as so many people on here seem to like breasts
please can we talk about bras for a minute, as this issue has been foxing me for the last couple of weeks.

for the girls: i just got back from holiday and the friend i went with tells me that the way i put my bra on is ridiculously over complicated (putting it on without the straps, swivelling it round to do up the hooks, then swivelling it back, straps up, done - hardly complicated!). how do you do it, am i missing a trick that could give me seconds longer in bed every working morning, as i never realised there were alternative options.

and for the boys: how are your bra skills? do you fumble with each hook for about 15 minutes or do you just need to glance at her for the hooks to fly open all by themselves?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:08, 218 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I burn them off with fire.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:09, Reply)

ssssh
we are all talking about real bras, not online avatar breastplates.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:13, Reply)

also
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post612938#post612941
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:15, Reply)

all i see in that talk thread
is you begging someone to gaz you because she has large breasts.

this does not surprise me, although it is a new low. even for you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:17, Reply)

It's not a /talk thread thicko read the URL

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

oh yeah
because the difference between /talk and /OT is the thing to focus on there.

and don't call me thicko, dickhead!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

Oh sorry, everyone should be focusing on your breast.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

just the one?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

yes

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

this is because you have such a onetrackmind
that you can only cope with one thing at once.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:39, Reply)

What one do you focus on? If you pay to much attention to one, does the other one feel left out?
What if she's got less feeling in one breast, or prefers you to pay attention to the other one? God, this is so confusing, everything else there is one of, one mouth, one set of genitals*, and one bumhole. Everything that counts, except for the breasts, is clearly marked, breasts though, there are two, do you pick one and altinate every few minutes? Do you focus on between the breasts and hope you get both of them with your ears or checks or whatever? Oh god, it's so confusing, I wish I didn't start this.


* Ok, you got the balls, two there, but you can fit both in one hand, so they're OK.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

just one, not both

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

yes

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

that would be breastS plural
and don't judge everyone else by your own perverted standards
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:31, Reply)

that is quite complicated
you should try, putting your arms through the straps, arranging things satisfactorily, then bending your arms back to fasten it. I read somewhere that that movement is actually quite good for your arms anyway
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

That's what I do
I used to do it up, then put it on over my head. It turned out the back was 4 inches too big for me, hence my ability to do that :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I do this but I do it up and then put the straps on
then have a google wiggle dance
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Bras are fine when they do up from the back
I have in the past spent a few minutes on the back before being corrected.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:10, Reply)

oh yes
front fastening bras are always good for confusing guys.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:14, Reply)

they are good though
much more of a show, whap whap instant sex cushions.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I used to be able to undo them from the back one handed
I then went from girls with medium breasts (2 clasp) to vary between small (1 clasp) and large (3 clasp) and I lost all dexterity in my hand, so now struggle to undo them one handed. Not good.

Am also rather out of practice
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:13, Reply)

The triple clasp
The killer for the smooth move... There is alway 1 little hanger on after the killer finger click.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Yep, because you'll undo two, realising there is one left
Then, when you get that one, somehow, magically, another one has re-attached!

What A Bastard.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:21, Reply)

No there isn't...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:22, Reply)

There is to us!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Who's us?
The bf can undo a bra by apparently tapping it, I swear. Even three-hook ones.
Most annoying when you're eating your lunch.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I can with 2 or 1 clasp ones
its just those bloody triplets that get me...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Prove it
(had to be worth ago)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

While she is Scouse, sadly she doesn't conform to all stereotypes...
....Hang on, where the fucks my wallet gone?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

By the burning car

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Shazaaaam

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Also, I hope you do the scoop
It does amazing things for your cleavage. Once the bra's on, adjust your bazungas by putting your hand inside the cup, and pulling your tit up and making sure it fits nicely.

Or maybe I just have to do that with my silly breasts :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:15, Reply)

pretty much this
though an excellent tip is leaning forwards slightly when you put it on in the beginning
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Oooh, will do
You have excellent knowledge of breasts.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I've had to get used to them
but it does genuinely help, makes sure it fills the bra, rather than starting from the wrong point

I'm rubbish at taking other people's off though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

you are supposed to bend down so they fall in to fill the cups
rigby & peller lady taught me that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

But what if you boobs don't fall?
:/
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

buy new ones!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I love Rigby and Peller
but they don't really have bras to fit, and they're bloody expensive as well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I do this.
I'm always determined to get as much out of my boobs as possible
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

The corset is at the post office
REPEAT, the corset is at the post office.

