Public indulgancy :)
Wow, this one is going to be fun this week! Yay to the b3ta mods having some sense! Mmm, I got two "interesting" encounters :P And more to follow

I used to frequent a area in London which is renown for a few gentleman coming for some public fun :)

I dropped down about 8ish at night walking down to a local internet cafe and thought I'd see how was around, looking at the "areas" I noticed there were 2/3 guys already indulging in some fun, I walked over and had a looksee to be invited, yay!!! This is fun!

So for the next 15 minutes we all had lots of fun, finishing off with a certain gentleman getting the seed of our results, was great! All until...

The clapping started, lots and lots of clapping, complete with sounds of cameras going. What the fuck?

Turns out that in this park there was a opera conventation happening, the wall in which we were up against was ALSO right next door to a group of Japanese tourists watching a rather dull presentation, for some a group of blokes getting it on was more fun :D

Naturally most of the men ran off, I merely picked up my shorts, bowed and walked off. So to all those tourists who got a few snapshots of me and my friends, hello!!!

---

Second one if anything is more risque...

I hooked up with a very nice young man and ended up on the train home, to those that know the Central line is a complete BITCH at times to travel, when you travel from Oxford Circus to Northolt though it’s also a dull one… so me and my friend decided to have a bit of a fiddle, at 12.30am on an empty tube to Northolt…

Things developed quickly and my new bestest friend in the world found that he could ride my shorts up high enough for interesting things to happen, so one thing lead to another and I’m sitting on his lap at Notting Hill Gate trying to not make anything that obvious…

Was going well, yay! Public exhibition whoooo! Till the women got on.

They got on at White City and sit ***directly opposite us*** obviously pissed out of their skulls and oblivious to anything else going around them. Then they notice a sweaty me sitting on ym friends lap, what happens next is the most toe curlingly embrassing moments of my young life, these young ladys start telling us “how CUTE” it is for me to be sitting on his lap and how lovely it is to see two men enjoying each others company.

My friend agreed with these completely and thought it would be a grand idea to bounce me up and down on his knee sending my drink addled mind into the stratosphere as certain parts got prodded…

3 stops later then laydees get off and one stop later so did we... Now that’s something I do not want to try again! Or maybe with the right person…
(Helo, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 17:07, Reply)

Bunker shot
From the age of about 15 and being labelled as the schools 'ladies man' (I had a way with words) I was always under pressure from my mates to lose my virginity.

What made it frustratingly worse was that I had a twin brother and thus there was one of those unspoken rules that states 'I must prove myself a man before Thee'...and get laid first.

I thought i'd hit the jackpot when aged 16, i started dating a very rich, very pretty public school girl called Lottie. My aim was to lose my virginity in either her swimming pool or on her full sized snooker table.

The problem was, her dad was like st Peter at the gates to heaven, asking me what my prospects were, could i drive?, what were my intentions? etc etc. No sooner had he looked at me, than he had condemned me to the fiery casm of frustration and virginity.

My downfall would be my twin brothers rising, as when she threw a massive house party in her mansion, my brother bought along with him a very well endowed buxom beauty.

Whilst I was failing extrodinarily to get my rich, stuck up, bit of fluff to even touch my manhood, my brother had successfully navigated his way onto the golf course at the back of her house, found a deep bunker and although he didnt lose his virginity the cheeky bastard wangled a titwank.

A titwank in a bunker!

7 years later, he's engaged to her!
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:59, 3 replies)

POPPED MY CHERRY ON HASTINGS WEST HILL.
Girls from Finland are lovely. :)

Ahh, Memories – spending the rest of the day reminiscing.
(waxdart hello., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:48, 2 replies)

Midnight Express
Back when your very own Badbob was gainfully employed on the trains - as opposed to dodging them on the tracks as he does now - He decided one night to partake of a few pints after work.

So I left my car at home, and after finishing my shift at Motherwell I took the train back to the town where I live. I boarded the last Glasgow-Lanark service (about 11:15pm), which on the Friday night in question was like a zoo. There were neds swinging from the luggage racks and booze-hounds singing. The train was packed.

Once they witnessed a uniformed (though off-duty) member of staff board the train, they mostly returned to their seats, which allowed me an uninterrupted view up the carraige.

Something, however, caught my eye at the far end. A blonde. Her head about a foot above everyone else. With a look of pleasure on her face. Then she started to rise, and fall, then rise, and fall... and so forth. She was only being rodgered from behind by her boyfriend on a packed train.

