Ungrateful Bastards
Some years ago I was out drinking with a couple of friends and someone they knew. At chucking out time the “someone they knew” suggested we head off to a nearby pub that was good for a late drink. It was a bit rough but her boyfriend was there and we were assured it would be OK. So off we popped to Brixton.

Well it wasn’t OK.

Two of us where the only white blokes in there, and we were clearly not welcome. It took me 3.5 seconds to see the score and turn round and leave. My mate, let’s call him Dick, was a bit more bombastic, and with a “I’m not giving into this shit” started to force his way to the crowded bar.

I waited for about a minute outside before Dick emerged through the doors a bit battered and bloodied. As I walked and he hobbled away from the pub he exclaimed in the most indignant voice ever produced by a white middle class man “Don’t those people realise that I was head of the free Mandela society at Uni”

“No Dick they probably don’t , why don’t you go back and tell them” I replied.

But he didn’t
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 18:04, 1 reply)

That shell-suit is casual.
My initial opinion of someone will - usually - be formed by appearance. If I meet someone dressed like a chav stereotype I will usually be wary of that person. This applies equally regardless of ethnicity. In contrast, if I meet someone dressed smartly, I'll generally be better disposed towards that person, more relaxed, and less likely to look for the nearest exit.

In other words, want to mug me? Wear a suit while you're doing it; I'll never see it coming.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:41, 4 replies)

Oddly specific.
Having lunch at the university canteen, with some people I know, including the Union's LGBT officer (let's call him Bob). Discussion turns to a pair of guys who have decided to run as Women's Officers with the slogan "Death to Men" and generally making fools of themselves and getting booed off the hustings, when Bob comes out with:

"Gah, bloody white, middle-class, cis-gendered, straight men"
Out of us all, I'm the only one fitting that. Cue mock offence.
"Yeah, that would be... me. I'll just go and be hated in that corner over there shall I?"
*Bob looks embarrassed*
"Gah, bloody white, middle-class, cis-gendered *anti-feminist* men"
"You could have just said 'jerks' you know."

Jerks are everywhere, and it sucks to get lumped in with them. Bob's so far from the sort of "I am minority, you're one of THEM stop getting me DOWN" fool that gives any group a bad rep, but it's easy to see how you can head that way when idiots troll so well, but acceptance isn't loud.

Also, I'm prejudiced against Computer Science academics because not one of them can communicate in plain English. Send them all back where they came from and keep them out of biology courses.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:39, Reply)

If you ask me, the whites and coloured types should be separated.
We wouldn't want those dirty things contaminating our purity, would we?



Also, be sure to turn shirts inside out and make sure the water isn't too hot. =)
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:38, Reply)

Do you know what?
I came to the conclusion many years ago that I subconsciously judge everybody on a regular basis but it tends to be less along ethnic or religious grounds and more on whether they are thick enough to be allowed to live or not. I appreciate that I am probably of average intelligence but I despair when 'common sense' is not a good enough reason for people taking or avoiding certain actions and consequently I look down on those that fail to grasp this on a daily basis (along with lying shitbags that feel the need to blame someone or something for their own actions.)

Sorry for rantage but for balance I also understand that I am constantly judged (and not always favourably): I can live with it.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:26, 3 replies)

God botherers...
Stop bothering God already!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:26, 1 reply)

Voice
One of the few things that I'm fairly ashamed of is that I make very quick assumptions of people (regarding their intelligence in particular) based on the way they speak.

Mainly, if I hear someone speak with an accent that I associate with chavs (I'm from Saahf Eeest Lahndahn) I tend to assume that they are thick as pigshit.

I know this isn't the case, I've had various opinions and argument completely and justly shot down by speakers of such annoying patois. But it makes no difference; whenever I hear that kind of speech, it makes me think of young mothers telling their 2 year old kids to "SHADDAP! I SAID SHADDAP!"

