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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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On a related note,
write a one-line epitaph for yourself.

I have always wanted 'He didn't want any trouble' on my gravestone.

EDIT: I've changed my mind - write an epitaph for your favourite/least favourite B3tan
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:43, 249 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
the classic
I told you I was sick
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:44, Reply)
'I'll be back'
Collated

if you can read this you don't need glasses

or alternatively in tiny letters

can you back away, you're in my personal space
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:44, Reply)
I want
This doesn't mean you've won.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:45, Reply)
That's excellent.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
or possibly
something nice and appropriate like 'This should have been you'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)
"Oh, so that's why I [shouldn't/should have] done that, never mind, live and learn".

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)
Ere I woz but now I've gon, will b back b4 2 long.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:47, Reply)
Ring bell for service

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Here lies Vipros, silent at last
His smug rants now a thing of the past
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Died with a croissant at half mast

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:59, Reply)
I didn't spot the Vipros minithread
so deleted and moved

Croissants uneaten
wine undrunk
Vipros's death
put France in a funk
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Or
Here lies Monty
Fuck off, mugs
He lost his life
to MASSIVE DRUGS.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Here lies MC M to the B
Got so mashed up he couldn't see
Stumbled to his ho's for some late night nookiee
but when crossing the road he wasn't so lucky
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:50, Reply)
hahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
Don't forget to put the blue recycling bin out on Wednesdays.
Leave something that those who remain can learn from.
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:47, Reply)
"Wish you were here"

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)

BBQ 2 - 0 Lab
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
*sadface*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Now I just need to make sure I outlive you

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)
'I can see up your dress'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:49, Reply)
Haha!
I like this one
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:52, Reply)
"If you're reading this inscription...
...you're standing at an angle of 45 degrees".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:49, Reply)
It could be you!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:50, Reply)
'What a waste of a good woman.'

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:50, Reply)
"He really was a cunt"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:51, Reply)
"Braaaiiiins!"

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
Mr Tracey?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Died with a smile on his face
That's the lump under your foot.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
"no pissing"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:53, Reply)
Here lies Bert Monkey Sex
Sorry sir the next plot along is reserved for his sister.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Surely "the plot above"

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Nah that's for his daughter
It's a family affair....
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)
"let me out!"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
The epitaph won't matter.
People will be too busy praying at the feet of the two hundred metre tall gold statue of me.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Please don't piss on me!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Archeologists are cunts.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
click

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)
"Bugger".
That should just about cover it.
(I helped save b3ta! DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:55, Reply)
"Here lies Agnostic Antichrist
Lay dead for months, only checked on in mid October."
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Git.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:13, Reply)
How about?
In really small writing

Achtung - Minen!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:56, Reply)
brilliant

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:57, Reply)

minen baby
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)
That's excellent.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Here lies Tourette's what a fookin' lovely lass
Missed dearly but at least now safe from her ass
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:59, Reply)
Haha!
I was trying to think of something appropriate for her too.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:01, Reply)
No writing,
just a motion sensor that activates the speaker to play MC Hammer's "You can't touch this" whenever anyone appears to pay their respects. Or just wanders by, which let's face it is rather more likely.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)
'Vipros has 'returned to sender' -
He really was a massive bender'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:00, Reply)
'Here lies Crowseph
so limp-wristed
Died in pain
whilst being fisted*


*by an angry baboon
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Hahahahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
"TGB died whilst pissed
We all know she won't be missed."
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
+ on by Lab

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
That's a poor effort right there.
Oooh sneaky edit, disgraceful.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Hit enter too early

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
I hear you get that a lot.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
HAHAHAHAH

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
C- must try harder
You should ahve gone for

"DANGER RISK OF GROUND FALLING AWAY AS IT'S SUCKED IN TO HER MASSIVE VAG"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
I already have a pic of what your grave site will become
Here
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
Anal-lovers greatest find
moved into porn of a different kind
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Tick!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Hahaha love this!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Ok I'm officially removing you from LAAK

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
Haha thanks

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
That is brilliant

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)
I know I'm dead
but stop standing on my head?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
Here lies Clendrix
killed by a hod of falling bricks.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:03, Reply)
RIP Monty Boyce
Worst member of One True Voice.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)
For Monty Boyce
Ashes to ash and funk to funky..
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:04, Reply)
...rot in hell, you bender junky.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
brilliant!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:10, Reply)
"Click here for QOTW fails."

