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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What are your three discoveries for the day?
On my lunchbreak I found out that myspace is still going, its been rebranded and is a cunt to use on a phone, despite having having the M to denote that it's a mobile friendly site.

I love The walking dead now that I've got time to watch it properly instead of 10 minutes here and there on study breaks

Finally, it is also difficult to put on a gown and surgical gloves in a sterile manner in 6 minutes without mangling your hands, ripping a glove or swearing profusely as is required by upcoming exams.

AltQ: if you haven't discovered something today, what have you learned instead?
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:25, 213 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I can use 3 days holiday, and have 11 days off
My boss is a stereotypical Apple user (doesn't have a clue how to fix it when it goes wrong)
My office is always too bastard hot.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:30, Reply)
We're all victims of fraud :(
apparantly it's surprising I went to a grammar for a bit
not to watch Freak Like Me before eating
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:32, Reply)
I went to a private school, don't worry about it! Haha
Merchant Taylors was pretty good though
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:35, Reply)
I went to a private school for a bit as well
I've pretty much done every type of education
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Could be worse!
plentyofants went to school with The Verve (I think), that'd be fucking irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
^this
Apparently my secondary was one of the 12 schools that accounts for 10% of Oxford students (though I went somewhere else for 6th form, so not sure if i count under that)
(I helped save b3ta! Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
You went to Merchant Taylors?
Ha. We used to kick your arse at rugby.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
What school was that?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Kirkham Grammar

(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:55, Reply)
Sweet. Yep, you've produced 3 England rugby players, we only did 1
But one of the Merchants Alumni married Charles & Diana, we win.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:00, Reply)
So did we
Adams' Grammar.

I suspect that Merchant Taylors were the rugby bitches.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:17, Reply)
Yours might be the other Merchant Taylors, in Northwood
Mine was in Crosby
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
Nah, the scouse one was the one we played.
so it was you. Adams' is in Shropshire.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
that £10 is apparently too much to pay for a salad
best avoid the £20 boxes at whole foods then!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:35, Reply)
Do you think it's too much to pay for a salad?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)
no
i hadn't really noticed in all honesty, i normally expect to pay about a tenner for lunch, so.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)
Your money, your salad! Personally I'd want more meat in it, but I couldn't do a salad lunch without getting ravenous by about 4pm

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)
there was plenty of pasta and cheese
i can't say it was rabbit food.

also someone who has been to argentina has brought back these... Things. think wagon wheels, but sandwiched together with the middle of a jaffa cake. they are rather addictive.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)
Pasta when its not in lasagne is wrong in my book. Especially cold pasta :(
The wagon jaffa things sound a bit fabulous though
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:57, Reply)
You'd want meat it in?
I'd expect at leave half a dozen swans for a tenner.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:54, Reply)
That's because you and I
are povvos.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:59, Reply)
That we're all going to get conscripted and die in the Pacific.
and that tescos don't like me.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
More than one Tesco doesn't like you?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
Tesco the company doesn't like the idea that I recently lived with my parents
and so refused my credit card application.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)
I have given up on the idea of getting credit cards, ever.
I'm nineteen and have a CCJ. Wahoo!
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:05, Reply)
Nah, i'm past the age of Military Service (apart from WW1 rules)
it's dads army for me
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
You'll be a land girl.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
do I get to work with Anna Friel?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Yeah, but she's ropey now.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:46, Reply)
Still would
I watched 2 seasons of Pushing Daisies for that woman
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I'm sorry.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Just because I have nothing else to do, doesn't mean I'm going to do my tute work
(it's not due for a week anyway)

There's a rather nice tapas place on Little Clarendon Street

It's possible to get by well on surprisingly little sleep, though too many late nights will make it impossible to go to sleep early enough to make up for it at the weekend (I have jetlag from talking to a friend on skype until 4am most of the last week and a bit)
(I helped save b3ta! Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
did you like it?
I thought the tapas there were decidedly poor
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:39, Reply)
yeh, went there with my mum today
It was good :D
(I helped save b3ta! Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Glad you enjoyed :)

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:43, Reply)
It can't be worse than La Tasca, surely?

