What ho, chums.
Today is my birthday. Unbelievably I have survived another year.

I'd like a private table dance with 'extras' from the ladies, and a bottle of XO Hennessy from the gentlemen of the board.

What would you like for your birthday?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:34, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

No fucking way.
We are the same person then. Cuntsticks.

I'd like world peace annnna pony annnnnna dolly annnnna TVR Sagaris please.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)

Also - Happy Birthday.
how terribly rude of me. I was too caught up in the whole same birthday thing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)

The peace of the Lord be with you on this, your special day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)

If that cunt comes near me I'll rip his tits off.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Felicitations TMB!
Hard liquor and drugs today?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:52, Reply)

if by "hard liquor" you mean "2 hours of teaching multiphase systems to the second year"
and "drugs" you mean "afternoon hospital appointment" then ... yeah.

But I suspect I'll hit the gin and wine later. Cheers ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:56, Reply)

Woo, multiphase systems!
No, wait...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:03, Reply)

yeah. Exactly.


Edit - you aren't in my class, are you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:04, Reply)

At least I was on the student side of it
And only had to be told about it, not teach it repeatedly, and put up with all the morons with no clue.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Nope
Had to do a couple of electronics modules as part of my design engineering degree.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:06, Reply)

ah, splendid. lucky you ;)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Well, happy birthday to you too
I hope you enjoy it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:15, Reply)

Happy birthday Monters.
I'd like the day off this year and since it's on a Friday I may just take it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:38, Reply)

+ up the Gary

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Happy birthday, you increasingly aged curmudgeon
My birthday was four weeks ago today, and if you'd be prepared to acquiesce retroactively to my request for a fleeting modicum of your respect, I'm sure I could bring a bottle of the aforementioned up from the cellar for you.

Alternatively, I'd like carte blanche to punch the B3tan(s) of my choosing in the face. For the duration of this decade.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:39, Reply)

How violent of you
Sometimes you seem so sweet, sometimes so rude... I never know with you. I hope you're not thinking of punching me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:16, Reply)

For fuck's sakes, how many times am I going to have to say it, people?
STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Never.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

You're allowed, seeing as it's your birthday.
Only for today, mind.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I'd skip the dance, and go straight to the extras & Hennessy
I'd like to be in my own home, with a bottle of Jack Daniels, and lots of ginger ale/Crabbies. Alternatively, I want a pony.

EDIT: Happy Birthday, you curmudgeonly old fuck!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:41, Reply)

I would like a Cure For Cancer please.
A great book.




Edit: PS Have a spiffing day, old chap.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:42, Reply)

Happy Birthday!
I would like a free pass and no questions asked.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)

Happy Birthday!
Mine too today. 37. As I believe you are.

Am looking forward to a veal chop at an Italian in Wapping tonight!

It's all go!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)

Mutual congratulations.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:45, Reply)

Any cards or prezzies?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:47, Reply)

My brother took me to see Gong a week or two ago as a gift
I have some stuff from my dear mother to open but I leave the house about 3hrs before the lazy fucking postman manages to drag his sorry arse the 30 yards between his depot and my front door each day, so not much more.

You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Bit spoiled actually.
Weekend in Venice last weekend from the Mrs. Buono!
Book and shirt today.
£20 for wine tonight from mother.
Bag of grass from mate.

On the downside, it has cost me £17 in doughnuts for colleagues.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Another reason to take the day off.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Ooh I went to Venice last year for my anniversary
isn't it beautiful?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Amazing
But it cost a lot of pennies to do anything when you are there.

Best walking shoes on.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Many happy returns, Montgomery.
Now come and reply to my thread...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:46, Reply)

i think we may have to accept that this thread is "where it's at"
Old chap.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:50, Reply)

Begone with your young person's parlance, sir!
Also, in the words of Andy LaPlegua, happy fucking birthday
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:54, Reply)

fucking cheers.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 8:57, Reply)

You are Truman Capote
Happy Birthday chap.

I would like all new art supplies and some new inks.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Now there's a sub thread.
Which famous people do you share your birthday with?

It's The Marquis De Sade and Tony Hadley for me.
(Cave Duck, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Boy George for me.
Edit - and Donald Trump. hahahahah!
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

Too many people
But after a quick look to the list, I don't recognise many names:

www.historyorb.com/birthdays/january/15
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:24, Reply)

Marie Antoinette
KD Lang
Ultra Nate
Nelly
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:28, Reply)

Ooh, I've just checked and found I've got Peter Sutcliffe as well.
(Cave Duck, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Miles Davis
happy with that. And some bloke who built a helicopter.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Mr Copter?

(Cave Duck, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Mr Harold. Eli. Copter. Esq.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:42, Reply)

That site is woeful and shit
John Stuart Mill
Joe Cocker
Timothy Olyphant
Louis Theroux
Busta Rhymes
Iker Casillas
Petr Cech
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

I got Franz Kafka.
And Sebastian Vettel.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

I have
Napoleon FKJ Bonaparte II, Napoleon's son/King of Rome
Chester Bennigton (Linkin Park)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

I see your shit singer Chester Bennington
and raise you with the even shitter Paul Weller.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Busta Rhymes
Fuck you!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:50, Reply)

Paul Weller is shitter than Busta Rhymes
Busta Rhymes has talent at least.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I think Paul Weller is awesome

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Not my thing at all
He might be a lovely chap but I am not fond of his awful music.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Fair enough

