Right, what's been happening while I've been away?
I'd like to think I was missed, but I'm sure I wasn't.
A question for JohnTheDane (or DiT, seeing as he is actually a person and a Danish one at that): If the usually cheerful Danes are prone to suddenly shout "NO PHOTOS!" when I take innocent snaps of croissants, yet will happily FILM innocent people having a little snog, then what is wrong with the world?

Alt q: Denmark or Sweden?

EDIT: Sorry BoabyPires
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:41, 234 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello Scouse
I have a mission for you. Await a gazzing. Good time away?

edit - no worries at all for stomping on my thread you northern jizz cavern!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Roota!
Welcome back! Have you learned lots about other cultures? Tell us everything.

Also use your sniffer dog nose to find out the CatHater is. Common consensus says its Bert.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:44, Reply)

who was the other guy I gazzed you about I want roota to sniff him too!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:48, Reply)

he's lame.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Who is it who is it who is it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I think his name was
all my passwords are password or something. The timing of his arrival and newness of account made me think Bert. But his replies haven't been Bertesque really.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

you are absurdly paranoid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

more curious than paranoid.
more annoying than paranoid.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:03, Reply)

paranoid Bert
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Vigilance isn't always paranoia
Not on b3ta.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

just because you're paranoid
doesn't mean they're not after you.

/foil hat
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

On first look
One would say Cat Hater was Bert, but I'd be inclined to think he'd make his next persona more likeable initially and then become more and more obnoxious, This could be a clever double bluff by somebody other than Bert. Let us wait and see.

I think I learnt lots about other cultures, but as Copenhagen is a capital city and Malmo is not, I don't think the comparisons would be fair.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I've never been to Copenhagen,
apparently it's beautiful, what did you think?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

just because there is a song that says it's beautiful doesn't make it so
I found it to be passable. Quite a lot of ugly industrialness around.

People were surly. Ice creams and pastries are excellent. There used to be (maybe still is) a commune type place built in an old army site in the centre somewhere where you could buy loads of drugs. That bit was good. Stoned dogs FTW
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I liked it when I went but it was bloody expensive - was glad I was on company expenses

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I found bread particularly expensive
cheap smokes though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I had some of the best sushi I have ever had in Copenhagen. The beer was way too expensive wherever I went.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:04, Reply)

that's the case throughout most of Europe
I was almost floored by the price of a large Heineken in Amsterdam last time I was there. Over 6 Euros!

Good job I was so high
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

When I went to Norway
A loaf of bread was about seven quid and a pint was almost a tenner.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:12, Reply)

fuck
my parents went to norway recently and commented on how obscenely expensive the booze was
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:17, Reply)

It was without a doubt
the best place I've ever been and I would live there in a heartbeat. If I had a few million quid.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

a mate of mine is norwegian
his parents live in the same place as the King of Norway and Helly Hanson
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I went to Olso for my birthday a couple of years ago,
Absolutely fell in love with the place. It is stupendously expensive though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I went to Fab Cafe for my birthday
rich bitch.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

We did it on the cheap.
£10 flights and all the free attractions and that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

that is acceptable then

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

^this

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Helly Hanson is a guy?
That used to be chav jacket of choice.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

used to be a guy
I assume it must be his family or something who live there, because he died in 1914

the waterproof stuff is widely used for fisherman and stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I thought that said "I used to be a guy"
and I was like "woooah, the wedding's off"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

haha
I am still a guy.

and unless something unforeseen occurs, I always will be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:31, Reply)

hell hath no fury like a Kitty scorned
so you never know
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I'll bear that in mind

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)

maybe they were trying to put you off so you'd leave
Off Topic is becoming a subscription site soon you know...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:26, Reply)

....................................
ouch.............
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

aww sorry I was only kidding!
I feel bad now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I'll take that round then
1-0.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

what is it with these newbies and their point scoring?
THE INTERNET IS NOT A COMPETITION
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:31, Reply)

don't worry dear, we're winning.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

You only say that cos you're not winning.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

everything is a competition.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Bit like Blackpool.
I mean, I know it's a capital and they have to cater for the spazzy tourists, but it could do with a wash and brush-up and getting rid of the bingo houses and beggars.

