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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Looks like I have got a charity place in the London marathon. Oh crap.
I am 37, 2 stone overweight, smoke 30 a day & drink about 60 units of booze a week. What incredibly stupid things have you signed up to before?

Alt: How old are you physically & mentally?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:46, 225 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

28 going on 15
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

I signed up to
NaNoWriMo a couple of years back. I didn't make it Small explanation realised most people here won't know it. It's a challenge to write 50,000 words during the month of November. I only wrote 25,000. Fail

Alt: technically I'm 21, and mentally it changes from about 75 to about 13
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

1) B3ta
2) 36/either 76 or 5. I fluctuate.

EDIT you silly twat - you're going to die.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I may need some bugle to get me around the last 25 1/2 miles

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

I'll stand in the crowd and pass you a wrap as you run past.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

How kind.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Pop it in a vuvuzela and blow a clump
in his face as he huffs past.

Job done.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I'm not made of money you know.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Vuvuzela = worst noise of 2010.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Battered's death-rattle - worst noise of 2011

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Are you a clairvoyant by any chance?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

I have not been called Claire since undergoing 'gender realignment'
several years ago. I'm interested to find out how you know about this.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

I knew your surname then was Voyant as well.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Are you psychic by any chance?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I almost did the Birmingham half marathon this year
I'm glad I didn't, as I struggled to do 10k earlier this year. But given that I would have struggled to run 10 metres on 1st January, it's definitely an improvement. I don't lead an interesting enough life to artificially age my body, so I guess it's the age I am: 25. Mentally, between about 8 and 80, depending on amount of alcohol or cynicism respectively.
(berk, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

I've done the great north run a couple of times but a long time ago when I was fitter & younger

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

24
cycle twice a day, smoke 10 a day, drink more units than I care to remember, take vitamins and eat salad everyday and mostly eat protein and no carbohydrate.

9% body fat.

Mentally about 35.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

It all depends on what mood I'm in, but I was born almost 27 years ago !

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Actual age 39
Feel about 25 mentally sometimes; often feel more like 50 physically but that's down to the booze and fags and the chronic sleep disorder mostly.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

It is weird to feel so much younger than you are isn't it? Mind you there are times when i catch myself saying "look what they're dressed like, they'll catch cold" and other comments about youngsters too.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I am the last person
Who can make any valid comments regarding the fashion sense of others.
(

Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

according to wii I'm physically 36, dunno what that means
mentally I'm about 19
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

These stats mean nothing without knowing your actual age.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

28
practically

I thought you people knew everything about me ever anyway
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

All we know is that you have one of the cutest dogs in the world
and that you like to nod your head like yeah and shake you hips like yeah.

And you like to high five when you pull.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

totally didn't high five at the weekend
was too weak
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

weak at the knees?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I could hardly walk
let alone high five
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

That porn shoot
didn't realise I'd have to do anal.

Alt: 19. I'm not supple and nubile though. And I look about 40.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Verification
Straight from the whoreses mouth.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Can we be serious for a moment?
Is there ANYONE here who could imagine me in porn.

I'm too ugly even to make it into ugly-fetish.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

oh fuck off with that nonsense

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

I'm just not porn star material!
I am drinking coke from between my breasts though
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

what's porn star material anyway

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

The ability to either give, or take
Heroic quantities of cock.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Imagine Lampito, right, but with a massive cock up her arse.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

what next?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

He takes it out, gives it a quick rinse in gin
And slips it twixt her dirty pillows.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

was she wearing knee socks?
tell me she was wearing knee socks
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

She'd just had a perm as well

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Is she into her overdraft that month? I don't like porn where the porn stars are into their over draft, unless there has been an unexpected bill that month.
What brand of washing up powder does she use? I like Fairy.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I heard she uses Persil
but over the winter when moneys a bit tight she uses tesco own brand until she gets the winter fuel payment through.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

