Thread congestion forces ill-thought out new thread
This weekend I was DJing and got a tiny bit carried away. Having done the typical ooh-look-at-me-playing-songs thing of raising my hands in the air, exhorting the crowd to, well, I don't know really, apart from look at me I suppose, I brought them back down fiercely on the appropriate beat, cracking my knuckles hard against the table my decks were sitting on. Lost in the moment, I didn't really notice until I felt blood trickling down the fingers on both hands.

Which looked COOL

How have you injured yourself in a preposterously vainglorious, or alternatively just bloody ridiculous, manner of late?

Alt Q - why do we put up with the concept of queueing? Why is it not yet legal for me to declare myself more important than everyone ahead of me and push to the front?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:02, 225 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You spaz! you should now DJing to teenagers is bad for your health. At some point one of them
will drop the O bomb and you're finished!

Last day of term last year, reception class all lined up after lunchtime play and ready to go in. Off they walk/run/skip back to class when Pepper stands on her coat and stacks it. Being the super cool TA I just carried on walking on towards her, in one super hero esque move, bend down, swoop her up onto her feet and carry on walking. Completely screwed my back for the first couple of weeks of the holidays.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Hang about
You know someone called Pepper?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:23, Reply)

yes she is 5 and learning how to count and read.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:26, Reply)

that's pretty cute

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

They are all brilliant. I wish I had decided to work with kids sooner.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:39, Reply)

there's a 1 year old in my office
normally I would fucking hate it but she's got a look of unimpressed suspicion on her face which is making me laugh.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Serious faced baby lol
Bringing kids into work is a no no. My boss brings her 3 year old Jake in and he just runs around shouting. People at work don't want to meet your kids and if they do you should be worried!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

it's mostly women in my office
they coo and such like.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

Someone's parents take Neil Gaiman too seriously

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

If that's the case
It could have been much, much worse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

well it's that
or an unhealthy obsession with Iron Man
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

n un perfectly
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I like this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

I think it'd look pretty gross and rather unhygenic to wave your bloody hands around in the air possibly splashing it all over unsuspecting people, shame on you

alt: because you're a twat and should be pushed to the back of the line for thinking you're better than everyone else that has to stand in the line
for fuck sake I don't know, what sort of stupid question is that anyway
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Well someone's in a good mood
If you saw the people I just had to associate with whilst waiting at the Post Office you'd understand. Monty would have had a seizure
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

She licks batteries for kicks.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)

hahahaha fuck off the two-a-ya's
I understand the line thing, I hate when people chit chat, like really does the clerk need to know your life fucking story in order for you two buy 2 stamps? no, fuck off
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

We seethe with silent anger.
Rather than tell them to pull their finger out, it's not a fucking debating society. Pay for the freaking stamps and piss off.
A lot of people die of heart attacks while in queues, you know.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I will be one of those people.
Or possibly holding the phone whilst someone asks incessantly stupid fucking questions.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Phones are easy because you are not face to face.
Just put the receiver down on them.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:36, Reply)

best to just get it over with I reckon

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

alt q
big boobs can push ahead of at least 2 people
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Snugglesacks will testify!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:18, Reply)

who is snugglesacks?
that is even worse than "funbags".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:20, Reply)

You can find some of her QOTW contributions in Amorous Badger's fail archive
Basically the only stories I've read of hers - ie the ones Badger has singled out for attention seeking, the rest of her output may be entirely different - are about what a cracking pair of norks she has
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:22, Reply)

oh lovely
bet she's popular around here with some elements of the board...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:25, Reply)

chompy loves her
desperate sad paperclip love
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:28, Reply)

what's this about a cracking pair of tits?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Eczema sufferers weren't mentioned

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:32, Reply)

Besides being very funny indeed,
I find this post distasteful.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:33, Reply)

I echo all the sentiments contained above
But a lack of taste has been of no concern to me for some time now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

