Computer player
Me and my mates used to have fun on a Commodore 64 game that I can't remember the name of. If you press the button on player 2's joystick, it starts a two player game. If you press player 1's joystick, it starts a one player game with the computer operating the other player (rather well). Level 1 was a 400 metre dash I think, you know the ones, waggle the stick like a wanker on speed. Anyway, I digress... I leaned over and made it look like I pressed my mate's (player 2) joystick button, but I actually pressed mine a split second earlier thus starting a single player game. You should have seen him thrashing away at that kempston like his life depended on it, thinking he was doing really well and the smug look on his face when he thought he had beat me by around 10 seconds. When level 2 started (without player 2) he just kept repeating in a confused voice "I'm not in it" accompanied by discreet titters from everyone else in the room who were in on the joke. I actually got this on video.
( Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Fri 6 May 2005, 8:47, Reply)

dodgy uni guy
I just remembered this one. At uni there was this Russian guy who would talk obscenely to us girls. We knew he was being pretty filthy to us (wouldn't usually mind but he was creepy). He was also a virgin. Anyhoo we were all a bit pissed and stoned one night (ooh thats makes a change in uni) and he had fallen asleep in the kitchen. I found a condom..put white shower gel in it..a brave friend unzipped his flies..and i stragetically placed the spunky looking sheath in his general area. When he woke he thought he'd lost his cherry at last. I don't know if he ever found out.
( moogy boobles, Fri 6 May 2005, 8:29, Reply)

I've seen your picture down at the suckatorium
Me and a mate at work were having a practical joke war.

Somehow we found out down the road there was a gay club called the suckatorium. They even had a website. As part of our screwing around during working hours, we had posted our pictures on hotornot.com, so I had this picture of him wearing a cowboy hat. I told him I was going to get a gay mate to go to the suckatorium to put a "Wanted: nice well hung stud" message on the physical bulletin board in the building with his picture and mobile number on it.

Haha, he laughed. Of course I couldn't get anyone to go post the picture, but I could get someone to call him up with a falsetto voice and pretend to be interested, stating they saw his ad down at the suckatorium, and were interested in a little backdoor action.

After the anger died down, what did he do, of course, storm on down to the suckatorium to take down his picture that didn't exist. He even had to pay $20 to get in for the privledge. He said he checked all the rooms in case it was somewhere else.

He said he saw things in there no straight man was ever meant to see, and claimed to be shocked.

After I finished up there, about a year later I ran into him. Turns out he'd just come out of the closet.

So if you want sabotage, I sabotaged a mates heterosexuality.
(Kaer, Fri 6 May 2005, 8:18, Reply)

My dad hates modern "conveniences"
But he has to have a phone for work... so he protests by refusing to learn anything about it beyond receiving and making calls. Therefore there was nothing my sister and I liked to do more on our weekend visits than simple things like change the welcome note on his phone to DON'T PANIC (thank you, Hitchhiker's Guide), or even better, SIM CARD MALFUNCTION.
"Why is my phone telling me not to panic? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY IS IT TELLING ME NOT TO PANIC??"
Then we panicked and ran away before he could hit us with his axe.
(belen, Fri 6 May 2005, 6:23, Reply)

Last year,
my friend got pregnant. She was a bartender in my local pub, one of the few people I've known since my first week in the US. After 6 months of pregnancy, the bosses decided to "have a talk with her" as they'd hired a new, young, very hot chick and as her pregnancy was progressing, she should "probably take some time off".
2 weeks before her final night, and the night before the new girl did her first shift on her own,......my friend, myself and 2 other people had an enjoyable lock-in and swapped all of the bar taps around, and cut the lines to 3 of the most popular beers on tap.

Lunchtime the next morning, there's me going "I ordered a Guiness, why do I have Bud?" while secretly laughing to myself. What made it funnier was that all of the regulars were informed before they went in, and knew which taps had been switched around so ordered the appropriate beverage.

I'd apologise for length, but size doesn't matter ;)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 6 May 2005, 5:04, Reply)

Fssshhhh
I took firecrackers and CAREFULLY gutted them.

I placed the powder in a bubble of plastic wrap.

Then I opened the resulting powder package discreetly in a public ashtray. You know, one of those you put out your cig at before you enter a smoke free building.

