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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Stupid things you do
When it's raining, and I'm walking on the street, if I see a floor tile that looks loose, I MUST step on it, which usually results in me covered on dirty water. I try to stop myself. I even think before I do it "Don't do it, you'll be upset afterwards" but I can't stop my feet...

Which stupid things you do, knowing that it'll make you upset with yourself for doing them?

PS: Nobody here is doing my mum, I know that for a fact.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:53, 182 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
You ruined my your mum joke
almost as hard as I ruined your mum last night.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
You must be really desperate
to fly all the way to Tenerife and back just to ruin a frigid woman in her late 50s. I'm so sad for you, poor Chompy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)

enerife odmorden
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
You can be so nasty...

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
Sorry, I've made some clever ones over the last few days, and no-one has noticed them, so I'm having to be a little mean

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
I see
I haven't been here much, so I must have missed the clever ones. I just hope Blousie doesn't read it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
She knows I adore her, she's lovely

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I know
It was still quite mean :)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
God you want me so much don't you?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I'm fine with this idea

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Yeah, you see?
That's why my father is there. You didn't really had to. Again, if you have to rely on that to get laid, I pity your life.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
You're getting to good at being mean to me.
Stop it, I'm going to cry.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
You started it
But ok, I'm sorry. Don't be mean to me and I won't be mean to you.

Big kisses

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Your mum started it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
:D
Careful, or I'll make you cry...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)
+from your winky

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
He wishes
That'd be 2 generations of women of the same family. And probably 2 women in total as well. What a record!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
Sportsman's Double, I believe

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Oof, now who is the nasty one?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
Oh, c'mon
He started it!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
The problem is, your mum isn't frigid
your dad just isn't up to the task or servicing her, so Chompy has to step up to the plate.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
You don't know my family much, do you?
Understandable, if all your info comes from Chompy. You should get better and more reliable sources.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
well, there was this guy,,,
but other than that, lots of stupid things. one of the most irritating is that as soon as i chip my nail varnish, i have to peel off the whole lot, even if it was a new and expensive manicure. i just can't stop peeling it!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Oh, yes
I have to do it too, so now I don't varnish my nails anymore.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I chew my nails
because they're plastic and therefore satisfyingly chewable. However, they WILL break and then I'll be annoyed that I have to walk around looking scruffy for a couple of weeks until my next appointment.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
I sorted that
by eating chewing gum at all times. It's good for your jaw and your "underchin bit, I don't really know the name, above your neck, you know, that horizontal muscle"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
Maybe
Dewlap?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
but it can cause
cancer of the pancreas, apparently
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Yes, I think you need to eat a ton of it
and probably swallow it too. I think there are worse things out there causing cancer and, at the end of the day, everything causes cancer.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)
this is true
although one of my best friends from home has been really ill with girl problems. i just found out this morning that they are referring her for cancer tests. she's 29 and she has all the symptoms that my friend's mum had when it turned out to be ovarian cancer. i feel really sick with worry for her.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Oh, I'm so sorry
That's crap. In Spain you get checked once per year since you're 16, I don't understand why here it's only after you're 25 and every 5 years.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
it's not 25 and every 5 years here is it?
I thought it was from when you started being sexually active or 16 and then with reasonable regularity after that.

not that I know for sure, being a bloke and all
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
My wife had similar problems about 10 years ago
and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer but when they went in to operate they found that instead of cancer she had bad endometriosis and ovarian cysts; so there is still hope.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)
It's called your wattle
but I don't like that word, it sounds fat.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)
it reminds me of one of the wankers from Ally MacBeal
he had a fetish for old women with a dangly wattle or something ridiculous
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
it's addictive
my hair salon does that bioscuplt gel thing, which is like a 6 week manicure. it's brilliant because it's almost unchippable, but it's £100 a go. and i still manage to chip it and then peel it off, which utterly rapes my own nails underneath!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
fucking hell, I thought mine were pricey at £25 every four weeks.
I've had biogel on once but it looked dead cheap and bendy, so it probably wasn't the same stuff. Mine is acrylic with a gel overlay so it doesn't chip.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)
the salon is ridiculous
it's £340 for highlights, cut and colour.

but you do feel really special!

mind you, my wilmslow salon does it just as well for about £190.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)
oh £190, that's far more reasonable.
I highlighted my hair myself with a £6.99 bottle of Clairol.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)
i used to dye my own
but i ruined my bathroom carpet and my dad made me pay for a new one. that was far more expensive!

i can't do highlights, i am shit at things like that, glooping a semi over it was as good as it got.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Hur hur
'semi'
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
oh, al.

