I need a new sig
and am too fucking lazy to think of one myself. Go nuts. Am in too good a mood to care what anyone says. Al, I'll save you a moment of your time; yes I know I'm ugly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:41, 189 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

: definatly NOT gay.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Somebody once tried to pull me using that line.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I always found it was better to let the girls assume you were gay
get talking to her and lead her to say "such a shame you're gay", then spring the truth on her

Strikethrough away...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:48, Reply)

No.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:55, Reply)

DAMMIT

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I tell them I'm so homosex that I've gone full circle and only fuck girls that wear dungarees and have clits like a chimp's thumb

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I imagine that works brilliantly

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:20, Reply)

sometimes I wipe my nose on my sleeve and scream at flying mammals whilst poining with horror
I then hide my head under my coat so their gay song doesn't corrupt my trousers.

p.s. Have you gushed like a broken fleshy hydrant and pushed your chair back against the wall in sexual ecstasy yet?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Phwoooooar.
I'm getting turned on just reading about it. You must be fighting off hoards of laydeez with a pointy stick
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

pretty much. I use a baguette with a shoe on the end

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

The images I'm getting from this are fantastic.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

you should see my dried pasta pictures

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

What are they of?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Dried pasta innit.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I just finished one of you
but it's only of your mouth, boobies and pobber.

It's a special bedtime private pasta picture, no one is allowed to see it, as it's not all stuck down...yet.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Exciting.
Do I not even get to see it?
You should make it 3D. More interactive that way.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

it's constructed inside a kitchen roll tube

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

You're too clever for your own good.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I know

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

With your own natural glue
I was going to write some melting you down for glue joke. but now I am just going to go

AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:53, Reply)

STOP CHANGING GEAR WITH MY BROOM-ON!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Did it work?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Ish.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I'm definatley not gayish

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Not like that you spak.
I went through a phase where I was apparently attracted to gay. Not on purpose mind.

Besides, he was fit and just my type so he would have had to fuck it up magnificently to not pull me.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I have more men than women come on to me.
Especially in london, it's teaming with the gays.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:55, Reply)

You should come to Norwich
It's much the same, only smaller and with uglier gays
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Didn't know you were a friend of Julian -
There was agay bar in Norwich I used to go to way back. It had a sort of Bermudan/caribbean name. Smallish, upstairs bar, 15ft square dance floor, pool room off. What was it called? Did you ever ...?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Sorry, doesn't ring a bell
At all. I suspect this place only exists inside your sordid mind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Get a lot of pearl necklaces do you?
Its probably because you look a bit gay.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)

No, I don't go to the sort of places where that happens.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:08, Reply)

'ello ducky

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Can I be you for a day?
Freaky friday style.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Okay.
We could have some fun with that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Well I'll be having fun.
I don't quite know how you will achieve fun being me but knock yourself out.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I'll do my best.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Knocking yourself out might do it.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I'm prejudiced against
people who can't spell 'definitely' properly.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:55, Reply)

: (

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I can spell "for fucks sake" though