The oscillations got faster until the PA announced we were arriving into Wishaw, at which point she and her boyfriend got up, and got off (literally).

Now, I came across some dodgy activities on the trains of the Greater Glasgow area. Lesbian goth teenagers making out in empty carraiges (well, they thought they were empty, and that I wasn't dribbling into my ticket machine from a few rows away), obvious MMF threesomes inside the toilets (Again, teenagers. The girl was fugly, and the boys were camp as christmas). But, that one took the biscuit.

The chap that had been sitting next to them had quite a grin on his face though. (and possibly a fishy finger as well) :-)
(badbob82 actually has mates called Rex and Wendy, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:47, 1 reply)

Really wish this hadn't happened...
...lost my virginity in the grounds of St Peter's (is it St. Peter's?) church in the middle of Huddersfield (the town centre was practically empty BTW - 3:30 on a Saturday afternoon in the same place would have made the local papers a bit more interesting than they usually are I suppose)

At the time, I was thrilled to have finally gotten my end away. Nowadays I look back on it with a sense of shame, because it's just a bit of a chavvy, nasty thing to do, almost as bad as w**king each other off in a crowded nightclub

...which I'd done to the same girl the previous night
(Katabatic wasn't, and will never be on, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:46, 1 reply)

My one and only time outdoors...
I'll apologise now, as this is a long one...

I used to have this amazing ability when I went out and got pissed. I'd magically turn into someone who could pull pretty much every time. I have no idea how this happened, as in everyday life I'm homely and a bit of a geek, but the magical addition of alcohol turned me into some kind of a James Bond with the ladies.

The only problem was that I was always so drunk that I couldn't remember how the fuck I'd managed to co-erce these lucky ladies into doing the dirty with me.

There's one night that I do remember, at least partly. My bandmate and I had gone out to Corporation in Sheffield on the pull; 50p for a vodka and iron brew, and decent rock/indie/electro music. Added to this, there were usually a lot of skimpily-clad girlies there, and my success rate was fantastic. So, off we went, and proceeded to pour many, many drinks down our necks.

We got talking to two girls, Rhiannon and Kate. As you do, we paired off, James with Rhiannon, and me with Kate. After shooting the shit for a while, things got interesting; kissing, fondling, etc. Unfortunately, the club decided it was closing time soon after, so we were cast out with our respective ladies into the streets.

We carried on chatting, and my young lady asked if I'd like to take her home. I demurred; I didn't tend to take my conquests back to my house, partially because it was, as often as not, a shit tip and partially because I didn't want them to stalk me after I inevitably lost interest. She invited me back to hers, but she lived in Hathersage, which was a good way out - and I had to work the next day.

This is where I amaze myself. I somehow managed to say - without sounding like a sex-pest - 'have you ever... you know... done it outside?' Kate got the hint, replied that she hadn't but would like to try it, and we disappeared up an alleyway. Hooray!

The sex wasn't great; it was uncomfortable standing up in this alleyway, and the drink wasn't helping my performance at this stage. However, I manfully attempted it. We were disturbed at one point by a car driving past and people shouting 'wa-hey!' out of the window, but this didn't put us off too much... I recall that we ended that particular part of the evening with her having scooped her tits out of her top whilst I tried to massage my semi-erect member into orgasm onto them.

We decided to give up at this point, and walked away from the alley. Kate spoke to Rhiannon on her mobile, and we arranged to all meet up outside the fire station round the corner. We got there first, and one thing led to another; before I knew it, I was on my back IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAVEMENT, all rubbered up whilst Kate lowered herself onto (a much stiffer than the first time) me. Unfortunately, we were just getting into it - it must have been the excitement of literally doing it in the middle of the street - when Rhiannon and James came around the corner and caught us in the act. A bit embarrassing, but never mind. We de-coupled, and had a chat about what we were going to do next.

I decided that I was enjoying myself, and that work would take care of itself (I was a shift manager, and it certainly would not have done - but a combintation of sex and booze had rendered me a devil-may-care idiot at this point), and that yes, I think I would like to go back to Hathersage with them! James had already shot his wad with Rhiannon, I discovered later, and decided to leave us to it.

We flagged down a taxi and the three of us piled in - me, Rhiannon and Kate. We were talking on the way, and I noticed that Rhiannon had blood on her knees; I asked her if she was ok and she told me that James had done her from behind in the skatepark, and taken the skin off. Nice! We carried on home, dropped Rhiannon off, and then went into Kate's.