COR BLIMEY !
Personally, I'm only interested if they get a free bus pass, under 16 or over 65.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

way to ruin it :(

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

My naturally curly hair is no longer
I blame bleach.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

stop bleaching your hair!
gawd, woman
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

It's a nice dark brown now

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I realllllllllly wanted red hair but would've had to bleach my hair
so I decided to go with black

I quite like it, makes my eyes look ice blue
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I blame all that anal porn

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

My curls were buggered out of me.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I think this has happened to me to.
We should warn people.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I thought for a moment you were talking about "curling out a shit".
=/
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

This is one thing I've never understood in porn
when the guy is poking her bum and then she happily puts it in her mouth, there's got to be at the very least a particularly foul taste, let alone the hygiene issues.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I think they undertake rigurous cleansing
if that sort of thing is on the agenda
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Rigorous douching/enemas are practised
But I agree, A2M is not appealing to me.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Is it better or worst to have your own poo in your mouth, or your partner's poo ?
Is poo worst than wee?
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Your partner's
Yes
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Better or worst to have your partners?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

cannot understand why scat would turn any one on. Bluuurrrggghhhh

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

what about tranny porn?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

That doesn't do anything for me either but it's not as bad as scat.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

i quite like it lol

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Able to take a lot of cock and look like you're enjoying it
I don't have a very good relationship with sex.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

As in you don't enjoy it?
Or that you don't get enough to form an opinion?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I only really enjoy it when I like the person
So, rarely.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I have said this before, no doubt I will have to say it again:
STOP HAVING SEX WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I am doing that, now.
Hence I've not had sex in a while.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

what if you're just indifferent to them?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

there's still no point unless you are going to enjoy it
if you enjoy fucking people you don't like then by all means, go ahead, but if not then it seems a bit silly.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Something whipeable, like leather or PVC.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I do most nights.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Oh yeah.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

That's what you're saying when I imagine it, yes.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

you'd be amazed what gets some people off

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

The porn addiction wagon

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

When you start getting turned on by wagons you are in serious trouble

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Even a jaded, Bizarre-subscribing, deals-with-the-scum-of-the-Internet guy like me
Is constantly amazed at what floats some boats.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

nonsense of the highest order
you're not ugly.

Now if we were talking me in porn- that is impossible to imagine, and nothing to do with looks
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I'd imagine you sipping tea while someone rogers you from behind
magnificent breasts jiggling, a look of extreme boredom on your beautiful features.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

you've just described my favourite scene...

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

this made me laugh
far too hard
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

No you two could totally do porn
I couldn't, I'm not attractive enough.

*awaits pandering*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post863901
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

You need to find a niche of some kind. My one is dictator porn.
I dress up as verious dictators throughout history, you know, hitler, pol pot, chairman mao.... that sort of thing.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Office lol at dictator porn. I may have to explain this to my team.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Ahem
www.lux.org.uk/blog/ellen-cantor-her-pinochet-porn-project
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

True story, I've poo'd in the same toilet as pinochet, he was at a local medical institution that I was in a few years later.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Did you 'pinochet' one out, or just have a wee-wee?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

*pander*
you totally could Al. You and Lampito could produce a bestseller. I'll make the tea
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

POTD part 2

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Thanks
apparantly today is a good day. I made my mother laugh until she cried at the dinner table
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I won't spoil it by mentioning the correct spelling of 'apparently' then.

You know better.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Bugger :(
oops that's Lampito's area isn't it?

You'd have appreciated the joke Monty.
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Haha

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:08, Reply)

OH NO I AM TO UGLY TO DO PORN AND HAVE SEX AND I'M HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING AND EWWWW NOBODY WOULD PAY TO SEE THAT....
...ermm, guys? hello? Totally looking for a white knight in shinning binary here.... *looks at watch*.... hello? is anyone going to..... ahhh, fuck it.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

You could totally do sushi porn

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Expalin this one to me, how would you incorporate sushi into porn?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Eat it out of someone's fanny with chopsticks?

