Do you know my dad?
Went to a depeche mode concert at the NEC, they were doing the personal Jesus stuff as I remember, lots of black and white photos projected on stage while they stood around looking moody or for a bag of smack etc. Me and my mates were getting board after fighting our way to the front of the stage so we started heckling Martin Gore as you do. He had leather shorts on and looked very gay so we started shouting "you shaged my dad" at him. To add to the ambience we also started simulating a Marquis de Sade style long line of buggery, obviously he was not best pleased and stropped off stage for a bit…
(SheepInRubberPantsTurnMeOn, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:56, Reply)

Ozzfest
* got a kiss from one of the girls from Kittie. (who?)

*Got a big hug from Dave from drowning pool (before he choked on his own vomit and died) - he was a cool, larger than life top guy!!! R.I.P

* Met short arse, screeching dwarf - Danny Filth after I snuck into the v.i.p drink tent.

* Also spotted Fay from steps in there for some reason. (who?)

* Caught the drum stick at a system of a down gig, then spent the next ten minutes fighting with an enraged sytem fan who wanted the stick. We both ended up in the mosh pit, both clinging to one end of the stick. I ended up getting accidently head butted by a big, fat hairy rocker and lost the stick. Such is life. Still, carried on moshing with blood all down my top and seeping from my nose.

Rock and/or roll.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:48, Reply)

Swansea
Summer Ball, the week before last. Rachel Stevens saluted back to me after I'd decided it was the best way to get her attention.
Stalked Colin from Hundred Reasons around Pontins in Camber. Met Ginger from The Wildhearts and gave him an Austin Powers 'Swinger' badge that we had changed to 'Ginger'. I also cooked for Cheryl Baker and one of the Honeyz.
Best of all, my mate went up to Danni Filth in a club and said "I heard that short twat from Cradle Of Filth is here tonight, have you seen him?" Genius.
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:47, Reply)

Mark Radcliffe's plectrum
Not me but my good mate Tim.

Watched the Family mahone play a gig at the citadel in our home town of st.helens.

During an interval, Tim decided to jump on stage and steal the plectrum from Mark's temporarily unguarded guitar.

Tim then later attempted to blackmail Mark by asking for a on air request (BBC2) in return for the plectrum. His request was refused.

Tim later won a Mark Radcliffe signed cup and even went so far as to promote his own band AND his business on air, whilst answering a competition question.

er... that's it. You had to be there I suppose.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:42, Reply)

Obscure...?
My bathmat used to be a towel belonging to the drummer of late 70s New York punk funkers ESG. I pinched it when drunked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:41, Reply)

I used to want to be a DJ (sorry).
I went through a phase of leaving a box of records in the boot of my car on the chance of a party.

Some mates and I went out clubbing as usual and got wind of a massive house party. When we turned up it was manic, the old turn of the century house was packed full of everyone from town that wanted to party past 2am. You could hardly move in the place it was so busy.

I mananged to get a slot, had quite good fun playing records and afterwards retired to the kitchen where the intoxicants of the previous couple of hours really began to kick in. I pulled a major whitey and knew puking was iminent. Due to the density of people, the toilet was out of the question. So I started to puke out of the window.

Which was directly above the front door to the house.

Needless to say I wasn't popular.

I carried on being very pale, sweating, feeling sick and generally not to well for a couple of hours when a guy came up to me:
"you were Djing earlier"
"Uhh... yeah"
"you've got to do some more"
"No chance mate, look at me, I'm on a big fat whitey, I even puked on some people out the window"
"You think that's bad, I've got to go to work in an hour, I'm a postman"
"Oh"

So back I went to the decks, covered in vom, shaking, white as a sheet, sweating like a rapist and played some more records.

I knew it was time to leave when I saw a girl with a big puke stain running from her shoulder to her waist point at me and say something to her big bastard boyfriend. He started making his way towards me with an "I'm going to sort you out" look in his eye. I made as if I was going to get a record out my box, but instead packed up (leaving a record playing) and cralwed out of the room pushing my record box in front of me. I legged it from the house in such haste I slipped on my puke and banged my coccyx on the way out.

