After what seemed like forever in the bank yesterday
I eventually managed to get them to give me eighty quid from my account as a one off favour, to last me until Tuesday when my bank card arrives. Just checked, I have £3.20 left.

When was your last 'oh for fuck sake...' moment?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:24, 113 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Ouch
Did you spend it wisely?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I'm guessing no

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

About as wisely as a man buying shares in a chocolate teapot company.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:32, Reply)

You could always sell those shares.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:37, Reply)

only if someone will buy them
my dad lost about £5M on shares earlier this year (he and his partner sold their company and a big chunk of the purchase price was shares in the purchasing company. which is now insolvent.).

you cannot imagine the level of swearing that went on there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Yikes!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:44, Reply)

most of it from me
that was my fucking inheritance, the incompetent bastards.

i am trying to see if there are grounds to sue the directors personally - they must have known when the deal was done that their shareprice was about to hit the skids - but i don't think there will be a cause of action.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I simply cannot comprehend that much money!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

to be fair
when i say "my inheritance", my dad would probably have had quite a lot to say about that. he's a devious bugger my dad, he has shares everywhere and fingers in a lot of company pies, and we never know what the hell he is up to.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Speaking of inheritance, I found a some letters dated from 1997-2004, statements from banks with accounts in my name that I didn't know about.
I'm hoping that £100 or soo has built up the 10 odd years of interest into a profitable £110.

That one's going into the kid's collage fund.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:57, Reply)

It's important to save for this sort of thing.
Sugar paper, pasta, glitter and PVA aren't free after all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

You could always ask Monty to pass over his cast offs

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I don't want him having to go to those student protests because he has to get a loan _and_ "pay it back (if you can afford it (don't worry mate, leave it this month (That sounds terrible, here is a £50 voucher for Weatherspoons, take it, you need it )))".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Fuck me.
I don't think I'd ever be able to get over that.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

worse for his business partner
his shares were worth £15,000,000 when the deal was done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:48, Reply)

A guy I know who works at Ogilvy group (the ad agency)
Used to run his own firm, him and his partner got offered £3m to sell it and they turned it down. Place got wound up about a year later. Again I don't know how he isn't the angriest man in the world.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

i know
i would be kicking myself forever
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)

i think i could,
i am fairly used to not having 5 million quid already.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:12, Reply)

So you were given £80 to last a week
and you've already spent 96% of it after only 14% of the time it is required for has elapsed.

That's not "Oh for fucks sake" that's surely "I'm a massive retard who clearly can't be trusted with money"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Now now, Al.
At least he's eating for free.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Last oh ffs! moment
getting home from work and my neighbours had blocked my garage AGAIN, and i'm not brave enough to blast my horn so I had to knock on their door and explain that "Yes" I would like access to my property thankyouverymuch and yesitiscoldisntit.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Leave a note on their windscreen
But make sure it's very apologetic and enclose a fiver to take the sting out of it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:36, Reply)

put it in a bag full of enraged wasps
to make sure there is plenty of sting to take out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:38, Reply)

They'd only spend it on...I dunno, what do the uneducated spend their money on?
MOAR Christmas lights, carling black label, spikey haircuts...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:45, Reply)

giant plasma screen televisions
that don't fit in their living rooms
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

You haven't seen Jeremy Kyle until you've seen him on a 60" TV
(is what they might say)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:49, Reply)

i am happy to say that i have never seen him
what did we think of the new episode last night? there were a couple of lines that had me biting my fist.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Are you using "new episode"
as a euphemism for anal sex?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:52, Reply)

no
there is nothing like that going on here. it's all above board.

tragically
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I hadn't seen the 1st episode before (where Brian finds out Quagmire hates him)
I loved the advert for the collection of Rat Pack songs that were no longer PC, "The ching-chong Chinaman", "Big Jewish Nose" and "Pew! Stinky Frenchman"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:57, Reply)

i missed the first one
i didn't get home in time :((((

mind you, it's not as if bbc3 never repeats anything, is it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Awww...but yes, it will be on again, and again and again.
I am also enjoying Twin Peaks on the horror channel. Absolutely bonkers and it's funny seeing everyone smoke indoors (such a no-no nowadays).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

i cannot believe you can live alone and watch that
i have to flick past it soooo quickly if it comes on my screen. even the theme tune gives me the cold sweats. there were several episodes that gave me nightmares for MONTHS. the first one when they find the body in the woods and anything to do with BOB...