It's a shame I won't be able to get it today, I need to hightail it off to Essex.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Oh Oh Oh!!
The excitement :D
I bought some red satin yesterday to attempt to make myself a sexy little red dress. This'll be fun.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:49, Reply)

If you have to bend at the knees to get your breasts
just wear a sack.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

It's odd how many methods there are for
putting on a bra. I mean, pretty much everything else you wear is one method only: Insert body part in to appropriate hole and pull. I do my bra up behind me and then put my arms in, just for the record. Most of my female friends who've seen me do this say it's a weird way of doing it.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:18, Reply)

I do it this way, you're not a freak
My mum does it the way Rachel describes though.

I also do the thing Lampito says where I rearrange them so it looks like I have a bit of cleavage.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

i do have a lot of cleavage
way too much cleavage. and i still do that too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

my friend who has big boobs bought the same air filled bra as me
I was well miffed. They shouldn't make them like that above a D cup, they're there to even out the playing field!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

nooooooo
they are there to give you a decent rounded gravity defying scoop shape whatever size!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

this is true
same with padded ones

my mrs was educated by some bra shop woman about how padding is for shape, rather than evil deceitful fake boobage
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

THIS ^
I sometimes have a bit of padding for lift and shape.
My mother said it's disgusting for a busty woman to use anything other than a minimiser bra. Silly mare.
You can't really fake your boob size. It's obvious if they're big, or small and forced.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

:(

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Nooo!
Padded bras are our thing! OUR THING! Don't take that away from us as well.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:31, Reply)

psh WHATEVS
*flounces*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

aren't all bras air filled?
unless full of boobs.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I complete the HMRC form CT650: "Application for third party bra removal"
It usually takes 3-6 weeks, longer during peak times.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

isn't there a fast track option?
try ticking the box that says "i am very funny AND i have my own chicken" ?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Things have become quicker since online filing
but it can all go wrong if the HMRC server crashes and refuses to accept submissions.

Which is annoying when you're trying to avoid a late entry charge (hyak hyak hyak!)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

this thread is good
for working out what sex everyone is. Still unsure.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Chompy's a girl.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Me chompy or the real chompy?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Real Chompy.
I know you're not Chompy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:25, Reply)

^love this

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)

It's pretty obvious, surely
Then again, for a while, I'm sure most of us were confused about Chompy...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Because becky is a liar.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

This coming from the b3tan who uses every oppurtunity to talk about wearing womens clothing
and loves Keane and Green Day?
(TheColonel, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:27, Reply)

keane..............................god
I had forgotten them. So dull.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I wasn't accusing him, I knew he was male
I'm simply pointing out that others didn't.

And you should pay more attention, I've already pointed out I can't stand Green Day. And yep, I like Keane.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:37, Reply)

moderately NSFW
best method I have seen:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTvSm3nQLfc
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:23, Reply)

she is so hot
can't imagine that would be practical everyday.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)

No not practical but who cares?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I prefer Devon Aoki in that film

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

eyes are too far apart. That is all.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I use an arc welder.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:26, Reply)

surely you need a cutter not a welder
Otherwise boobie access will be more difficult if you weld the hooks shut.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:32, Reply)

or a thermic lance

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I've got a cold and I can't think properly
:(
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

it sounds like you are doing it wrong
but who am I to judge?

it's taken some time, but I can undo them with basically a click of the fingers. Only from in front though with my arm round the back. If I'm presented with the catch right in front of me I can't do it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I am going to start bashing bras off with my erect willy
or use the force.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

These are not the tits you are after.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

genius

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:36, Reply)

52tease.multiply.com/journal/item/24
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

You could probably do the 'pinch' maneouvre from the back too
so long as it was still under clothes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:33, Reply)

I can never get it to work from the back
not as smoothly or quickly anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Ah, stick with your slick move then ;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

that's the plan!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

My girlfriend is Keira Knightly and/or Gwen Stefani
so my answer is "Not Applicable"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

we still wear bras you know, even if they're mostly unnecessary
*scowls*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I don't have a problem with her bras
But the suspenders are always difficult to release.