The pain made me puke some more.

I run away from confrontation
I can't handle my drugs
Pain makes me puke

Very rock and roll, me.
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Went to the Nme tour..
and mystery jets, we are scientists, maximo park and arctic monkeys were playin there.
ABout half way through the monkeys set the lead guy asks wot song we wanna hear, a new one or one off their album. The crowd cheers for the album song and about four people cheer for the new one. Fucking twunt plays the new one which is shit. Cockhead
(po po, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:32, Reply)

George who's son???
Years ago, I had a friend with a completely hyperactive social life ... anyway, he dragged me and a load of other mates to a party in the middle of a field. We turned up, played on the bouncy castle, drank some beer, listened to some music in a big tent, then buggered off, as is the custom. (not before filling my boot up with as many cans of beer as we could get our grubby cheap little mits on!! - well ... I was driving, and it's only polite to partake of the freebees ...)

On the way home I decided to ask "so who's party was that?"
"Oh, a mate from college, he's George Harrison's son"
"who??" I asked innocently.

That's the only time i've gatecrashed a party and walked off with half the beer supply ... and it just happened to be the son of one of the Beatles! (hell ... the bouncy castle was fun too)
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:31, Reply)

Reading Festival
Before the millenium, back when thousands of obsolete COBOL programmers had come out of retirement to earn more than their pension for 2 weeks work; Me, my brother and a bunch of pissheads went to Reading festival.
Now, for anyone who's been, you'll understand the mind numbing boredom and feeling of eternity between each band. It was in one of these dull moments, between Terrorvision and Offspring that my brother said "let's do a human pyramid"

The mad fool grabbed complete strangers and co-erced them into making a 9 man pyramid, with some poor little kid stuck right at the top (apparently his face was a picture when you got up there!) But I'll never forget coming away from it to see that Offspring had come onto the stage while half the mosh pit had been facing the wrong way, looking at us.

T'was awsome fun and didn't even make it onto the TV coverage.
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:26, Reply)

That was who?
A few years ago i had the misfortune of working.....full time.....in a country pub. This in itself was dull, but when combined with the regular...urm....regulars, it was really dull.

Anyway, one stereotypical skull-numbingly dull day i'm pulling pints as usual when i'm distracted by the 8 tonnes of Toyota Landcruiser out front, seemingly doing it's best to remove the paint from my innocent little Rover. Seriously, we're talking millimetres here...pure luck my motor wasn't bent.

The large hairy chap gets out of his Chelsea tractor and enters the pub. I don't care that he's big, he nearly fucking smashed my car, and on this basis i proceed to give him a piece of my mind....GGGRRRRR AARRRRGHHH WATCH MY CAR....etc etc.

Big man apologises lots, turns around and leaves. Leaving me feeling mighty smug about my telling-off abilities.

Its only then that i realise the whole pub has fallen silent, jaws on floor etc.

"Should i not have done that?" I sheepishly ask my boss.....

"Well" He says. "I would have liked his autograph before you gave him a bollocking....."

Ah......That'll be Robert Plant of Led Zepplin fame then....

Bollocks.

Lenght, lots...girth, very little..worth the 2 minutes of your life that i just stole? You-fookin-betcha! Go on though, you know you like this....
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:25, Reply)

Anti Nazi League concert in Brixton
Can't remember when but I just remembered being threatened by a member of the National Front afterwards who had made a curly wurly into the shape of a swastika and stuck it to our car.

ROCK AND ROLL!
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:21, Reply)

Roskilde 2000
Went to see the mighty Pearl Jam play. When I got there there was a huge fucking crowd! I turned to my mates and said 'Sod this! Let's push near the front'. And that's just what we did, I think some people got hurt a little and they made such a fuss PJ didn't even play their whole set!

