Morning Bee-Hatches
I woke up with a runny nose and a hacking cough.

Who or what did you wake up with?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:27, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Me too
And I have a long day in front of me (long 2 weeks in fact)

Have a good day!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:31, Reply)

I awoke with an erection
But that's nothing new.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:33, Reply)

did it wake you up by prodding you in the back?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:24, Reply)

A song in my heart, a skip in my step and a bucket full of sunshine

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:34, Reply)

okay, who are you, and what've you done with the real bert?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Will people please stop saying that to me?
This isn't some cheesy sitcom, I'm genuinely a very lovely person. I'm not even sure where I get this reputation for being horrible from
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:39, Reply)

I know, I'm just teasing you.
gee bertie, you should know that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:42, Reply)

I think he's just having you on
Either that or he got his leg over last night.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:39, Reply)

I think we've heard enough about bert having sex to last a lifetime.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:25, Reply)

A blinding headache
and a sore throat. /sigh
I suspect I have a bunch of meetings today as well so I won't even be able to find time or a place to snooze for a bit. Hey ho.
(berk, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Water for the headache
Caffeine for the meetings, and a quick wank in the bogs ought to sort you out.
For added effectiveness, give yourself a double-whammy
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:37, Reply)

I don't know how it works for the ladies
but I always find that a wank makes me more tired.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:38, Reply)

That's just because you're old
Try being a bit younger for a while, you might like it
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:40, Reply)

I've always been like that
Even when I was 16 and wanking at least twice a day. I'd always feel like nodding off afterwards.

Fortunately my mum never left me any milk and sandwiches on my bedside table.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:42, Reply)

It's biological; men are designed to fall asleep after orgasm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:48, Reply)

I think we all are really

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Your boyfriend's a lucky bloke then
If you just want to turn over and fall asleep after sex!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:54, Reply)

A sense of despair
I've been at a festival all weekend and now I'm back at work.

Also, I cycled to work for the first time today, so I'm full of adrenaline from nearly being killed.

Wiggy has the day off today because he gets a mazillion more holidays than me so he just flaunts them in my face. Whenever I take a necessary day off he takes two. Bastard.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:35, Reply)

Validation!
There you go, Kitty. I know you probably would have preferred it from anybody else, but it's better than nothing I suppose
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:58, Reply)

What are you validating?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Your cycling proficiency certificate

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:01, Reply)

haha
Maybe I'll retake it now, surrounded by little children, with my stabilisers on. And they'll all cheer when I finally make it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Your post
Posts without replies are like ginger step children, somebody has to love them
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:03, Reply)

in that case thank you for your support
I hadn't noticed my post was unloved, so even I was ignoring it. I'm glad there are people like you to give these lost little posts hugs and love.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Mornin!
Hacking cough also. I think it's hay fever-related.
I want to be anywhere else but here.
I need to shake this. It's not like me.
Maybe I'm Elvis Costello.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:39, Reply)

Do you have any pills and soap?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:43, Reply)

No but I've got some R Whites Lemonade

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:45, Reply)

You need Barr's lemonade
The best money can buy. Well, Scottish money anyway.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:46, Reply)

money thieving
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:47, Reply)

Cresta lemonade is the best you can buy!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:48, Reply)

No I do not
I need Schofield's, good scouse lemo.
They don't make it any more though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Probably went out of business
after all the clientèle nicked their hubcabs.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Cunt off
It was a very sad day when they went bust
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Pffft
you said bust. That made me think of boobies. Specifically your boobies.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I also said cunt
I admire the sense of decency that your subconscious seems to possess
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I would never be so rude as to think of your foo foo
not when I like your boyfriend so much.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:55, Reply)

You're a swell guy, Al

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Must be from glass bottle

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:49, Reply)

If we could get it in glass bottles here I would like it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Indeed.
Barr's lemonade (or American Cream Soda, or of course the venerable Irn Bru) is at its best when drunk from a glass bottle. I've not seen one in ages though. Garages used to sell them, for some reason.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Not in England though, surely?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:52, Reply)

Probably not
Barr's missed a trick there, I reckon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:53, Reply)

I wish Lucozade still had glass bottles and orange cellophane

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:54, Reply)

As brought to you by your gran
when you were ill as a child.