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You forgot
the apostrophe.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I've added some punctuation for you
……………………._„„„--~""""¯""~-,
.………………„-~"¯;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…………„-~";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…….„~";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…,-";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.../;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…..\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\
.…….\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\,
.………\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;"-,………………¸~"")
.………..\,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;"-,……….,-~";;;;;/
.……….…\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\…..,~";;;;;;;,-'.…_,-~"¯¯"~-,
.……….…..\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;",-";;;;;;__„-~"¯¯:::,-~~-,_::::"-„
.……….……\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;„~";;;;„~"¯::::::::::::::"::::::::::::::::::\
.……….…….\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~"__„„„-"::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,
.……….……..\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~"-~"::,-':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,
.……….………\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;„~"::__„-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,
.……….……….\;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;_„-~":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_„„-~,~~~~--,:|
.………_„„„----~~\.……;;;;;,„-~"¯¸„„--~-,:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~":'\'-,:\:|:\|::\|\:|:\:|
...,-~"¯;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;"-;_„„-~"::::::,-'::::_:::::::::\:\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~':\'-,::',"-\::'':"::::::::\|:|/
..."-,_;;;;;;;_¸„„--~~""_,-'"~----":|::/,~"¯"-::|::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,~"::\'-,:\;;'-';;;;;;;;;;;,-'::\::|/
.…….¯¯¯.………,-':::::::::::::::\'-\~"¯_/:::/::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-',::\'-,:|::";;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:'-,::\
.……….…………|::::::::::::::::::\¸:'~'::::,-'::,':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::,-':\'-,:\'-,';;';;;;;;;;;;;;;,-':\:::'\-,|''
.……….………...|::,-~"::::::::::::/"~-~"::,-'::::::::::::::::::::::::_,-~':\'-,|:"'";;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'¯::'-,:',\|
.……….………../::/::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::_,„-~"¯\:\'-,|;''-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'--,::\-:\:\|
.……….………/::::|::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::::::::::::,-';;'-';;;;',/;\/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-.,|:::\-,:|\|..\|
.……….……./:::::::\:::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::,-';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-~'''("-.,\:::|\:|::''
.……….…...,':::::::,':::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::::::,-'/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,--'::::::/"~'
.……….…..,'::::::::|:::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::,„-~"::|;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,-'::::::::,'::::/
.……….…./:::::::::|:::::::::::::„-|--~~""¯¯¯::',:::::,';;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,':::::::|_,-'
.………...,'::::::::::::",:,-~"¯::::|::::"-,::::::::::|:::/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,':::::::|::::,'
.………../:::::::::::::::|::::::::::::|:::::::"-,:::::::\:::|¯¯¯"""~-,~,_/:::::,':::/
.……..,-"::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::|::::::::::"~-,_::|::\: : : : : : |: : \::::::::/:/
.…..,-":::::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::|::",:::::::::::::"-':::\: : : : : :|: : :\::::::|::|\ ------ FOR FUCKS SAKE
...,-"::::::::::::::::::::::\::::::::::::|::::",::::::::::::::::::\: : : : : :\: : :|:::::|::|;;\
.-":::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,::::::::|:::::::",:::::::::::::::/|\ ,: : : : : : : |::::,'/|::::|
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"-,:::::|::::::::::"-,_::::::::::\|:/|,: : : : : : :|:::|'-,/|:::|
.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::"~-,|_::::::::::::::"~-,_:::"-,/|/\:::::::::::\:::\"-/|::|
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::"~-,_::::::::::::',"-,:::"_|/\:|\: : : : \::\":/|\|
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::"~-,_:::::\:::\:::"~/_:|:|\: : : '-,\::"::,'\
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::::::"-,_:'-,::\:::::::"-,|:||\,-, : '-,\:::|-'-„
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::::,-,'"-:"~,:::::"/_/::|-/\--';;\:::/:||\-,
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::::::::::/...'-,::::::"~„::::"-,/_:|:/\:/|/|/|_/:|
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::|……"-,::::::::"~-:::::""~~~"¯:::|
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::|………"-,_::::::::::::::::::::::::::/
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:::::::::::::::::::::\………….."~--„___„„-~~"
.::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::::::::::::::::::\...............
.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::O::::::::::::::::::::::\..............
.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\
(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Ha ha!
Still missed the important one though...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

ha!
burn
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

: is wearing trust me trousers

( Peej, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Isn't gay at all apart from his feet.

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Why my feet?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:53, Reply)

You're a ballroom dancer!
And it sounds silly to have gay feet.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Oh yeah, that
I don't care, ballroom is one of only four things that I'm good at. I'm vaguely proud of my gay feet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:56, Reply)

What's the other three?

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:57, Reply)

DJing, mental arithmetic and oral sex
So I'm told
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I knew you'd say the last one. *laughs*

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I thought it was a specific enough form of sex as to be relatively unpredictable

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Nah! most guys who've been told their good at it like to brag about it.
I've never met a women who's upfront about being good at blow jobs unless pushed on the matter.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Really?
I know several
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I tell a lie.
I've met one. She also preferred anal sex so you can imagine what a fun girl she was.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Actually, the last girl who was boasting to me about her cocksucking prowess was a big fan of buttsex

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I've heard these fans of buttsex exist
but have yet to meet one
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

They are out there.
It's just most of them don't like to shout about it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

They're shouting about it in the videos I've seen.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

none of the girls I know with whom I have discussed that sort of thing have cared for it
most have flat out refused to consider it, or didn't like it when they tried.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Why would you want to put your willy in a bumbum?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Because he's a GAYER