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
See, now it's just not fair!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)
fucking hell

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
O_O
My haircuts cost £7
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)
mine cost £16 and that's a lot

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
that's because you're so furry

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
I only have the hair on top of my head cut.
I've only once had someone offer to trim my beard. They did a good job.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
was it in a creepy fetish way?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)
it was not

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Absinthe and Tequila
Both of them make me annoyed at myself, as they ruin any memory I have of the night.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I can't not eat biscuits if I have a packet open
I will just polish off an entire packet and then be pissed off with myself for doing so.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)
Yes, me too
but only with Jaffa Cakes
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Butter Keks biscuits are good for this

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)
Oh
And Ginger nuts. Mmmmm
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Aldi do the best Ginger biscuits

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
ALDI?
you shop at ALDI?

it's so over between us.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Well...
I sometimes do as well. It's not so bad, apart from all the chavs with trolleys and baby buggies all over the place. I'm going to try it online next time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
i only hate it because the one in didsbury
was a nightmare when i worked next door to it.

but i will still be taking the piss out of al for it, oh yes.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Al?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
oh yeah
you, then.

urgh i can hardly see straight this morning!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Was gonna say!
I know I'm rotund, but that's just cruel!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)
you both begin with A
that was all it took
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
It's cheaper than most supermarkets, and some of it's stuff is very good
The ginger biscuits have pieces of stem ginger in.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Shopping in Lidl or Aldi feels like you are shopping abroad
A lot of the stuff is pure tat, but a number of items are far superior in quality and cheaper than their UK equivalent.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)
I love shopping in Aldi
most of the things that I buy in Spain and I can't get in UK supermarkets are there. Lidl is ok, but it always looks so dirty...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
Also, a lot of their freezer stuff is far, far superior to anything you get in Asda, Tesco, et al

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
That is completely true
And they have the best ice creams ever!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I Love Aldi's Jaffa cakes.
LOVE them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
^ this ^ accompanied by ice cold semi skimmed milk

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Oh, yes!

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
maryland cookies
addictive little fuckers
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Chocolate Hobnobs are the worst for this
Especially if you're dipping them.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
I eat far too much and late at night, which means I then don't sleep well, I know this but still do it anyway
I also drink way too much.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)
What about
vomiting before going to bed? Maybe you'll feel better?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
What? Waste all my culinary effort? Nah.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Well, no
You'll still get all the tastes and feeling of fullines, but you won't feel bad when you go to sleep.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Bulimia!
Twice the taste, half the calories!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
There you are
All benefits.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
gives you rock hard abs as well
but apparently melts your teeth and gives you permanent vom breath.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)
done some research?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
yeah I was trying to see if it would be worth taking up
so I could increase my cheesecake intake.

There's also a stupid diet in America where you chew your food and then spit it out so you get all the flavour and stuff but no actual food. Stupid Mericans.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
but don't the enzymes in your saliva
break a lot of the sugars and stuff down instantly, so you'd be getting the crap anyway!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
that seems unlikely

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
they must do
why else does something like chocolate dissolve if you just leave it in your mouth?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
heat?
same reason it melts in your hand.

there's a big difference between chocolate dissolving and food almost instantly being digested when it comes in contact with your saliva.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)
There are enzymes in your saliva that break down carbohydates into sugars
however they are not absorbed in the mouth.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)
It might break down but you'd still have to swallow it for it to be digested
so you could still spit it out. Although if it was melted chocolate spit it would look gross.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)
oh
my biology is right up there with my geography and my maths.

i just have vague recollections of glucose being dissolved instantly by saliva from biology gcse...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)
Glucose isn't broken down by the body
it is used how it is.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Fucking Hell
Jerry McCann is demanding that the government carry out a full case review into how he murdered his daughter how he and his wife ought to be charged with neglect maddies disappearance.