/rant
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:25, 4 replies)

Prejudiced?
When it comes to gitten ma head blowed off, ah'm downright bigoted!
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Ok I admit - I'm fatist.
(...no your fattest etc)

Yup - that's all.
I resent the fatties who take up so much room, reducing my seat on transport and generally looking fat. I resent the fat builders who think it's ok to take their tops off in the summer.

I mean, if you can't see your genitals without a mirror, it's time to stop eating pies.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:04, 5 replies)

I don't trust Phil Vickery off ready steady cook.
I think he looks too much like Ted Bundy.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 17:02, 3 replies)

Racists - The Next Generation
I used to play for Harpole FC in the Northamptonshire Youth League. There were ten white kids and one black kid in the team. The black kid was a lad named Maurice who was – to put it eloquently – the dogs bollocks at football.

We played an away game over the other side of town one time. It was a momentous game because my dad actually got his fat arse off the couch and came to watch his son prance about and have ten barrels of shit kicked out of him by more talented footballers.

After the game as I’m trudging towards my dad’s motor with a few more of the beleaguered members of Harpole FC, my dad says: “Any of you boys need a lift? I’m sure I can squeeze five on the backseat and another up front.” As he held the car door open on his shitty Talbot Horizon.

“Sure, dad – that’d be great. But we’re not taking Maurice,” I said.

And my dad went apeshit. “IS IT BECAUSE HE’S BLACK!?! HAVE I BROUGHT A RACIST INTO THIS WORLD?!? IS MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD A RACIST?!?”

Even before I could remonstrate my dad had Maurice collared and in the back of the Talbot. Even Maurice was protesting, but my dad was having none of it. My dad had suddenly become the modern-day Martin Luther-fucking King of the Midlands.

A few more of us piled in and with the car well and truly rammed with sweaty, muddy teenage boys my dad set off for Northampton town centre.

“Errr... what are you doing here?” said another one of the team.
Maurice, who the question was aimed at, shrugged: “I really don’t know,” he replied moodily.

“Errr... Mr Hanky – why is Maurice here?”

And my dad wasn’t happy. “Just shut up the lot of you! Christ, is this the next generation? Is this Thatchers Britain? God help us.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just that –“ But before another of my team mates could finish Maurice interjected.

Maurice leaned forward and went:

BBBLLLLUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH !!! As a technicolour yawn of Tardis-like proportions spewed out his gob and splashed over the back of my dad’s seat, little chunks of carrot and baked beans pebble dashing the Talbot’s interior.

SCREEECH!!!

“Get out!!! All of you, get out!!!” my dad yelled. And we did. Very fucking quickly indeed. All of us except for Maurice, who sat covered in puke, shaking, and turning a very interesting shade of puce: “Sorry. I’m really sorry. I tried to say something... I get really bad car sickness, Mr Hanky. I'm really sorry,” and then Maurice started to blub.

My dad didn’t bother coming to watch his son play footie anymore after that.

Thank fuck.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:59, 2 replies)

The religious
Don't get me wrong, it's nothing to do with the religions in general (although I fucking despise those too), it's just that for somebody to honestly believe something so absurd strikes me as intellectual laziness, and if there's one thing I hate it's people not actually thinking about things.

I mean, the other week somebody posted on one of my comments about jesus not rising from the dead asking if I was there. No. The burden of proof isn't on me. We know enough about the human body to know that if somebody was dead for a significant amount of time (and we're talking minutes here) they'd be in no shape to be resuscitated.

We all accept that excellent fiction can change your life, just accept that's what your special books are and shut the fuck up.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:56, 7 replies)

I hate vegetarians
Especially the preachy ones, piss me right off. Man's evolution has largely been attributed to meat eating. Research has shown that meat eating hominids had larger brains than their vegetarian counterparts because the amount of calories contained in the meat left more time for thinking as they weren't constantly scratching around in bushes for manky berries.