The architecture's amazing and the people are lovely.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Cat Hater is claiming to be one of RBF Esquire's accounts. I still think it's Bert though.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I think he's boring tbh
The award has been won for "fastest ignore by me" so far!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:05, Reply)

yeah that was my impression
I don't like people who just jump straight in with obnoxiousness.

Is that a word? Monty?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Google says yes!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Monty's not here man.
I'd say it is a word
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I don't like ignoring anyone really
Penguin of Death is currently borderline for being a spelling, grammar, and semantics nazi but apart from that I feel like I miss out.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Pfft, PoD is lovely.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I haven't seen any evidence of that yet.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:21, Reply)

more to the point, at least half the people on here are spelling, grammar and semantics nazis

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Ja, das ist recht.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

True true
for some reason POD and TGB just stick in my head.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:27, Reply)

be careful what you say about TGB
her vag will engulf you like the bad guy's face out of Blade II.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Is she the one that tried to rape Vipros or something?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Yes because he's hot, funny and capable of intelligent conversation
Which is what I look for in a man, so you're safe.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

watch it

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

now now ladies...
ugh, that kind of creeped me out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Seems there's some scuffling in The Queue

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

V really needs to keep his women in order

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

It'd be like trying to herd cats
*insert obvious Kitty/pussy jokes*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Sorry I used you purely to get a shot in at boabypilates
I actually think you're vile
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Don't worry
I hate you too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)

it wasn't a very good shot was it?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)

you are shit though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

This website does fuck all for my self confidence.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

that's odd
it does wonders for mine
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Nuclear bombardment couldn't dent your self confidence

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I had to work at it.
mainly by becoming awesome.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I might become your padawan of smugness

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

you would have to be selected
I'm not sure I've got room in my life for that sort of thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)

ooh that was good
have a croissant
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)

:-D

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Then why haven't you given up yet?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Because I have convinced myself you all actually think I'm wonderful
- because it's better than working and funny.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

why so bitter all the time?
snap snap snappy all day long. Do you need a hug? Vipros may be available.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Woo, borderline!

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

you've moved back now after the commendation
Applebite gave you.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)

'ello you
Sounds interesting! Why where you not allowed to photo croissants? Did they think you where some kind of pastry spy? Hope you had a great time!

AltQ. Sweden. From what I've heard anyway. And one of my great grandads (I think) was Swedish.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

i think she thought I fancied her
And shouting "I was snapping yer croissants!" wasn't going to help.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I wouldn't start asking JohnTheDane questions
He might gaz you a picture of his "Danish Bacon."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:51, Reply)

haha!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Advice taken.
They love filming things those Danes.
And the Swedes get the name of being perves.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I can't say I've been to either country, or encountered many natives from either.
However: a friend of mine went out to visit some collaborators last christmas in Lund, in Sweden, and said the country was lovely, the christmas markets were wonderfully quaint and all the people were very nice.

By contrast: whilst on holiday we were staying across the road from a holiday house owned by some Danish feller. He was surly, rude and perpetually grumpy - whilst all the locals in this pokey little village would greet one and all with a polite "Bonjour", he would walk straight past everyone, refusing to make eye contact, let alone greet them. In the end we just knew him as Grumpy Dane. He was an arse.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I found Danes to mainly be surly and angry
but they do make the best pastries.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Apart from two bitches, I found the Danes to be extremely cheerful
They all have the jolly temperament of Captain Birdseye.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:58, Reply)

maybe it was mostly festival staff
but they really didn't seem to like anyone.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Also, on the photo note
When I was in spain there was a guy on the beach wandering up and down with a metal detector and we took a photo of him and he came over and started shouting and screaming at us that we didn't have his permission to photograph him. He was well angry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:53, Reply)

he could have been looking for a murder weapon he discarded in panic
he might know where you live!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I barely remember where I live, he won't know.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I found the danes very happy people.
After I had made their Carlsberg maltings work 100% more efficiently.

Swedes are nice too. Mashed.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 10:57, Reply)

You are what's wrong with the world, ya ming/mong/meff gone wrong
Alt Q: Sweden
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I have never been to either of these places
But having met Swedish people and no Danes, I'm going to conclude that Danes are far more well balanced than Swedes, as the Swedes I have met are mostly mental.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Swedes are functioning pissheads
The Danes lose the plot and lie in the street drinking strong beer because theirs is cheaper.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Good to know
Also good to know that Denmark is cheaper than Sweden.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Hello! and Welcome back.
Nothing of note. Sexface tried to chat me up last night, it was horrific.