Halarity ensues.
(I like you much more than this telephone pole. But not as much as this frying pan., Fri 6 May 2005, 4:28, Reply)

You know those plug in air fresheners?
Some of them have a small, glass bottle that can be pulled out of the plug in unit. In the top of the bottle is a wick that can be pulled out allowing the bottle to be emptied. A friend of mine was abandoning a flat due to the fuckwitted landlady who owned the house. I had the idea to refill these air fresheners with piss. Just think of it, it looks the same as the original yellow oil, and when the place starts to smell of stale piss she won't think 'It must be those nice plug in air fresheners making that smell'. It would take AGES to figure it out!
Also recently, I moved out of a house due to the utter ballbag who also lived there. I put piss in his mouthwash bottle.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Fri 6 May 2005, 4:10, Reply)

Ex boyfriend
Some time ago, I found out that an ex boyfriend of mine had hepatitis and -- whoops! -- totally neglected to tell me. I spent 2 weeks wondering if I was going to die before I was 30, before I could get to the doctor and get all my test results back.
All clean.
The only thing that makes me feel okay about all of this is that he'll die soon.
Not exactly sabotage, but it's the only thing that makes me feel better.
That and I could have him charged with attempted murder.
(Ovum Factory, Fri 6 May 2005, 3:08, Reply)

Forgot this one
I live in a student house with four complete twunts. The guy who lives above me can only be described as a gorilla - hairy, bad tempered and grunts a lot. He plays for the American football team, and his drippy girlfriend, who he moved into our house a couple of months ago, is a member of the accompanying cheerleader squad. Oh the humanity.
After she'd been living in our house for a week I was getting a little sick of their late-night shagfests, especially if I had to be up early the next morning or had my own boyfriend over.
So:
Sunday morning, 7.30.
Stereo on.
Volume - Spinal Tap proportions.
Speakers turned to face the wall.
Select Guns N' Roses - Welcome To The Jungle.
Play.

Shut them up for a couple of nights at least.
( Maladicta, Fri 6 May 2005, 2:03, Reply)

this sabotage was done to me, not by me
during the senior class play, tradition states that pranks be pulled on the leads during the Sunday performance. well, i was the only lead they deemed fit for pulling pranks on, apparently.... it was bad enough they kept mooning me from the wings and pretending to wank off with the big fake loaves of bread. but the final nail in the coffin was when during the third scene i opened up the desk drawer inside which i was expecting a few papers to throw into the air as part of the scene.

there was a dildo inside, with a condom on it, containing yellow lubricant.

but being the spectacular actor that i am, i didn't let my face crack. the other guys had a good laugh though, the cunts.
( AgentMuu hentai coordination, Fri 6 May 2005, 1:52, Reply)

Petty, so petty
I once worked in an office where the VP was a prick. The asshole had recently had some sort of heart operation and could no longer tolerate caffeine. So I took to brewing regular coffee in the decaf pot. Not only were all the decaf drinkers running around like meth addicts, the asshole VP had to go to the hospital.

I still laugh when I think about it!
(scarsfromknives, Fri 6 May 2005, 1:33, Reply)

Oh yes
A couple of classics, the first from sixth form:

* I had the misfortune of being 'friends' with a chav girl at my school who was every man's fantasy (or so it seemed - (bleach) blonde, skinny, long legs, with the personality of a piece of furry Blu-tack). One night I found out she disapproved of my lifestyle (it being the opposite of 'go out on the pull and shag anything with a pulse'). Nonetheless, I went round to hers one evening when she asked me. She told me she was going out with her 'boyfriend' of the time that night and was in the middle of making her dinner. She asked me to keep an eye on the spaghetti sauce while she went upstairs to choose a thong/micromini combination.
Spaghetti sauce, you say? I quickly chopped up another couple of garlic cloves and put them in the sauce.
When she came back down I excused myself to go to the toilet, and while I was up there, hid every toothbrush her family owned under the woolly-bog-roll-thingy. Then made my excuses and left.
I understand she didn't achieve her objectives that night.