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

You are quite comprehensively wrong about this, I'm afraid.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Seconded.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Please note that's not actually me!
I hate paul weller especially that new pile of crap he's released
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Man I love Paul Weller

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

fuck off tossafce

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I want his babies
And Sebastian Vettel is well ugly
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I also have Spike Lee
ooh and
Thang Thanh Nguyen, Soc Trang Vietnam, murderer (FBI Most Wanted)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:54, Reply)

I got Kuna Khemu
The indian guy from Big Bang Theory and the rest I have never heard of. I am thinking that I am going to become famous and cool to make up for the lack of cool people born in May.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Samuel Colt, US inventor (Colt 6 shot revolver)
Edgar Degas, France, impressionist painter
Lizzie Borden, murderer
Martin Powell from Cradle of Filth

A nice mix there.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Ben Stiller
and Paul Daniels. WIN
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Sorry I'm in this for the win
Lauryn Hill (terrible racist, down with this sort of thing)
Mike Myers
Frank Oz
Sir Ian Mckellen!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Jeff Bridges! I win BGB!
Ronnie Corbett
Jay-Z
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

You have the same birthday as Jeff?
That means if I can't have Jeff then I can have you : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Lies back and waits for BGB assault!
And fucking Ronnie Corbett too - how cool am I? (by proxy)

Edit:
I'm like a younger, thinner, non-rich, completely different, English, boring version of Jeff
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

The similarities are astonishing.

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Its just like that film with Arnie in
Predator
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Don't you mean Twins?

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

That kind of was the joke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Oh sorry!

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Nice one, you old age bastard
I've got some fried chicken here, and I thought maybe we could go fishing...
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Hahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:31, Reply)

It's not my secret recipe though

(TheColonel, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

happy birthday darling
I'd like to be a few years younger for my birthday please. Although one of the oxford new guys refused to believe I was a day over 27. I liked him a lot. I guess lard pushes out the wrinkles.

Anyway. Yes. Happy birthday, hope you get everything you want, namely another day with the mini goose stepper (gosling stepper), a massive sack of charles and a blowie??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

and a bugle, to blow the whole sack of Bolivian up his arse in one go?
Go big or go home, that's what I say.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Thank you so much, sweetness.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Happy birthday, young man.
I hope you get a special birthday drawing from your daughter.
(Cave Duck, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Happy birthday!
Are you going to be less or more miserable because it's your birthday?

Happy birthday to the Badger of Mightiness as well
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:12, Reply)

thanking you.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

More miserable.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Happy birthday, little one!
Those are good birthday presents! I'm sure you'll enjoy them very much.

I'm getting a fantastic birthday present next year. I'm marrying Mark just a few days before we bothe were born, and we're giving as a present our great honeymoon. I love travelling, so it's the best thing I could ask for.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Happy birthday cunt

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Happy Birthday!
I hope your ex remembers to get you a card from your daughter.

I would like a body transplant for my birthday pleasethankyouverymuch.
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:21, Reply)

ooh whose body would you have?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

A girl I saw on BME.
She was lovely and curvy and had the most perfect natural breasts I've ever seen.
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Happy Birthday Monty and Mighty!
I would like a chest piece from Xed le Head or Little Swastika for my birthday please.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Oh my gosh
Today is my unbirthday! A very happy unbirthday to me! to me!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:29, Reply)

I shall celebrate by not getting you a card.

( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:39, Reply)

Thanks it's just want I wanted!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Happy Birthday
Mine was a week and a bit ago

What I wanted was a blowjob and a bit of peace and quiet.
What I got was a pair of shoes.
( Peej, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:44, Reply)

Shoes last longer.

(Cave Duck, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

Happy birthday fart flaps.
I hope your brother gave you something nice.

I would like my eyes mended please, for my birthday. So I don't have to wear specs any more.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU MISERABLE SHITCUNT
and well done on making it to 37 despite your lifestyle. I am 37 - all the cool kids spackers are.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Happy birthday!
When's the celebratory Tayyabs excursion?

Edit - And happy birthday also, Mr Badger.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Ta. I'm having a quiet night in instead, for I am elderly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Mr Boyce, the erstwhile voice
Of B3tan 'lluminati,
Happy birthday, Monty pal,
You wizened caustic Nazi.

You can keep the XO, tho'. I'm all about the Pedro Ximinez cask-aged Lagavulin. Ta.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

That's a beautiful poem *cries*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Happy Birthday.
Not dead yet, just well forked.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

And if you're feeling aged,
uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/food-drink/top-foods-to-keep-you-young-blog-11-real-buzz.html

7 foods to keep you young looking. Keep drinking the green tea.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Nice work there, Brian
Now, tell me more about this special edition Lagavulin...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Happy birthday Montington
You insufferable no-gooder
(TheColonel, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Happy birthday!
I would like for my bay window roof not to be riddled with damp and need replacing next year.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Excellant euphemism there.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

It's rotten all the way through to the wall.
I don't know how it hasn't caved in already.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

They just get better.
Fnarr fnarr
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Happy Birthday Monty!
You are my favourite grumpy old druggie and I hope you have a lovely day.

Seen as my birthday is tomorrow, I would like a new mp3 player, some steampunk clothes and a moomin bag. Ta.
Edit: and sex.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Happy Birthday, you old devil
Why, having reached this age in spite of a perennial flow of Massive Drugs and Cognac, you're looking set to become a regular 'Keef' in years to come.

It might be a couple of months overdue, but I shall hopefully be buying my birthday autopresent this afternoon.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 11:14, Reply)