Why were you photographing croissants?
Sweden. Because the women are meant to be super fit.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:06, Reply)

They're not
Well, I didn't see many in Gothenburg.

The only nakedness I saw at all while we were there was on a Mo Mowlam lookalike with no shame *borks*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Don't ruin my fantasy damn you!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Well, it ruined mine!
It felt only fair to share!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

In real life or on B3ta?
I was photographing croissants so I could shre the picture with my friends whenever I was feeling smug.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:08, Reply)

On here
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post835971

Ah, I thought maybe you were going to present Vipros with a "croissants of the world" photo collection.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:11, Reply)

That looked like some fairly shit chatting up

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I said it was horrific.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:18, Reply)

You were quite correct

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Pretty average by Internet standards
Internet standards being fucking deplorable.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Mind you, I've met SexFace
So I'm not at all surprised.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I've not met him
I've heard tales of him though.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Same here.
Oh the tales.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

tales tails

No wait, that isn't right.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

NEEDS MOAR COCK-GAZ

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Don't give him ideas :/

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

VILE!
And yes, Vipros crossed my mind when I saw the abundance of croissants.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Mine too
Hence my FB profile pic.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

We should do this, actually.
Everytime one of us goes on holiday, take a picture of the local croissants, so that Vippers can build up a collection of exotic pastries.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I shall start next week
When I'm relaxing in Menorca.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

And you thought I was bad.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:31, Reply)

It was better than mine.
"You're fat"
"You're ugly"
"I only fuck pretty people, and you're not one of them."
"Get in my bed."

Is this burning? An eternak shame?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

IMO scandanavian girls are the best.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:09, Reply)

they're too blonde for my liking
I like dark hair and pale skin
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Now who does that sound like...?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Cherie Blair?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

ha!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

my mrs for one ;-)
and my BFF
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Hoorah!
Lots of them dye their hair.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:29, Reply)

:-D
I was remarking yesterday that my mate's new mrs looks quite a lot like Zooey Deschanel.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:30, Reply)

The Fifth Grace!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Can you ask her hows she's doin' from me?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I will do
I haven't seen her since I realised, so need to say it from me as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

*ahem*

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

and my secret lover

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUK257&q=define%3A++secret&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=
(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

touché

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

We were talking about fit girls
Cough elsewhere.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

harsh dude
harsh
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

She knows I'm joking
I would never actually tell an ugly girl that she's ugly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:36, Reply)

You tell me I'm ugly all the time and that I have a stupid face
:(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

"I would never actually tell an ugly girl that she's ugly."

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

...... you have a stupid face?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I just complimented you
you big stupid face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I don't respond well to compliments sorry
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)

awwwww

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)

shut up I'm well fit.
on a scale of one to fit I'm FIT.

*sobs into cheesecake*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)

The sugar and fat
Makes it hurt less.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)

All my previous girlfriends

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I like pale skin and redhead or blondes
Plus the accents do it for me everytime.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

*preens*

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Scandinavian babies fucking RULE
If they're not gorgeous then they're fucking hilarious with giant fat faces and eyes like currants.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:10, Reply)

This!!!!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Swedes are indeed mental.
Anyone who will climb the central support pole for a marquee naked must be.
She had a lovely body though, until the splinters from the pole had their way. Blood. Lots of it.
But she laughed and covered herself in vodka so that was ok.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:20, Reply)

was this just a dream?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Nope.
Drink fueled shenanigans at Santa Pod Raceway.
Very popular with the Swedes is the drag-racing.
Attracts some real characters.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Denmark
All Danish girls I've met have been nice, hot and wonderfully accented.

Also, Denmark has Lego :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Are you sitting down?
We have lego here too.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I know two Swedish girls
And they're both fit! Therefore Sweden.
Plus I know "jävla fitta", which is a strong Swedish swear word. I don't know any Danish swears.

Oh, and welcome home :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Ta la!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

What does that mean in English?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Stupid bitch

(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

In before
"Oh, I wasn't translating it, just calling you a stupid bitch"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I AM VERY WITTY

(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)

as much as it pains me to say it
I think I agree
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

witty pedantic
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)

wit - charm = fail

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Stop badly insulting yourself chompy.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I prefer it when I do it rather than others
I'm still upset with you/me for the drubbing you gave me last week.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

"Fucking cunt!"