Bloody crybabies! How fragile were they!?!?
(Whiskeyklone, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:16, Reply)

Rock and Roll?
Being kissed by Beth Orton
Having a lock in with Collapsed Lung
Being bought a drink by the bloke from Ministry
Throwing up over the lead singer from My Drug Hell
Getting pissed and falling asleep at v97 in the VIP area
Talking to Bruce from Iron Maiden for 2 hours without realising who he was - and getting a backstage pass for being so unassuming (thick)
Being propositioned by one of the girls from Shonen Knife

and lots more. For moments like these, go to crap little gigs, work at concerts for nothing. And if you're travelling, stay in a nice hotel nearby.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:10, Reply)

Shirehorses..
*unlurk*

My boyfriend's band regularly state their most Spinal Tap moment as playing a Village Fete. Their audience consisted of three people and a shirehorse, and halfway through the gig the vicars wife came on, tapped the guitarist on the shoulder and asked them to round it up so they could do the tombola. Still, they came away with some nice commemorative tea-towels...
(Kohoutek, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 13:04, Reply)

Bonehead
I was in a small studio in Stockport with my old band when who was recording in the other live room but Bonehead of Oasis fame with his new band. We all thought this was highly amusing, not least because Bonehead still thought he was an A list celeb. It was midday and he was wandering around off his face on some tramp-strength lager.

He was a lovely bloke though, went on about how amazing his new band were and how they were gonna go to number 1. He thought I was the manager due to being female, and kept muttering, "girls, in a band, F***in' hell". His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw our drummer playing around on the piano, insert more swearing as he went on about how drummers can't play anything but drums, and regailed us with a tale of how crap Tony Carroll was.

The crowning moment was when our drummer gave Bonehead a lesson in playing chopsticks and they sat there for 10 minutes playing piano together. Surreal.
(lofichic, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:58, Reply)

throwing up at NIN
The last gig I went to was Nine Inch Nails at Brixton Academy. It was awful. Trent didnt move from the same spot all night, The music was way to loud (a lot of people left because of this) and the lasers brought on a migraine.

On our way home home from the gig, we hit traffic due to roadworks on the motorway and our driver had no way of pulling over so i could throw up...

so i threw up on myself instead, but it was ok coz i was wearing a PVC dress and it just 'floated' on my lap until the chance came for me to get out of the car where it basically just 'slipped' off like water.

tip: always wear PVC when you throw up!
(chixor, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:52, Reply)

Blur at Reading Festival
I was watching Blur headline the Saturday night of Reading, I think it was 1999, and being the big britpop kiddy I was, secured myself a place against the barriers. There was so much pressure on my back that I was contemplating just getting over the fence halfway through and going to the back, but then one of the security guards made some comment about girls never staying at the front during Saturday nights at Reading, so representing my sex, had no choice but to stick it out.

Around this time, some Danish chap was moaning at me that he'd come all the way from Denmark and was only on the second row, baldy twunt. I didn't point out that due to National Express it probably took me longer to get to Reading from Birmingham, but still, he continued complaining.

The next thing I know, he's whipped his cock out and is pissing down my back! I called my friendly security guard over and said, "oi! This bloke is pissing on my back!"

He got dragged out the crowd and I had to have a shower in one of those horrible festival shower cubicles. I'd also ended up breaking some of my ribs and had to be bandaged up in the first aid tent.
(lofichic, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:49, Reply)

The Clash
Best gig moment.
The Clash at Newcastle Mayfair, not sure of the year, decided to jump on stage during Armegideon (sp) Time & have a sing. Two rather large bouncer gentlemen came to assist me leave when Mick Jones grabbed my arm and told said bouncers to "Fackin' leave 'im alone!"
They paused for a second glanced at each other then thought fcuk him, they pinned my arms behind my back and raced me off stage down a corridor towards a closed exit door. "They'll stop" I thought. No, they just charged me through the door and chucked me in a filthy alley.
Laid there thinking if I was ok when 4 skins (I was a punk in them days) came down the alley. "Sh1t" I thought, another kicking. But no, they enquired about my health & then proceeded to kick 7 bells out the doors trying toget at the bouncers.
Happy days!
Biggest regret - turned down the chance to go meet Joe Strummer at Leeds Irish Centre. Did't want to meet him in case it spoilt my image of him. Big mistake, nice bloke apparently.
(MichaelLinge (ywc), Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:37, Reply)

There must be a God...
When I was about 17, my band and I played a gig at a pub in Stoke Newington called the Samuel Beckett.