(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:42, Reply)
That this house party ronight is gonna be shit
Some Uni modules are pointless and stephen kings' the dark tower is my favourite book
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I had an awesome house party at the weekend.
I bet you're well jealous.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:40, Reply)
You are Noel Edmonds
And I claim one Crinkly Bottom.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:55, Reply)
Someone call?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:03, Reply)
No chance you are dull and shit and rape people

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:03, Reply)
I learnt how to assemble an office chair
It has the bestest gliding wheels so I am gliding around the office. Oh and it tilts backwards and I discovered my boss likes to go "wheeeeeeee" when tipping
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:41, Reply)
Haha, I have an office chair like that, it's big enough to put my feet up on without looking like a romanian orphan

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Have you tried spinning on it yet?
This is the true test of any office chair.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Never mind mobile-friendly, the new myspace interface isn't even computer-friendly, it's so bloated and cumbersome
Let's see, three discoveries:
1. Well for starters, I found good reason to support my already dim view of economics as a 'science.'
2. Strange things happen to average prices depending on your proximity to 'The City.' (See thread below this one)
3. I either walk lopsided or my right shoulder is slightly wider than my left.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:47, Reply)
one wrist is limper than the other

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Yeah, my collarbone's probably been gradualy shifted off-centre from all those years of teapotting.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)
precisely
a very slight list, that exacebates a camp walk. You're doing well
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:53, Reply)
I can talk about anything for hours, but when it really matters I just can't find the words.
Boardwalk Empire - a new show set during the Prohibition in Atlantic City, rather enjoying it.
Cold, alcohol and clubs will re-destroy my tentatively returning voice - but, said messed up voice is perfect for doing Amanda Palmer impressions.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:50, Reply)
Crap, I remember saying to Kristine ages ago that I'd watch it, then got immersed in revision, so it didn't happen

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:54, Reply)
I've only watched the first episode so far
But it's definitely worth a look.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:55, Reply)
i know this feeling
i am always the one who gets sent to meet clients etc because i can talk to anyone and make them laugh.

unless i fancy someone, when it's total watermelon time.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:55, Reply)
wtf is Watermelon time?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Imagine the situation...
He/she is gorgeous, and seems to like you!
You try to make conversation...it seemed to easy the other night talking that boy/girl at the party...what's wrong with you?
Why do you feel so awkward?
There's a very pregnant pause in the conversation.
PANIC.
Reach into your bag and retrieve the EMERGENCY WATERMELON.
Cut a hole in it and put it over your head to hide your embarrassed face and allow you to disappear into your mental Safe Place, oblivious to the world around you and the accusing silence of the object of your desires.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:59, Reply)
this is beautifully bizarre

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:00, Reply)
Tests have proven conclusively that it makes the problem go away.
(Insofar as they will get up and walk away when they realise you are refusing to receive communication from within the watermelon.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:11, Reply)
I thought it was:
"shit I can't think of anything to say,
time for my party trick of juggling watermelons"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)
you were absolutely right
because i habitually stand there talking to hot men whilst bouncing a breast in each hand.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I cannot understand how this technique could fail.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
I was going to say the same thing, but it's hard to type as fast with only one hand...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
I think it works better in real-life Crow
Rather that you being that blown away by Wookiee that you've got to jiggle your jugs whilst typing,
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:24, Reply)
His wrists are far too limp to juggle that kind of mass anyway.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
You're twistin' my melon man.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)
have you never seen "dirty dancing" ?
when she is so stunned by patrick swayze that all she can think of to say is "i carried a watermelon" ???