We then had some pretty filthy sex - unfortunately none of it penetrative, as I'd used my last two jubber rays in my al-fresco pursuits. A bit of a kip, and then awoke in the morning in a strange house, with a strange girl, and had to talk to her even stranger mother. I walked to their place of work with them, and then left them to find the station so I could get a train back to Sheffield. I had to get my brother to bring my uniform to work that day so I could just meet him there. Sadly, it didn't cover the enormous hickey I had on my neck.

Of course, I never got back in touch with Kate. Shame really, she seemed like a nice girl, and was going to a university not too far away. But I was a bit of a cunt back then with the ladies.

As an epilogue, I spoke to James about the evening later on. He ribbed me about having intercourse on the pavement, I ribbed him about the disreputable state of Rhiannon's knees. He said he was a bit worried that he might have caught something from her as his cock hurt a bit, so I told him that if he'd said, he could have had one of my johnnies. Oh no, he says - I had a johnny, I just don't like using them. Again, classy.

That was probably the most exciting and yet degrading experience of my life so far. Apologies for length, but you're getting all that she missed out on.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:44, 1 reply)

Sion Hill, Bristol, with a good view of the suspension bridge
Goldney Hall Gardens.

Victoria Square, near the closing pubs, at closing time.

Waitrose car park.

And the on a path by the side of the river, overlooking Welsh Back.

Not in any way amusing. I'm just showing off ("Hey, look at me, I have poor impulse control when I'm drunk and my girlfriend is easy")


A family member claims to know someone who christened the ear trumpet bridge.

And yet I know a guy who was threatened with the register if he's ever caught weeing in an alley again.
(teebie jeebie, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:39, 3 replies)

Tesco Blowjobs
I used to work in a nice tall office building with reflective gold glass.

Right next to a Tesco car park.

Overlooking the secluded overflow area. Secluded from the ground, not the 100 or so windows in the building I was in.

Every lunchtime a security guard and checkout girl used to drive down there for him to get his daily blowjob. She'd be at it for half-an-hour, bobbing away like her life depended on it.

The look on his face when he saw us all learing out of the windows. The "Do I tell her, or just sit back and enjoy it?" was the funniest I've seen.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:27, 2 replies)

Only done it once!
Me and my boyfriend decided to go for a walk on Ilkley Moor, bringing with us several cans, a bottle of apple bacardi and some wonderful Vat19 golden rum, drink of the gods!

Passed some bushes with pants in them and laughed, continued drinking and walking up the hill. As we got progressively more drunk, those bushes seemed like a better and better idea, and in due course we ended up in missionary in them. Being underneath, I craned my head back in the moment of passion, opened my eyes, and saw quite clearly on the top of an overhanging cliff face some small children with binoculars. Looking right at us and pointing.

We left hastily, but not long after noticed a helicopter flying around over the area we'd been in. They caught on quickly!
(I'm not here was here on, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:26, 1 reply)

Well when you put it *that* way....
Having been dragged staggeringly drunk from a grimy bar next to Waitrose in central Milton Keynes, aged 15, by a girl from my year at school, we proceeded to have rubbish fumbley sex on a pile of rocks and mud that would later become Milton Keynes Theatre.

Yep, I lost my virginity on a building site.
( WHTRZ Corp dosen't like the sound of Rupert watching porn, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:25, 2 replies)

hmm
behind a nightclub
in a bandstand
in a potting shed
on a hotel balcony
in the garden
under a bridge
on a pool table
up a tree

the tree was the most memorable and uncomfortable.

length? about 20 minutes with a branch jabbing into my buttock.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:19, 4 replies)

Hooray, hooray...
The first of May,
Outdoor sex begins today!

:)
( snee held his breath since, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:14, 1 reply)

It's always the quiet ones...
... and Jane - my first serious girlfriend - was a prime example of this rule. When we initially got together I had believed she was a shy, retiring type, ideal for taking home to meet your mother. So I was pleasantly surprised when, as the relationship progressed, Jane revealed a side to her more deviant than my 17-year-old mind had ever dreamed.

She was insatiable, and for a while we would grab every possible opportunity to go at it, working our way through the rooms of our respective parents' houses, including a disappointingly tricky time attempting to stay atop her washing machine on a spin cycle.

That particular time almost ended up with us getting interrupted by her parents, as their greetings from arriving home were drowned out by both the whine of the machine and my whines from trying to cling onto both Jane and the washing machine.

