Unexpectedly made to look really cool
My mind draws a blank for my best examples of this but this one should give you an idea of what I mean.

5-6 years old, playing soccer, I believe I was forced to play it though I don't remember for sure, in any case like all sports I was terrible at it and took little to no joy in it. One day however I decided to break from tradition and take pride in it and really concentrate hard so I could really play properly for once.

I remembered what coach told me, his sage words memorized eternally "Keep your eyes on the ball whatever you do keep your eyes on the ball don't let it out of your sight". I tried hard to memorize the advice so I could use it as a mantra during the game, in fact I was doing a very good job of focusing all mental capacity onto chanting this over and over. That was until my thought process was rudely interrupted by a large spherical object striking the front of my skull at incredible speed. My immediate response was confusion, I was totally stunned, I believe I may well have been out cold for a fraction of a second there however I managed to remain standing staring straight at the goals. Then I hear this cheering, apparantly I've just headed an incredible goal with pinpoint accuracy and am a hero amongst the team. I think my steadfast still pose that the shock had caused me to strike up further added to the illusion that this was deliberate as well. It hurt like a bitch but I certainly made sure not to ruin it by mentioning that it had been an accident.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:22, Reply)

Oh Uncomely
Everyone loves these stories. The times that someone who, well to be as nice as possible 'wasn't your type' decided to try their luck with amusing usually drunken results.

What's the funniest way in which you've escaped such advances, or even if not escaped, just the funniest occassion you can remember this happening. I seem to recall a certain friend of mine attempting to sabotage my attempts to escape from one such woman. I had managed to avoid her relatively well up until this stage but my friend decided to talk to her for a while, I had no idea what they were saying for a while there actually I thought she'd decided to give him a shot, but I've no doubt he was probably saying something along the lines of "Oh yeah he really likes you he was telling me just a little while ago you should definitely try to talk to him" that smug bastard. I'll never quite forget his grin as he yells "Stumps, Mel needs you" she had become quite drunk so I stupidly thought she needed help like having collapsed or needing to puke or something, big mistake because in fact he just wanted to watch me squirm as I was rudely pulled to the kitchen floor where she had taken residence in an excruciatingly awkward situation whilst he walked away chuckling.

Fortunately I escaped using my suave social manouvre of wrenching my arms free and nervously exclaiming "errr I've gotta go over there now" and walking 2 and a half metres to the other side of the room.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 15:14, Reply)

The Moment you knew the jig was up
It was such a well planned lie, where did it go wrong? In its conceptual stages you never pictured yourself standing where you are now.

When was the exact second that your complexly woven narrative suddenly collapsed and there was absolutely no escape hatch. Was it when your wife came home early and saw you wearing her favourite dress? Perhaps it was when your mum caught you "cleaning it", b3tans, reveal all, its too late now to hide it anyway.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:52, Reply)

DIY Healthcare
Duct Tape instead of stitches?
Heavy drinking instead of anaesthesia?
Think of when you knew you could take care of yourself or others better than the medical establishment... and when you probably shouldn't have...
( salamander, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:51, Reply)

why
is there no /ignore for the QOTW?

apeloverage's burbling is quite annoying.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 14:11, Reply)

Why?
Urban Legend tells us that in the mists of time, a guy sits to take his philosophy a-Level paper.

Turning over his sheet - he sees one solitary question - "Why?".

Looking around, he sees all of his fellow conceptual engineers frantically writing their answers down. He thinks, and after a while writes a one word response to a one word question. His answer?

"Because."

Clearly this is bollocks. So, tell us this - if you were faced with that question - what would YOU say?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 1 Nov 2006, 22:04, Reply)

Crap Companies You Have Worked For
Like these twunts.
Site replaced after legal hassles
(Wrecked Tums, Wed 1 Nov 2006, 20:11, Reply)

chavs!
i work near uxbridge and staines. and i'm from near stockport.

i would have even more to say than usual on this topic...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Nov 2006, 15:47, Reply)

What's your biggest dissapointment ever?
memories of crap christmas presents, dull birthdays and life experiences that turned out to be utterly the opposite of fun.
(Dangermouse., Wed 1 Nov 2006, 12:07, Reply)

Communications technology gone wrong
An expansion of weebear1974's mobile phone faux pas theme. Technology, especially in the field of communications is expanding and improving rapidly, it is possible now to contact almost anyone at anytime using e-mail or text messaging, it's discrete and no one else need ever know what you sent because it goes straight to who you sent it to and doesn't stop on the way or tell it's best mate. Unless, that is you stupidly sent your message to the wrong person.

Oh how we laughed when one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend, caught the train home and sent to one of his mates "I'm glad we broke up with each other the hot chick on the train is giving me the eyes", too bad he forgot to check who he was sending it to, I'm sure it was a great comfort to his now ex-girlfriend who was probably already upset.

And there's always the time another mate had hidden his weed stash at my house temporarily, and sent to "me" the message "hey, do you still have the weed I gave you at your house?" I'm never really sure if his Mum was really all that suprised, but I hear she wasn't happy atleast.

And just for a 3rd one, not quite as funny but still alright, the girl who sent an email to her university tutor asking to change work groups because a certain member of the group wasn't doing any work and not pulling their weight at all, see where this is going?

Has UR Mobile fone eva got u in trble by txting the wrong person? :-)
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Wed 1 Nov 2006, 8:57, Reply)

The most wonderful party ever!
Or the best ANYTHING ever.. some of these recent QOTW's are so depressing... where is the happiness?
(Zoidberg Jr - Food, you say?, Tue 31 Oct 2006, 22:40, Reply)

QOTW
Best I can think of is a game my mates and I layed a while back called "Hospital Radio".
It basically involves thinking of the most inappropriate songs that could be played in a hospital or specific ward.

