Invest some spare time
In getting a Google Adwords account, then just keep your bank account on a regular basis and add details to Adwords account. Each time a random sum of money is deposited to your account so you can verify it. Technically its more money making than saving, but fuck it, free money. Might work if you have a savings and a current account with the same bank. Might still work with paypal too.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:14, 9 replies)

Instead of switching on your own heating...
Live in a flat in the middle of the block, that way everyone else around you will heat your flat. Works wonders where I am, as the building is mostly concrete and holds the heat well!

Bonus Points: Have one or more of your neighbours as a little, old lady, they blast their heating as they get some of it paid for them!
(anonymousreality tickled your fancy on, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:02, Reply)

Like others in here, I once tried home brewing.
Only thing was, I had no idea what I was doing.

I knew that if you leave cider in the refrigerator too long it starts to get fizzy and ferment. I had had homebrewed cider before, and loved it. So I decided to try it.

There was a place where I could get beer that came in stoneware bottles with the ceramic top. I used to get it a lot as it was a favorite, and had a bunch of them empty. So I gave them a rinse, filled them with cider and stored them on a shelf in the stairway leading to the basement, and waited.

One afternoon I heard a sharp pop and a shrill screeching whistle, which was followed a moment later by a second pop and a screech. I ripped open the door and found two thin jets shooting across the stairwell. I grabbed them and popped them open to relieve the pressure, and was assaulted by a memorable stench like a mix of wine and vinegar. The lot went down the drain.

I buy my cider now.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 0:00, 4 replies)

Shop lifting is an excellent way of acquiring free goods.

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:38, 2 replies)

Saving electricity
If something requires 30 minutes cooking time in the oven, check on the item at 20 minutes, then turn the oven off, it usually takes longer than 10 minutes for the oven to cool down if the door is shut.
Then if you have any wet laundry hanging around, put your clothes drier in front of the open oven door afterwards instead of using the tumble drier.

Penny pinching indeed but in the long run, if you are on a very tight budget it does all add up.

Viz style tip on the same theme.
If you cant afford to heat your bedroom, put your mattress on the kitchen floor in front of the oven after you have cooked something ;)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:37, 1 reply)

drop letter-heavy words like "money" and "saving"
and re-direct your target audience to top tips.
(8allright is praying you've got a cold, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:26, Reply)

cheap ketchup
go to supermarket
unscrew lid from bottle of ketchup but don't break foil seal
deposit lid somewhere else in store
come back next day and buy same bottle of ketchup from reduced shelf
retrive lid
go home and feast on super cheap ketchup sandwiches
(weeboll, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:24, 1 reply)

Brew your own beer
Piece of piss really. I dont get all that fancy, just buy the ready-to-go kits from the supermarket. Add water+contents of kit. Leave in drum for 2-4 weeks (Depending on how desperate and poor you are), bottle it up and leave for another week or so. Boom. Cheap as fuck beer that passes the taste test. Most of the time.
Im also getting a mate to weld me up a still so that I can get my home brew whiskey happening. Yeehaw.

Also: Toilet paper. Lived with a bloke who would buy the nice 3 ply toilet paper and seperate each sheet so he ended up with 3 times as much.
(I would just steal mine from work).
(technocore, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:14, 6 replies)

Christmas is coming...
Don't buy Christmas-specific wrapping paper (y'know, things like robins, holly, Father Christmas motifs) and you'll be able to use it for Christmases AND birthdays AND anniversaries, etc, without having to buy a new roll every year...
( The Silent Channel is getting his recommended 5-a-day, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:13, 4 replies)

I have a plethora of money saving tips even for the hardened miser...

...all collated into one handy booklet. Guaranteed to save you thousands! All this for just £2.99, P&P free.
BACs payments only to sort code 20-59-14, Account number 00898163. I look forward to hearing from you.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 23:01, Reply)

Use some mathematics for a change.
Factor in fuel costs when deciding if to go to a (more expensive) local shop instead of an out of town megamart for a couple of items. If you, like me, have to drive an 8 mile round trip to Tesco then that's £1.25-ish in fuel for a 40mpg car. You have to pay for the fuel anyway but because you don't do it on a mile-by-mile basis you don't see it happening.