We don't have four stomachs, we have canine teeth, and the fact our appendicies have shrivelled up like a cock in the cold leads me to the conclusion that vegetarians are wrong, wrong, bloody wrong. Nature intended for us to eat a varied diet which includes meat and who the hell are you to tell us otherwise, you nut-loaf scoffing, holier-than-cow fart factories? You are part of nature's great cycle, and it knows more than you and your hairy shirt will ever know.

And don't start with that healthier diet crap. Didn't do Linda McCartney much good now did it?
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:51, 24 replies)

Speaking French
now Im a live and let live kind of bloke I dont harbour any sort of irrational hatred of anybody....
well apart from people who can speak French...
Its not French people or Belgian people or any other type of Francophone ethnic group I dislike...not at all
its the actual sound of French being spoken that bothers me
and there appears to be more and more people around these days that do it. Everytime I hear it spoken a little voice says in my head says that they are showing off and/or being rude about me ..

In a nutshell if you can speak French: fuck off
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:47, 10 replies)

I tend to be a bit prejudiced against drug users...
...as weak-willed individuals who could wean themselves off the smack if only they had the gumption.

And yet, at the same time, I cannot resist Jaffa Cakes.

Just call me inconsistent.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:37, 21 replies)

Asians.
Having lived in this country for 26 years, I feel lucky in that I've only had racist abuse hurled at me twice, once by a group of men yelling at me from the safety of their white van, and once by a bunch of children, which didn't surprise me given the bus stop was covered with white power stickers.

If anything, I've had more trouble from other south Asians (the east Asians aren't so idiotic in my experience). Apparently I'm only supposed to listen to garage music, watch Bollywood films and date Asians.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:35, 1 reply)

Musical Prejudice
I refuse to watch anything along the lines of "Pop Idol", and completely boycott anyone who releases an album following their "discovery". I guess I'm being over snobbish here, but...

1. One of my friends is a professional singer. A year or so ago she auditioned for one such show as a joke, and was turned away because she was (literally) too good. That's right... they want people who can be "improved" noticeably on TV by the questionable professionals. So those shows aren't about finding and helping the unsung talented, it's actually about glorifying the mediocre.

2. If you want to be taken seriously in the music industry, that's NOT the way to do it. Seriously. Work like the rest of us. Study. Get a diploma from ABRSM or a degree, or start performing off your own back in live venues. Don't sell your integrity for a chance at easy fame.

3. If you just want cheap fame, that's all you'll get. You'll be the talk of every gossip mag, ridiculed, and forgotten. If you're lucky you'll get to judge others the following year or do daytime TV.

4. Actually, it's insulting that your publicity whoring outshines the genuine talents of people who are actually trying to get a foothold in the musical world, and can't because your autotuned, overmixed covers of crappy songs are out there.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:35, 5 replies)

In 1980
I was in a band called Hondo. A 9 piece made from two bands. The first a reggae band and the second an all white rock band. If you want to know what it sounded like it's on the Spaceward Studios site under H in the discography. Oh here, [linky]

We all got on like a house on fire and quite often we would have to overcome racism directed towards the black half of the band. Sometimes I would start talking in a Jamaican accent and Murapa, the rhythm guitarist would answer me back in a posh English toff one. This would break the ice but it was an issue back then.

One night we were booked to play a club in Wellingbourough at an all black, angry, West Indian, dub reggae club. Well the boot was well and truley on the other foot that night. We went on and you could hear the jaws drop when several white guys walked on. It is the only time I've ever been forced to make a sharp exit from a gig. We ripped out all the leads, threw the gear into the back of our open truck and ran up the driveway to our cars faster than Gary Glitter's paperboy. I looked behind me and I could see loads of them pouring out of the back doors after us. Some had picked up things like a discarded mic stand, bottles and one cunt had a fucking machete. The truck took off as fast as a truck is able with one of the crew in the back trying to close the back doors and dodging missiles. Meanwhile, I jumped into my car, an old Mk 2 Jag and floored it but then screeching to a halt and reversing to pick up our bass guitarist who I had forgot was travelling with me. I got back just in time for him to throw his bass in the back of the car and leapt in. It was like a scene out of the Sweeney. Shame there wasn't a pile of cardborad boxes for me to drive into rather than the van I hit. We got away minus a few bits of gear but I can tell you it was quite a hairy moment. Nobody actually shat themselves but a few blurters went sixpence, shilling manhole cover that night.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:34, 2 replies)

