Get 95% more value from the money you spend ‘on Christmas’, by enjoying it and not being a miserable fucker

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 11:19, 3 replies)

Make your own computer with an old television, a carboard box and a toy car.
Draw a pair of tits on the screen, and you're ready to fwap, for free!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Lend some cash off your granny.
She probably going to die soon and even if she doesn't, it's not like she could have you in a fight (If she could, you deserve it).
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 10:24, 10 replies)

Save money repairing your bicycle from potholes in the road
By cycling on the pavement.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 10:21, 9 replies)

A well-managed smack habit is cheaper than caring about anything at all.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Dirty car? Car still under warranty? Save on expensive car washes or detergents..
Snap off a door handle or something similar every time it gets dirty and after fixing it the garage will usually wash your car.

My old MG ZS180 was such a friday afternoon job that it kept falling apart on its own and as a result was always clean and shiny. The garage even did collect/delivery so I'd go to work with a filthy car and leave with a nice shiny clean one, often with the offending problem nearly fixed.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 10:05, 4 replies)

Shouldn't be topical yet, but that's kind of the point
Save a shitload of money by realising that 95% of the things you do at christmas you are only doing because you have been brainwashed into thinking that that's what you are supposed to do. Go on, how much of this crap do you actually enjoy?

Cultivate the idea that christmas is something that, if you are going to participate in it at all, lasts for two or three days. Not a quarter of the year.

Refuse to waste time and money buying pointless overpriced crap, just so you can give it to relatives that you never see for the rest of the year and don't even like. Don't send cards except to cherished friends who are too far away to visit. Bring your kids up to expect a fun family day, and a reasonable haul of modest presents - not a frenzied consumerist hell of conspicuous consumption.

Let shops and companies know, in loud and strident tones, that any mention of the "C" word before December - preferably well into December - will result in a permanent boycott of their products.

Refuse to see tinsel & fairy lights as anything other than shiny tat which only appeals to mentally subnormal troglodytes. Complain about fake snow draped over every available surface, and the holly leaves printed on packaging which allows the price to be hiked.

Point out whenever possible that a) we do not live in the Victorian era, and b) the image portrayed of the perfect Dickensian christmas is a total fantasy. I have my own fantasies, thank you very much, and bescarved street urchins do not feature heavily in them.

If possible, opt out entirely. Invent a new religion if you must, but spread the idea that christmas is NOT COMPULSORY!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 9:45, 23 replies)

Brew your own alcohol.
Seriously. You can make a half decent table wine with a gallon jug of water, pour a bit out, add two cartons of grape juice in your preferred flavour, a bit of sugar and some yeast.

Stick a baloon over the top with a pinhole in as a carbon dioxide trap (yeast replicates anaerobically).

Leave for 2-3 weeks, bottle and drink.

It does work and I did it for years. 5 litres of drinkable table wine for under a fiver.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 9:05, 9 replies)

Save some money on your electricity bill,
By turning off your computer and going outside for once.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 9:02, 5 replies)

free stuff from vending machines
just tie a string around a pound coin before putting it in the slot.

it definitely works, i've seen it on tv a million times. also works with 50p coins for cheaper stuff.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Save serious coin;
by NOT pushing costly particle beam equipment way past its design tolerances in order to test Xen Borderworld samples. Epic underground science facilities are expensive to replace, y'know.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 3:26, 3 replies)

I save money on soap by not buying soap.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 3:13, 1 reply)

I save money on toilet paper by wiping the shit off with my hand and then washing my hands in the sink.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 3:12, 2 replies)

Broken light cluster on the car? all the fragments?
Go to the chemists and buy Acetone ( methyl ethyl ketone or the m and e swapped) about £2-3 once they realise you don`t want to sniff it

You need some CHEAP sellotape made of cellulose so it wont melt,and isn`t very sticky and a camel hair brush, like a small make up brush that will hold enough not to evaporate too quickly

Tape the bits together on the outside bubble free and paint along or drip the solvent inside so it runs in the cracks, leave it overnight and be astonished. Don`t overdo it as it will sag and bubble

Only a few light clusters are polycarbonate, doesn`t do much for that. The rest are polymethyl acrylate and similar ( perspex) and that is the solvent they use if not RF heating to assemble them.

Worth a try before you shell out 50 notes just cos some tosser has bounced and run, it is hard to see the joints as the solvent has welded them back pretty bang on. whip the tape off in the morning and t-cut to a polish
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 1:53, 3 replies)

Save money by living in the woods and eating roadkill.
"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious — makes you so sick at heart — that you can't take part."
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Thu 17 Nov 2011, 1:43, 4 replies)

Modern razors are very expensive...
...and replacement heads for them are even more so.

But keep using them, they're money well spent: I've just tried shaving my head with a traditional razor and now I'm going to stick to the pillow while I sleep. Fuck you, Wilkinson Sword
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 1:02, Reply)

squawk squawk SQUAWK!
*only pecks half the cuttlefish bone*
*invests in trill futures*

SQUAWK!
(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 21:20, 12 replies)

Shoes.
Keep your shoes polished. I know it's a small thing, but keeping shoe leather in good shape makes shoes last longer. And they look nicer, too. A polished shoe is a thing of beauty.

That's all.
(Woofie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 21:05, 6 replies)

In closing...
Get educated/trained so you earn reasonable money and have work options, find work where the positives outweigh the negatives, be sensible with your money but not tight, spend or gift it before you die, be awesome to each other.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 19:37, 15 replies)

Shower gel
Buy one of those nylon body mops, and you only need to use a tenth of the usual amount of shower gel. Cut the top off the scrunchy end of a toothpaste tube- two more brushes inside if you swipe the brush round.
( uncle bastard is twanging a dan moi, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 19:15, Reply)

Spend the summer on the beach at Calais
harvesting free goose fat from Channel crossers at the end of their swim.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 18:34, 1 reply)

Teenage boys / young men:
Save money on underarm deodorant by not dousing yourself in a sufficiently large quantity of the stuff that you are followed around for the rest of the day by a foul-smelling miasma of "perfume" that causes the rest of the populace to gag if they walk within six feet of you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 17:13, 7 replies)

Play for the love of money by the O'Jays on repeat.
This may inspire you to be a millionaire. They you don't need to save at all and can spend cash like a wag.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Fill up your car late at night
so the fuel is colder, and hence denser. You pay by volume, not weight.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:53, 7 replies)

You have three livers for a reason.
Hawk 'em to the Yakuza and you a get a free key ring too.
(theroux, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Don't bother buying toilet paper, just wipe your arse with your hand
It’s what your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandparents did and they managed just fine (presumably).

Alternatively, just shit out your cock.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:34, 4 replies)

Use Linux
I use Kubuntu Linux because it's fairly close to a windows-y look and feel. The following come free (MS equivalent price in brackets):

Office suite (£85)
Photo editor (£60)
Developer tools (£484)

and a bunch of other stuff.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:33, 25 replies)

Cut your feet off.
Get a free car.
(speedevil, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:24, 4 replies)

Donate regularly to one of the national charities?
Stop. Donate 1/2 as much to a local charity with similar goals. The money is more likely to be spent on the real ideals of the charity than lining the pockets of some marketing company and equipping african warlords with new guns.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 15:12, 32 replies)

Save your immortal soul from the damnation of eternal hellfire by praying to god correctly.
Send me £50 and I'll tell you how to do this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 16 Nov 2011, 14:56, 5 replies)