AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA
At the weekend I had a conversation spaning several hours about the logistics of botoxing the scotum (Scrotox, which does exist, albeit as a joke) and if you stretched the skin out of a bollock would it be the same area as our friends face.

Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery on your bits? I am fully aware I am setting myself up pretty well here so all the mean people can be mean about my beautiful vagina
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:18, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No I haven't considered any cosmetic surgery on my bits.
But that's boring so I'll make up a hilarious reply.
"Yeah, right, I'm going to get my penis made smaller... because it's too big"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:21, Reply)

I wonder if people do get that done?
On the same principal as breast reductions "It's just so heavy it's rotating my pelvis causing severe pain"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

It's not quite the same though is it.
Breasts are just bags of fat removal of which is easy and has not long term effects. You can't just wap a chunk out of the middle of someone's cock
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Modern surgery is quite capable of cutting chunks out of every organ if needed.
If it's worth the risk is the question.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I reckon I could try

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

maybe you could stitch a line of thread along it
and then it would work like a set of blinds, you could extend it depending on the size of the lady you were with.

*inserts TGB giant foo foo joke*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Oh not you as well :(

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

sorry
I called it a foo foo in the hope of sugar coating it slightly. The joke, not your foo foo itself.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Try telling that to Armin Meiwes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I don't think there's any need to have it done,
unless your partner "can't handle it"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I refuse to believe anyone has ever had penis reduction surgery
even if they have that disease that make them pass out when they get a stiffy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I can believe it,
what does that say about our respective penis sizes?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I like cocks

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Al has tiny hands though
which give him distorted perspective
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Don't worry, I put mouseover text to clarify the situation to him.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Yeah I am never going to go through the
rigmarole of hovering over everypost looking for mouseover text
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Hmmm.
I'm currently celibate due to my sheer panic at the thought of a vasectomy (I cannot bear the thought of bollock pain).
So cosmetic surgery just doesn't register on the radar.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:22, Reply)

They don't just do it with scissors you know,
they actually give you an anesthetic.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Yeah but it still hurts for a few days afterwards
I don't think it's agonising stabbing pain though, just a general ache.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Is it more or less painful
that having to put up with you online all day?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Having never had one I feel fully qualified to make the judgement
that it is considerably more painful than that.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I would have to have general anaesthetic.
I really am a wimp when it comes to the meat and two veg. I had a wrist rebuild done last year (three and a half hours under the knife and asked if I could have a local or summat so I could watch, but not on the bollox. Uh Uh. No way.)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:27, Reply)

One of my chums had the snip.
He said they swelled up liker Buster Gonad's marvellous pair for a whole week afterwards.

Good luck.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:07, Reply)

If I could afford surgery
I would get a nose job because I don't like my nose. But I worry that they might make it worse.

I considered bewbs, because I don't really have any, but then I saw that picture of that really old woman on the beach where everything else is all wrinkly and her boobs look like balloons that have been glued on.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Link? I need some wanking material.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:30, Reply)

this isn't the one I was thinking of, but it's similar
static.funnyjunk.com/pictures/bikini_fail_old_woman.jpg
enjoy
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Ewwwwwww, that's really grim

(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)

..or a wank challenge?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Haha, what a concept

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

there's probably already a Japanese game show to that effect

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:46, Reply)

WANKO CHALLENGERO!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

"Contestant numbah thlee, you must tly to clack one out while Margalet Thatchtah dance nekkid in flont of you..."
/casual interweb racism
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:28, Reply)

innit

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Posh Spice has balloon boobs as well

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I think I'd have to go all out
and get turned into an elf or goblin something. There's that guy who got made into a cat or something, that would never be a bad idea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Ooh that documentary is on tonight
channel 4 around 9
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:31, Reply)

cool
I think horns would be good, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Like the lizard man has?
They are more like bumps than horns though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:36, Reply)

there's a lizard man, too? cool!
although, being a LARPer, for a moment I just thought you meant some of my friends who have cool masks.