* The second was on the school business teacher, who liked to think he was on the same level as his students. He used to run a sixth form quiz at Christmas, basically consisting of testing us on every scandal that had happened in the last twelve months. In lower sixth he got me and got me good, and I was not happy.
This man happened to be a staunch Arsenal supporter, whereas one of my friends was a Spurs fan. We concocted a scheme of stealing his beloved Arsenal doll (Gunner) and replacing it wearing a Tottenham kit specially designed for it. And putting a huge picture of Teddy Sheingham scoring his 200th goal for Spurs on his noticeboard.

I'm told the roar as he entered the staff room to blame my Latin teacher (also a rabid Spurs fan, who knew what we were doing) was very satisfying.

No apologies for length, girth or unusual discoloration.
( Maladicta, Fri 6 May 2005, 1:32, Reply)

I decided to prick holes in
my firends condoms . . . he now has a little boy called gary :D
(Untitled1, Fri 6 May 2005, 1:18, Reply)

i am so naughty
Two nights ago, my flatmate was annoying me by making loud noise late at night. Normally this doesn't bother me, as i am up until the early hours anyway, but on this occasion i had a very early start.

So, to get my own back i hacked into his computer (OK - he once remote logged into his from mine and i ticked the box to store his password in my keychain), and proceeded to delete all his preference files. This would reset all his computer to factory settings (almost).

I should mention that my flatmate knows nothing about computers and comes to me for the slightest thing (usually click something and it's fixed), so this would prove to be highly amusing.

Half an hour later there was still a large volume of noise coming from his room. So once again i logged onto his computer and proceeded to swap all the icons and application names around. 10min later, and clicking on photoshop opened a game of chess, clicking on firefox opened garageband, the list went on.

Being very proud of myself, i went to bed.

My beautiful masterpiece of revenge backfired however, when early the next morning he came banging on my door screaming 'EMERGENCY EMERGENCY!!!'. I then had to spend the day 'fixing' his computer whilst he was at work.

The best thing is though, because 'i spent so long' on 'fixing' his PowerBook, he is buying me a bottle of posh wine!!! YAY! (should i feel guilty - Nah!!).

He is still under the impression that he had some sort of virus. A virus - on an Apple Mac? - don't be ridiculous!

PS RARRRRRRRRRRR! (for my mac is now a Tiger) Grrrrrr! ;-)
( SocialRobot, Fri 6 May 2005, 1:13, Reply)

no names
some guys in my year are pretty famed for their pranking and a whole week away on an army base with a couple of hundred other cadets provided far too much in the way of opportunity for them.

aside from playing pranks on just about everyone in our billet - my sleeping bag was full of sugar every night, and yes i know who did it, and yes im still plotting revenge - they had some other tricks up their sleeves. for example, when the broom in our billet broke, a small night mission was arranged to raid another billet and swap the two. the only problem was the vast quantities of masking tape we had used to put our broom handle back together - it looked like a giant set of go-faster stripes. so to take the other billet's members' minds off this trivial detail, they decided to totally wreck the place.

a little bit of background: our schools cadet force had had a similar experience the year before, with a mass night-raid on their billet, the result being they had to stay behind for HOURS cleaning up til the s/sgt was happy. so this was effectively payback and contribution to a vicious circle of pranks.

anyway, the broom replaced, they quietly proceeded to trash the place - white powder all over, personal belongings strewn about, and all this while the occupants slept quietly around them. on the way back they narrowly avoided capture from a couple of patrolling officers, and the next morning, the billet was a sight to behold. of course everyone pretended we knew nothing about the events of the previous night, and offered concern and support to the totally demoralised and mightily pissed off cadets in said billet. word has it they had to stay behind a long long time that day before leaving for home.