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:05, Reply)
TGB - BEWARE!
CAVE-INS
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Oh come on this is GOLD

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)
"Here lies Kitty O'Hara"
Drank too much gin, punched everyone then rectal prolapsed.
Drank too much Southern Comfort, claimed to do some pole-dancing then got stabbed by Chompy.
Died as a result of boob-leg-optomy gone wrong?
Fuck it, whoever she was, she's dead now, move along.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)
According to TGB
I get one of my own now
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:13, Reply)
I rarely listen to her
Even though I am riffing off her LAAK obsession.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)
You listen to me all the time.
I think I've run out of STOBART facts though. sadtimes
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
I hear you, there's a difference
I do love how your phone capitalises STOBART though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)
I have trained it well

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Gonz is dead but he's not forgotten
now his spelling isn't the only thing rotten.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:09, Reply)
Ha.

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:12, Reply)
This is class!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)
Patient Zero

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:10, Reply)
"It seemed like a good idea at the time..."

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:10, Reply)
'Here lies mohawk Lab Majora
Favourite artist: Baltimora'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)
'restin wiv da angles'

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:11, Reply)
..
Below you right now is the lovely Kristine
Dig down quick, she's no longer pristine
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)
pfft

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)
Slight peamix:
Here's the grave of Big Girl's Blouse
Tits the size of David Prowse
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:14, Reply)
Here lies Catface
Owwwwwww.....
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Here lies the worlds greatest achiever
Who also gave the ladies quite a fever
Gazzed his cock to the women of b3ta land
And never once accidentally mangled a hand
Flew to the north pole in a massive fighter jet
Now he's gone I'm sure we're all really upset
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:15, Reply)
...
Underneath is big-girls-blouses
Make her smile and remove your trousers
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
What's a blouser?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Eh?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:20, Reply)
blouses doesn't rhyme with trousers
Actually, it probably does with some accents =/
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)
It does up here son!
:o)
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Artistic licence innit.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)
ta

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
What's a nubien?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Here Lies Darth Foxtrot
face down and only 3 inches deep for your convenience.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:18, Reply)
Here lies Edmund
Business as usual, then.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:18, Reply)
like it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Me too, if I'm honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
it was a good one

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
Monty in liking his own stuff shocker

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
TeeGeeBee in licking her own chuff shocker

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)
Lies
I wouldn't go near that thing
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)
Its the gravitational pull
You can't help it

*thats no moon*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:34, Reply)
Here lies beckyjsbx
Get the fuck off her grave or she'll break you Carrie style. You have been warned.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:23, Reply)
On the subject of breaking
How's the kendo going?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Haven't been in ages as college and work got in the way and I've moved now. Need to find somewhere closer when my exams are over.
How's not being the smallest person in your family working out for you?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Freaking awesome
Although it's difficult to describe why without being one of those really boring parents that I hate.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:31, Reply)
Aww that's great dude :)

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
You and CHCB were most excellent parents and didn't bore us at all with baby tales
I shall give you 9/10
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
I've two excellent photos from that weekend
1) Wookie holding the baby
2) A pair of bums changing Jenkins' tyre
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:40, Reply)
hahaha
I'd like to think of it as Technical Director and Goon changing tyre
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)
B-
Needs to rhyme better
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
WARNING
Not dead only pretending to lure you closer
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
Calm down love, it's not that funny.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)
What?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
We both know you posted that three times.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Have you been taking massive drugs again?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Not since yesterday.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
Looks like your eyesight is still a little off

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:32, Reply)
*checks*
Nope, you still look like a diseased walrus, everything appears to be fine vision-wise.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
*cries*

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Shhh...don't tell everyone.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
She loved to dance
She loved to sing
She removed her top for coins that jing
Lampito, Lampito*
Where did you go?
B3ta's lost it's resident hoe

*intert any name here
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:24, Reply)
She'll love this.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
For myself, I would like:
Only cunts read epitaphs.

Written in small letters near the bottom.