that is what i meant!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:12, Reply)
No one puts Jeff in the corner.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:17, Reply)
Is 'Watermelon time' what I think it is?
I've got a mate who has spent a lot of time in Thailand, he was telling me about it.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Ugh, this
I hate it so so much that I can't think of anything to say to people I like.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:58, Reply)
It's worse than that.
Your brain is frantically testing and rejecting conversational gambits and then they say something to which you could reply in a fantastically witty fashion and you miss it and you end up saying "Errrrm, yeah, I quite like cheese."
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Or you say something and start laughing
and realise, almost in slow mo, you can feel the ha-ha - ha falling out of your mouth whilst your brain jumps up and down frantically trying to get your attention, saying 'it really wasn't that funny. Or funny at all. Now would be a good time to stop laughing'
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:07, Reply)
or the awful speaking at the same time
and doing the stopping/starting thing, until you're both left with nothing to say except smile awkwardly
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:10, Reply)
I rarely get that
but the inappropriate laughing and/or inappropriate talking of bollocks, oh definitely.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:13, Reply)
Take some cue cards with you everywhere.
Cover them with interesting and witty phrases and get them out whenever you talk to someone you find attractive.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:08, Reply)
This is a terrible idea.
Flowcharts are the way forward.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:11, Reply)
^ This. It needs a logical thread.
You don't want to have to order her a beer while knowledgeably saying "Why, I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who claimed that 'Beer is proof that god loves us and wants to be happy,'"
only to find the next card in the pile lumbers you with,
"Erm...so did you know that a platypus can sense small electric fields with its bill?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:13, Reply)
I think I have my dragons den idea.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)
I think it has merit
So long as the user keeps the set for "chatting up those with an interest in American history" separate from the one for "chatting up biologists with a particular interest in monotremes."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:17, Reply)
i'd pay you both a year of my salary
if it ever ever ever got you laid (by anyone with all 5 senses functioning fully and who isn't a complete moose)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
I wonder how many people on here would sleep with me for £50k

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
this is clever and i have actually clicked "i like this"
i mean, not clever enough to make it worthwhile sleeping with you for a lousy £50k, but still.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:24, Reply)
A 'lousy' 50k?
*weeps* I'm not going to tell you how many multiples of my current salary that is...
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
only lousy in the context of having to sleep with psychochomp to earn it.
now re-assess your answer, and i think you'll agree.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
the question was
would you sleep with Pyschochomp for it?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Hah, it's an easy win.
Question 1 on flowchart: Will you sleep with me for £50k? If YES, go to FUCKING. If NO, go to MELON ON HEAD.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:33, Reply)
All bets are off, we have POTD.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Now there's a top-notch opening line.
"I was just wondering, do you prefer American history or platypuses platypi platypodes fuck it, kittens?"
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:22, Reply)
I think it's a great idea,
if my sense of shame wasn't so well honed, I think it could work in a chatting up scenario. It's funny it's a bit of thearter and it's novel, women love that shit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:14, Reply)
by the time you got them out
they'd have left you on a flimsy pretext
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:16, Reply)
'I have to wash my hair'

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:17, Reply)
'it's raining in thailand and i don't have an umbrella'

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
'I'm pretty sure my longlost dad just walked past the window'

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
sorry my mobile is ringing
what? no no, it's just on silent, that's why you couldn't hear it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:22, Reply)
The beauty of fake calls.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:24, Reply)
god yes

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Pfft
I don't think I've ever had to do that.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
I've only had to use it the once
I always accidentally activate it in my pocket though, and get all excited cos I think someone's ringing me.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
haven't used in ages
but last time it was a godsend. Though I had texted surreptitiously the words 'ring me' to a friend
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:31, Reply)
i do this when i get taxi drivers who won't stop talking to me about shite

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Perhaps it's just the quality of the men you attract
for me at least the quantity is so small that the quality is irrelevant!
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:35, Reply)
I hardly have a large quantity!
I've used the 'ring me' thing about three times in about 6 years.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:45, Reply)

I think someone's ringing me
it's on vibrate.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:32, Reply)

left you on a flimsy pretext put a defensive watermelon over their head
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
Is it a reference to Dirty Dancing?
"I carried a watermelon"?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:10, Reply)
well done!!!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:13, Reply)
What do I win?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
pride
and the knowledge that you knew more than these male muppets!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:19, Reply)
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
MY KNOWLEDGE OF DIRTY DANCING IS BELOW THAT OF RACHELSWIPE AND APPLEBITE
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
you just hate applebite knowing more than you
on any subject
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Nope, I'm sure she knows a whole lot more than me on a number of subjects.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:31, Reply)
she still won't sleep with you
not even if you give her more than a 50% cut
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:33, Reply)
she'd want a bigger cut.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:48, Reply)
i know your ideal response to this would be +n
but we all know it's cut penis
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:50, Reply)
Today's discoveries are:
Not being told when things are fixed is just as irritating as not being told when they're broken.
There is no point when the same stupid person asking you the same stupid question ceases to be annoying and becomes a running gag instead.
I'm in quite a bad mood.