At least that's what happened in my family. I can never drink Lucozade now without thinking I should be feeling sick.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:55, Reply)

It was indeed Grandma
Grandma was my great gran. Nana is my nana.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I didn't know my grandparents
*violins*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Did they take one look at you
and decide they weren't interested?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Nearly,
they took one look and then died.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:13, Reply)

A sense of...
'shit I've got to get ready to travel 200 fucking miles to Aberdeen today, I need to remember ID, qualification originals, yadda yadda'
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:43, Reply)

Erection;
which is odd as I only remember dreaming about cricket...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:47, Reply)

Wickets etc

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:48, Reply)

As in, "If there's grass on the wicket"?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Nah, you're like a greyhound

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Old enough to bleed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I had a horrible dream yesterday
I was trapped in what seemed to be an episode of buffy, only I was being tortured and killed by an evil demon with razor blades instead of hands.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Lovely, but did you get an erection?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:49, Reply)

No
I had a horrible sense of impending dread.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:49, Reply)

Oh, that's less fun
Do you find it can take a few hours to fully shake off that feeling?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Yes!
Mine is usually a sense of guilt at dream-cheating on Wiggy.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:58, Reply)

How could you!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:59, Reply)

It's not me, it's my brain
it's a whore when my back is turned.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:03, Reply)

I like your brain
I bet it enjoys pole dancing in the non empowering way.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:04, Reply)

yeah my brain laughs in the face of feminism
it shaves its legs and wears uncomfortable underwear.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Ditto
I worry about getting too drunk in case it starts an affair with my boyfriend.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:05, Reply)

It's not your brain you need to worry about
it's me.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:08, Reply)

me my fetid cock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:09, Reply)

I know all about you two
So long as he comes home to me and washes your Brut off first, I'm ok.
*sob*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Brut jizz
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:09, Reply)

No, no, it's not jizz
They always get takeaway that's all
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:12, Reply)

If you want to make that dream a reality
you only have to get on the train to London.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:00, Reply)

*high fives in London town*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:00, Reply)

I'll keep that in mind
when I'm a bored housewife
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:06, Reply)

I'll be a bored househusband by then too.
I can see this working out quite well. I'm not sure how I'm going to install a pole without the mrs finding out though.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Tell her it's structural

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:08, Reply)

^this
tell her it's a load-bearing pole and it's integral to the property.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:17, Reply)

Tell him to stay in his room
and keep very quiet.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Arf arf arf arf arf

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Just because of the cricket reference, I'm now reminded of Brian Johnston's joke:
I call my dog Trueman because he has four short legs and his balls swing both ways.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Genius

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:56, Reply)

I dreamed about b3tans
They were having a bash, and no-one could see me. Turns out I was dead, and it was a b3tan funeral for me.

Which was odd, because surely no fucker would actually care, haha
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:57, Reply)

This is true

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Bad guts
So far I've had to warn away 3 people from my desk after dropping some absolutely vile smelling farts
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 8:56, Reply)

ym,
how was I the first to say this.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Because you raped her

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:05, Reply)

At least he hung around for cuddles afterwards rather than just bailing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:07, Reply)

she was dead.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Strangling doesn't count as cuddles in my book

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:09, Reply)

Exuberant cuddles

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:10, Reply)

exuberant and concentrated

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:18, Reply)

You know
I came here about 8.45 and thought "this thread is crying out for a "Your mum" reply, but I thought, "no, let's wait, I'm sure someone else will notice the criminal lack of your mumming.