Nearly shattering her parents' illusions about the delightful young girl they had raised worried Jane enough that she decided that the rest of her parents house was now out of bounds to us.

Fearing that confining our relationship solely to the bedroom would lead to our sex life becoming as predictable as a game of Hide and Seek with the Fritzls, I suggested to Jane that we experiment a little with the outdoors lifestyle.

The next few weeks (being summer) were spent happily exploring the darker corners of the local parks, playgrounds and - memorably - bus shelter.

The novelty was beginning to wear off, until a whole new world of opportunity was opened to me - the boss of my summer job needed a delivery making to London, and so - deeming me to be more trustworthy than was probably wise - lent me the company Escort van for the afternoon, on the understanding that I made the delivery and brought it back the next morning.

The journey in and out of London proved quicker than expected, and so I turned up at Jane's house mid-afternoon with a glint in my eye, keen to show off my new "company car" and explore the local area.

We set off into the countryside, my adolescent mind racing as I tried to decide where - and indeed how - it would be best to take Jane. We hadn't driven far before Jane started caressing the inside of my thigh, and then with a mischievous grin, she bent to my lap and proceeded to give me an expert blow job.

Having only recently passed my test, I was still relatively conversant with the finer points of the Highway Code and was pretty confident that I was no longer driving with due care and attention. I therefore parked up quickly in the first layby I could find, and we climbed into the back of the van, eager to pick up where we had left off in the front.

Finding the back of an Escort van to be surprisingly dark and cramped, we awkwardly attempted to find a suitable position, without much initial success. I thought I had finally hit the jackpot when we shifted around and Jane instantly started screaming.

Unfortunately, Jane's screams were less to do with my lovemaking prowess, and more to do with the fact that I had accidentally released the handbrake whilst shifting positions, and we were now rolling at increasing pace down the road, and veering towards the stream running alongside.

It is with some regret that I have to say the first thing I instinctively grabbed for was the steering wheel rather than the handbrake.

It is with even more regret that I am able to confirm that the time it takes to release the steering lock on a 1997 Escort van is slightly longer than the time it takes for the same vehicle to swing across the road, mount the embankment, plunge through a hedge and down the other side into a stream.

First time post - be gentle!
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:12, 11 replies)

Down on the Farm....
Many years back when I was with my ex, we regularly went out with her mum and dad at the weekend, visiting pubs and local area's of interest.

One sunny summer Sunday we decided we would tag along to some disused farm and barn, that had a pub nearby etc.

We all ended up in the alehouse, and got quite drunk, so me and the missus decided to go for a walk as we had a craving to fuck each other hard. We approached this disused barn, which funnily still had working electricity we went in and flicked this light on.

By now my Pump Action Yoghurt Flinger was fit to fucking explode, I ripped her knickers and jeans clean off over her shoes and I ripped mine off. I fucked her balls deep like ive never fucked anything before against from behind, my balls slapping her arse like a screen door in a hurricane

Imagine my despair when the fucking light bulb decided to fucking pop. Joy. Plunged into pure darkness, apart from one timy chink of light coming in from under the shitty door.

So we got dressed after I had fired about 10 gazillion gallons of jizz into her spunk dustbin. We then started to piss around in the dark trying to get dressed.

At that moment in time we heard her mum and dad outside the door of the barn, the panic that went through me, was comparable to a Vietnamese kids minge, when Gary Glitter took over as School Liasion Officer. We fucking grabbed our jeans threw them on and waited....

Imaging my fucking sheer horror when the door opened and the light revealed me wearing a pair of Lilac Miss Sixty Jeans half pulled up and my at the time potential father in law looking at me.

We split up 4 weeks later.
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:06, 2 replies)

A sniff ... a bark!
A few years ago I went camping in Newquay, Cornwall with my cousin. On one of the nights we went to a club and met a couple of girls. The girl that I met was a rather feisty nurse student from Portsmouth. At the end of the night after the club had closed and the crowd had been thrown out. She asked if I had any jonnys, I told her I didnt at which point I thought Id blown it as she went bounding down the road and started talking to other pissed up blokes. Thinking that all was lost, she called me over and had managed to get a rubber off one of the unlucky fellas! we headed down onto the beach away from the crowd and started fondling in the long beach grass. Everything was going very smoothly, in fact so smoothly I commented on her smooth velvety quim! Next thing I know theres a sniffing noise and then a wet lick on my naked arse, I stop and turned around to a shadow of an alsation dog then a torch shining in my face that was in the hand of some dirty old get! I told him to fuck off as I pushed the dogs snout away from my backside.
(ch33kster, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:04, Reply)