It's been an exciting day.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 14:52, Reply)
So you never get the YAY IT WORKS! thing then Wookie? I feel bad for you that you don't get to experience this

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:00, Reply)
I get YAY I FIXED IT! sometimes but when I have to get someone else in to fix something and they just wander off afterwards without letting anyone know it's done, not so much.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Mine were:
Maiden added a second date.
Next week's tube strike appears to still be on.
The snack bar has a funky new coffee machine because I complained about the last one.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Tube strike? Piss. When?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:07, Reply)
Starts Sunday night.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:07, Reply)
I am going to hunt down Bob Crow and kick him in the nuts.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:10, Reply)
Hopefully Gonz's taxi home will run him over.
Edit: Bob, that is...not Gonz.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:11, Reply)
So will I be seeing your lovely self on saturday? I thought it started on saturday night, but am usually wrong about these things!

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)
No :(
Remember I said I couldn't come because I have a gig?
Where are you going to be and at what time?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
I have no delorean :( arse, I thought your gig was the saturday night. I cancelled that, didn't see the point, so going to flange instead
9am, no idea about the rest of the day though
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:23, Reply)
Eh?
I think I need to gaz you.
*gazzes*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
I learnt today that;
1) Grammar schools still exist
2) Going to one doesn't make you posh
3) Audi TTs are quite a comfortable ride
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)
i nearly bought a TT instead of my merc
but i wanted a convertible and i wanted a hard top.

i also really liked the A3 rag-top, audis are lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:13, Reply)
Hot bloke has one of those
mmmm...convertible with leather interior.

EDIT - might be an A5 actually, I'm not sure. Either way...it's shamefully sexy.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
If he's a bloke and driving an A3 droptop
he's gay. So I hope for your sake it's an A4 or an A5.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:30, Reply)
Well, at least if he's gay
I know why he won't sleep with me! I think it is an A5 though.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:32, Reply)
I'll be honest
most Audi convertibles have a whiff of lavender about them.

I'll be charitable and say he obviously isn't really interested in cars. But as a warning, Audi convertibles is sailing dangerously close to image-obsessed narcissm that rswipe's weekend arse seemed to suffer from.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:35, Reply)
god don't remind me
he emailed me again this morning with some gym-sex related punnage.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Have you emailed him back, going
'you're married, you wanker, now stop bothering me or I'll tell your wife'?
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:47, Reply)
i deleted him from fb
what more hint does he need?!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Another, bigger hint, apparently
if he's still emailing you in a sexy way.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:53, Reply)
A good solid hoof in the pods usually does it.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:55, Reply)
he WAS mighty fit though
i blame my shiny slutty boots, i can't think why else he'd be persisting.

OH GOD, unless he sees me as a target for his personal training skills. why didn't i think of this horrifying possibility before??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:57, Reply)
In which case the retort is obvious:
"Are you saying I look like I could do with some exercise?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:59, Reply)
You think he sees you as a project?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:59, Reply)
this possibility has only just struck me!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:01, Reply)
I suspect he just wants to get in your pants.
this seems the more likely outcome.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:00, Reply)
he started off by going on about meeting up
and i said something sarky about a workout and he took me literally and said something about not wanting to mess with my curves, or only outside the gym anyway. this was clear enough, so i ignored it.

but now he is still going on about working out my curves, so i am beginning to get a bit paranoid!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:03, Reply)
If you polish them up to a mirror finish
then you only have yourself to blame for attracting narcissists.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)
i had not thought of this
damn
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:04, Reply)
Brilliant
Girl complains about men pretending she doesn't exist. Girl tries to get rid of bloke by pretending he doesn't exist.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:02, Reply)
with the difference
that he was a married prick trying to get some on the side
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Doesn't matter
if she doesn't tell him to fuck off, the big married twat, she shouldn't be surprised if he persists. Especially since she's already said he's dim.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:05, Reply)
^ this ^
and also not v bright, can't spell for shit etc etc.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Oh, I'm already aware that he's probably trouble
but the thing is, the trouble comes in such an attractive package...
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Seriously?
Come on, even those novelty "fundoms" don't look attractive.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:55, Reply)
audis are universally owned by arses, though.
I'd have been even more abusive to you if you'd got a TT than I am about the SLK. Clitoris of the car world, the TT.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Audi TT driving arseholes
are a lot easier to find, though...
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
what, as in, by looking for a TT?