urgh!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Bob has that effect on me too.
I was pleased when he changed his name on here...
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I'm made of stern stuff
Although last week there was an episode where Bob crawled over the back of a sofa. *shudders*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:21, Reply)

lucky you have lucy to protect you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Joe's sleep crawling was brilliant
As was the english gentlemans club
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

they're so harsh on joe
with his poopsack and his "we had what joe calls sex" and his "two-wheeled monster"...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I like the episode where Quagmire is changing his nappy
Quagmire: "I smell doodies"
Joe: "NO DOODIES!"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

it's truly sick
i love that show
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Ah yes, the flat screen television
the single biggest giveaway that the owner is a feckless dole bludger.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:50, Reply)

My neighbour borrowed some selotape from me tuesday night
They still haven't given it back HOW MANY THINGS NEED TO BE STUCK TO OTHER THINGS YOU FUCKING MASSIVE CUNTS
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:37, Reply)

It's present wrapping time
you're gonna be like "This was a full roll" and they're gonna be like "I only wrapped a few presents" and you're going to add it to the list of things you hate about your neighbours.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:42, Reply)

my friends sent me flowers for my mum's anniversary
the delivery dude was too thick to read the instructions on the gates and get the porters to let him in to put the flowers in my flat. i rang them to explain this process. this was on monday. still no fucking flowers. FLOWERS DIE AFTER A FEW DAYS YOU USELESS SHOWER OF INCOMPETENT BASTARDS.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Technically, they are dead the moment they are picked, aren't they?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:42, Reply)

man in "totally missing the point of flowers" shocker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)

And that point is?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:43, Reply)

to sucker you out of money

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

or to get you forgiven for something petty she's picked up on
or to get you anal.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I don't think flowers
have ever made someone agree to anal
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Flowers are designed for bees and women
Men don't really understand either, but we keep them around for the useful by products.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I thought you liked quite a few bits of 'pollin', if you know what I mean?
In case you don't, I'm calling you a massive druglord because you like drugs which sometimes comes from pollin from a flower.... probably.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:56, Reply)

that you even have to ask this is a crushing disappointment

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

i always imagined you as the sort of person who thinks flowers hold some sort of importance

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)

i am more worried about the fact that you have spent any time imagining me at all!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

you can't stop me now!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

oh well
it'll help with your bulimia
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Amberl pointed out the other day that bulimia isn't funny.
Apparently.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

*Dead pans*
It's sick.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:23, Reply)

thank goodness you added the dead pans bit there
else i would not have got the joke
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I didn't say that
I just gave an example of a nasty side effect
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You did,
your exact words were "Look guys, I know I'm all attractive and stuff and I've got fantastic boobs, but look, I totally did this course about people who are sick after they eat and it's totally not very nice or funny, now I've got to go and rub cocoa butter into my boobs to keep them smelling and feeling in tip top condition"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

dead flowers, that is

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I bought some flowers for my girlfriend on Friday.
BUT, that was before Roota pointed out one or two things this morning.
(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Another bank moment for me
Depositing a cheque for £2K, asked for £100 now.

The manager actually had to ring up head office to ask them - they said "no".

Despite me having deposited I would estimate £600K + in the account since I've had it.

Bastards.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:41, Reply)

You don't have some sort of cash card?
Or is there actually no money in the account at the moment?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Last night
I made myself a tuna pasta bake, and had just popped it into the oven when the power in the house died. Oddly, the lights were still on, but all sockets were dead, so it was thankfully just a fuse that had gone.

I get it all going again and wait 20 minutes before checking on the oven. It was luke warm at best, but the fan was going as it ought to be. After fiddling with settings (the power going reset the lot), it still wasn't heating up, so that means it was the element that blew the fuse. So, I pop the grill on instead.

Ten minutes later I go to check it, and I've managed to blacken the cheese topping rather too well. It still tasted alright, but not as good as it could have been, and this meant I was grumpy as I scoffed it. This grump will continue as I made enough to last for lunch and dinner tonight...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Yeh', totally not mentioning my finances on here, but this month I'm seriously short and have no backup any more.
Oh well, gutted, I guess shouldn't of relied on a major source of income as a major source of income when that major source of income is influenced by fluctuant personalities and whims.

It's going to be a cold christmas at Chez Gonz this year again, I donno if I could convince Aunty Barbera to trek up to BGB's again, not after last year's fiasco.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Barry still gets angry when he thinks about that day
I had to calm him down just last thursday when he had a little episode
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I had best get the diazepams in, that sweet quick oblivion comes in handy when the red mist descends.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:20, Reply)

A bottle of diazempams would definitely make my christmas go by with smile on my face.