You used to be so senstive Darth, What happened to you?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I realised that I needed to stop taking the HORRIBLE MEAN THINGS being said to me by fellow B3tans remotely seriously
This place would play havoc with one's self-esteem if I thought anyone meant any of the things they say /hides behind blue-black fringe and glares at the world whilst cutting self and listening to Fallout Boy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Fallout Boy?
You're sick in the head. Not even Fallout Boy like Fallout Boy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

Although
If I had to own a pair of pants with a bandname on them, they'd be who I'd choose.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Ah, but
what if you travelled back in time wearing them, and met your Mum when she was your age? She might assume you were a sidekick to some kind of radioactive superhero
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

In which case you should wear emo-underwear
with the words PANIC! (at the disco) to remind you exactly what emotion you should feel at your mum hitting on you
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Amazing
You've managed to think of an emo band even more stunningly inept than Fallout Boy. With worrying speed, too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

No

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

oh ew

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

I can assure you
that when she is not mentioning her breasts, her posts are incredibly dull and badly written. She seems like a prize buffoon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

don't talk about my second account like that

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Pushing in front, regardless of tit size
Will result in said tits being struck with a clenched fist
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Sometimes people in your company use your boobs against your will.
I was forced to go and see David Coverdale with my friend's woollyback family and the aunty shouted "Lerrus up front and she'll show 'em!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Did you?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

I fucking LOVE your stories.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I saw the cap lock proclamation of you being COOL
and assumed the whole post was a bunch of lies so didn't read.

I have a MUCH more important question:

My yellow highlighter has run out. Should I replace with another yellow or branch out to green, orange or blue?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:27, Reply)

blue

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

get one of them multi highlighter disc things
so you can change colour at whim.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

That's the dream but I'm pretty sure my work isn't that cool

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

I'm in charge of stationery
the office has become much more colourful. Although I'm concerned they may discover that the shoe shaped tape dispenser wasn't free like I said it was.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Was it more than £4.99?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

no, it was £3.79!
is £5 the benchmark for being caught out?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Replace with a black permanent marker.

(ThomsonsPier consumes, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Brange?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

BRANGE?
Get a blue one.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Brange isn't a colour
silly lab
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

It is
It's a little bit of blue, and a lot of orange.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

Green.
Green is good. Or orange. Not blue though.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

What the fuck's wrong with blue?
I like blue.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I used to write in blue pen in school
even now I've switched to black it's a bit weird.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

It doesn't really highlight
as much as make the words underneath harder to see. Well, mine does anyway. Orange is probably the best highlighter colour.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

It goes black when you xerox it.
Looks like a letter from prison.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

When you WHAT it?
*seethes*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:48, Reply)

photocopy
I suppose you don't hoover, or something else I can't think of either?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

He doesn't hoover
His manservant does.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

He hoovers with his willy?
He has a self sucking cock?

*explodes*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I don't Hoover
I vacuum. I've never Hoovered.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

I vacuum

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Ok pedantic ones.
I assume you mean you have a machine that lowers the air pressure by only a tiny amount and nowhere near a vacuum, which is used to clear dust from household surfaces.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

but it's called a vacuum cleaner so that's what I call it.
I understand the point you're making with the xerox thing, but it's not the norm to say xerox instead of photocopy unless you're American. We don't turn every brand name into a verb. I don't HP my letters, I print them. I don't Nokia someone, I phone them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

^What she says

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I guess I've been badly brought up.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

It's merely a generational thing, Bartles.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

You'll need a replacement yellow
otherwise your autism levels will spack out
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I think yellow is the most practical highlighter

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I've been giving it the love today
so I agree
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Blue is the best colour
but yellow is the clearest. Decisions, decisions
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

TEAL, motherfuckers.
I found a teal highlighter at work. I have since been made KING OF THE OFFICE.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

F RI
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Another promotion?
Why thank you Vippers, I'll be round Thursday for my 'coronation', make sure you're waxed by then.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

you can count on me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Seeing as you're from Exeter,
all the way up to 23!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Smacked my head on the open door of a hearse
which was embarrassing and funny for everyone else but inappropriate slapstick given the occasion.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:29, Reply)

Wow
I think you're really cool.