Edit, Oh, fucking d'oh. just got your comment. Very good ;)
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:23, Reply)
You're so lucky I don't have my audi anymore
or I'd kick ya. Kick ya real good (do do do do dodododododo)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:07, Reply)
A client gave me a lift this morning
Black leather trim inside. Very comfortable. A mate of mine has a BMW Z4 and I find it so uncomfortable.

Of course nothing compares to my 1998 Ford Mondeo, the gaffer tape on the bumper really sets it off...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:21, Reply)
because the Z4 is on runflats
BMW put them as standard. It's like filling the shocks with cement. Awful ride.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:24, Reply)
I prefer the shape of the Z3 anyway

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
i hate BMW's though
hate them. every time you have a dick up your arse on the motorway it's a beemer.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
True

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
it's Audis now.
As soon as the aspiring wankers found out that 3 series Beemers are more common than Ford Mondeos now, they all went for Audi.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
both
salesmen mostly
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)

n beemer accident waiting to happen
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
There's only been one really good 2 seater drop top sports car in the last 10 years anyway.
Honda S2000.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
My car has lichen growing on it. This proves 2 things...
1) I live in an area with clean air.
2) I'm one lazy mo'fo' when it comes to washing my car.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:31, Reply)
My car is a Skoda
that proves one of two things:
1) I've grown out of owning hideously expensive fast sports cars or classic cars
2) I'm pretending to have grown out of owning hideously expensive fast sports cars or classic cars for the foreseeable future to finance other things

Take a wild shot in the dark.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:33, Reply)
It's '2' isn't it?
you want that expensive sleek head-turner sooooo bad...and it can be all YOURS* if you sign this finance agreement.

*Car remains property of colonel dracula enterprises, typical APR 37%, your house may be at risk if you fail to make the crippling payments. Your statutory rights are not affected. Ha ha, just kidding, you signed away all your rights.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:37, Reply)
You are Jim Davidson and you owe me a fiver.
Didn't he advertise expensive car loans? Because of course, of all the people if the world you'd trust to help you with such a purchase is a racist drunk with wife beating skillz
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:39, Reply)
No idea, is he still alive?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Well I haven't been invited to a street party yet to mark the occasion, so I assume so.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I'd spent 5 years working on the MG in my profile
It hurt a lot to sell it. But, yeah, mostly I want what you're selling, baby.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:44, Reply)
Tsk. Aren't accountants meant to be well off and stuff?
Even my 2000 ford fiesta (also with gaffer tape on the bumper) is better than that, and I'm an impoverished scientist.
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:24, Reply)
they are well off
because they spend their money wisely and not on £580 a month for a car loan!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
I'm not a very good accountant
also, it pays to have a crapper car than your clients.

(But mostly it all goes on the house)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
Sensible, I guess
You can't really live in your car...
(berk, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:30, Reply)
you can pose in it
and get a LOT of attention cruising around london with no top though (the car, not you).

note that i never do this, as it ruins my hair. so why i wanted a convertible so badly remains a bit of a mystery.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:32, Reply)
Certainly not
where would I make stool?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:32, Reply)
three things I discovered today

There are fuck off big water rats living in or around the pond where I walk my dog.

DJTP's birthday is a Saturday next year, and is apparently sandwiched between two bank holidays.

The shit on my ceramic hob does not want to come off, even with INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH CILLIT BANG DE-GREASER.