Hmm, let's see
Office at work
On a table in the pub
Club toilets
Cricket pitch (right on the crease)
On a bus in Brighton
Room full of sleeping people
Car at Beachy Head
Over a railing in Gran Canaria
Hotel balcony in Tunisia
In the Mediterranean
Against a fence by the river
BA flight from Barcelona
Car (she was driving at the time)
Front row at a gig

Fuck. I thought I was pretty reserved before I started writing this list...
(UXB you said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 16:03, 5 replies)

in an underpass
great fun. she loved it.

her boyfriend didn't though. he decided to pay me a little visit with a friend of his in tow when he found out. getting your head caved in with a fire extinguisher is not fun, i can assure you.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:54, 5 replies)

Providing an education....
Back when I was doing my A-Levels, the college was in the middle of nowhere. As you do, I'd hooked up with a lass whose lust for me bordered on the obsessive... God knows why, but at the time I found scratching my name into coke cans while crying quite an attractive quality...

Aaanyway, being so obsessed made her essentially up for anything. As we were walking to the bus stop one day, we decided to take a "short cut" through the nearby wood, to have a bit of time to chat.

Chat very quickly turned to kissing, which turned to hiding behind, in retrospect, a pitifully small sapling of a tree, pretty much next to the main path, frantically groping at each other's nether regions. Hormones bounding through our heads like Colin McRae's helicopter, we suddenly realise we have no condom. Fuck it, hands it is then, more grotty scrabbling around, I'm near wrist deep in clunge as she's milking me like some crazed dairy olympian. Done in seconds, and suddenly feeling quite seedy, two things dawn on me:

1. When outdoor groping, lady types can be nicely finished off without the removal of any clothing, and don't need to have anything on display, unlike chaps, who need to be a bit more 'on display' to avoid pant burn.

2. Standing in front of three wide-eyed school kids with your hands and rapidly deflating cock dripping the soggy remains of aforementioned tryst, having no tissues, hiding behind the thinnest, most pathetic 'tree' in the world is not something most people would ever wish to repeat.

It all ended when we went to Uni and discovered other people, which was definitely for the best, all things considered.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Fuck off, Dog!
So, here we are, on a rug on a hillside, lovely sunny day, myself and the beautiful-but-bonkers gf at the time. Looking down the hill we have a cracking view of a well-known university town. We are cuddling, kissing, her hand goes down south...then her head.

‘Oh goody’ I think – an alfresco blow-job.

There are people on the hill, but mostly coffin-dodgers and kite-flying children. Both sets are a long way away and I am confident, given the expert tounge-lashing that the old chap is currently rec eiving, that matters will be brought to a sticky conclusion before either of them poses a problem.

Then I notice the dog.

About twenty yards away, stupid stick in mouth. Staring at us. With his cocking head on one side.

‘Fuck off, Dog’ I mouth, pathetically gesturing at him to do so.

Inevitably he comes closer. And closer. My partner is unaware of the danger, presumably interpreting my spasmodic thrashings and muffled obscenities for some pre-climactic frenzy. This is awful. Thirty seconds ago, my whole brain was focused on how much I am going to enjoy my imminent spaffing into this lovely young lady’s mouth. Now an increasingly large percentage is taken up with how I can make this furry voyeur go away, and an even larger percentage with how wrong it is to have an erection when looking into the eyes of an animal.

Eventually, feeling horribly horribly dirty I shoot my load. The dog, now practically sitting next to us, looks disappointed – perhaps disapproving. He fucks off, at last, the bastard. My partner, swallows, wipes her mouth, sits up and winks at me roguishly. I feel weak.
( MacCruiskeen, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:51, 9 replies)

Well...
With girls (before I discovered that cock is more fun), I've done the dirty:

* On a (fairly secluded) park bench, whilst her parents and little sister were checking out the petting zoo.
* By a small lake in the same park at about 3 in the morning after a club night. Both of us were off of our tits and I couldn't get to the finish so I faked my orgasm. She told me it was the best fuck she'd ever had, but that could have been the drugs talking.
* In a small copse of trees in the middle of one of the fields in the same park again. There were some kids playing soccer nearby which put the pair of us off but we got there in the end, thankfully without being caught out by them.
* Under a railway bridge. Tramp-free, which is always a bonus, but it was fucking cold that day so we didn't go the distance and went to her folks' place to continue.
* In the ladies toilets of a pub where I worked as a glass collector. Boss asked me where the fuck I'd been on my return. I replied, 'A girl needed some help in the ladies.'. When asked why she didn't get one of her mates to do whatever-it-was, I told him that apparently it needed my personal attention. That was the pretense under which she'd led me there, after all. He twigged, laughed, called me a dirty fucker and told me to get back to work.
* Out back of another pub where I'd risen to the lofty position of barman, during a lock-in one Saturday night. I was called 'Outback' for the remainder of my brief time there because she was fairly loud and very sweary, and subsequently another one of the barmen heard her through the open window in the gents when he went for a piss.
* On a beach in Tenerife. Unusually, some old Spanish bloke didn't turn up with a deckchair to watch us and take hits from a hip flask whilst pulling his pud. His absence really contributed to our enjoyment, but the sand didn't so much.
* Under another railway bridge next to a canal after sneaking away from some friends during a booze-fueled pic-a-nic, where we were bubbled by another couple walking their dog. They said 'Ooops, don't mind us' and buggered off, but it kind of spoiled the mood so we held that thought until we got home.

I have to point out with some pride and yes, some shame too that only two of the above were with the same girl. I may have been misguided in my heterosexuality but I was enthusiastic, I think you'll agree. Or maybe I was just a slut. As a gayer I was and am a lot more discerning regarding whom I would/will let get their mitts on my dick, difficult as that is to believe. Which brings me to...

With blokes since I came out:

...actually, I haven't as yet which is fairly disappointing. But as another poster has said, you get to a certain age when one or both parties have their own at least fairly well-appointed place with a nice comfy bed/sofa/worktop/desktop/rug so one is less inclined to consider the great outdoors as a venue, particularly in British weather. By the time I realised I preferred tubesteak I had been in this category for some time. I dunno, maybe one time me and the fella (another late bloomer) will be up for a spot of adolescent nostalgia somewhere :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:47, 3 replies)

Public sex story, but different
I'll keep it brief.

I had a wonderful friend at sixth-form: very intelligent, very beautiful and very funny. With long wavy, blonde hair and massive waps.

And she was keen on me, very keen. Which was not something I'd anticipated, being more than a bit of a geek at school.

Anyway, after one particularly drunken sixth-form party she suggested we get some fresh air. And after a very pleasant moonlit stroll around the local park's lake (softly quacking, snoozing ducks), she suggested we sit on the see-saw.

After we'd shared a cigarette, she told me how much she cared for me and wondered if I felt the same.

....to which I had to admit that I'd never really thought of her in that way as I'm gay, and assumed she'd always known.

Well, her night couldn't get any worse: An embarrassing admission of secret teenage desires, and no outdoor-sex.

It couldn't get any worse. It could- Upset, she leant back to make her escape, and put her hand in a big pool of cold, congealing spunk and fell off the see-saw.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Ooh going back to November 2007...
... was seeing my then ex, who lived in East London. We'd only been seeing each other for about a month, so as you can imagine we were using any god-given opportunity to do filthy things to each other. One week I had my youngest sister visit me from back home, which meant that I could not see my bloke as I had to be 'responsible' older sis.

He didn't like this.

So one evening when I was at my place with her, he drives over and tells me to come out to the car so we can chat at least. I tell my housemate to keep an eye on my sibling urchin and run to my bloke's Mini cabriolet. Oh yes.

We went for a little spin and parked up on some random residential street off Green Lanes in Harringey and started to have a bit of a fumble. Minis are... mini, and the windows quickly began to fog up. we also could not do much in the passenger seats so he suggested that I get in the back and he would follow.

Fucking hell, the cramp! I honestly felt like my right leg was being sawn in half as I squeezed my ample arse between the passenger seats. I was trying hard to not squeal out in pain, wanting to look elegant as I scratched the upholstery to pieces in his beloved little mobile fuck-box.

Anyway, I managed in the end and sat there waiting for his majesty to grace me with his penisly presence, and he certainly did a slightly more graceful entrance (fner) than I. We got down to it, him sort of on top of me, me trying to lift my right leg and put it in any conceivable position that would not cause the cramp to kick in again. All going well, we're going for about ten mins and my thighs started to ache. I made one TINY move of the right leg and the cramp hit me like Pole driving a VW the wrong way up the M1. My leg shot out and I kicked the roof near the front of the car. I'm shouting all manner of obscenities, my bloke wondering what the hell is going on, his old chap suddenly starting to look very feeble.