I've just heard him on the news saying "The people who voted in this government should petition them, they are doing nothing, madeline is a british citizen, she's innocent and she's vulnerable".

They are just upset as they've now only got several hundred thousand pounds left in their fund, rather than several million.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)

innocent dead
vulnerable dead
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)

a british citizen dead
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
You killed her didn't you? S'alright... you can confess here, your secret will remain safe.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)
they weren't too troubled about her being innocent and vulnerable when they left her in a hotel while they went out for dinner

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
It's not like the Government care about the British Citizens
that are alive and in the UK anyway.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)
I think the Americans should be sent in to save the McCanns

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
Their special brand of grenade rescue.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
that's the one.
it reminds me of how I play computer games.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
I usually end up throwing grenades at the wall
and then it bouncing back into my face.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I usually overwrite my save game with a new one just before the explosion in that sort of situation

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)
my friend accidentally saved his game of Fallout just as he'd pissed off everyone in the town
so every time he loaded the game, everyone in the town killed him almost instantly.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
that's the sort of thing I'd do

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
I played Fallout again last for about twenty minutes
then I remembered that I'm stuck on the wastelands with supermutants all around me. I ran to the nearest town, bringing the supermutants with me, thus having everyone in the town killed and failing my mission.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Oh were there zombies?
I don't find constant crapping on about zombies in the least bit lame or tedious, so I do hope so.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
I hope you've got a plan for the innevitable zombie apocolypse.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
we should club together and buy him a copy of World War Z and the Zombie Survival Guide

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Have you tried drugging yourself up then running right up to their faces?
That often helps.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)
in real life as well

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Are you lying to me so I'll get horrifically killed?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)
No I'm not, take all the drugs you've got in your bag
run right up to their face, go in VATS shotgun to the face muthafuckers.
Repeat until they're all dead.
The drugs give big bonuses so it's worth doing if you're stuck.
/how are you today Ms furious?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)
What a prick
I reckon 'the people who voted in this government' should petition them to tell Jerry McCann to shut the fuck up. She's probably dead, and it's the McCann's fault.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Moaning about my love life.
I can't seem to stop once I start.

Also pulling my hair out and drinking too much.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I'm the same, but I tend to whine to myself, while drinking too much
Then I have a wank, and stop caring again.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:07, Reply)
Meh
I'm with you on the complaining. 'Sup with your sig?
(berk, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Just being emo last night.
I hate myself for it.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
You were?
I must have missed that. Ergo, it didn't happen :)
(berk, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)
1. I keep fucking about on here. I really cannot spare the time.
2. I keep taking shitloads of drugs and drinking heavily - although I've been a great deal better lately
3. I spend money I haven't got all the time
4. I keep abducting, killing and eating children
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
I'm the same on all of the above, except for the drug taking
And in my defence, no-one misses Downy kids anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:09, Reply)
I'd recommend not going for Downy kids
you will save yourself the time you spend plucking them before roasting.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
The hairs burn off anyway
and the crackling is better
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Every time my brother reminds me I was a fat baby, I tell him he looks like he had downs
We were discussing this last weekend, the looks we were getting in the pub were rather evil...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Brotherly evil - my favourite kind.
Although I suspect my brother and I go waaay beyond you and yours. We discuss him getting replica Auschwitz gates for his garden on a regular basis.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)
We keep ours immature, I'm fine with that
Although your idea is fantastic.

EDIT: In all seriousness though, look at him!(he's the one in the brown) Proper downy looking!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
As opposed to you
who looks stuffed.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:28, Reply)
I was a seriously fat baby
My birth weight wasn't that bad though, so not sure why...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)
If I were you,
whenever I saw him I would sing 'Downs downs, deeper and downs'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
officelol for point 4!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
I think the problem is you can still function the next day after imbibing all that stuff.
Once it starts to effect your day to day life then I think it's easier to knock it on the head.

