It's my Birthday today. I'm 25. Give or take 7 years.
And for the first time I can remember I couldn't get the day off. So I'm relying on my boring workmates and you gorgeous people to make me giggle.

And, in an act of shameless self-whoring, if you want to give me a birthday present, go to the link below and click on "I Like This"

www.b3ta.com/questions/confess/post846659

What filthy self-promotion have you indulged in lately?

Post-Facebook edit - thank you to Amberl, BGB, Kitty, AA, TLiC, Bobby, Noel and Roota for the messages on my wall!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:52, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy Birthday dude. Are you doing anything good? I just wrote a thread too, but deleted it for you on this special day now you're 32. Haha.

edit - that wasn't meant to rhyme.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Yes it was, don't lie
And not really, seeing people this weekend. Much beer in the offing. Creativity is but a distant memory for me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

You should buy a mexican wrestling mask like me. They make you feel invincible and do brilliant accents.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I can't possibly match your proifle picture
and if you can't advertise something on Facebook it doesn't count IRL
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I want to wear it on a night out but my friends wont let me.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Get new friends

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Far too old for that now. I'm stuck with them.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

wear it anyway, they won't know it's you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Then I'll just be a nutter in a wrestling mask running around Bristol at night time. That's quite appealling actually.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

e
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

appalling, yeah that too sure.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

You are a self publiscist of the first order.
Puts Tony Blair to shame you do.

Well done, and Happy 32nd birthday.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Thank you kindly, sir

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I'm not clicking a story about "bloke has shit"

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

You could at least read it properly
Amazing that the story is so simple and you still got the facts wrong
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

I gave up about half way through,
you mentioned your anus and alarm bells rang.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:59, Reply)

If only everyone could follow your example

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I followed it
I don't like poop stories. I'm guessing this was just a 'farted and nearly pooped' story, but you know how I feel about anything of that nature.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Oh yeah, had forgotten that
Apologies if I made you lose your breakfast Kitty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I'm having breakfast now
although I'm struggling with it a little having just read the synopsis of The Human Caterpillar.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

A small part of me is most intrigued by that film
But I seriously doubt the other 1 hour and 25 minutes will be worth it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

it's on my very small list
of films I'd never see
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

yeah mine too
along with the rest of Hostel, Hostel 2, any Japanese horror involving kids. Oh and anything starring Kevin Costner.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Erm...
I quite liked Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Me too mate
Ignore these highly attractive women, what do we ened their kind for?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

you've already answered that question
to your own satisfaction. The answer was 'nothing when there are men'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

It's an excellent film

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Plus, Morgan Freeman is awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I agree

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

So we all concur
Girls are stoopid
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

haha pretty much my list
bar the Japanese horror films with kids. Kevin Costner and Hostel though are just degenerate.

And a Clockwork Orange, but that's more because it looks shit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

From what I've heard
Mr Brooks is meant to be a pretty good film
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I don't remember much of my early thirties.
My advice is take as many photos as you can.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Any particular part you want him to take pictures of?
And do you want them gazzed to you?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I already clicked on your story yesterday
happy birthday you old cunt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Thanks kiddo

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Happy birthday, little boy
Any big plans to celebrate?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Little?
Ms Foxtrot's taking me out for lunch but we've got dance rehearsal tonight so most of the celebrations will be taking place this weekend
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Yep, little
She's about 10 years older

*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

You're lucky that my joints aren't what they were
But I'll take the Abemobile and will catch you!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Enjoy it, then
I want to have a quiet weekend, but I think it's not going to happen.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I advertised that I had Extra Old Marmite on toast for breakfast this morning
And no-one noticed :-(
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

omg
I did too

*high fives*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Sweet!
*high fives back*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Nice one.
I thought about getting some of that - is it noticeably different? I had the Champagne one, but missed the Marston's version.

I like Marmite.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

It's a deeper flavour, very tasty
Superb on toast though
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

I concur
not sure if it is worth the extra quid or so that it costs though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

We have the proper "Old Stuff", and some... homemade old stuff
When we moved the shit out of my grandma's cottage we found a jar Best Before March 2003. We still have it. It's delicious. It also meant it was only 2 years ago that I discovered Marmite was supposed to be brown and spreadable, rather than black and thicker than treacle.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Marmite is disgusting
it's what cancer would taste like.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I'm with you on this. Bovril is great though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

oh dear....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Such a shame Kitty, I thought we could all be friends...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

liar you never thought that
you want to smear me in marmite and feed me to the b3tans.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

No chance!
Why would I waste good Marmite?

I'd use Nutella, that stuff is shit.