In those days, I was in a hard rock band. A very hard rock band. Anyway, we set up our gear, soundchecked and then played the waiting game at the bar.

8pm. The pub is empty.

9pm. Still no one in the pub.

10pm. Just as we are about to cut our losses and go home (who wants to play to an empty room...) the door opens and the place literally fills up.

Only problem was that one quick look around at the 7ft tall dreadlocked crowd told you that the Samuel Beckett was clearly a hardcore reggae pub. Oh, and a very intimidating 'Yardie' hangout...

They wanted their entertainment. However, we were slightly concerned that upon hearing the first 5 seconds of our heavy metal power chords, we would fall victim to a spray of Uzi bullets.

Shaking like leafs in our black leather bikers jackets and Megadeth t-shirts, we nervously went on stage having agreeed to "reggae up" our material as much as musically possible. This was easier said than done.

But for some inexplicable reason, they loved us. We played the entire set without a single firearm being discharged. Not even one can of Red Stripe was hurled at us. Instead there was roaring applause at the end of every power-ballad and over-indulgent guitar solo.

I hear the place is now some kind of trendy Spanish tapas / salsa bar (which is bloody rubbish, if you ask me).
(meat katie rocked the other nite and also on, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:32, Reply)

Joe Strummer
I met Joe Strummer once. He bought me a pint and was very nice.

No drugs, no sex, no breakages but I think the words "Joe Strummer bought me a pint" trumps all that...

-- "YOUR LENGTH GAG HERE" --
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:11, Reply)

Orson the real story:
I know I've already had one, but bear with me this one is kinda cool, and involves ninjas*

I know the guy that went on tour with Orson doing their merch. When they stopped in Birmingham, he invited me to come join him on the stand, I ended up with an orson t shirt on selling things to snotty teenagers.

Before the show the members of Orson had all approached us (my friend and I) and asked where was good to go out, as they wanted to (and I quote) "parrtaaaaaaaaay" and I said for them to meet us after the show.

After packing up, we waited, and waited, saw the support band dancing like wadgers, but no Orson. Finally when my friend went to bed on the tourbus, he found them there passed out in front of a Ninja film... they'd gone to bed, it was 11:30 if that. I've never seen anything so rock and roll in my entire life, I mean ninja films on a tourbus!! WOW!!

*story may include significantly less ninja's than promised
( Chorizowagon Came wandering back on, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:08, Reply)

I did the same as JoePineapples
Only quite some time ago. I went back to him (Duncan X) for another tatt later, as he's pretty damn good. I think he still works at Into You in Clerkenwell.
( wangmaster2000, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:06, Reply)

I had a marshmallow fight with Darius and Daniel Bedingfield...
my mate's mum got us into the audience for The Saturday Show...we got bored listening to S Club Juniors...so a whole load of us had a marshmallow fight with them. The continuity lady got all stressed because "people will notice the marshmallows missing from the bowls!"

Also I'm in Bullet in a Bible (Green Day DVD of Milton Keynes) at some point looking really pissed off because some knob jockey elbowed me in the face so his kid had enough room in the front. And I met McFly by the loos...
(P-nut Obsessive Compulsive Green Day Disorder..., Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:05, Reply)