As for the cannibilism, then I suspect you need more protein in your diet.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
you'd think he gets enough protein
from all the semen he ingests
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
or seamen

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
semen from seamen
that reminds me. Why are camels called ships of the desert?

because they are full of arab se(a)men
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Yeah that reminds me
OF ABOUT THREE DAYS AGO WHEN THIS JOKE WAS LAST POSTED.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)

JOKE
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)
Reading you always makes me so happy

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
*salutes*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Procrastination
Be it work, giving the house a thorough tidy, or getting fit and healthy. I just don't have enough motivation to do any of these things.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
This^
but without bells on as I can't be arsed
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
I identify with this - I want to stop smoking (and my gf really wants me to stop) but I keep putting it off.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
C'mon boy!
I think you should get a personal trainer. Give it a try for a month, and you'll see.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Doubt I could afford one
I do find riding my exercise bike while playing xbox/ps3 useful though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
I found this one for
£21/session. She was the cheapest one, but still too expensive.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)
^this
Although I can usually make myself go to the gym as I hate the idea of reverting back to my jabba the hut past.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
I hate the local gym
Full of meatheads taking up all the weights machines.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
My gym isn't like that luckily.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)
get all dressed up and recreate Queen's Break Free video
two birds, one stone.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
You could be Freddie!
You've definitely got the moustache
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
this is a sensible plan

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
That reminds me of the time I dated anorexic twins.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
*golf applause*

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I couldn't grow that moustache.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
not with that attitude

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Going on the inside lane North
at Moorgate. No-one indicates turning left towards Barbican and I always get a muppet turning left on me.

*ruefully rubs knee, jaw, skin and palms*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Are you an octopus?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
So the frightened ladies say.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
"Like Japanese tentacle rape personified"
I think that was my best police report.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
That is fucking good. I'd be proud.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)
I was so good I forgot to turn up for my court date
*hides in dark, dark alleyway*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)

*hides in dark, dark alleyway*
*buys bath and shitloads of sand*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)
'knees and toes'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:15, Reply)
officelol 2!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
i warned you about that bike
i warned you
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)
Maaarnin'
*leans on farm gate chewing straw*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Get orf my laaaand

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
But I'm here to shoot
rabbits mister, and make potted rabbit.

Mmmm. Potted rabbit.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Feel free to shoot any gypsies that may be wandering about.
I got 2 this morning but I think there's a third around somewhere
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
You are Tony Martin AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)
Better than being Tony Hadley.
A mate of mine has Hadley as godfather to one of his kids. Fuck knows why. Met him once when extremely drunk. He's a cunt.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)
He's quite highly strung, I've heard.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)
In his favour he co-owns the Red Rat Brewery which make real ales and shares a birthday with me.

(Cave Duck, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)
hello sexiest of sexbombs

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:35, Reply)
*detonates*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)
i've never heard it called that before

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
What can I say? I'm creative.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)
that's one word for you
i have many others.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Look how many times - I am NOT a nonce, alright?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)
hey now
they are all NICE words

but i could also interpret this as, "you look so youthful that cracking onto you would make me a paedo". i would like this to be true.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Then true it is.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)
Stupid things other people do
Just had a phone call where the person on the other end, in a blind fury, demanded to know why the email system can't extrapolate from his ham-fisted, button-mashing, chimp-like typing the email address he actually meant to send to. Naturally, the fact that he can't spell and will have to resend the email (all of about two clicks and a couple of button presses) is all our fault.

Edit: His rage only increased when I told him that no, I wasn't prepared to go and send it onto the correct address for him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)
late nights in the week
I keep saying I'll be sensible and get to bed in time to get a decent night's sleep, but there I am at 00:30 playing one more game, watching one more show, reading one more article... By Friday I'm practically a zombie. Then I sleep half of Saturday and the same Sunday and barely get anything done.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Smoke some PCP at the weekend
That should ward off any tiredness...and reality

EDITED to say, I was having a wee look at the PCP wiki page and was pissing myself laughing at some of the physical effects, which can include -

" inflicting remarkable property damage, running at speeds of up to 40 mph in short bursts,running at 25 mph on two broken legs or ankles, and pulling one's own teeth."

Would love to see some PCP fuelled Olympic Games.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

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