Yes, I've changed what I'd written
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

when you realised
you wanted to pander?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Nope, when I realised that it sounded incredibly insulting/pervy
Which wasn't my intention at all
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

the Guinness version was fantastic

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I didn't manage to get any :-(
Happy Candle Day!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

you might still be able to get it on eBay
think I might have a wank to celebrate candle day
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Stick a candle up your arse whilst you're doing it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Oh it's my candle day - didn't realise. That beats your birthday Cocksnot. (happy birthday btw)

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

HAPPY CANDLEMAS YOU FUCKING WANKER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

THANK YOU, YOU CUNT

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Happy Candle Day

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

cheers

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

like a guinness shit in a jar.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I'm curious how you know such things...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

It's the apex of her pole routine.
She spins round upside down then curls one out into a Marmite jar.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Before smearing it all over the nearest bloke?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:51, Reply)

No
Then she fills up a pyramid of cocktail glasses with a stream of Guinness diarrhoea - it's really quite something.

Tends to only get booked once though, which is a shame. Apart from in Germany, for some reason.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

as it's an all girls pole class
the poor barman got it right in the face.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Happy birthday, Cocksnot.
I am abysmal at self-promotion. I have instead stuck your mobile number up in every phone box in the Old Compton Street area - bit of a 'birthday treat' for you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

As if I'd let you have my phone number
Thank you for the birthday wishes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Haha, I've done that one.
When I used to fly a lot, I'd normally sit with my Dad. If we were lucky, I would sit on the aisle seat, he would sit in the window, and there wouldn't be anyone in the middle so we would put the laptop on there and watch films.

Dad had a habit of forgetting the headphones are on and just speak really loudly to be herd. He came out with some right gems, but the best one was when we were watching some WEEEEEE BOOM GAH GAH GAH movie, and he shouts very audably to everyone in the local facility "£10 says the shvatzah* gets it first" followed 10 minutes later by "Yup, that'll be £10 please".

* Yiddish for a black person.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Is it a rude way of saying a black person?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It depends on the context.
I never once heard dad say it in the context of the N'word, but I've heard other people who have said it in that context.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

How offensive is Schmuk?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

See my bellow post.
Schmuk is like that too, my dad always called me Putz/Schmuk/Lobbus/Schmeral, and I didn't see that as a degroatry terms, but I've heard people say it with the intent to say "You cunt".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Putz is 'dick', right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

Different familys use it differently, but I know it as...
Putz - Idiot
Lobbus - Loveable Idiot
Schmeral - Can be 'dick' or 'loveable idiot'.
Schmackle - Dick
Schmuck - Cunt
Schmoozer - suck up
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Yok - Eaither non-jewish or a Chav/'yob'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

What's a 'goy' then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Same thing, but my family use the word 'yok' instead.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Seeing as I'm deepest North London
I'm going to see how many of these I can use duing my lunchbreak.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Yiddish is a bit of a weird language, in the respect that it's one of the only languages that isn't geographicly linked.
So where as someone from one family would consider it a real negative way, others would say it in a matter-of-fact way.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

It just means the colour black, literally, doesn't it?
I have heard it used in a derogatory manner by my boss.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I heard you got used in a derogatory manner by your boss.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

I heard you got a smelly minge after you dissed RJD

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I heard it started WAY before the RJD diss.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

it's true, the RJD diss just exacerbated the problem
no one will sit with me now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

+h
with on
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

no one will sith on her?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

hahaha
Good. Goooood.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post845671
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

You could not be more right. He is a total and utter cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Yes and no, I believe in german it means 'black', but in yiddish, it means 'black person'.
Naturally they're linked, but you would never here someone say "That car is shvatzer", in respect to the colour.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I've already eaten my lunch today
I'm going to have to go to the shop later.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Hurrah!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

I might have a ginsters slice

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

what flavour?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

ALL THE FLAVOURS

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:27, Reply)

CURRY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I like the steak one best
but that's like saying I like to eat chunky shit best of all the other types of shit.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I have eaten the occasional steak one. Don't tell anyone though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I find that the spicy chicken ones is least offensive
and seems most like actual food. good for a hangover too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

It has chicken in it
the chicken in those kind of things is the most offensively produced chicken there is. I'm not massively into animal rights, I don't really think they have any, but you shouldn't be cruel to them just to save a few quid and I find the concept of mass produced chicken to be really unpleasant, as well as tasting like nothing.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Now tell him you don't think you can be his friend any more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I don't care that much

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I think you do. Burn him!
Actually watching Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's chicken programme was really offputting. Now whenever I see cheap chicken in Sainsbury's it revolts me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

What annoyed me most about that program
was the spastic chav woman saying "I can't afford to buy normal chicken at five pounds each, I have to buy two for a fiver" and Hugh trying to convince her to spend the extra money on happy chickens when surely the most obvious response is "You don't need two fucking chickens, just buy one and eat more vegetables"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

She was a hideous fat lump.
But she's my mum so I love her all the same.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

this is true
animal rights are as low down on my agenda as it is possible to get, but battery chickens just seem like un-necessary cruelty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Unnecessary hyphen, and all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I was talking about the taste, but you probably realise that.
mass produced chicken is unnecessarily cruel indeed. I disapprove of how they treat pigs and stuff in Europe too, so no Danish bacon.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I get my bacon from the local butcher
it's bloody gorgeous. I like bacon
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

just had bacon
local bacon and all
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I'm jealous.
Of you for having bacon, and of the bacon for being in your mouth.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

it di(gest)ed happy

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

HAHA!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I love bacon
what I find most ridiculous about the badly treated animals is that they don't taste good, or as you pointed out, of anything. Or they shrivel up to nothing when cooked.

it's shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Did you see Hestons programme on how much water you can pump into a chicken breasts
you can literally double the size and weight of it and it all just steams out when you cook it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I did not see that
it doesn't surprise me though.