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

haha!
I like it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)

my norwegian extends as far as fitta
I can say "You are not the destroyer, cunt" but can't spell it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I told you to shut up even though you weren't here.
How's that for being remembered?
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post835779#post835780
(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

morning Chompy.
all well with you?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Yeah ok, I'm in an all day meeting today but we're on a brief break.
You?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)

An all day meeting about paperclips?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Even better than that
Systems and procedures. YAY!!!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Wow.
Jealous.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

It's time for another round
Of meeting-bingo!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)

yeah goooood.
watching Big Bang Theory reruns with my cat on my toes. Happy times. :)
The meeting sounds slightly dodgy though.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

The meeting is fine,
I just sit there and talk bollocks for a bit, and drink my body weight in coffee.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:44, Reply)

that sounds like a plan!
I drink my weight in tea at work. Love a good slurp (of tea you filthy bastards!).
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Try and mention as many memes as possible
that would amuse me. I never get invited to meetings, I'm not important enough.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I feel warm

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Incontinence?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)

She is getting pretty old

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Both kinds

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)

the best way to be.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Don't know if this happened while you were away or just after you got back
Either way, it was last Sunday - Mama Crow has just reported the following by email.

Mama and Papa Crow live next door to a church. The Crow family unit would be best described as "atheist," but we try to live and let live and let the god-botherers waste their Sunday mornings next door.

Unfortunately, said bible-bashers have a habit of parking their myriad cars (or, increasingly, unnecessary 4x4s) outside my folks' house. Not a problem, until they start parking in front of the driveway, which they have a habit of doing without a moment's thought - they have obviously decided that my folks will be in the same church at the same time as them, and will therefore not need to get the car in or out of the drive. Or just because they're inconsiderate cock-munchers.

On this particular Sunday morning, Mama Crow had to pop out to fetch some groceries, and returned to find that one such inconsiderate knobjockey had parked just over the side of the driveway. Just enough that when Mama Crow tried to squeeze her car around his, she realised there was not enough space, clipped the car on the wall and dented the door, at which point she had to give up, park the car at the other end of the road and carry a bootful of groceries to the house from there.

The generally more short-tempered Papa Crow was distinctly less than impressed by this turn of events. When he saw the owner of the obstruction, he stormed out of the house and demanded to know why the selfish arse couldn't park further up the road, i.e., not obstructing anybody else's driveway, and walk the remaining distance to the church. Mama Crow reports a lot of shouting. Apparently after pointing out that his wife has had to park at the other end of the road and carry the groceries back to the house from there, and that one of them will later have to go and retrieve the car from the other end of the road once these selfish gits have cleared enough space to allow access to the driveway, Papa Crow was met with the rebuttal of
"Well, at least I go to church."

At least I go to church. Jesus tittyfucking donkey-bumming christ, I shall remain eternally surprised that my father did not thump him. What kind of smug, patronising, sanctimonious, holier-than-fucking-thou logic is that? "I'm a good, godly little soul who goes to church on a Sunday and therefore it is right and proper that I should be an inconvenience to nasty sinners like yourselves"? How does going to church every week give you a divine right to behave like a selfish, inconsiderate baby-wipe-the-day-after-a-Tayyab's-curry? Is there a passage, buried somewhere in the depths of the bible, which says that all the good little believers must spread the word of the lord by seeking out the unbelievers, yea, and being unto them a nuisance? And then being as skin-crawlingly sanctimonious as possible when confronted about it?

I'm tempted to ask my mother whether this pious little shit-frotter was driving a Honda Accord, but I don't think she'd understand the reference.

/end rant
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

oh gosh.
Jesus I would have thumped him! what a wanker.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)

It doesn't
I'd have punched him.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I bet hey've got a cat

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

what a complete fucking cock
I would have said "so you are a thick cunt who can't think for himself as well as an inconsiderate wanker?"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

That would have set off my rage.
You could suggest they speak to the priest as he could mention it at the next service. Those feckers will listen to the priest.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Unfortunately,
the vicar is just as much of a cock.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I would have shit a perfect Star of David on the bonnet of their car

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

And this is why I love you.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Wow, love?
*smugs*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

^this
Oh, so very much this
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I'd have said
Well the bible says respect thy neighbour.