Am I racist
for being prejudice against someone who thinks he's black?
( Moey, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:21, 2 replies)

The Japanese
I used to think it was offensive when people did that "Ah so!" Japanese voice, and mixed up their Ls and Rs as a joke.

Had a few Japanese lessons and it turns out the Japanese actually do say Ah so (desu ka), and they do mix up their Ls and Rs as a matter of course.

Is it still racist to do that Japanese impression? I have literally no idea.
(ManekiNeko loves horses, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:08, 8 replies)

Personalised number plates...
mark you out as a collossal cunt from the word go. Speshly if it's just a random number and your initials. Ok it's your car, we get that. The fact that you're driving it gives me a bit of a clue.

I could be prejudiced because I once dated a bloke with a personalised number plate and the nancy boy still lived at home with his parents. The whole family had personal plates. All cunts.

My ex boss had one and he was a cunt too. Jimmy Saville too. I rest my case.
( Sallyrsm, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 16:05, 25 replies)

Surrey boy race lols
I think I must be a racist, or just getting old and afraid. I was jogging along the other day and 2 black youths were coming towards me, a rare enough sight in Epsom. Just as I was about to pass them, one of them kind of lunged at me. I shouted "NO!" and dived into a hedge. But it turned out he was just stepping out of the way of an oncoming car. They both looked a bit bemused at me in the hedge, shielding my eyes with one hand and my teeth with the other.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:57, 2 replies)

I have a mate
Who came out with the immoral line;

"I wish I was black so I could prejudice myself"

Theres many more on his twitter account

www.twitter.com/iamyamyamiam
(Unclebeefcurtains mum.....ivejustdoneabadmurder on, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:55, 1 reply)

I'm not prejudiced
I like everyone, particularly Sikhs, so much so that I wrote a song in their honour, it's called "Singh", this is the chorus:

But if you Singh, Singh
Singh, Singh, Singh, Singh
For the love you bring won't mean a thing,
Unless you Singh, Singh, Singh, Singh.

I'm currently working on a follow-up called "Bradford telephone directory".
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:47, 6 replies)

Instant Prejudice
Whenever someone asks me "What star-sign are you" they are instantly filed in the "Fucking Moron" category for humanity.
(theremin put the lotion in the basket on, Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:45, 11 replies)

Haitians.
I was once slashed by a knife wielding, Haitian crackhead who was kind enough to kick me in the head after he had taken my wallet. Now I know you can't judge a whole nation by the acts of one of it's population, but because of that twunt I do have to admit I was not as saddened by the earthquake as most other people.
I am not proud to admit this but it's the truth.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:45, 3 replies)

Serbs and Croats
My gran is Croatian. She's also tiny and feeble and 90 years old if she's a day.
One bright and sunny day she's in a long queue at the store and to pass the time, she starts talking to the tall muscular young man in front of her. It comes out in conversation that he's Serbian.

Pandemonium.

She starts screaming and trying to punch him. He stands there with a startled and bemused expression on his face, her tiny feeble fists having no effect whatsoever.

My aunts had to drag her out of the store, and were summarily invited not to return by the store's owner.

This was also the same gran who would go shopping with my mum when she was young and I was but a glint in my father's eye. She'd yell commands at mum, including "get me some n**** toes!" from across the store. (That being slang for Brazil nuts)
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Thu 1 Apr 2010, 15:31, 2 replies)