Have you ever experienced actual Karma?
Did it work in your favour?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 24 Apr 2007, 18:25, Reply)

Really appalling sex
We all crave truly full-on inventive sex that is so fantastic it should be defined as 'Porn Sex'. But let's face it, it never turns out that way does it? I reckon there's plenty of b3tards qith tales of regrettable or embarrassing or just plain icky stuff. bring 'em on in a strictly NSFW way!
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Tue 24 Apr 2007, 16:59, Reply)

Stupid Colleagues
A girl I once worked with asked me how to use basic HTML tags. That's fine - I've got absolutely nothing against people not being computer literate. But after I had painstakingly explained, nice and slow without using long words, how to put in a line break, talked her through the experience and gone back to my desk, thirty seconds later - THIRTY SECONDS - she had to ask me how to do a line break again.

The line break she'd just done was staring her in the face!

A FECKIN LINE BREAK!!!

Come on, I bet you can't do better than that.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 24 Apr 2007, 13:47, Reply)

Been reading...
...the few in this week's QOTW about management-speak bullshit - otherwise known as 'Witless crap that your bosses say to sound smarter than they are. And fail.' - oh my, but I hate that shite, but I've refrained in this QOTW because it's blatantly off-topic.

Please, fucking please do one of these - I've got loads of bile to spray about the place on that topic ;)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 24 Apr 2007, 12:56, Reply)

Flagrant abuse of the system
one bottomless ice-cream for 8 of you in pizza hut?

riding the free city bus all day?

give examples of how you've defied THE SYSTEM, not like these wussy attempts above, give me HARDCORE -(answers...)
( Raudulfr, Mon 23 Apr 2007, 12:07, Reply)

look, i just... i can't come if you won't wear lederhosen. put them on, please?
what's the weirdest thing you've ever said/done to put someone off you on purpose.
( greenish, Sun 22 Apr 2007, 15:53, Reply)

Boring questions no one wants.
Favorite historical novels read.

Gardening with family and how it brought meaning into my life.

Bible quotes used in daily life to enrich society.

Donating to charity as a way of life.

Bible stories I've memorized.

Lessons I've learned through educational family trips.
(barrycounty, Sat 21 Apr 2007, 13:50, Reply)

I've never smoked anything in my life and tend to point out the fact often (even though I know no one cares)
I also take my coffee black, and take the piss with people who put sugar in theirs (or buy iced coffee)

What little things are you (or someone you know) unashamedly snobbish/elitist about?
( AgentMuu hentai coordination, Fri 20 Apr 2007, 16:19, Reply)

Shamelessly and audaciously stolen from another site
What's the most audacious thing - illegal or otherwise - you've ever got away with?
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 19:39, Reply)

Teaching a lesson, harsh
I lived in a house with two students, and it was all the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.

Thing is, I really liked the housemates, we had a good laugh. One was called John, lovely bloke, allergic to nuts though, which was a bastard because I loved them. Other one was called Ste.

Anyway, it was payday, and John offered to make a cup of tea. In he brings it, and we all drink.

Soon after, John starts swelling up.

ME: *Runs, administers epi-pen, explains he's going into anaphalactic shock.
HIM: How do you know?
ME: I put almond oil in my milk.


What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:04, Reply)

first post! my suggestion? things you've brought home pissed...
Heres a few of my favourites:

Steering Wheel Of A Car (strange because I got a taxi home)

A Road Sign (one of those workman with a shovel but looks like they putting an umbrella up instead)

Not Me, But I Remember Seeing Somebody Carrying Home A "Garlands Made Me Do It" Sign... Anyone Ferom My Native Town Will Find That Funny

A Variety Of Great Looking Women ('Till I Sobered Up Of Course)

Office Equipment Down My Pants Tha I Nicked After A Office Party At My Work

A Ripped Up Jason Donavon Picture (Whilst Singing Kylie, Obviously)

No apolgies for length... the stapler made my cock look massive!
(billybobbean is still trying to make it QOTW's best of the week, Wed 18 Apr 2007, 19:48, Reply)

It's not what it looks like!
What compromising situations have you got yourself into, with cause for others to think you're the one what done it?
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Wed 18 Apr 2007, 17:15, Reply)

badger badger badger
waht is the worst monument/innappropriate statue you have seen....outside Prudhoe sewage works there is a giant badger cut into the hillside...wtf?...I'm sure you lot can do better!

www.debbygary.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=62&Itemid=93
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Wed 18 Apr 2007, 12:09, Reply)

Forrest Gumping it
Have you ever been part of history without realising?
I haven't.
But one of you lot must have.
( ArthurTheRat, Tue 17 Apr 2007, 18:18, Reply)

Lies partners/exes have told
It occurred to me as I was discovering various lies told to me by my partner that they couldn't be the only one who'd done this. Top of the list was someone who I thought was a friend of ours, only to discover that my partner had had a 4 year relationship with them and made me feel paranoid for making a scene about it! Unfortunately there are too many other lies to list, such as their age (told me they were 38 when they were 44...) but they are for another post..... :-s

What lies have your partners/spouses/exes told?
(TheGizoid wowling since, Mon 16 Apr 2007, 10:17, Reply)

good and bad experiences with clowns
I've just come back from a restaurant where a six/seven year old child stood in front of a birthday party clown and said 'Get lost you muppet'.