I had latexed on horns for a while
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

He has pointy teeth too
almazellet.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/lizard_man.jpg

There is also a leopard man who lives on an island byhimself in a little shack
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I have a new life plan

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:48, Reply)

like when Stan's dad gets surgery to be a dolphin?
that episode fair sickened me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Was it, perhaps, the snippets of real footage from a sex change operation that you took issue with?
Serves me right for eating my dinner in front of the telly...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)

No
i'm practically perfect in every way
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:29, Reply)

It's not beautiful,
it looks like the Predator with a cold.

I would consider a scrotum enlargement with a kevlar weave, so it ended up like Batfink's wings.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:34, Reply)

then you could do that
base-jumping thing and use it to slow your descent
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I could glide majestically to a landing.
Unfortunately that landing would be on my testicles.

*goes back to drawing board*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

you need reinforced bollocks

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I reckon emergency airbags are the way to go,
inflating like spacehoppers just before impact.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:40, Reply)

as long as you paint them
orange and put a smiley lion face on them
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:41, Reply)

and bounce around on them grinning manically
like the meatsafe murderer
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:44, Reply)

this is now the best image in my whole brain

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

You've got to get the air back out somehow.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:47, Reply)

That, I imagine, would smell bad
Like when they deflated that hedgehog on Wildlife SOS
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:49, Reply)

How dare you!
My gentleman's area is hygienically maintained.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)

on the inside, too?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Absolutely.
Plus the airbags will carry a suitably refreshing fragrance.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:16, Reply)

"your bullets cannot harm me
my bollocks are like a shield of steel!"

this has win written all over it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Oh where to start.
Mini face lift.
Boob reduction and lift.
Tummy tuck
Bum implants


That should do for now.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I'd just want rid of my tummy
but there's a lot, so I suspect it'd just involve a big guillotine affair to chop it off
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:39, Reply)

bum implants?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I need some junk in my trunk.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I'd get my teeth sorted

I hada shyster for an orthodontist and now they are all over the place, when I bite and apple it looks like it's been held against a thresher :(=
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I don't look too bad, I think,
my problems are all personality-related. Harder to resolve surgically, sadly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I dunno
I reckon if I took a hammer to you I could sort out some of your issues
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

You're probably right.
By killing me outright you would spare me the misery of reading your execrable spelling ever again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:56, Reply)

My spelling is "iffy"
Gonz's is "execrable"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Yours is 'terrible'
Gonz's is 'catastrophic'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Gonz's spelling is catostrofick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Like some kind of goth pendant

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Lobotomy, it's a simple procedure
sedate the patient (you), insert an ice pick into the eye socket above the eyeball, push until the frontal lobe is penetrated then wiggle around until it is all mashed up.

This is actually how tens of thousands of lobotamies were performed in America to cure everything from Downs Syndrome to badly behaved teenagers.

They had a success rate measured in thirds; 1/3 got better, 1/3 stayed the same and 1/3 got worse. Good odds I'm sure you'll agree.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Oh my god
you wrote "and ice pick2, Monty will be after you too, RUN RUUUUNNNN
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I'm sure I don't know what your talking about
*whistles*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:12, Reply)

YOU'RE
Oh my god, that's what makes him maddest
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Shit, it's too late for me, save yourself
leave this thread and all it represents, forget me, move on, find another and settle down in a world of perfect grammer and fascist spelling. But remember, he'll be watching, he's always watching...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)

It doesn't quite count as cosmetic surgery
but I shaved Catface's head for him at his request. Strikethroughs anticipated. He has the straightest hairline ever - it looks like someone has drawn it on precisely with a ruler. Kind of like a a softy, geeky version of eagle-eyed action man (only smaller). I have to make him wear a fringey wig before I'll sleep with him.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:51, Reply)

OH MY GOD
I need pictures
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I don't have any yet.
I'm not sure the camera can handle the glare from his forehead.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Not on my bits, no
I'm pretty happy with myself. I could stand to lose a bit of weight, but otherwise I'm doing alright. Besides, I'm a bit of a pussy and the idea of going under the knife freaks me out a bit.

As for surgery on my old chap, forget it. He's not so big he can't get in through the front door, not so small that he gets laughed at and is slightly better-looking than his owner.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Does circumcision count as cosmetic?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Does putting on a roll neck jumper count as getting dressed?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I hope so
Otherwise I daren't get up from my desk.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)