Followed by: He took it all with him you greedy bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Here rests Amberl
I bet she's crying
There is no God
The pope was lying.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
haha I like this

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)
: )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
Beneath This Sod, Lies Another

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
Beautiful!
*weeps*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:27, Reply)
PLAGIARISM.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:28, Reply)
I'm fine with that.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Here lies the greatest Devil in Tights ever to have lived
His wife is entombed next to Becky.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Here lies Him'll-Jim'll-fix-it
choked to death on 'soggy biscuit'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:26, Reply)
Jeff the dog fucker R.I.P. Died of kennel cough 2010.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Here lies Battered
only a small bit mind, as he was scattered.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:33, Reply)
ha ha

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:35, Reply)
Here lies althegeordie
He died in an accident
Because his eyesight was poorly
He was too busy
Moving his hips like yeah
To see that big truck
Driving toward his rear end

sounded better in my head :/
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:37, Reply)
"Sorry"

(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Kitty was a gentle soul,
She died from falling off a Pole.

I think his name was Mariusz
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:38, Reply)

In memorium of our friend Sportscow
In life a wit, but less so now
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:39, Reply)
One for Edmund
Beneath this stone,
Lies.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:41, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Under this stone, lies Cave Duck
No-one actually gives a fuck.

Sorry mate, I'm not very good at this
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:43, Reply)
It's funny because it's true!

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Here lies Cave Duck, slain in fury
Stone deaf fan of Ian Dury
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)
In memory of Monty, we'll have a hell of a wake
Taking drugs and listening to Shake (in' Stevens)
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
Every b3tan now lies here
That posted in this thread
I was outraged and pissed
And they dared to exist
So I went round and bummed them all dead.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:44, Reply)
Gaylording as usual

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)
Oh, go on then.
Twist my arm ;)
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Here lies Vipros, drink his health,
In smugness, vanished up himself

For Monty Boyce we lay this rose,
In tribute to his knackered nose

Darth Foxtrot too, acknowledge him,
Sadly choked whilst cottaging

Poor TGB died on a skewer -
Deliberate misuse of 'less'; meant 'fewer'

And Chompy shall rest here alone,
(At least now he can't follow you home)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Bra-vo!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:46, Reply)
I think you should have done less people in a post

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)
Mark my words, young lady
One of these days this will be your undoing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
I haz fewer time left?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
I know you're just doing this to wind me up...
*sharpens skewer*
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:53, Reply)
You're fewer stupid than I thought

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
This should get less of a rise out of me than it does.
...or do I mean 'fewer of a rise'?

Fuck...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)
:D
I'll stop. For now
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)
And more
Under this earth,
Entombed in clay.
Is Darth Foxtrot,
Our biggest gay.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
This banana is like a raw potato

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:45, Reply)
...stodgy and unappetising with green bits?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
yeah

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
Oh, are you actually talking about a real-life banana?
Sorry, I honestly thought there was a punchline coming...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)
It was like eating a big cold white nothing

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:50, Reply)
Fnar fnar.
I mean, how disappointing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
*eyebrow face*

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
This isn't the lunchtime thread.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
I don't care
I am outraged.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)
You are much missed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
I miss you too
I just read about your weekend and saw the picture of you and Len like Snoopy and Woodstock.
Good times, my friend.

I have to go and do work again so I'll see you anon.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)
Sorry.
The body of Roota,
Resting, at ease.
Could steal a motor
Without the keys.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:51, Reply)
I am touched, Bart.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:56, Reply)
I wouldn't want you to feel left out of the Epitaphs.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Here lies The Goat
Well, if you believe that...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:47, Reply)
Hahaha!

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)
Here lies Tourettes
Shit fuck bollocks arsehole twat bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:48, Reply)

In this grave, you'll find young Roota,
Died after her mates decided to shoot her.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
I sometimes worry they might turn on me...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Here lies Legless
cheers
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)
Here lies Amorous Badger
Fail
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)

LiC should have a whiteboard instead of a tombstone with a picture of his face on it so we can all draw cocks on his face forever
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:54, Reply)
^ this
And a little footnote telling visitors to imagine his epitaph read in an Andy Parsons voice.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Here QOTW Lies Amorous Badger

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:55, Reply)
here lies the sex god Light in Chains
Once too often his dick overrode his brains
normally he didn't care
but never startle a nervous bear
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
here lies everyone who didn't write about ME as their favourite
so that's all of you, you shower of ingrates. it'll have to be some sort of mass accident, maybe a bashbomb.