(berk, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

It's not really what I would call sexy though.
Or hygeenic for that matter.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Don't get me wrong, I'd give it a shot, it might be good, but I think it would be a waste of good sushi _and_ porn.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

eeeewwwwwwww can you imagine if the paper tore and the rice got all in there
eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Paper?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I meant the seaweed

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Ahhh =)
I might go make some sushi tonight now !
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I wish to point out that this isn't related.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

hahahahahahahaha

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I know eating uncooked fish probably isn't hygienic.
But seriously, what's the difference, in hygiene terms, between eating something out of someone's fanny and giving them head?
(berk, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I'm only joking on the hygeen part.
Think about it, actually doing it, the rice would get everywhere and the pieces would fall apart. I can't imagine she would get anything out of it, they'd be to much teeth involved, unless maybe you use the fanny as a soy'n'wassabi dipping pot, I suppose that might work, she would have to possition herself so it doesn't spill over the lovely new egyption cotton, soy is a bitch to get out.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

I'm not sure filling someone's clunge with wasabi is likely to get you into their good books...

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

That would fucking HURT
And that's speaking as a veteran of the anal-porn industry
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Donno, you heard about the victorian act of 'figging' with ginger?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

wasn't that used to give a bit of life to otherwise decrepit livestock?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

People still do it now,
apparently.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

you'd know
being in the industry and all
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I thought victorian head masters did it to school boys to 'teach them a lesson'.
I've always been tempted to see if it really does hurt that much, or if it's a good kind of hurt or bad one, I got some pickled ginger in the cupboard, I might give it a try after hollyoaks.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Doesn't your arse/bowels
always hurt anyway?
(berk, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Not always, but a lot of the time.
nyom nyom nyom, morphine.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

you're not necessarily swallowing stuff when administering cunnilingus

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

www.wuacademia.org/foto-Dream_of_the_fishermans_wife_Katsushika%20Hokusai-1820.jpg
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Was the porn shoot for grannies do anal dot com?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Can I just reiterate how much I hate you?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

You'll still accept my offer of a drink in October though

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Probably. I don't know

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Okay, just imagine this
you're in a pub, got that? You're glass is empty, right? Here I come "Excuse me Lampito, would you like another double vodka and coke to go with the double vodka and coke I was going to buy you?".

Now this is you "Oh go on then"
*Funky wah-tinged music starts playing*
*EXPLICIT SCENE*

Now here's me again "Errrm, well, firstly I'm married, secondly this is a very public place, and thirdly I'd not get it in there without some lube, so I'm gonna say no"

and this is you again "Anyone else want to take his place?"
*EXPLICIT SCENE*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

VODKA AND COKE?
Does no one know what I drink?!

Make it gin and lemonade and maybe you'll get an explicit scene.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

If you put lemonade in perfectly good gin anywhere near me, you'll need to.

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Sage words, oh mighty one.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Indeed sir.

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Aha, perfectly good gin.
-hides bottle of Tesco Own Brand*-

*not the value stuff. Not that bad.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Meh, one or two of the own brand jobs are OK as a session gin.
But seriously, why the fuck lemonade? Or, more to the point, why gin? you're just saturating the subtle flavours with sickly sweetness.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm not keen on tonic water
I also drink it with ginger ale.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Barbaric is the word you are looking for.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Gin defilers will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.
Well, second after that George Osborne tit.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Do I get a stay of execution for services to the porn industry?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

We may be able to work something out.
*leers*
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I'm currently unaware of the depth of your services to the porn industry.
Therefore I would be unable to take that into consideration at this moment.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

depth is the right word
length is also
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

It's all about the girth.

(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:19, Reply)

AMEN
Tonic water, or bitter lemon.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

how do you stand on the matter of gin and orange?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm ambivalent, I can't say I've tried it.
But I suspect you're still going to overpower the flavours of gin. But the problem with lemonade is the sweetness is all wrong for gin. See also: UK Schwepps tonic, diet tonic, anything with artificial sweetners in it.
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I'm a fan of gin
and I do indeed agree with you.

but gin and orange isn't bad.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I'm prepared to give it a whirl
does it help if it's a more bitter orange juice?
(

the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

it helps if you go
for decent orange juice. No concentrated stuff. It can be rather nice
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

^this
a more bitter juice would be better. The more natural the better as well.