You bring a tear to my eye, Chompy, and it's not even just the smell. Good man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I woke up with a sense of non-specific dread
but as I went to sleep with it it wasn't wholly unexpected.

after consulting the bank account I've got about £4 per day to live on for the rest of the month. Unfortunately that has to cover going on a stag do, going away camping for a weekend, going for curry with my parents and the mrs parents tonight...

this month is going to be shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:21, Reply)

I have similar problems this month,
but I've only got two things to do this month that'll cost a significant amount so I'll be ok.
won't one of your parents pay for the curry?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:23, Reply)

I'm hoping my mrs' parents will offer as I was speaking to my dad last night
and apparently they are skint too :-/

I'm not entirely sure why we are so much more skint than usual. We had a quarterly water bill this month and two new tyres on the car, but they weren't totally excessive
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Probably that solid gold guitar you bought

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Also Croissants aren't as cheap as they once were

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:28, Reply)

I'm not feeling particularly smug at the moment
so croissants aren't required
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:40, Reply)

I ate 3 croissants for breakfast today.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:42, Reply)

not feeling
croissants aren't required I've upgraded to pain au chocolat as big as your head.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:50, Reply)

my guitar is only gold coloured
it'd sound rubbish if it were made of gold
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Picking it up would be a bastard too

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:32, Reply)

I know exactly why I'm broke, Glastonbury.
I would offer to cook them a curry if I was that broke, you could feed 6 on £20 rather than £80
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:28, Reply)

we arranged to go for the curry before realising how broke we are

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:29, Reply)

I feel your pain
I have £33 in my account. Sadface.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:30, Reply)

That wont even buy my train ticket to Nottingham.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:33, Reply)

I know.
I'm supposed to be going to Cambridge to see my parents on the 16th, that will cost me £35. I've got 4 pole classes between now and then though so I'll have a bit of spare cash.

What you going to Nottingham for? Is it to see your boyfriend (snigger)
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Chompy has standards, he wouldn't date a darkie.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Pffffft

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:50, Reply)

No it's to see my cousin,
I haven't seen her since New York, and she's having a house party with all her student nurse friends.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

ahhhh the truth comes out
lots of rape-potential there.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I bet those student nurses does themselves up with Rohypnol
and just lie there on the living room with their legs apart.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I really think these rape jokes are getting a bit insensitive now.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I know Chompy,
you rape ONE girl ONE time and people start defining you by it. It's a sad indictment of modern times.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:59, Reply)

It's almost like condemning former alcoholic and smug tosser blaireau69
for being a former alcoholic and a smug tosser, or family killer and cat mutilater batshitmentalist for mutilating her cats and killing off her family.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I thankfully have never had any experience of rape.
Other people on here have.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Just because you closed your eyes
and pretended not to be able to hear them doesn't stop it being rape Rapey.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Well, I tried.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I'm in the same boat
I have no idea why.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Probably that solid gold guitar you bought
no wait...that was Vipros
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:27, Reply)

shit isn't it?
got a festival at the end of the month as well, which won't be particularly cheap.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:29, Reply)

I've heard a rumour that they're taking sneaky last-minute applications for the 'closed' voluntary redundancies
So tempted.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:32, Reply)

But who will sserve the good people of Liverpool cold meats and cheeses?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Fuck em all
Leeches
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:04, Reply)

But divide payoff by number of months subsequent unemployment.
Sorry for the buzzkill.
But good morning Roota!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I know that silly, but it would make me get A job, ANY job
Until a proper one came along
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I woke up with the sodding dawn
which is about 4am now. Bright sunshine, bastard birds singing their little bastard hearts out. BRING ON THE WALL...I mean "Autumn".
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:22, Reply)

End of September FTW.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

A darkness in my soul, I made a deal with the devil and danced with the wolf by the moonlight, last night.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Woah Gonz
Stop scaring me
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Alright Ro000o0o0otah, whatcha up to today?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:34, Reply)

Work and craziness :)
You?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Pretty much the same here.
Gonna call up a client in a few minutes and arrange a meeting later on so I can show him the fabulous work I've been doing over the last month.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Keep me posted you