Then watched as he tried to say I wasn't his actual neighbour then I would have cunted him in the fuck
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

oh dear
that man sounds like a grade a tool
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

My great grandma warned me about those types.
She went to church and so did I until I was about 11, but she said "Never hang around after church for a chat. These people think they are holy just because they've been to church, but they come out right after mass and stand around criticising and gossiping. They're not good people."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Great grandparents
Good source of wisdom.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Totally

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Excellent anger here. 10/10.
You should be at your parents this Sunday, dress up as a C of E traffic warden & yell you'll be sending them all to hell for inconsiderate behaviour.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Why didn't you key the fuck out of said car.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I approve of this rant.
What a self-righteous cunt.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Self-righteous! That's the word I was looking for.
(I was so angry while writing that I think it temporarily stunted my vocabulary...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I've been tempted in the past
when someone does something like that, to remove all the studs from their wheels, and place them on the roof or bonnet of the car.

If they don't understand what these things are lying on their car, and simply remove them and drive off, the consequences would be somewhat humorous.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Next Sunday, get your Dad to follow the cunt home
Then, next time he goes out, put a large wheelie bin in front of his driveway, with the reference "Luke 6:31" sprayed onto the side.

Alternatively, kill him.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I had to Google the reference
but I like it!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

That would make me go balistic.
Has anyone noticed how clean cars parked outside churches are? This makes me wonder if all the drivers suffer from the sin of pride.

Every time I drive past a church engulfed in said clean cars, if I'm not alone, I say, "The lord, he liketh a shiny car." This annoys my partner no end.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)

It's because they wash their cars on Saturdays
Sunday being a day of rest.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I thought saturday was B & Q day.
I'm confused now.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:34, Reply)

The Bible is full of nasty stuff too, especially the Old Testament.
Have a look at Judges 19 for example. It involves a group of men who want to rape a man, who offers his virgin daughter and concubine to them instead. Eventually he lets them have the concubine, whom they gang rape all night, and leave her for dead on the man's doorstep. He cuts her body into pieces later.

And this is supposed to be a text of moral guidance?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Its certainly a handbook on negotiating skills
by the sound of it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:33, Reply)

You forgot an important thing here.
CHURCH IS FOR SINNERS! (Best Ian Paisley voice)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 24 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Everything is wrong with the world
I hope someone I don't like falls down some stairs to make me feel better. Or someone I like that would be equally enjoyable.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

What's up
You're thin and sexy aren't you?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Everyone commented on my weight loss yesterday
I didnt know what to make of it. I'm annoyed because I need to find three thousand quid in a week or I'm not allowed back on my course, I agreed a payment plan with them but they changed their minds the cunts. It's not my fault I went round Europe watching Fulham and acting the idiot instead of paying my rent.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Can't you get an advocate or someone to MAKE them give you a payment plan?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)

No idea. I stormed out and told them to bore off in the meeting yesterday.
I also have nowhere to live which doesnt help.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)

It's looks like you are going to have become a prostitute

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Why go out and work hard, when you can make a living on your back?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:32, Reply)

buy MOAR clothes

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

clothes SHOES
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

morning, welcome back!
I got a full time (if not permanent) job, first one in 6 years, and we all proved we cared about stuff yesterday. There were some pictures of food, some insults and some talk of cake

That's what I remember, anyway
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

oooh, congrats on the job!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)

it's the same one I already had
but now MORE and BETTER
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)

that's some impressive laziness there, cat related incident

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:28, Reply)

In between
I've run a business and had up to 4 jobs at a time, so, not very lazy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)

well that's me told

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)

miaow!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Fuck Off Cats

(The Cat Hater punch a cow for the planet, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I read that as "4 hand jobs at a time."
impressive.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I have dexterous feet

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Too much LARPing I should think.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Also, we did LOLZ at this place
maps.google.co.uk/maps?layer=c&cbll=55.600069,13.004282&panoid=5sTTbiwxR24gLboo_zgHLA&cbp=12,50.490002,,1,-5.250000&cid=5953384134622421487&q=perssons%20malmo&ved=0CHQQ2wU&sa=X&ei=B6xzTP-aINHOjAetzpyjAw
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:26, Reply)

that is made of lols

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 24 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)