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

yeah
you'd get poop on it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

too much trouble for not enough reward if you ask me
I didn't say I was keen on it, just that I've never met any women who said they were.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

...but plenty of men who were,
eh readers?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Weapons grade shirting, right there.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I know remarkably few gay men
I suspected a few of my friends, but they just turned out to be slow starters.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Ah ok, I see

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

that's because women don't take pride in their work
;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I'm quite good at sucking cock.
I'm only saying this because you pushed me into it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I have it printed on a tshirt

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:13, Reply)

did BGB push you into that?
I have a shirt that says "I eat pussy like a fat kid eats cake"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:16, Reply)

She pushes me to wear it all the time.
I once saw a thong that said "it won't eat itself" which I thought was distasteful.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

to be fair though, who's going to see it?
also, I don't actually wear it
I do have one that I wear often that says "lets play army, I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

that's crude
you're crude, Kristine, CRUDE!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Damnit, that's the second time in 12 fucking hours I've been called crude.

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

were they both by me?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

no, the other was by my friend
I said something dirty, if I hadn't been so drunk I might remember what I'd said
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

You're so CRUDE KRISTINE
There we go, now it's three.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I might have to change my name.

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

in theme with the thread, you could change your sig to
'is being crude on'
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:00, Reply)

fabulous idea!

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:02, Reply)

My new favourite piece of chavwear
is the hoodie reading "orally gifted" I saw on a chavette in Brixton the other weekend.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I've met loads
I'm one.
I won't be having none of that bumming though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Never accept a blowjob from someone hungry.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:20, Reply)

If she's hungry
she could be tricked into deep throating
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I must be one of the few women that are crap at it and proud to admit it.

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

You just need more practice...

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I'm 44.
How much practice do you think I've had?
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Age and mileage
are not necessarily one and the same thing!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Well I've been around the block a bit.
And I'm still crap, although not unwilling.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:25, Reply)

It takes a lot for a blowjob actually to be bad
There's good ones and fantastic ones. Provided you keep your teeth out of the equation and give a little flutter tongue action on the helmet, I doubt any bloke would complain!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Oh they never complain.
I don't loose sleep over it.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

'lose'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I'm a +r

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

good stuff

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Start with a small one.
K2k6 can probably help there.
When you've worked your way up to 'plantain' let me know.
I can help there.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Yeah
Mine's like a lemur's pinkie, so you'd have no bother. It would be like sucking the rubber on the end of a pencil.

Or perhaps not...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I don't think I am.
I hate blow jobs, so never give them and am therefore probably crap.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Yay! I have a crap blowjob sister.

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Woo!
*Crap blow job five!*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

*praises Jesus*
Afternoon, Manzanita!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I was thinking almost exactly the opposite.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Afternoon Rootles!
How are you this fine day?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I'm supa dupa fly ta!
I'm tired but I had dreams about adventure games so it's understandable.
You a happy apple today?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I dreamt for the first time last night that my teeth fell out
which is something that my sister dreams all the time and she said it's supposed to indicate anxiety about something. However, I'm not particularly worried about anything, so now I'm worried that my subconscious knows more than me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

it is a classic anxiety dream
but it could be a a wider thing like general confidence problemos rather than the threat of repossession!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Maybe your subconcious is worried that your teeth are going to fall out.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

ha I think that might be it
I got a letter from the dentist telling me it's time for a checkup and I don't want to go.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Do you not like dentists?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I'm not scared of them or anything and pain has never bothered me,
it's just that they always tell me off for my brushing skills when I try really really hard but my gums just bleed everywhere anyway.

I don't like the hygienist doing her cleany thing though, it makes me feel funny.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

That is understandable.
I am a happy apple, and I'm very excited about going to Kitty's dance class tonight.