I mostly use chicken thighs these days unless the recipe specifically calls for a whole breast. Tastier and cheaper.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I would
but mrs al says they are too fatty. I personally don't get this, but she's all about the healthy eating.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I've found that it is possible to remove the fat from them
the extra tastiness and extra cheapness more than makes up for the extra effort required to remove the fatty bits
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

They have double the taste of breast, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I was talking qualitatively
not quantitatively.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Proper chicken
has about half the fat of cheap ones, so Mrs Al would be OK with thighs if the meat is free range.

FACT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

YAY

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Oh you filthy self-promoter, you...
Where will it end, Al?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

See below
I'm talking about my new curtains.

They are brown.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Two years ago me and mrs al bought some curtains
with the intention of sewing rings into them, but never got round to it. Last week I realised we could just put hooks on the back and use the rings that come with curtain poles so last night I did that and we finally have curtains that stop the light coming into our bedroom.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

resist the urge to get shutters. I took the end of my finger off putting them up. Two weeks after putting them up one half fell down and smashed through a glass coffee table.

This could be due to my magnificent lack of D.I.Y skills.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

So you're a spectacular spaz in real life as well as online. Interesting.
I already have blinds, they give no indication that they will hurt me or fall off.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I'm very good at the drums and working with children. I also draw a mean picture too. Apart from that I am pretty much useless.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

work interfer
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

you have a child you horrible old bastard!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

which is why he dislikes nonces like you

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

great answer here

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

cheers then
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Sex in the dark FTW!

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Nobody wants to se me naked.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

You can be seen from space.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Join the club : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:31, Reply)

I'd be happy to see you naked
if that's any consolation.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

It is.

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Sticking a business card down William Hague's y-fronts.
Whilst talking Yorkshire.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Happy birthday. May all your moderately wild dreams come true.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Happy birthday
your zimmer-frame is in the post
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:33, Reply)

Oi, smarty pants.
What does viva mean in the context of Cambridge, someone I know is banging on about their upcoming Viva?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:38, Reply)

You don't know what a viva is?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

Of course I do, I just asked the question for attention.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Pretty sure
it's for your doctorate. Only science students as far as I know get to defend their thesis in front of a couple of experts
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You can have a viva for any degree,
For Bachelors it's usually if you're close between two grades so they give you a little interview to see if you're on the clever side or retard side.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

A friend of mine had one at Bachelors level
to secure her 2.1

Most of the people who have undergone vivas that I know of though did it for their doctorate
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

He's got his doctorate though, could it be for his fellowship?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

possible
but it could be he's just late in being called upon to defend his doctorate. It generally requires new work
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

little interview to see if you're on the clever side or retard side cup of soup.

Sorry, I've not had enough sleep.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I had to do it for my masters dissertation
of the two people I had to do it to, one was a world authority on the subject matter and the other looked exactly like Ming the Merciless.

I was understandably nervous.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Did he have a hot daughter who ultimately betrayed him?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:59, Reply)

not while I knew him
I like to think that it happened after I left uni
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Boy was she hot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Happy Birthday.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

When you get home you'll find another message on your wall.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Written in blood or piss?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Diarrhoea.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

You've let me down Boycey

You used to be so cool...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Now I'm just a poo-graffer on the fringes of society.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Sounds like Darth's dream job

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Morning Boyce.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Alright DogFucker?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I'm tired
You?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:55, Reply)

More tired than you. I got to sleep at 3.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

is it
'call me, love Monty xxx'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Pretty much:
'Darth Cocksnot from The Internet lives here: please burgle him at your leisure: he's at work, the big fucking mincer' in 3' high poo letters.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:09, Reply)

That's a lot of poo
Have you been storing it up?

Also I must deduce that Darth must have a huge house to accomodate such a message on just one wall...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I got some spare poo from Kitty's last show.
And when I say 'house' I mean 'open prison'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Is it worth burgling an open prison?
I suspect there's a danger of being "burgled" yourself if Darth's unseemly sort are in there. I thought he was only allowed to bring in his DVD Boxset of Glee on compassionate grounds...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:38, Reply)

and then in a dribble of piss
'I don't know why he won't love me' in tiny little letters at the bottom.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I would strongly advise you to do this while Ms Foxtrot is not home
She could, and will, kick your arse

And if you hurt her Amberl will get angry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Shows who wears the trousers in that relationship...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:39, Reply)