(not as bad as the parachute regt base, where billet wars escalated as far as throwing a smoke grenade through a window, where, upon ignition, the curtains caught fire and the place went up in flames. just to put things in perspective)

anyway to protect the innocent, or whatever, no names of places or people have been mentioned.
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Thu 5 May 2005, 23:42, Reply)

My old I.C.T teacher...
My old I.C.T teacher was one of thoose guys who didnt care about network security, but he did get pissed if you even murmored about doing somthing you shouldnt. Anyway, one day to get him back, we changed the auto-correct on office, so that every vowell produced the sentance " I am a twat". It took him about 3 days to fix it, i would love to see him explain to his year 7 tutor group why all of their names on the register had been replaced by such language, class.
(longpot Since the 80's, Thu 5 May 2005, 23:29, Reply)

petty sabotage
A smug and slimy twonk i knew many ears ago.still makes me snarl thinking about him. Anyways he's smarming and toadying along at my flat with mates. I give him a lovely cold glass of coke......that i had rubbed my bell-end round several times,then watched him drink. not quite sabotage but the intent was the same
(freddred, Thu 5 May 2005, 22:22, Reply)

Back in the day
At high school, I blatantly knew more about computers that my "smartarse" IT teacher. So I took it upon myself one day to write a little program in BASIC (Oh, how I loved that language) which emulated the DOS Format program

Cue one very startled teacher staring at me in disbelief screaming silently to himself as I innocently asked "What's going on here" as the ever increasing "Formatting C: x%" stared back at him from the one computer in the room which actually contained important files and documents.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
( The Neville What what what, Thu 5 May 2005, 22:16, Reply)

rumours
i was a rumour machineat school. i fucking loved it. we would make up rumours every single day and then two days later they would return to us in a chinese whispers style. we told this girl that a guy called dick was at a party we had all been to and we had caught him fucking a melon. that was three years ago. he is still known as "dick that that shagged that melon".

other than that my mate john and i used to enjoy loudly talking about our fiction exploits with real slags up against the wall in our local nightclub, every time the one girl we knew had been that real slag walked into our maths class.

we used to do it at the start of every maths lesson we had (4 a week) for two years. she failed her maths a level. we didnt
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Thu 5 May 2005, 22:12, Reply)

Explosive.
Big lump of sodium, place down sink, tap on, chemical reaction, big bang.

www.ehumorcentral.com/Directory/Jokes/718.html

Unfortunately we never realised that it produced hydrogen, otherwise a match would be following.
(Woody999, Thu 5 May 2005, 21:54, Reply)

printscreen
My favorite bit of tomfoolery that i did in IT lessons was to take a print screen of the start menu programs list open and set it as wallpaper, then drag the start menu to the smallest size so you couldnt see it, but the wallpaper version...

told the teacher the computer had frozen up and he spent about 30 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong because everything worked except the "frozen start menu"..

he was "impressed" with our ingenuity, but a bit cross because we'd made him look stupid :)
(Mr ' Flippy, Thu 5 May 2005, 21:42, Reply)

Further Acts of Petty Sabotage
(1)In my current role, we have a regional security person who is by any standards a self-important jumped up little pedant, who enjoys being a jobs worth. I hid a security tag on his samsonite brief case, thus making sure he got searched by the manager of every store he visisted, when the alarm activated on his way out. Ha ha, you Cnut.

(2)Whilst a bookseller, it was not unknown to remove the last 2 pages of a novel with a sharp knife on special orders, where the customer had been a right prick.

(3)Before finally closing the store I worked in, after the company decided to shut us, I took all the redundant memebers of staff to the most expensive italian restraunt in town for lunch, sent in the reciepts, and then blamed the Regional manager for the misunderstanding about my now defunct expense account.

(4)I rearranged my bosses performance documents, which we use to track our sales/wages/spending/etc, etc, for our own reviews, such that it made no sense and was totally sync with his manager's agenda. Cue 3 hours of "It's in here some where." & "I am really sorry I am not this usually disorganised". He blamed one of his senior colleagues.

The postscript to this was 6 months later 2 other manangers decided to do something similar to him again but this time pissed about with his "Tartgets and Actuals" so it looked like he had a really shit half year! Cue second bout of grovelling and apologising
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 5 May 2005, 21:30, Reply)

Printers
A few years ago back in college; the network server administrator password was leaked. It took the administrator a few days to notice this, just enough time for me to take advantage of it.

I spent a lot of time back then tinkering with visual C++, and I discovered how to send documents through the network to the printers, I discovered that I could print several documents at the same time, to the many networked printers in the college; with at least one laser printer in each room, and some rooms full of dot-matrix printers for the people working with program code listings, they were not quiet! Every now and then, during our lectures, you could hear the printers starting.