"Cocky Back"
We played in London one time (the powerhaus i think, but can't be sure), and the alleged future of studenty bedroom misery pop, marion, were supporting us. The stage had a curtain at the back of it, right behind the drum riser. Me and a couple of friends who'd come to see us were backstage, partaking of some speed snorted off the filthy floor (Oh those were classy times indeed), when marion started their set. We noticed the curtain, had a peep round, and realised the combination of curtain, drummer's back and friend with what can only be described as a MASSIVE penis, was not a situation to pass up. He spent the whole of the first three songs putting the drummer off by slapping him on his spine with his knob while we cried with laughter.
From then on we always referred to their drummer as cocky back.
( mushybees NEBUSHI SHANGHUNG!, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:03, Reply)

Got offered a job
handing out leaflets for an hour outside a concert for next week, is an hours work and i get paid for 4 - and get to see the concert afterwards for free. Brilliant i thought....

just had a phonecall..... the concert is Simply Red...... fucksocks :(
( Lady_Cakes, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 12:00, Reply)

I was on tour in the early nineties
and we played the beachcomber on Brighton seafront. I'd been drinking all day, as i'd just had the contract on the house i was renting finish, mid tour, and had nowhere to live. I tried to be positive about not having anywhere to live but instead descended into a drink fuelled rage mess.
After we finished our rather aggressive set, i saw melody maker anus Everett True and sad old punk twat Captain Sensible slagging us off. So i picked up a stool and smacked both in the head. I then went and lay down in the sea. Strangely nothing was ever said of it. But it gave me great great pleasure.
( mushybees NEBUSHI SHANGHUNG!, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 11:57, Reply)

A couple of personal rock'n'roll moments...
1. playing to two full houses at the Cambridge Corn Exchange on my 23rd birthday and then finding Marie Helvin backstage.

2. I was the bass player in a band for a while with three very talented musicians. When we all went our ways, the guitarist, Tom, went off to LA to study at music school. On a return trip to the UK we met up and he brought some photos of his new band. I immediately recognised his new bassist -- on account of the fact that he was an internationally famous sessioner and that I'd bought one of the instructional videos he starred in. I never asked Tom whether he'd noticed something of an uptick in the quality of bass playing in his new band. I think he'd have been too polite to answer, anyway.
( drdavej, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 11:45, Reply)

Spear of Destiny
Played in a band which supported Kirk Brandon's Spear of Destiny.
They all seemed a bit up their own arses & afterwards asked us if there was anywhere to go & get a drink. Our singer replied that there was a club across the road which was open until 2 & it was a gay bar.
Brandon & his guitarist get all upset & say something along the lines of "Fuck that, man!" & storm off.
Turns out Brandon had just finished a court case with Boy George about hiding sausages or summat.
Great days.
( ERG1008 is climbing in yo windows & snatchin yo people up, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 11:35, Reply)

http://www.phonicvoices.co.uk
Thats the website for my band/collective! please read for an explanation of our awesomeness (and sorry for my shameless advertising) - im the violaist/6string violinist/pianist/and one of the Mc's

1.We make EVERYTHING up as we go along.

2.We played at the sesh @linnet and lark once - btw this particular night is basically a pub packed full of indie scenesters looking to 'rock out and be all indie'..the first band was a blatant joy division wannabe band who were...alright, so the little indie crew are bopping along to that... then we came on...all fifteen of us! half of the pub were like yeah wooooo snazzyness! the rest of the pub gawped because i dont think theyve ever seen people without stupid haircuts... and i dont think theyve gotten used to our eclectic fusion of...everything that isnt indie...i loved their poor pretty little faces...

3. I regularly rap the jabberwocky.fact.

4. People love us so much they are asking us for gigs, not the other way round.

5. we rule so much one of our instruments is a 1980s casio keyboard/calculator...i regularly point this out.

6. im not very rock and roll. i think the concept of rock and roll is being killed as we speak by the evil fat cats and opportunistic hairdressers. I played a festival in east park last weekend and who did our taxi pull up next to.. yes the almighty john prescott.. i was going to shout at him and call him names but ive heard he throws a good punch.

for all those people who live in hull, our next gig is @ the ringside on the 15th july. Ile be the red haired one cackling manically.
(Salbo_baggins, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 11:32, Reply)