What we had not noticed in the commotion is that I had managed to hit the button to make the roof go back... and it was about halfway through it's descent, too late to bring it back. Bloke's hairy white arse had the moonlight being reflected off it, and I was legs akimbo in the back of a fucking Mini.

That's not the worst bit. Walking up to the car along the lovely, quaint residential street was a middle-aged couple walking their dog. I don't know what they looked like, I had my eyes clamped fucking shut. My bloke responded in the only way he could.

He farted.

I started crying.
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:39, 8 replies)

Picnic table
I used to have a girlfriend who liked outdoor sex very much. We would meet up after work and go to a nearby park. Her favourite position, and one which avoided scrabbling around in the bushes, was her lying on a picnic table and me standing up.

We'd found a suitable table in an infrequently visited area of the park and made use of it regularly. One evening we were going at it when I heard someone approaching. It was too late to pull out so she arranged her skirt to hide as much as possible. But it wasn't just one person: an entire group of old folks was coming along the path towards us. It looked like a senior citizen outing or something.

Girlfriend lay there, trying to look casual and relaxed, a fixed grin on her face. I stood as close up to the table as I could, hands on hips or resting nonchalantly on the table; I believe I may have whistled.

Every single person who came past said 'good evening' and we replied likewise to each and every one of them. The last to come past were an old lady and, I assume, her husband. She said ‘How nice to see a young couple out in the fresh air’ while he gave me a thumbs up and a ‘Syd James’ face. Kind of killed the moment.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:25, 2 replies)

With my ex-wife
Back in the day when I was young and far more silly than I am now, the missus and I were out and about when we were over come with the need for a good hard fuck. We wandered about until we found what was the ideal spot, sheltered and far enough away from other things, well we thought so!

I pushed her up against the wall lifted her skirt, and removed her panties, then proceeded to fuck her hard.

It was joyous!

When we’d finished and managed to get ourselves looking respectable (she couldn’t find her panties, not that we cared), we started to walk back towards the park we’d been in to start with. Then we found out that we’d had watchers.

We’d picked a wall outside of Vauxhall City Farm, and unbeknown to us we were in full sight of a school party there at the time! My how they hooted!

I’m still amazed to this day that we didn’t get arrested for indecent exposure.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:25, Reply)

My public sex experiences are limited to say the least...
However...

I used to work in HMV on Oxford Street, the one opposite Bond St. tube station. Owing to a particularly geeky taste in music for a 23 year old, I found myself working in the Jazz / World / Queasy Listening / Soundtracks / Other Crap We Couldn't Fit Anywhere Else bit on the first floor.

It was not well lit up there, kind of like a bunker filled with CDs, dust, and old people. In particular there was a very dark corner at the back of the room, just near 'Italy' in world music, fact fans.

One fine day, the guy who ran the world music section came running over to me excitedly... there was a couple enjoying oral delights in the corner! RIGHT NOW!!!

Going over to see if this was really true (well you've got to look haven't you), my legendary customer service got the better of me and I politely enquired to the bobbing head and prostrate form in front of me:

"Errr... can I help you with anything?"
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:20, Reply)

It's a theme with me.
Really, I didn't plan on showing my nifkin in public as much as I have over the years- it's just kinda worked out that way.

I mean, for starters, there was this story wherein I lost my virginity on a beach.

The next experience- such as it was- turned out to be with Kathy. We worked together in an amusement park, and within two days of meeting we had our first date.

Being the romantic little shit that I was, I put together what in retrospect was actually a pretty decent little picnic experience- I had food, a bottle of wine, brought along a guitar, and took her by boat to an island on the lake my parents lived on. Being 18 and full of boiling hormones, we were both pretty well worked up in fairly short order. I laid on the charm as thick as I could- played guitar as she ate, filled her glass, did all the right things, and it was paying off nicely. So after a bit I put the guitar away and we started making out.

As there wasn't a dock on that island we had our bathing suits on so we could leave the boat offshore and wade in. She wore a one piece that showed off her ample boobs quite nicely, cut low so as she lay on her side I had an enticing view of cleavage spilling out. After some kissing I slipped my hand under the shoulder strap and slid the suit off of her shoulder, revealing a nicely rounded breast with the nipple already hard and begging for the touch of my lips. She gasped as my tongue traced a circle around it, followed by a small moan as my lips clamped it-

"Hey, do you know what time it is?"