i'm also going to steal this moment to say that on the positive side i passed the my first year of my masters... hoorah. on the negative side, the piece that i spent some time on and thought was pretty good (for me anyway) got an ok 2:1. the piece that i literally researched and wrote in one day and was convinced i'd failed? got a first. where is the motivation to spend any time whatsoever on this year's shit?! tutors know nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Here lies lawyer rachelswipe
Like us all, talked utter tripe
Queen of OT, loved all things pink
Dead for a month and she fucking stinks.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:02, Reply)
i would still
smell of jo malone!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:06, Reply)
Who's he?
He sounds creepy.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Here lies Rswipe
£5 a ride, bin bags and wet wipes 50p each.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:10, Reply)
when I saw the title I assumed it was pandering
that someone still would after you'd been dead for a month.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)
hell yes
i expect to be dug up daily!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)
I have the backhoe on standby
and the backup ho oiled and ready
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Congratulations.
Clearly you are at your best when you rattle something off rather than slaving away. Good news...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:18, Reply)
thanks!!!!!!!!
i really thought i'd failed, huge relief...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)
Sorely missed
a weakened wrist
filled with fist
died of a cyst
Crow.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)
Very good...
...but why is everybody convinced I'm going to be fisted to death?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:59, Reply)
Because we've already paid for the....
I mean.... how dare they!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:00, Reply)
officelol

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)
What sort of payment do you offer to an angry baboon?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:16, Reply)
to be honest the oppotunity to give someone a good fisting is payment enough for them

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:19, Reply)
So when Monty said 'angry baboon'...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)
...I meant 'Darth Foxtrot', yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:24, Reply)
This is his revenge for the endless internet bullying, isn't it?
I'm going to have to flee down the street yelling a real-life "BUMDER ALERT" as he chases me whilst putting on a ribbed marigold...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)
No, it's his 'birthday treat'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)
The real question is, why are you convinced you're not?

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)
I'm not...at least, not anymore.
I'm not sure I want to come to the October bash now...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:17, Reply)
I wouldn't worry about the bash.
That's a far too obvious, not to mention public, place and time for it to happen.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Yeah, but to get home I'll probably have to go past Clapham Common...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Again with the obvious.
Give me the unknown b3tan who's going to do it *some* credit for originality, please.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)
You just won't go south of the river that late, will you?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)
My entire city is south of the river.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)
Fucksocks.

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Here lies Rachel: pander's choice
Shagged to death by Monty Boyce
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:22, Reply)
god what a way to go
don't stop monty don't stop oh oh......





oh.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:26, Reply)
'Bring me another. This one's broken'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:27, Reply)
ouch that's callous
good job we both know you don't mean it, wracked by grief and guilt you'd be
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:28, Reply)
I'd castrate myself with cheesewire.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)
i might consider it a suitable penance
if the cheesewire were also flaming
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)
I want to be called Flaming Cheesewire now.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:33, Reply)
put it in your sig
you may steal it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)
I think you misunderstand.
How does one go about changing one's name by deed poll?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:35, Reply)
oh
i think you need a good lawyer. if only i knew one.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)
It'd be the smuggest manslaughter trial ever.
'Did you, on the night of September 27th 2010....'

Me: 'fucking right I did'

*high fives judge*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)
true
this girl just couldn't take ALL THAT COCK

edit - on 27 sep? you coming round tonight then!?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:34, Reply)
The idea of Rachelswipe not being able to take all that cock
is clearly a lie.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:40, Reply)
i knew you'd have to get amongst it!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Yes I am.
I suggest you make a will.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:48, Reply)
i'll leave it all to the budgie

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I don't think you appreciate the enormity of what's going to happen tonight.
And I really do mean 'enormity'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)
it's not a word
that bears multiple meanings.

multiple orgasms maybe!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:58, Reply)
There's no 'maybe' about it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:00, Reply)
swashbuckling confidence
more swooning
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:01, Reply)
I am quite the swordsman.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Here lies JMG, dead as a brick
Went to a bash, got crushed by a fat chick
(Mr Big Stuff, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:25, Reply)
*eats all the pies just in case*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:30, Reply)
I am not JMG!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Our good friend BK lies here,
He drowned in non-alcoholic beer.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)
*snigger*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I have never seen an instance
where the term 'his face fell' could be so literally applied. It was like somebody cut all the muscles in his face. Poor beekers.
(berk, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)
hahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Brilliant!

(bill, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

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