador of all things scouse.
That left a legacy to support the local cheese industry, thus saving dozens of jobs.

Sadly missed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

*sniffs*
You missed out 'Best Lady Whistler in the North West'
*sniffs*
Gos I was amazing. Thanks Bumblebee.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

There would be a little canary inscribed on the plaque
and a dozen honest urchins would whistle Colonel Bogey on your Birthday.

Which I hope is not the same as mine, cos I know it's coming up soon.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:20, Reply)

A canary! Perfect!
*narrows eyes* 7th..?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:26, Reply)

3rd

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Same as my friend
Friends on 1st, 3rd, 4th, Nana on 5th but she died last year so that's good, Friend on 6th, me on 7th, friend on 8th, aunty on 10th.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Aquarians are weird.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:41, Reply)

We are
But in a really brilliant way.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Yep.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Are you good at accents?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Sometimes?
Where's this going?

Is this some strange aquarian trait I never realised existed?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Yes.
Only met two who are not good at them.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Briefly

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I'll have it painted on

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Hehe. That was the first date I ever went on
I'm surprised I wasn't scared off for life!! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Ah, the old fall off the stool grab boob trick.
50% success rate.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Indeed
It did not work on that occasion.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Shame, chicks usually dig that shit.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Haha you'd know. Has she replied yet?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Snugglesacks?
No she hasn't... I'm sure she searches for her username, so I'll mention here THAT SHE SHOULD REPLY TO MY GAZ BECAUSE I LIKE BREASTS
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I like breasts

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I think everyone should gaz her telling her to reply to me because I'm "pretty groovy"
not you though becky, you'll probably say something to put her off.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Yeah, like the word 'groovy'.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUSLY I'M TAKING THIS POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I think you're probably right.
She sounds great anyway - big tits, motorbike, not afraid to gaz the mods... Sounds like you're made for each other.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:13, Reply)

but why wont she reply to me eh?
*shakes fist at god*
*collapses in tears*
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Big tits, motorbike, mod gazzing
Are we sure it's not blaireau in drag?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:20, Reply)

He's a big tit, he doesn't have big tits.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

My best and worst date - same incident
met a girl at the uni surf club in my first year. We decided together that the surf club was full of complete dicks and fucked off to another pub. We arranged another meet up for drinks and stuff.

As is my habit, I got incredibly stoned before I went out and met her. We turned up at the pub at the same time, and she had bumped into someone she knew from school, who happened to be an incredibly hot lesbian with a partner called Fire...

We spent a couple of hours in the pub chatting and getting some beers down us. I was still so stoned that I'd drift off while listening to them chatting and occasionally think I'd hear one of them suggest a threesome. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

Subsequently, I got drunk and was seduced by the girl from my furry cup story (in profile) and didn't see the surf club girl again. Shame as she had the most amazing smile I have ever seen.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Were you dressed like the Ghost of Christmas Present?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I was not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

*sad face*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

*not sure what to make of your comment face*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I pictured you dressed as TGOCP
leg of ham in one hand, goblet of mead in the other
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

hahaha
I've sported a look close to that. think it was my 19th. went to a medieval restaurant, drank mead, ate half a duck
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

They should do kids' books about you
and then if they misbehave their mothers will say "Want Vipros to come and stand on your toys? Well behave then!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I'm sure this would work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I was really expecting that story to end in a four some with the lesbians and a smug grin.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:08, Reply)

if only

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Worst Date = First Date
My first ever date was with a girl from school called Victoria. I latterly learned that she was on a "bet" with her uber-cool friends to go out with the geekiest kid in the sixth form (that'd be me, folks).

We went to the student union for a drink: I drank coke as I knew we were both under 18. She had vodka and coke. We then went on to a disco (hey, it was the 80s, kids) where she treated me with nothing short of absolute and complete disdain. She smoked (cigarettes - nothing more) and I didn't. In retrospect I seem to have been on absolute best behaviour, for better or worse.

At the end of the night I walked / carried her home in her somewhat inebriated state (I was sober as a judge) and made sure she got in OK. Her Mum thanked me for walking her home (it was about a mile) and making sure she got there OK.

The next Monday the sixth form was in fits of discussion and gossip and she had been told by her Mum to thank me, which she did in front of all of her uber-cool friends, thus taking the yoke of "geekiest-kid-in-school" from me, albeit briefly. Her Mum made a point of trying to get her to go out with me for most of the rest of the sixth form but I left to go to uni.

I sometimes see Victoria when I go home; she's still there, now married with two kids and seems to be happy. Good for her.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 14:41, Reply)