I need more practice.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:35, Reply)

why are you trying to release them?
it takes ages to get into all that gear and you want to take it all off again? Tut, boys.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I choose not to go into specific details,
but it's all part of the fun.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I just put my arms through the straps, make sure the cups are on my boobs, reach behind and do up the clasp...
your way IS ridiculously over complicated! :P
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I simply slice through the straps with a flourish of my rapier.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:39, Reply)

*swoons*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:40, Reply)

*swings up into the rigging on a handy rope*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:42, Reply)

You ARE the Dandy Highwayman
Ridicule is nothing to be scared of
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:45, Reply)

rapier than what?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Lollage.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

put it away Zorro

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

no you're rapier

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

now post coitus
would you offer to replace the ruined bra or not?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I should bloody well hope so
bras are expensive
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

it would ruin his cool though.
what's the most you've spent on a bra?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

well I'd send him a bill then
if he runs off. The most is about £60 I guess
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

60 sheets?
thats new shoe money!!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Bloody hell, I can get at least two nice bras and a selection of see through knickers for that price.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

She has to buy two dome tents and stich them together though.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I'm sure she will really appreciate hearing that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:49, Reply)

it was a once off
usually they hover at the £30 mark. Still ridiculously expensive though.

Don't taunt me with the pretty bra thing again.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Sorry, I'll stop.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

It's like taunting a bear-pig

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

A who-what?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

me

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Aren't the new big-bap ranges in the likes of Debenhams any good for you?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I popped in there
I think it was on your recommendation. Believe it or not, they only go up to the size just below me. The few ones that fitted me were just the typical 'we know you need LOADs of support, and are not going to be gettng any sex ever' for old ladies. Though it's just a smallish Debenhams. Will try a bigger store at some point
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Go to their website
That way you'll know if they actually make them in your size, and maybe your local store just doesn't have any in stock.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Clever ideas :(
I'd blame being ill, but that doesn't explain the rest of the time. Cheers
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I've spent about a hundred fucking quid.
Never again.


It didn't even suit me etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:46, Reply)

£18 :D

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

much better

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

£150

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Jesus christ woman!
I hope it was diamond encrusted, or at the very least came with a team of doves to put it on for you every morning.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

sadly not
AND it got ripped to shreds the first time i wore it. i am not sure if this counts as a success or a failure.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I'm assuming it got ripped to shreds by a man-type.
In which case, count it as a win.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

yeah in that respect it was all good
but a bit of finesse would not have gone amiss.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

What????
Did they have their own MP3 port and wine cooler built in?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I'm afraid
I disappear into the night with a swirl of my cape. Cads don't pay for ruined bras. It's against the rules.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:45, Reply)

so you ruin their clothes, ruin them and dissapear into the night.
skills.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:47, Reply)

and that's why you keep
getting bills in the post
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Put my arms through the straps,
Do it up in front of me first, then undo it and bend it round to do it up round the back. Pull it down into place, and do the scoop.
I have to do the in front thing first otherwise I can never do it at the back.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Aw, you little nutter!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:42, Reply)

That is very weird.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

So's your face

(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:50, Reply)

How's married life?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

So far it's a lot like a long holiday
followed by severe jet lag.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Something to tell your hairdresser at least.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Oh al,
How I've missed you.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I can understand that
especially when you keep getting pestered online by creepy rapists. What are you doing with your summer then?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Yeah, I need someone to come and fight them off.
Ohh, working, training, drinking and enticing men. You know, the usual.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Hey Al

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Hey Roota
how are you? And how is your sexy man?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Hey baybeh
I'm a bit crook. Terminal hypochondria.
He's sexy and toothy grinny as ever. I miss him bazillions.

Do you keep calling Mrs Al 'wife' for a laugh?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Last night I was unloading the dishwasher
while she was not helping in the living room and I shouted that I was getting bored and wanted my girlfriend for company, then realised I'd got it wrong. Then we both laughed. If you were single you would have found it sickening.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I never found things like that sickening in all my years of being single
They have always warmed my cockles.
I could cry right now, but I think it's lack of sleep and dehydration.
And me and Tigger are being bullied by a seagull.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I've thought of a cure for your seagull problem.
Put a bit of barbed wire/broken glass on your skylight. Sorted.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

My friend has my Big Ladder
This also means I can't escape to the roof in a fire.
I'm glad really. I'd rather choke to unconsciousness than fall off a roof.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Going on to a roof in case of fire
wouldn't be a good idea anyway. Fire spreads upwards, as a rule, so you'd be trapped on the roof.

It might make a Hollywood helicopter rescue easier, but the chances of that happening in Liverpool are negligible.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I'm on the top and there's no fire escape
I'm going to die.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Use the corpse of your man
to surf down the stairs.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Sorted!
He's rarely here, and Tigger is too small to surf on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I am sickened.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

HAHA you sad lonely single person

(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Eh,
Just the way I like it. Besides, I'm working on it at the moment. Have patience.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Bras are a right bastard to get off
if your other half has large breasts. The force on the clasp is beyond a one-handed movement, so removal becomes clumsy.