I bet the song was Gimme! Gimme! Gimme as well you boomerang.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Boomerang?
I resent that. Call me gay all you want, but I refuse to be tarred with the Aussie brush in an Ashes year
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

t sc
r
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:40, Reply)

I think I know what you're getting at
but one should not have to do such meticulous examination of a prior post when applying a strikethrough
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Thankgod you do
cause I am pretty certain I fucked that up!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

*creases up*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:42, Reply)

Bitter old people die alone!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

You tell that to Alan Sugar

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

He is an odious little twat as well.
I would like to kick him in the teeth.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Duncan Bannatyne would win in a fight.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Duncan Bannatyne would beat most men his age in a fight, I should think
I can imagine him gruffly barking "I'm out" as he leaves the arena of conflict
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Peter Jones would beat all of them
He is bigger and fitter than the rest. I reckon that Theo Fajitas or whatever his name is would be a right dirty cunt. Talking of right dirty cunts where's Jeff today?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Theo used to be chairman of Millwall so he'll have the hardest mates by far
I reckon that Peter Jones is a lovely bloke despite having size on his side. Whereas Bannatyne is from Clydebank, so is filled with rage and bitterness, and must have been in a scrap or two
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Rage and bitterness will just get you spanked
Peter Jones is cool, calm and collected, he would batter Bannatyne. Are you thinking what I'm thinking.

WAVY LINES

This week on Dragons Den Darth and Bobby ask for £100,000 to launch their one off special event Dragon Death Match.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

I have to take a moment to be appalled that you're helping kids learn how to spell
before Monty does it in much harsher terms

Otherwise, that sounds WELL GENIUS. Let's get on this
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Dunno what you're talking about bruv?
Hometime for me. Enjoy your evenings all. In Arsene We Trust.

MIDWEEK FOOTBALL!!!!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Some bus driving cunt
knocked me off my bike yesterday. Fortunately all I have to show for it is a sore arse where I hit the tarmac. He didn't stop, either. /seethes
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Did you chase after him
and keep a wingmirror as a souvenir?

Hope you're back on your bike though, never nice when you come off.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I drove today
as I have a rather tender bottom. I shall be cycling again tomorrow though - I canNOT be arsed with rush hour traffic. And believe me, if I had caught up with him I would have taken more than his fucking wingmirror. His details, for a start, so I could report the cunt.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Ouch
sounds like your arse took a pounding
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:41, Reply)

There is no dignified reply to this...

(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

That's the thing
you've got to get used to rush hour traffic or it'll never get easier.

Force yourself back onto the bike. Is it London traffic? If so, that's a piece of piss and you've just to ride a bit more aggresively.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

No, Birmingham
Now that term has started again, traffic will be appalling round the university (where I work) from now until easter, when it tails off again. Cycling is just quicker and easier all round, unless of course it snows again like it did last year. Cycling + snow + ice is a no go, really.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Ah
I've had the inimitable pleasure of cycling in Birmingham too. What a place.

Cycling in snow is FUN, don't know what you're talking about :P
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

What a wanker!
I must start cycling to work again, I've been very lazy of late.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

did you bounce along like a skimming stone?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:43, Reply)

*officesmirk*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Pfft.
thanks, your sympathy is overwhelming!
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

sorry
I'm just picturing it like when you pick up Mario and throw him and he bounces along on his bum.

You do have my sympathy though, I bet it was fucking terrifying. I'm so scared of cycling in the city, it's really dangerous and it seems to be the norm that people don't stop if they hit a cyclist. If I hit one I'd be consumed with guilt.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

*gives sympathies*
Cycling in heavy traffic can be deadly, especially when some cunt in a merc decides to suddenly pull across without indicating or looking in his fucking mirrors.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

He didn't look or indicate
and visibly jumped when I screamed 'watch out you fucking idiot' at him. Merc drivers are a bloody menace as well though - I presume you came afoul of one?
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Yeah, at the start of summer
I managed to brake and screach the bike sideways to stop from hitting him, but didn't manage to avoid dumping the bike on its side, falling with it as my legs got caught.
Hurt my pride more than my body.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:01, Reply)

Ouch :(
At least you were okay though. I consoled myself with that fact and a constant stream of invective on the way home.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