Some home-squeezed seville juice might work nicely
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Vile.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

When I'm at one of those pubs that doesn't serve anything branded, the only drink I like there is vodka and lemonaid with blackcurrent cordial.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

you can do what the fuck you like with vodka
Unless you're shelling out upwards of £25 a bottle it's just a method of putting alcohol into something without bothering with flavour.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

That Vladvar stuff is quite good.
I don't really drink that much to tell you the truth.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

vladivar is cheap crap. I'd rather have Smirnoff than that
I like a nice vodka, unfortunately they are hard to come by and are expensive when you do find one.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Absolut is marginally better
and Grey Goose is rather nice
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I don't care for Absolut
the Stolichnya you get in supermarkets is probably the best of the cheap ones.

I tend to have vodka, lime and soda, which is quite nice even with a pretty cheap one.

I'm not a fan of whisky at all, although I can tolerate the peaty ones. I actually like the taste of vodka though, so will happily shell out for a bottle of 42 below or something.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

^This
Vodka is awesome.
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girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

The last bottle of Stolichnya
I got was alright. I'd never buy anything cheaper than that or Smirnoff (not exactly high standards.) Vodka, lime and soda is okay.

Whisky is lovely. I'd drink it as my drink of choice a lot of the time. Only single malt obviously
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

stoli from russia is much nicer
the blue and black smirnoffs are alright.

Not sure what I don't like about whisky. Not sure if it is the taste or not. I know it gives me indigestion, same as absinthe.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Had a Russian student
stay with us once who brought gifts of jars of black caviar, red caviar and the strongest and most expensive Russian vodka I have ever set my eyes upon.

Whisky is something that requires time occasionally. And a willingness to give different types a shot
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

oh man, I love caviar
and strong expensive russian vodka.

I will give it a go from time to time. I discovered last November that I don't mind Laphroaig, so I will continue my experiments in that region.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Me too to all these things.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I love top-end spirits off all kinds
bar the Ouzo/Raki family which are unremittingly foul.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

pernod only has one use
adding to snakebite black to make a black witch.

and I have grown out of that
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Bleugh. My tastebuds and aniseed are sworn enemies.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:15, Reply)

^This
I tasted ouzo for the first time in Kos.

Foul!
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girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:17, Reply)

bad experience?
or just natural
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Natural, unlikely as this sounds

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

not at all
same with me and the vile taste of cucumber
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:59, Reply)

Testify, sister.
/ac
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:18, Reply)

correct.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I like bisongrass vodka and fresh apple juice
because it tastes just like apple pies. Otherwise, I'm not really down with the vodka. I do appreciate a good one, but for the amount they cost I'd rather have a malt whisky. Or some tanqueray 10.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I've had vodka, apple juice and whipped cream
it really is surprisingly like an apple pie
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

So do I. I'm beginning to think YOU are me and not TGB.
Maybe I have multiple logins like Bert?

I would like to stress that is where the similarity ends.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Right.
So, you've definitely not fucked your sister, then?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:13, Reply)

Almost definitely.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Those lovely germans ! It's true what they say, life does begin at 74.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Hahaha
Gonz can I just say, not pandering so you and I can do some sushi porn or anything, that 'Offtopic Magazine' Bert cover is perhaps the funniest thing I have seen this year?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I have to agree
I slave for minutes, sometimes up to an hour on pictures that I call shitty but I'm quite proud of, and Gonz comes along and takes a massive, sushi-filled dump on my work by unleashing his masterpiece.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I have not seen this.
where is this work of magnificence?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

=)

90nz0.com/stuff/bert.jpg
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

haha, splendid work.