I had a dream about repairmen banging on my door, but then there were repairmen banging on my door. At half nine in the morning.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

I got woken up by a bed delivery once
Oh, the irony.
Twat was at the wrong house.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I'm looking forward to it too
although I did 20 crunches on Wii Fit this morning and now my belly aches so I'm going to be full of the ows tonight.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Oh dear.
I expect I won't be much better, I haven't been keeping up my work outs very well over the holidays, and I don't feel very flexible at all.
I should probably crack out the plank for a bit.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I was doing the plank this morning
it makes me growl.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I didn't plank,
I went and made cheese on toast instead.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Why do you hate them?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Perchance, 'tis the taste
Shouldn't be that bad if one has a 'gentlemen's wash' beforehand though, I'd imagine.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Going down on a woman isn't always a strawberry milkshake either
but it's worth it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Yeah, I know
I get a sore tongue after a while though, and I have a bad habit of dribbling! :-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

eww
old people shouldn't say stuff like that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

hahahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Helps with the lubrication though!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Mmmm, disco minge.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

*Dies a little*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Because my ex is a cunt

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

And it's hard to suck
off a labia?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Eh?
Edit: Oh wait, I get it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

And I bet you laughed and laughed

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I did, my sides are aching from all the laughing.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Jesus woman, just because he doesn't like YOU doesn't mean we all find him hard work...

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Fair play.
You probably know this, and I may be alone in my thinking, but an average blow job is usually considerably better than average sex.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

So far "definitely not gayish"
is out in front

As it were
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Doing the Lightsabre Dance.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Hrm
Better dancer than Darth Vader?
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

floats like a butterfly and stings when I pee

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post684973
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I'd prefer to retain a slight air of mystery as to my sexuality, Noel

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I think having a girlfriend probably nips any mystery in the bud.

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

most gay men have had girlfriends though

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I still laugh David Walliams
is pretending to be straight
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I know
what is that about?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

It only narrows it down
to straight or bisexual.

But looking at the pics of his missus on his profile, I'd find the latter hard to believe!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

see, what you need to be looking at is his gay face

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

HOT gay face
you said
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:40, Reply)

true, but what's the point in admiring something you can't have?
I'm already this close to getting a toaster and I'll be humiliated for life.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

...I am confused

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:47, Reply)

toaster points
you date three men who turn out to be gay and someone has to get you a toaster
I already have 2 points :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Haha!
I like this.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

to be fair I was in middle school. I don't think they should count.
However my friend/former boyfriend Jonathan says that it counts.
I wouldn't even hold the fuckers hand! The closest we got to getting physical was passing our gum back and forth.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Courtney Love must have thousands of the bastards

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I'm choosing to take that as a compliment
cheers. And yes I'm well aware that she's waaaaaay out of my league
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

They say there's a reacher and a settler in every relationship.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Better to be the reacher, I think
:-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Reacher usually is the male.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Dealt with many reachers?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

You quite often see gorgeous girls with worse looking men.
When was the last time you saw a really good looking guy with a hideous girl?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Reacher is usually the sane one.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

*something about a 'reach-around'*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Yeah, I was trying to work that into conversation too

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Which must mean you're a really nice guy to attract such a babe.
Or she's got severe self esteem issues.

I suspect the former.
( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:49, Reply)

That's very sweet of you, thank you
She doesn't have any self-esteem issues, I've got dominion on those in our relationship, so assuming that these are the only options you must be right. Fucking hope so anyway
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Any excuse to wheel that bad boy out, to be honest.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Wishes a trombone was a musical instrument.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Takes things in his strides.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:21, Reply)

: is up shit creek, but is not gay

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Reporting restrictions have been lifted

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I once kicked a dog and it sicked a rainbow

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:26, Reply)

What kind of dog?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

A COCKer spaniel

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:30, Reply)

any kind, I don't discriminate homey

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I sicked up a rainbow this morning.
It was awesome.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:01, Reply)

it should really read
Is the most gay inVader I know
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:32, Reply)

TITS!
huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff huff

that's me jogging whilst thinking about tits whilst holding my Broom-On with a bit of kitchen roll btw
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

You're so lovely

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

only because you once showed me your pobber

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Only once?
Ha. She clearly doesn't fancy you much.
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I know. fuckin' harsh innit?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:44, Reply)

She's like that.
She'll break your heart.
No wait: cock.
Yes, she'll break your cock.
( thealternativefact, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I'd better dig out the lolly sticks

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Is TFUM too obvious?
Or Slow, slow, quick, quick, tissue?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:34, Reply)

slow slow quick quick tissue
brilliant
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Comes strictly when dancing

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Winna!

( girlinthehole, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:50, Reply)

is abusing the privilege on

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Porklyips has contributed so many fine entries that I feel duty-bound to adopt one
I like this last one especially
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 13:56, Reply)