For example:

Bay City Rollers - Bye Bye Baby in the Abortion Clinic.

You see the potential for some serious abuse here...


Hugs,

Big Will.
(71 hour Ahmed wasn't working at, Tue 31 Oct 2006, 19:18, Reply)

Hmmm
What about...

If b3ta was RL, what would the world be like?

Something myself and another b3tan were gabbing about, thought it might work...
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 30 Oct 2006, 15:50, Reply)

Howz abaaaart.....
Odd things i have tried whilst milking a cow?

or

How many goats does it take to fill an antelopes cavity ?

More sensible is ..

What is the most ridiculous thing you have ever been made to do for a partner.... ?

that is all
( awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Mon 30 Oct 2006, 15:02, Reply)

How about, as a break from the made up stories, we use the QOTW to come up with ideas?
I suggest: "What methods could we use to reduce n00b flaming?" I envisage thousands of genuine good ideas like this:
"I propose that during their first month of posting everybody else has the ability to edit their posts.
Surely this would reduce any antagonism they may otherwise be subject to.
I for one would not alter all their posts to sweary admissions of increasingly sickening perversions."
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 30 Oct 2006, 14:39, Reply)

Quotes
We've all heard some great quotes during our lives, what is you favourite one?


"I know not what weapons world war 3 will be fought with, but world war 4 will be fought with sticks and stones" - unkn

"If somethings worth doing, its worth doing right" - Dr Hunter S Thompson
(Xyphious : Sinkin' Gin since '85, Mon 30 Oct 2006, 12:02, Reply)

b3ta!
What's the best way to procrastinate when you're supposed to be doing important assignments due in the next day?

Extra useful to all those actively procrastinating as it gives them new ideas!

Genius!
(Shelob, Sun 29 Oct 2006, 21:32, Reply)

More features
Can we PLEASE have an 'I don't like this' clickable link and as well as the 'Best' section when a question closes also have a 'Worst'?

It will deter people from posting bollocky answers.
( The Helpful Bear, Sun 29 Oct 2006, 9:32, Reply)

what do aliens look like
or what do we look like to aliens
( boff FL OZ, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 15:09, Reply)

where have you been thrown out of/asked to leave and why
everyone has been asked to leave somewhere for one reason or another.

here is an example www.b3ta.com/board/6467135
( swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad., Fri 27 Oct 2006, 8:59, Reply)

Worst ever first impressions....
Is there a first meeting with someone that just makes you want to curl up and die?
(hadeslady, Thu 26 Oct 2006, 23:27, Reply)

Cockney Rhyming Slang
What expressions could you invent in the format of cockney rhyming slang? (e.g. Apple & Pears = stairs).
Also, the word Berk is really rude. It comes from Berkley Hunt. You can work it out from there
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Thu 26 Oct 2006, 12:30, Reply)

"blonde" moments
i was cooking burgers when they caught fire (i'm not a very good cook) manged to extinguish the burgers, but noticed the oven was slightly on fire too, my flatmate suggested that i turn it off, since i am no longer using it, my response "no, i set a timer for the burgers, they've got another 5 minutes"
..........
apparantly on fire means done! well, you learn something new and exciting every day!
what dumb things have you been utterly convinced of til your brain kicked in?
(skankgirl, Wed 25 Oct 2006, 17:27, Reply)

Euphemisms
What are the best euphemisms you've ever heard/invented?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 25 Oct 2006, 9:13, Reply)

Hallowe'en - WoooOOOoooOOOOoo!
My dad and his brother once broke into an old church crypt, stole a skull, and hid it in their bedroom. Plagued by hideous nightmares and dreadful apparitions they dug a big hole out the back and buried Smiler in the dead of night. All well and good until they moved house, and the new owners decided to do a bit of gardening...

Real life ghost stories! WooooOOoooOOOOOoo, etc!!!
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 25 Oct 2006, 9:00, Reply)

Festivals, gigs, Raves, etc, etc
I have to say that the most memorable escapades I can recall have often been at festivals, etc. Like the time when I was with a friend happilly enjoying a jazz fag at glasto 95. it was about 5/6 in the morning on the sunday and we were looking out of the front of my tent, laid on our chests observing the early morning goings on. You see people would have to look rather purposefully to actually notice us-which suited us both very well.
Now this fella, evidently-inebreated, tripping, whatever! staggered over to a tent about 5 metres infront of us, barely able to stiffle fits of giggles, whilst being encouraged by his friends who were out of our line of site to the left. who were also giggling. He then had a quick look around, pulled down his trousers and pants (still giggling) and curled out an impressive shit directly outside of the front of the tent. the best laugh came when we revealled ourselves to him and his freinds. As it turned out he had shat outside his tent, which contained his gf- we threw empty cans to wake her she awoke and made him clean it up. I'll never forget his tip toeing giggling insanity. just one of dozens of stories that could be included
(lamagic007, Tue 24 Oct 2006, 11:35, Reply)

Guilty Pleasures
I secretly like Steam Trains. Outwardly I do not appear to wear a cagoule and carry a note pad, but I love going to see steam trains.

What things do you enjoy that you wouldn't want your friends to find out about for fear of intense ridicule
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Mon 23 Oct 2006, 15:55, Reply)

Question for the week
my best driving lesson stories
(alwaysallways, Sat 21 Oct 2006, 18:06, Reply)