Banjo string snap
Doing your mum whilst your dad watched
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:37, Reply)

duelling banjos

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

That wasn't until his gay uncle came into the equation

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

he got a purdy mouth

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Took a surfboard fin to the side of my kneecap
that hurt a bit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I bet you weren't surfing, I bet you just knocked over a display stand in a surf shop.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

yes dear

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I just got back from Tunisia
and the english queued whilst everyone else pushed to the front. The worst that happened is people muttered a bit and tutted. As I queued and waited my turn I couldn't help but envy these people who didn't give a shit because they had their food and drinks already and were back enjoying them.
( Peej, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I think people who don't queue are just awful though
it shouldn't be a case of whoever is the rudest gets served the quickest. I hate when people in bar queues on busy nights just shove to the front and shout the order at the barman over your head. And worse when the barman actually serves them 'to get rid of them'. I refuse to serve queue jumpers.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:51, Reply)

When I was a barman I got very good at remembering the order that people arrived at the bar
much to the annoyance of some queue jumpers when they complained and I pointed out the people that were there before them. I also found that the queue jumpers when the ones that got most annoyed about waiting despite the fact they didn't have to wait as long (unless I was serving them)
( Peej, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I did the same
I liked being a barman
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

a
r t
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Alt: polite queuing is part of what makes Britain great.
The collapse of protocols such as these is indicative of the parlous state of affairs in this failing country.

Non-queuing nations are barbarous savages who should all be shot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Some Spanish couple pushed in front of me and Em in a queue on holiday
The man then turned 'round to me and waved smugly. I called him a cunt and looked for something to hit him with, but Em figured storming away from the restaurant to be a better option.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:47, Reply)

Why not push back in front?
Simple solution right there
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

We were waiting to be served in a restaurant
They waited behind us for a minute, then just walked over to the waiter, spoke something in Spanish and they were immediately seated at the table that we'd been led to believe was being cleared for us.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

You did well not to shout at him
situations like that are really hard to deal well with
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

I was prepared to believe
That they had a reservation, but when he waved at me whilst grinning, I had to express my rage through calling him a cunt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:58, Reply)

I think we both know who the winner was there

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

That's the anger part, nothing I could do about it (realistically)
Still, we ended up finding a restaurant that looked far better, and was cheaper than the other one.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)

Justice!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

In one of the restaurants Wiggy and I went into
the owner was screaming into his phone in Spanish at someone and then later on a really drunk guy (who must have been the recipient) came into the restaurant with a big stick and started attacking the guy! I still think we should have stormed out with the unpaid-for bottle of champagne and claimed we felt unsafe.

The owner came over afterwards and explained that the guy had borrowed his car and crashed it and was now refusing to pay.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:11, Reply)

That's crazy mental
I had a woman flip out at me at traffic lights, I think because I got into the wrong lane while driving through the capital, and was indicating to move over.
She was yammering away in Spanish, despite me shouting "NO HABLO ESPANOL!".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Wiggy did really well with the other side of the road driving, even with horrifically bad Spanish drivers (sorry Aber!)
Someone drove into me in Belgium and I had to swerve onto the other (left) side of the road. When someone drove up the road minutes later they shouted "you're not in England now idiot!" which made me pretty angry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

There was next to no traffic in Menorca
But what little there was made up for it by being mental.
Indicators? Nah, won't bother with them. Mirrors? Only used to reapply makeup.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

That was Wiggy's biggest complaint
they seemed to use their indicators in non-sensical ways, like randomly putting on the left indicator when not actually moving anywhere.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Yes, yes they do
I was behind one who kept their left indicator on for about a mile down one road, which had lots of left turns. They kept slowing down slightly, then speeding up, so it was a bit of a guessing game as to when he'd go.
He turned right eventually, indicator still merrily winking left.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

You should have tried driving over the Sierra Nevadas
like I had to. No barriers for most of it and a 200 foot or more drop, and all the while Spanish drivers right up my trumpet or performing ill advised undertaking manouevres. I have never been so close to actually shitting myself, ever. Oh, and when we got to the top of the mountain pass I discovered I suffer from altitude sickness.