Mind you, I also used to do mathematics when broke and calculated booze costs in terms of ABV per unit size container and came to the conclusion that the best value booze in the world is Ice Dragon white cider. Ugh.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:48, 6 replies)

This guy saved a fortune on 'girlfreind expenses'. I think he may be on to something.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-15653074
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:48, 1 reply)

Smokers.
Assuming you don't want to give up, since that would save lots of money, then why not try growing your own tobacco. I had a look at the legality of this and prices and it looks like you ought to be able to save a faur bit growing your own. Shame I no longer smoke or I'd try it myself.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:43, 14 replies)

Operate a strict "shit at work" policy
Home arse roll consumption plummets.
Oh.
and buy your veg in the market. I was horrified to find the difference in price between Tesco and the market for fresh veg.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:21, 5 replies)

Dad had a system for saving money.
Back in the '70s Dad had a permit for the main toll road across NY state, the Thruway. The way it worked was that you got the first thirty miles free of charge, then a reduced rate to get off at the subsequent exits.

Dad's scheme? Drive about 25 miles, get off and get on again. Repeat as many times as possible.

This would have made more sense to me had he been saving more than $1.80 total.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:19, 1 reply)

Pay for small items with your debit card instead of using money
I recently found out that if you pay for small items(eg bread or milk)that cost lower than about £1.20 on your debit card, then every so often large corporations can forget to take the payment and after a week or so it will be reversed back into your account. Sometimes they will realise a few weeks down the line and so take the money out then but sometimes they won't. It's not stealing and it's not fraud.

I discovered this when I queried a small amount that had vanished from my account. Myself and the guy from the bank couldn't quite believe it when he looked into it for me and realised why. I believe he planned to buy a packet of Starbursts when he finished work. Happy days :-)
(pooster found out how long a piece of string was on, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:16, 11 replies)

Turn pants inside out.
Or just stop wearing them entirely.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 22:03, Reply)

A dead cat and a couple of bottles of paint is a good way of making cheap ermine.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 21:45, Reply)

Fitness fiends
Buy a push bike and cycle the equivalent distance that you'd drive to sit on a bike that doesn't actually go anywhere.

You'll be amazed by the monthly savings.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 21:38, 3 replies)

Caners
You know the seeds you sometimes find in your deals? Grow them.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 21:21, 2 replies)

Thomson Holidays / The Pixies
this post was going to read:

Thomson Holidays - need to save a few quid on an advert theme tune? why not rip off "where is my mind?" by The Pixies

but after a little googling, it is now going to read:

The Pixies - need to make a few quid? why not sell out to Thomson Holidays & let them use "where is my mind?" for a package holiday advert

Black Francis, you twat
(weaselinajetengine, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:47, 7 replies)

reap öst
I complain...

... a lot!

For money.

Or gift cards.

Or free shit.

Or (partial) refunds.

I am continuously on the lookout for problems, issues, discrepancies, difficulties, hitches and glitches which can be turned to my advantage. As long as they somehow link back to a large company or organisation with a hierarchical structure.

As soon after the problem has been experienced I will make a call to said company and set about climbing the customer service ladder made up of so many advisors, supervisors, TLs, assistant managers, managers, area managers, district managers, board members and owners.

Sometimes I will eventually get hold of somebody who either has enough clout to give me what I want in order to get me the fuck off their line or alternatively somebody who is paid more per hour than it would cost to give me what I want if you counted up the man hours it would cost hem to investigate.

Most of the time though I will have caught them with their pants down so even the frontline CS staff can start handing out the goodies simply by following company policy.

I dont need any of this stuff, I mainly do it for the sport. 

Some people will think I am an asshole. Some people will think my exploits are exploitative.

My friends call me the cunt-omer (instead of customer).

It is not theft, it is not fraud. It IS fun! 


EDIT: SINCE POSTING THIS I FIND I ACTUALLY DO NEED THE MONEY!
(OTT, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:37, 4 replies)

Car Security
My dad's old car broke so that none of the doors would lock. He also lived in quite a crap corner of the city. Weirdly, though, his radio never got stolen. When I was ten I asked him why he'd never spent out to replace the locks.

"Ah," he said, "Well, that's an old Skoda I'm driving, and around here they reckon that any bugger who's mental enough to drive around in one of those things isn't someone you want to piss off."
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:23, 2 replies)

My mum did this one when I was six and we (apparently) couldn't afford food:
1. Tell older/middle class family members that you would like their advice starting your garden off, and could they recommend the best kind of (any edible) seed? The neighbours suggested (crap kind)...