I've suggested velcro bra straps, as it has a good resistance to lateral forces but is easily detached by perpendicular movement. But I've been told this wouldn't be a good idea. Apart from the ripping noise it would make on removal, I can't see a problem.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

you must be doing it wrong
my mrs has large breasts and I can open her bra one-handed easily enough
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

maybe you've got giant hands
I wanted to say paws then, I don't know why
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Aw, I like the idea of his hands being paws
You know like Beast. Awwww.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Beast as in "beauty and the"
Or beast as in blue X man?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Oh, I mean Beauty and the...
He is a handsome cute fella who is very tall and has a beard.
Just saying.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

and i don't think he's blue

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

not all the time

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I heard you had a blue house with a blue window

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

my front door and window sills are all blue
if that helps
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

it does.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Some of his DVDs might be though

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

My hands are smallish for my size
and not especially hairy. I wouldn't really describe them as paws.

Which is a shame. I like the idea of having paws.

Edit - oh hang on, you were talking about Vipros, not me. Sorry. As you were.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

whereas I do have quite big hands (not out of proportion)
and they are on the hairier side...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Oddly
Most of my body is quite hairy, but it seems to stop at my wrists!

I look a bit like an undernourished Yeti when naked.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

what a delightful image

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I try to avoid looking in my full length mirrors in the bedroom...

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I do that
but only because I get stuck there due to my massive narcissism
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

it would not be the first time that it has been said
being called a werewolf or a bear are quite common
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I get bear a lot too. I'm pretty big with long hair and beard
When I work in schools the little ones first look scared then by lunchtime I'm being called Hagrid and it's all good
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

What do you do?
Other than little kids.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

training to be a primary school teacher
so no buggering allowed.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

My mate does that
Teaching them, not buggering them.
I think I'd be ok at that if I wasn't shit at maths and prone to crying when young creatures are sad.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

they are just lovely and so funny.
it's a great way to spend your day talking too and educating ;ittle ones. I love every second.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

But they'd ask me how to do add-up sums
and then I'd have to get smothering, lest anyone find me out
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

you just help them figure it out.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I can't do sums!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Buggering would be allowed outside school premises though
Provided your buggeree was not a minor.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

buggering sure just not pupils

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:19, Reply)

oh my god that's who it is that he reminds me of!
I thought it was a werewolf, but it's the Beast! I has a happy now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

haha
I'm not entirely sure whether I should be pleased or not
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

You should
He's bloody lovely
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

this.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

fair enough
:-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

better than rapey

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

very true
he looks like a bit of a dick when he turns back into a human though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

worst part of the story
and his voice goes all gay.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Exactly
I was so upset the first time I saw the end.
I was in the cinema with my nana and all the little cousins and I was DISTRAUGHT. What a knob.
And even some of the little ones were going "Oh Nana where's Beastuss gone?"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

they killed beast for gey metrosexual wuss
who would not fuck belle half as well as beasty!!! bloody disney nazi's
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I saw the stage show
and Beast was HOT. He was dead rough with her. She liked it though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:26, Reply)

course she did
the minx
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

does he have a hairy cock?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I don't, if that helps matters

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

ha

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I've not thought about it in great detail.
I'd like to think not.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I've got nothing against metrosexuals
but I still missed the Beast a bit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Don't all him THE Beast. It sounds insulting.
Belle just calls him Beast, like it's his name.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Maybe your Mrs wears larger bras than mine
There's a good bit of mass at the front putting strain on the strap at the back!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Comfort?
The rough side of velcro straps chafing on bare skin wouldn't be a selling point.

Great engineering principle though.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

this would simply encourage stupid women
to do it up properly so the two sides matched up.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

If only it encouraged them not to breed...

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

put it on their pants then!!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

All the stupid
women get brazilians so the velcro would have nothing to stick to.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Don't you mean "Californians"?

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I think he does
They're called Hollywoods here
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I don't really know that much about the correct lingo
for pubic topiary. I mean the one where all the fuzz is removed to look like a pre-pubescent girl.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)

That'll be a Hollywood / Californian
Most disturbing, I can't see the appeal myself.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Slidey slidey

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

But there's a risk of ending up looking like a freshly plucked chicken...
...or worse still like a pre-pubescent.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Maybe the former
Not the latter
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I just wink and smile, and they come off.... or I franticly paw at the catch like a cat trying to grab a spot made using a lazer light until I eventually give up and go seek a food source.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I like this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I can undo bras very very quickly even through clothes.
I do it to my friends regularly when we go out and they have to go to the toilets to put it back on. They hate me.
( Peej, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Got a master yell-lock key?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)