EDIT - oh, and having to navigate out of Granada's STUPID one way system immediately after picking up the car, having never driven a LHD car before.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Sounds like fun!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

If by 'fun'
you mean 'fucking terrifying', then yes. OH kept falling asleep instead of navigating as well, the bastard.
(berk, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Em did that to me too
Although to be fair I just went by road signs, she has a great tendency to be about 2 seconds late to tell me about a turning I need to take.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Needless to say, you had the last laugh

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Waving was his first mistake

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

nice

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I am seething on your behalf.
Oleaginous fucking swines.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Word of the day!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

swines? really?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

It's rather nice, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

There was an old man of Calcutta
Who coated his tonsils with butter
Thus converting his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft, oleaginous mutter
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Conn Igguldons 4th Genghis Khan book is out
Telegraph Review gave it 5 out of 5 stars.

I'm going to wait for the paperback release because I bought the previous 3 in paperback.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:50, Reply)

I'm waiting too - unless someone's got it for me for my birthday,
which is fairly likely.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Fairy snuff
if it's not out in p/b by chrimbo i'll get my mum to buy it for me as a pressie (although i'll probably have to buy it which kind of makes the whole process pointless).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:57, Reply)

I have a stupid trick to do when drunk
There is a lamppost in Congleton that turns off if you headbutt a sign about 8 feet up. If I run and jump at the right moment, I can hit the sign. This provides great amusement to the drunken people I'm generally there with.

The other day I attempted it, jumped too late, and hit the top of my head on the bottom of the sign. It bled a bit, hurt like fuck.

Alt Q: Because if I was queuing and you did that, I'd kill you.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:46, Reply)

Ah, but, if you were queueing, I wouldn't automatically assume that I was more important than everyone in the queue
This may be complete bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

congleton?
woah
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Injured myself walking down some stairs - tweaked my back and it still fucking hurts
Least interesting injury ever.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:49, Reply)

at least I hurt my back trying to kidnap help a child.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:52, Reply)

Dunno, I've suffered a fairly savage papercut today

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Lordy, there was blood all over the floor

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:54, Reply)

*faints*

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

I was going to rebutt with my papercut
but I didn't want to upset him with my tale of woe. It was a papercut from heavyweight letterhead paper as well so it wasn't just any papercut, it was a MAN's papercut.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:04, Reply)

No, a MAN's papercut
is between your legs
sorry, that's rather vulgar, even for me
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

that just confused me mostly.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Yeah, on second reading it's not that good
But I won't get all Chompy and show my workings.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

You should refer this personal injury claim to internetlawyerman for immediate assessment of viability
and assessment of damages - internet justice
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:07, Reply)

Ooh I hope I get to feature in one of those adverts
I'll start practicing my look of pain and shock for the re-enactment footage.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:09, Reply)

*weeps* my hand is fucked from a MASSIVE papercut
I can no longer enjoy my exercise of poledancing, leading me to being a fat hateful mess = ,, ((
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

you know in films where the character has to make a blood payment
they always cut their hand on the palm. Surely that's the most inconvenient place to cut themselves, especially since they're usually about to have a massive fight with someone?

Sorry, that has no relevance to what you just said. Poledancing and cakes and hats and skinny jeans yay!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I always thought the same thing
plus it is just a hot spot for dirt and sweat. It would itch like hell.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

I've thought that
you'd be constantly reopening the wound too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

It must be a movie thing
I will look into it when I leave work. Which is in 4 minutes.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Plus you really risk slicing your tendons
Rendering your hand as limp as Crowsephine's wrists.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I do sometimes wish stuff like that would happen, it would amuse me greatly
Like maybe have James Bond hit by a car at the beginning of the film.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

Have you seen Feast?
Schlocky creature feature, definitely doesn't take itself serious.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

no, I'll give it a looksee if I remember
I enjoyed Slither though, that mocks itself quite well. Plus Nathan Fillion HAWT!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I concede that he is
I enjoyed that film.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Only a minor injury
but I slipped while holding a laptop, fell over the power supply, broke the laptop and bruised my leg
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:53, Reply)