What's your best and worst experiences with clowns?
( Jalu, Sun 15 Apr 2007, 18:50, Reply)

Conversations with taxi drivers
I've just got home (a little bit zrunk) but on the way home, I got a taxi ride with a very nice fellow and we had a very heated debate about cars (i.e. what was good and what was shit etc).

It occured to me that we've all had crazy conversations with taxi drivers, good and bad. Let us know all your 'blah blah blah, hanging's too good for 'em' stories.
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Sun 15 Apr 2007, 2:10, Reply)

Stuff You've Said To Kids At School
Me: Do you like you dad, Alex?
Alex: Yeah
My Friend: Is He your buddy?
Me: He's also your cousin, isn't he?
(DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 17:54, Reply)

your extreme political views/conspiracies

( connor, Sat 14 Apr 2007, 0:56, Reply)

Hairdressers Name
"Curl up 'n' Dye" in Leeds believe it or not...
(TheGizoid wowling since, Fri 13 Apr 2007, 23:44, Reply)

QOTW suggestion
I drove past a sandwich shop in Southampton called 'Nice Baps' Can anyone top this for an amusing yet clever name for a business/company?
(Euan Oos-army Josh, dad's found your scooter!, Fri 13 Apr 2007, 19:16, Reply)

Google Whacking
Ever heard of Google Whacking? The idea is that you type just two words into Google search box, but they have to be completely unrelated, and hit 'search'. For a Google Whack, Google must return only one hit.

I Google Whacked once with 'palaeolithic' and 'nosebag' lol.

I know it all sounds very nerdy, I pissed myself when I heard about it and thought that the twunts who had thought of it as an amusing past time needed to get a life. Quickly. However I tried it and before I knew what had happened an hour had gone by.

Mwahahahaha!
(TheGizoid wowling since, Fri 13 Apr 2007, 15:37, Reply)

Selfish reasons
Some of this weeks image challenges reminded me of another childhood memory:

When I was at junior school, I really wanted my parents to get divorced. The reason?...

My friend's parents had just had a nasty break up and in an effort to buy their child's love, they would buy him all the latest toys. I figured that if my parents split up, i'd get bought all the latest cool stuff too.

What evil, ill-conceived plans have you hatched purely in the pursuit of utterly selfish motives?
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 16:10, Reply)

Ghostly Encounters
My dad is convinced his little council bungalow is haunted. Things would move and turn up in odd places (a screwdriver once went missing whilst he was repairing a door and turned up a week later in a bag of potatoes!) and the dog would often stare at the corner of the room, look up and growl at nothing. Anyway.

I didn't really take it too seriously until I went to visit him for a few days. One morning I woke up to a strange tapping noise in the room. As I tried to get out of the bed a breeze of air caught the curtains (like someone had run through the room) and I felt a heaviness on my chest (like someone was sitting on my chest) and worst of all, two cold hands around my neck, throttling me. For close to five minutes I couldn't scream or move. I didn't tell my dad, but five years on I've owned up that I've also had my own ghostly issues with the bungalow and given him a digital camera and minidisk recorder to catch any strange goings-on.

So far we've only caught black shapes on camera, but oddly whenever you take anything battery powered (rechargable or otherwise) into the bedroom the power saps instantly.

Scarily, 13 years into his tenancy dad has gotten used to his visitor and often can communicate with him (her?) crudely - when the tapping starts late at night my dad says 'come on now, shut up' and it stops instantly.

What are your spooky tales?
(Northern Lovely, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 13:30, Reply)

Ever had a bad break up?
I'll share first Its only fair, A girl lets called her b went out with me when I was 18 and she broke my heart and slept with 2 guys behind my back. I found out and dumpted her.
Then she proceeded to get her "revenge", because this girl always thought she was right.
3 horrid things happend to me.
1. her new man broke my fucking nose in a club.
2. She had my car smashed up by her brother.
3. she threaterned my dad until he decided to go see her father. Her father started a fight with him and my dad broke his jaw.
( Super piat I am the owl, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 12:27, Reply)

question of the week topic idea
songs that get you choked up?
(might be an interesting survey...)
(whosebooze, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 23:08, Reply)

Crazy Neighbours
Our neighbours put up a fence today.
Not exactly a sectionable offence, I hear you say, but the message daubed upon said (completely solid) fence with permanant marker, informing us not to try and cover the day-glow orange abomination with anything, as it would ¨block the airholes¨ might well be an indication that the crazy train needs to seat 2 more.

So what about your own batshit insane neighbours?
(The Mysterious X, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 22:20, Reply)

Dumbest thing...
...you've ever heard a chav/anyone say. Or do.
(adserfadge, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 20:13, Reply)

Mates
A mate of mine gave me permission to have a crack at his bird when it was clear she fancied me and they weren't getting on.

What a legend! Totally above and beyond the call of mateship.

What has a close friend done for you that was completely beyond the realm of reasonable expectation.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 16:14, Reply)

Guffs / Farts / Trouser Koffs
Just want to hear about the SINGLE worst fart you have ever done/endured/ran away from.


Everyone likes a fart story.

I know I do.
(Spreddum O Grrrr. That's my vicious circle, that is., Wed 11 Apr 2007, 7:26, Reply)