And I decided to give this OT thing a go, because none of my friends seem to be on facebook during the day.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)
He is a jammy sod.
I'm going to email him to tell him to take advantage with his holidays.
I shall do the same tomorrow when I stop having narcolepsy.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)
have you got your precious back yet?
Are we getting a real picture?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Oh yes, I have the little sparkler back now.
I shall send thee a picture (when my fingers stop being puffy).
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:15, Reply)
Hold you hand up for an hour before you have the photo taken.
Nice photo of non puffy and pale skinned hand.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
That sounds like a good idea

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Hell mrs b3th
As a recent new owner of a ceramic hob, I can recommned this

www.amazon.co.uk/Homecare-Hob-Brite-Ceramic-Accessory/dp/B000N5NBF8

and this

www.amazon.co.uk/Hob-Brite-Ceramic-Cleaner-300ml/dp/B000NVUWZ4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1290525436&sr=1-1-spell

Works wonders.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:17, Reply)
I concur, my mum's got a ceramic hob oven and she only uses that stuff. I used something else when I was younger and managed to melt a hole in it.

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:20, Reply)
I recommend not shitting on the hob in the first place.
Just keep that for niche coffee-table parties.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
thank you
I just worry that I might have left it too late. The gunk is basically months and months of grease build-up which general kitchen cleaner hasn't been able to shift.

I've tried hob brite, I've tried baking soda, I've tried degreaser, and even though it looks okay, I can still feel the rough circle around where mr b3th fries every bastard thing he ever cooks.

But I will ty a scraper. Together with a bit of elbow grease, it may achieve something.

Ooooh, don't we sound all domestic? Anyone fancy a cuppa and a chat over the back fence?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)
I've just put the bedlinen in on a cycle
It was difficult to fit the cycle into my washing machine, I can tell you.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I've just cleaned up some blood and thrown out old cytological and biopsy specimens that were lurking in a cupboard
I was wearing gloves though, so I feel terribly domesticated!
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)
That sounded just like something from a Jif advert my dear!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:41, Reply)
*mind boggles*
*body scrabbles*
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)
A got a small steam cleaner.
They're quite good.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:41, Reply)
If you spill tea onto a four-socket adaptor
you will NOT cut off the power or be electrocuted.
I'm glad I did not do this on purpose as a suicide attempt.

Sleep is so good. I think I'd have had a breakdown if I didn't get some.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:01, Reply)
How much sugar was in it though? Makes a whole lotta difference to a laptop, but not much to a regular keyboard if you're a spiller like me
Glad you're feeling a bit better, I wish I could have a nap right now.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:18, Reply)
My aunty is making me jacket spuds later.
I might go scouse and arrive by taxi in myjamas.
I don't think my hair is long enough for rollers though.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:20, Reply)
I say if it feels good, do it. The rollers are a must m'love. Find a way to make it work, even if it means a scarf over your head to hold them in place

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Oh man, a scarf, yes!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:26, Reply)
simply sew the rollers to the inside of the scarf
then when you tie it round your chin, it looks like you have the rollers in your hair. Simples!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
I am marrying into brains here...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
you know it
and frankly, you're getting the brainiest brain in the whole family.

It's a good job there's not going to be little Rootas - they'd never live up to the expectations.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:34, Reply)
Or they'd have hideously large heads
*shudder*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:37, Reply)
And Martin Scorsese hands.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:42, Reply)
Oh my God that made me do a guffaw!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)
and beards

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)
Not if they pluck
like their mother
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:44, Reply)
It's all going to be okay.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Do you promise?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:29, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:40, Reply)
Thank God.
I can't take any more.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:41, Reply)
Me either :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 16:08, Reply)
3 discoveries
I also love The Walking Dead and The Event and cant wait for the next installment.

I have (re)discovered the immense joy of a cup of tea in the afternoon and am supping one now

Morrisons sell considerably cheaper fruit and nut mix than Sainsburys
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Morrisons sell considerably cheaper everything than Sainsburys
and the shops are not usually full of smug mummy-types driving 4x4s.

On the other hand, at least the staff at Sainsburys seem to have IQs in treble figures.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:31, Reply)
Trouble is Sainsburys is walking distance
and Morrisons is miles away. I'm off to the Food WeighHouse thingy in the GreenMarket tomorrow to buy me some nuts
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:38, Reply)
Yes but what about their ready-prepared feta cheese and pasta salads?
This is what we need to know this afternoon.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:38, Reply)
I cannot comment on these
though the Sainsburys beetroot salad is very nice
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Nov 2010, 15:47, Reply)

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