Sounds like a modern day interpretation of a Charlie Chaplin routine
I can hear fast paced piano music
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:05, Reply)

At a festival I was playing tig
and I fell over a guide rope (guy rope?) and onto a pan, it left a huge pan shaped bruise on my thigh and I had no one to blame but myself for my silly antics.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:06, Reply)

guy rope

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

sexist.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

+e

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

damn right

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

What's wrong with being sexy?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

don't even point!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

That was on in a cinema in town last night.
Unhappy I missed it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:17, Reply)

such a good film

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:24, Reply)

That 'Enter The Void' looks like a must-see as well.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:27, Reply)

sounds really interesting
will have to give that a go.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:33, Reply)

There's a long trailer online somewhere
that Cancer put on links - really fucking psychedelic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:37, Reply)

I'll try and remember to take a look
you tracked down that film about DMT?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:38, Reply)

It seems to be on YouTube, when I looked there was a 102min 'clip' listed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:40, Reply)

I cut my leg up a bit
whilst being lolwaki drunk.

I was walking home through a wood, slipped and fell over. I must either a) have been attacked by a tiger whilst prone or b) landed on some barbed wire because when I woke up in the morning, I was stuck to my bedsheets with what looked like around a pint of dried blood. I had three 1/4 inch deep lacerations on my leg and my jeans were annihilated.
( Kroney, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I think hospitalising myself due to bad drugs
has to be the most ridiculous injury I have sustained of late. I took pictures of the rash - it was fucking terrifying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

at least you learned your lesson
oh no wait....
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I've been a lot better lately.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:05, Reply)

trudat
and all it took was the love of a good woman.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

My childcare developments have made me a great deal happier too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:29, Reply)

would you believe he even posted a pic of himself with his child
foolish as it turned out, because he was wearing white trainers, straight jeans and a sweatshirt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Fuck off
1. nothing wrong with Converse
2. They're Lee 'carrot cut' jeans: skinnyish to the knee and then baggy to the waist with a kind of 'double arse', they're £85, you urchin
3. It's a vintage AC/DC sweatshirt

So you can stick your cord flares up your arse, young man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:40, Reply)

cord flares are strictly for work
the rest of the time I wear flared jeans.

1. you are right. unless they are white.
2. I hate jeans like that, but mainly because I feel they make me look like a twat
3. that is forgiven
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:42, Reply)

*flared jeans high five*
I don't care that I'm 30 and therefore simultaneously too old and too young for flares.
( Kroney, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:46, Reply)

I'm 29
and the same. I think they just look best, on me at least.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 18:18, Reply)

I saw an unrelated photo of carrot-cut jeans
They look ridiculous.
( Kroney, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:43, Reply)

When you're as inherently stylish as I am it's amazing what you can carry off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:47, Reply)

They're the wrong way up
and if you're going to wear a teenager's jeans, you'd just as well start adorning them with key chains and walk around with your arse hanging out.
( Kroney, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:48, Reply)

That's the magic of the double arse on the jeans:
no 'hanging-out arse' issues.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:49, Reply)

I'm trying to work out the mechanics
of a double arse in the jeans and frankly I'm struggling. There's an image in my head that involves four pockets and that just can't be right.
( Kroney, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:52, Reply)

I think the user wears incontinence pants, and needs the extra room

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:53, Reply)

I have a fucking huge cock, that's all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 18:02, Reply)

Phew, I feared you might be suffering early on-set dementia

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 18:05, Reply)

www.brandish.tv/jeans_trousers/4.html
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:56, Reply)

Hahah christ they are not quite that bad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:59, Reply)

That is correct.
It's a lot less dramatic than you seem to be thinking.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:57, Reply)

See?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 18:07, Reply)

the pervert taking those photos must have been quite annoyed that you kept getting in them

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 18:20, Reply)

"skinnyish to the knee and then baggy to the waist with a kind of 'double arse'"



(Cave Duck, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:50, Reply)

It's not that you >can't< touch this -
more that you probably just don't want to.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 17:54, Reply)