2. Receive lots of strongly worded replies about how "(crap kind) is awful, and try this kind, we grew it in our own garden."

3. Eat enclosed seeds.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:19, 2 replies)

Why spend upwards of £50 on a blow job from a herion addict hooker?
Simply go to your nearest Yates wine lodge, walkabout or other bar of dubious nature and buy a moderately attractive female a Bacardi Breezer. Usually you will save at least £45, have the same outcome and not risk being arrested for kerb-crawling.*

*Their is a good risk that in this type of establishment, the girl who has just swallowed your load is not viewed in the eyes of the law as being of age. This carries other penalties.
( Muns, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:14, 3 replies)

Learn the following recipe by heart.
Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups water (105-115 F)
1 tablespoon active dry yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
7 cups bread flour or 7 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon salt
1/4-1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened

Directions:
1
Pour 1/2 cup of the water into a bowl and mix with yeast and sugar til foamy.
2
Let sit for 5 minutes until creamy.
3
Put the yeast mixture, rest of the water and 3 1/2 cups of the flour into the mixer with the dough hook.
4
Mix slowly until blended then add the rest of the flour.
5
Increase speed and scrape down the sides til the dough comes together.
6
(If it doesn't add a tbsp of flour at a time til it does.) Add salt and mix at medium speed for 10 minutes (or do half in mixer and half kneading) til dough is smooth and elastic.
7
Back in mixer add butter 1 tbsp at a time (dough may come apart, but mixing will pull it back together).
8
Turn dough out on lightly floured surface and shape it into a ball then place in a large buttered or oiled bowl.
9
Turn dough so it is completely coated in the fat, then cover in plastic for 45 minutes to an hour, til it has doubled in size at room temperature.
10
Butter 2 loaf pans.
11
Deflate the dough, cut in half and turn out onto a lightly floured surface.
12
Roll out into a 9 x 12-inch rectangle.
13
With the short end facing you, fold the dough into thirds like a sheet of paper to go into an envelope, creating a roll.
14
Pinch the seam closed, and pinch the ends enough so it will fit in the loaf pan.
15
Drop in the loaf pan seam side down, and repeat.
16
Cover the loaves with buttered plastic wrap and allow to rise again in a warm place (80°F) for 45 minutes, until they double in size.
17
Preheat the oven to 375°F and put the rack in the center of the oven.
18
Bake for 35-45 minutes til they are honey brown.
19
Immediately turn out of pans onto a rack to cool.
20
Once almost completely cool, they can be cut.
21
Store in a brown paper bag for a day or two.
22
Once cut, turn cut side down onto a cutting board and cover with a kitchen towel.


Now that you know how to make basic white bread, you can make loads of things.

-roll out a wad of dough into a very thin disc, thicker around the edges. Coat with spaghetti sauce, toppings and cheese and put it in the oven.

-do the same as above, but roll it into a loaf.

-roll out two discs of dough. Take a 10" cast iron skillet, coat it with shortening, then line it with one disc of dough. Pour in a half cup of spaghetti sauce, toppings and a cup or more of cheese. Lay the other disc over the top and seal it to the edges of the first, then smear the top with spaghetti sauce and cover in cheese. Cook on top of the stove for ten minutes at medium heat while the oven heats to 350F. Put the skillet in for 40 minutes, or until it looks brown around the edges. Let it cool for a bit before trying to cut it.

-before adding all of the flour, add in a can of chopped black olives, a cup of parmesan and a bunch of rosemary. Continue as above, but before putting into the oven, put a layer of parmesan on the top of each loaf.

-before adding all of the flour, grate the peels off of two or three lemons and add it, along with a cup of currents and an extra cup of sugar. Continue as above, but before putting into the oven, put a layer of sugar on the top of each loaf.

Now that you can do these things, you have something to bring to any party. Much cheaper than buying something, and will impress the hell out of the people you're partying with.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:12, 4 replies)

Steal toilet paper from work

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:12, 3 replies)

Don't....
........just don't. That is all.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:10, Reply)

When feeding ducks in the park,
soak your bread in Rohypnol. That way you get a free dinner, and you can do what you like to it before you pluck it.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 10 Nov 2011, 20:01, 1 reply)

Steal booze from the pub.
It will give you more money for toilet roll.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 19:45, Reply)