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I did it !
I'll be demo'ing it tomorow morning ! Oh, *excites*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Is that why you couldn't make it for ribs?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:38, Reply)

I never knew they even invented invitations to rib places until it was to late and I couldn't make it =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Next time, buddy.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Yup, deffo.
Me and Lovely C are going for JAPANESE foods in a few weeks if you fancy it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Sounds good!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Awwwww
I love Japanese food. But I'll probably be on holiday.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Where you taking us all on holiday?
I quite fancy going to New York and then down to Florida, is that where you're taking us?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Ace !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:09, Reply)

I woke up as usual with one of my cats trying to claw/bite my feet at 5am
I pretended to be asleep so my girlfriend had to get up and shut him out.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:26, Reply)

My morning piss smelled of barbecue sauce.
I love Bodeans.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Oh you lucky bastard

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Where were you, huh? I had to be drunkenly offensive to your BFF for you.
AGAIN.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:39, Reply)

I'm so stupidly busy
I wanted to come but I just don't have the time. I hope you got all shouty and poked her and then realised what a stupid mistake you had made and ran away.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Nah, whenever I pissed her off I told her that Lab told me to say it.
He's going to get such a kicking.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Good work
how was your birthday at the weekend?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Not bad ta, properly destroyed on Friday and then fed terrifying amounts of food by my parents for the rest of the weekend.
How are you coming to terms with your impending wifedom?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:48, Reply)

I'm absolutely fine about it
Everyone keeps asking me that like it's the most terrifying thing in the world. What's really stressing me out is the thought of doing a speech. I hate talking in public.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Are you going to be doing the speech when we're there or before?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Before
we're doing them after the starters so I can actually enjoy my dinner
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Damn. I'm sure someone'll stick it up on youtube soon though ,)
Nah you'll be fine, just pretend you're addressing your favourite minions on here!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Glad to hear it.
Your speech will be fine. If you throw in a dozen or so toasts right at the beginning then no-one will even remember it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:52, Reply)

I feel the same
giving speeches is shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Hey what the hell?
So not cool.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:51, Reply)

My legs have never been broken.
One of yours is already ruined, so breaking it again won't be that big a deal.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Cold, harsh logic
Whilst I applaud it's use, I have to show somewhat double standards by saying "Fuck off, Smeagol".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Nassssty gothses.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Today I woke to the sounds of
SLAYERRRRR!!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:53, Reply)

YEAH!!!!!!
FUCKING SLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Is what I thought about 10 seconds after being woken
The first 10 seconds involved bleary-eyed flailing and utter confusion.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I'm seeing Slayer in a little under a month :-D

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I saw them twice a month ago with my BFF

(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:02, Reply)

I'm also going to be seeing Iron Maiden, Rammstein and many others
Amberl, Berk and unfortunately Darth Foxtrot will be at the same festival.

I think we're even.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I woke to the sound of foxes having it off in our garden
Then dozed off again, waking up with a bit of a headache and a stonking bone-on. Then dozed off again and woke up with John Humphrys talking in my ear.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)

What happened about the strange man in your house?
What do foxes sound like when they do it?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I phoned the landlord this morning
Apparently he had told this feller to go round and check the boiler for the gas saftey record. The landlord's abroad at the moment, so it sounds like it was part of a to-do list he'd left for the strange man. I don't think he was expecting the strange man to turn up unannounced the following day, either. He apologised for that, and at least now we know the strange man had a legitimate reason for being there and having keys to our house.

The mating call of the red fox (vulpes vulpes) is a harsh sort of yelping sound, almost like a scream. To be honest, the first time I heard it, years ago, I thought somewhere in the distance a girl was being stabbed.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Hold on a minute
How do you kno what a girl sounds like when she's being stabbed?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)

He visited Liverpool once

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Now 'ere you!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I was going to make a crass 'spam dagger' joke
but yours is far wittier.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

*bows*

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)