I created a small software application that could send documents to multiple printers at the same time, then later added a timer to it, so that it could print documents at certain dates and times. Using my new network "privileges" I downloaded a list of all the printers on the network, and then added it to my program.

I then logged into the network server, and uploaded my program; it was set to start at 11:07am the next day.

The next day, I went to college as normal, quietly anticipating 11:07, and my master plan, which I suppose, now that I think back to it, was quite immature.

At 11:07, almost on the dot, every printer in the college burst into life, and started printing page after page of "I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish." Imagine the noise of so many printers starting at the same time! Luckily, they never found out who did it, but the administrator mysteriously changed his password the same day. Hmmmm.

The college was quite cheap, and had a policy of not wasting paper, and my prank had printed hundreds of pages, so the paper was put back into the printers for re-use. For weeks after that, whenever we printed something, it would have " I am a fish. I am a fish. I am a fish." written on the back!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Thu 5 May 2005, 20:52, Reply)

i stole the number 19
from a set of bingo balls loaned to the company i worked for. it was never noticed while they were with us and i don't think it was noticed when they went back to the bingo hall.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:48, Reply)

After cooking a chicken....
...I stripped the meat off it and wondered what to do with the carcass. I was at uni at the time and practical jokes were the order of the day.

I wandered into the laundry and turned off a washing machine. Waited two minute until the door could be opened, popped the chicken in and restarted the cycle.

You cannot imagine what a greasy mashed up chicken looks like at 200rpm.

The clothes were all ruined.

Sorry Alasdair.
(guinea, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:36, Reply)

A good idea for petty sabbotage
I just made some Orange Jelly, but I realised it was meat flavour so I poured the molten Jelly down the loo. I didn't flush because it looked like manky piss. And to me that is funny.

I got distracted and forgot about it. Just noticed it a min ago! It set! Great fun!

Try it!
( gaijintendo Regular Member, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:32, Reply)

School and college fun
School
My secondary school had a fair sized network of RM based computers, and not very clever admins as they left the default superuser and password on the system. I then logged in and set all of the terminals screensavers to come on after a minute of activity with not so plesant scrolling messages. I also disabled the controls to edit the screensavers. An afternoon of chaos until someone notified them that I was the one that did it, they even had to ask me to fix it!

With Electronics being a class at my secondary school, what fun we had making basic circuits. One of the best was soldering a buzzer to a 9v battery, walking out into the corridor, removing a ceiling tile and throwing the device up into the ceiling and replacing the tile.

This was done in a few corridores throughout the school. Off we go to lunch, come back and most of the ceilings had been dismantled as they thought there was a fault with all of the electrical system!

College
Computer related once again, searching through the network and gaining access to protected directories, finding an encrypted file full of all user:pass on the system. After wasting an hours lecture decrypting the file, sent it to print to all printers throughout the college.

The powers that be were not happy. But thats what "know-it-all" techies get for being retards.
(Semi_Apocalyptic, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:31, Reply)

The polyglot
I was on the sleepover train from Nice to Paris, standing in the corridor outside my compartment, chatting up some Swedish girls.
Enter the fat, rude, old German with large, heavy suitcases.
He shoves me over with his luggage when he passes me, no apologies. Wanker.

Bit later Le Ticketeer comes around and Ze German is in trouble. Non parlez Francais nor English. Nur Deutsch. Ticket-guy only speaks French and starts asking about for help.
I'm the lucky volunteer and although I don't speak these lingos fluently I try my best. "Scheisse Harry! Meine auto!" - my finest grammah.

20 minutes later Ze German is standing alone, in ze middle of ze night, in a remote looking village, fuckknowswhere. I help Frenchy throw the suitcases off the train as hard as I can.

Apparantly the German refused to pay and ticket guy didn't like Germans. Or so they believed anyway. Knowing how to swear in French and German is useful sometimes.
(dulff, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:14, Reply)

my brother..
collects warhammer and, every time he pisses me off i sneak into his room and with the aid of a hammer smash a few up into a fine dust exept the heads which i then put in the box i keep in my room. sooner or later i will give him the box... maybe as a birthday of christmas present. mwaa ha ha
(Lupus v1.2, Thu 5 May 2005, 20:12, Reply)