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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I'm so mad I missed all this
but I don't care enough to go figure out what happened
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

The thing about Bert fucking his sister all came out.
I've been bursting at the scemes when I found out about it, just waiting for it to be made public.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

lol wut
he fucked his sister and you knew but didn't tell anybody?

who is his sister?
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

long lost half sister
no one we know. I think he'd mentioned it before, so I'm sure a few people knew about it.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

how'd he manage that then?

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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Well, the man takes his 'winkle' and...

To be honest Swiz, I'm surprised you need this explaining to you.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

A few people knew, but it was deemed 'offline stuff'.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Yeah.
Unfortunately his ego got the better of him and he outed himself as having done it because he thought becky was going to mention it and figured he'd trump her.

She wasn't going to say a word.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:26, Reply)

It's worth a trawl. Believe me.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

All the good stuff got deleted by the time I got there =(

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Really? Gu-tted.

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

it was right that a couple of things got deleted though - Bert posted stuff about other people that wasn't any of his or anyone else's business

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 17:28, Reply)

In the Friz pic thread

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

=D thanks =D

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I was going to post something nice
but got distracted and now there are loads of comments going on about that time you did porn...
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I went to eat tacos
and I came back and there were loads of comments about that time I did porn!
THIS IS NOT FAIR
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

in that case
I will go with my planned comment:

in response to your "I look about 40"

yeah, 40 out of 10!

/outrageous pandering
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

You are Famitsu magazine reviewing a Final Fantasy game
AICMFP. Plus ostracise myself as a massive geek.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Begin ostracising now!
you are a sad lonely little man
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

40/40
CONTROVERSY
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

*highfives*

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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

*geeks out*
*froths*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I've been told I look like an old woman :(

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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

one in particular
or just in general
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

In general.
My grandma even said that in a photo I could have been any age between 20 nd 60
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

grandparents aren't known for their fine eyesight
or their ability to not talk shit
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

"I went to eat tacos"? TACOS?
Too easy.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Not fish tacos.
Fake-chicken tacos.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

So that's, what, post-op male-to-female transexuals?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

No, Quorn

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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!
That's just wrong, I feel sick now.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

If I was approached by a Quron company for advertising, I would suggest they do "Chidren of the Quron" thing.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

that would make me more likely to buy their products

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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I didn't realise the holy book of Islam even had a marketing department.

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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I was once told
by a mullah on the street, that all the cool kids were into Islam.

Edit: to clarify why it was bizarre. It was 9am, and I was staggering home hand in hand with someone I didn't know in a very short black dress, high heels and sunglasses
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Did have a regular spot of his own? Best make it the junction of two roads....
....That's right, it would be a 'Mullah Corner'.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Oh, well played.

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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Bra-vo!

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Well done.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

All the religions are, are big marketing departments, selling the idea of god or whatever.

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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Yep and they use more emotive and untrue marketing than any company would ever be allowed to do.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Mention porn on the internet
and suddenly get your own mini-thread. I bet you didn't expect Everest to be doing that today, did you.
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Kroney, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I'm 30
I spent most of my twenties dreading it and now it's happened I can't quite reconcile it. Feels odd.

Mentally I never got past about 12. Physically I used to look a good 5 years younger than I actually am, although these days that gap's narrowed to probably evens.
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Kroney, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

It's now a year and half since life begun for me
or so they say.

But mentally, I have days where I'm a right irascible old bastard and complain about kids wearing their trousers hanging off their arses, and other times where I act like I'm still 15.

(Note - by acting like I'm 15, I don't mean that I'm chasing 14 year old girls and have a permanent stiffy)
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

yeah, you do.

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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I've done a leg of a Embra marathon relay the last couple of years
Running a whole one is a very bad idea.

I've no idea. My birth certificate says I'm 34.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Physically I'm as fit as a butcher's dog.
Mentally I'm a very sensible 25 year old. I think I look my physical age.

I never sign up for anything but bashes.
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girlinthehole, Mon 13 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

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