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:42, Reply)

You should sell all TGB's stuff.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:09, Reply)

There isn't any, it all got stolen.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I'm absolutely buggered until Student Finance pull their finger out and give me the £1100 I was supposed to get in September.
I don't know how they expect people to get by.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Based on your recent spending pattern
That'll last you about 11 days.

They are probably do you a favour no releasing the cash.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Ha. Good point.
I'm decent with money usually, last night was a bit of a blow out as I didn't expect the bank to give me anything at all and I've currently got stuff listed on eBay (that better bloody sell now).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Hang on, you didn't expect the bank to give you any money
so when they did, you went and spunked it all up the wall with no regard to he future?

And we wonder why people in Britain have such high levels of debt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Aye, was resigned to staying in and being poor so when I actually got my hands on the moolahs it was a bit of a 'get in' moment that went to my head.
Oh well.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Although that is really really _really_ shitty...
Would you say that you have been spending your money on frivolous things? I mean, spending a good proportion.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:16, Reply)

When I opened my student bank account (I had no intention of getting one, but not getting my grant meant I kind of had to)
I spent about £300 on clothes which was daft. The rest just on getting by and bills.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:20, Reply)

oh gonz!

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:15, Reply)

This morning I was driving to work and thought I'd forgot my gym bag.
But there is was on the seat next to me.

I'm a silly billy.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:22, Reply)

If you forget your gym kit
Do the gym insist you do you work-out in your pants and vest? Just like school days of old.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:25, Reply)

She always likes to do her "work out" in her pants and vest

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:29, Reply)

*imagines*
*feels sick*
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I was expecting a retro-smile at least.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I'm expecting a rush of applications for said gymnasateriumanum.

(Cave Duck, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I applied to a bucketload of jobs in the attempt to find employment
And my only contact number was my mobile phone which decided to die yesterday.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:33, Reply)

I'm really, really ill
I have masses of shit to do, I have no food, and I feel like I'm going to faint. And there's a gig tonight that I've been looking forward to for months tonight. Seriously. For fuck's sake.

This is horrible.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Have you got the JeffAIDS?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I had the JeffAIDS for about 3 weeks about a month ago
I think this is my Epic Winter Illness that will knock me out for ages.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Students don't look after themselves Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:41, Reply)

The last meal I ate is one my mother bought for me
Proper studenting here.

Oh wait, I feel a wave of MANNING THE FUCK UP coming over. I feel a little better.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:42, Reply)

I'm not going to preach because I was just the same.
Booze, fags and sleep were all I cared about.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:43, Reply)

We've see this with Barry as well.
But what can we do?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Just let them learn from their mistakes like we did.

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:44, Reply)

We criticise and condemn them for doing exactly what we did
and then we remove the opportunity to do so from all but the most privileged in the future.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:47, Reply)

that'll fucking learn 'em

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:54, Reply)

And the priviliged don't have to worry about where the next glass of Bordaux and spliff are coming from.

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Damn right we don't
now, where's my baseball bat gone, I'm going student hunting. Cunts have got it way too easy.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:58, Reply)

li a
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:01, Reply)

I'm good normally.
In fact I don't go out much at all anymore. It's when I do that I'm an idiot.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Have you tried a suppository
or one of those stool softeners? That should make things easier.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:39, Reply)

My god I wish a suppository would clean my room.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I imagine you wouldn't be very happy with the finished job, so to speak

(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Put an advert saying that on craigslist
I'm sure you'll get plenty of offers.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Money pretty much again
Next term I'm going to be super-organised. Hopefully.

Apart from that managing to spill an energy drink everywhere, thinking it would be fine if I just soaked it up. With the predictable end result of everything is now extremely sticky
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I'm not going to make the comment you're expecting
Instead I'm going to ask what kind of energy drink?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Relentless
the orange flavoured one.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I don't really understand how people can drink that kind of stuff for pleasure
I used to go to a club night in Manchester called VodBull where you could get a triple vodka and a can of red bull for £3. After about four pints of that you were so high but completely drunk. But the red bull made your teeth feel like they had been sandpapered the next day because of all the sugar.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I quite like the taste
though the caffeine doesn't really do anything for me. A triple vodka and can of red bull though for £3! I don't even drink that, and I'd get it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:13, Reply)

It was about 20 years or so back.
I was shagging your mum and the condom split at the crucial moment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

My last FFS moment
was when I had my hand on the fucking doorknob after an hour and a half of a nonsensical trivialized unnecessary detailed home visit and my little old lady patient said, "Well, while you're here..."
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 15:16, Reply)