I turned over and Kathy hammocked herself in with a quickness Bruce Lee would have envied, and saw an older guy- in retrospect, probably around 30- checking out Kathy pretty closely. "Sorry, I don't have a watch on me."

"Okay, thanks." And he sidled off, still staring at Kathy. He wasn't in a big hurry to leave.

Unfortunately she was.

Dammit.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Too many times....there's something wrong with me.
I don't know why I do these things, most of these have been with people I shouldn't have as well!

1. Behind a barn, my birthday, late birthday present from a skint mate.

2. The park I grew up going to....with the best mate I grew up with...of all people and of all places WHY?! That was one of the most fucked up days of my life. Childhood best friend and park are forever tainted.

3. The toilets at my local, that was same-sex. I've since worked out I'm straight.

4. Toilets in a club with then partner, had to stop when I got into a laughing fit at some of the graffitii...totally killed the moment.

5. An alleyway with an ex, in the car, while Donna Summer was playing on the radio, put me right off. Totally killed the moment again.

6. The kitchen at a friends house (Ryan I am SO sorry! I hope you wiped everything down after!) what a fucking liberty indeed.

7. In the back garden of my old house 5 YEARS AFTER WE MOVED...I still don't remember how we got there due to alcohol consumption. ANOTHER childhood place tainted forever. I didn't even live there!

8. The bathroom of my friend's house during a house party, they had only just moved in. Another friend I owed an apology.

I didn't realise how often I have done this until this question of the week came along.

Self-control should seriously make an appearance in my dictionary.

....
(trippeh, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Booze, Marijuana and Sex. A wonderful Combination.
well it would be if I could remember a lot more then I do.

My friend Nell from work (a lovely girl) invited me around to her place for a end of year bash (since I was leaving for new zealand the next day).
"sure! sounds ace" says I. Then Nell tells me we're going to pick up a few of her mates.
"sure! more the fucking merrier!" so we're packed into her car - me, Nell and her friend.... a guy whose name was Ben - but was known to everybody as Rabbit.

We make it back to Nell's in one piece - giggling and all having a great time, more people have turned up and it's become a cranking party. The music is loud - the grog is flowing and I'll admit I got too enthusiastic with the vodka and the shots. Far too enthusiastic. However I figured as long as I sat on the couch and could hold myself up - I was fine. Right?

wrong.

I had unwittingly sat at the couch where Rabbit was lighting up a bong. I - young, innocent, naive - asked him what the fuck he was doing. His response was to put the bong to my lips, light it, and tell me to "suck start this like a leaf blower".

I giggled so hard I fell off the couch.

He eventually got me so high I couldn't quite tell how time was moving - it felt incredibly slow. I also thought everyone was speaking WAY too fast. I also thought Rabbit was sex on legs.

Next thing I know - I've woken up on the couch. I'm in my sleeping bag. And so is Rabbit.
But I don't know it's rabbit. I have no clue who it is. So when he starts kissing me, I politely enquire,

"erm - sorry but who are you??"
"doesn't matter. you're hot. I'm hard. Let's fuck"

Classy. But also extremely true as it turned out. I was gagging for it. Jeans are unbuttoned, limbs are tangled, then he says to me

"shit I've forgot a condom"

then from the corner -
"You fucking arsehole rabbit!"

it was Nell. And her brother. He had woken up on the floor to the sounds of mine and Rabbit's heavy breathing and gasps, quietly sneaked out and brought Nell into the lounge.

Shocked - the both of us stared at the door way before Rabbit told them to fuck off back to bed. I was too shy to go back to it - in any case - I was incredibly annoyed he didn't tell me he had no condom on in the first place. So we went back to sleep and woke up the next morning with embarrassed laughs and a penchant for not wanting to give our hungover stomachs reason to rebel.

I worked with him last week - no awkwardness or anything! So there you have it - my first and only one night stand.

You lucky bastards got every inch of it too!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I think its just an excuse, but...
.. when one of my girlfriends and i used to wander, filled with summer of love intentions, i was regularly told "No - i will not do it outside as i do not want an animal licking or sniffing my arse whilst we do it"

WTF? i just had to go along with it at the time or it was nothing doing anywhere. Did she think that badgers like to lick 16 year old girls anus' ?

Looking back i think i was had, or not had as the case may be.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:07, 2 replies)