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This is a question School Days

"The best years of our lives," somebody lied. Tell us the funniest thing that ever happened at school.

(, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 12:19)
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One Christmas at School
When the Teacher had given up on teaching us anything, she handed out bits of paper with the outline of a Snowman on each of them.

'Here, you can all spend the next hour decorating these,' she said.

I got out my yellow highlighter, drew around the outline of the snowman, and wrote in bold letters, 'Christmas in Chernobyl'.

It turns out that RE teachers don't have much of a sense of humour about such things, and my friends and I were kept in at lunchtime while being lectured on the horrors of nuclear meltdown.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:08, closed)
Now that is good!!! *click*
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:15, closed)
That's probably my first QOTW click
in years
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:48, closed)
That's because you post so much crap.
Or just spend your time trolling.

Ok... So I laughed a little at this story.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:50, closed)
I'm not trolling
you big queer.

Just because I don't spend hours prattling inane nonsense about my boring, pathetic little life, like you do, doesn't mean that I'm trolling.

You bell end.

EDIT and if I post so much crap, and troll, how come my Friends list has increased so much lately? -and how come so many more people have started posting on Off Topic? Go and stick your head up your arse, Kaol. You twatbadger.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:59, closed)
I think you mistook the tone of my post... Wasn't that the reason you got banned? I thought it was, anyhow!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:01, closed)
That was the reason given
but trolling is a matter of opinion.

I was banned because of one specific post that pissed off certain people. Nobody else cared.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:06, closed)
Of course it's a matter of opinion.
I'm frankly surprised that you just got all shitty at a light-hearted comment from me...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:09, closed)
Sorry Kaol
but you've always skated on thin ice with me. I've tried very hard to like you, but I can't.

Until you learn to post something that actually contains humour, or isn't about what you happen to be doing on that particular day, or that isn't a comic based entirely on your self-orientated persona, but with ridiculous powers, I really ought to put you back on ignore.

I mean seriously, it looks stylish, but making yourself the main character? -and does it actually have a plot? It doesn't seem like it.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:14, closed)
Now now
Nobody is going to ignore anybody else. I simply won't tolerate this kerfuffle.

I want you both to drop your weapons and shit in the other one's mouth.

There. Now you're even. Better?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:27, closed)
Much better, thanks cat

but I really can't stand him
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:30, closed)
For the word Kerfuffle. A wonderful description.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:18, closed)
So you've got a problem with me?
Won't be the first time someone has, and it certainly won't be the last.

I think you're right, you'd be best off putting me on ignore in that case.
Shame though, you're my biggest critic.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:31, closed)
I think most other people
are either too polite or too scared to tell you how shit you are.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:33, closed)
Or they just don't have a problem with me.
Stop moaning, click ignore, and put your toys back in your pram.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 10:34, closed)
I think that out of your 80+ friends
only about two or three would actually like you. I heard that you bored everybody's tits off at the secret bash.

Your comic gets less than ten replies, and half of those are from me.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:00, closed)
I don't know if it's the QOTW,
But this reminds me of something a primary school kid would say.
"You've not got any friends", "Nobody likes you". High fuckin' level insults. Nice work.
This is the internet. If you've got such a problem with me just stick me on ignore. That's what the damn button's for.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:09, closed)
But this is the most interesting thing that's happened all week.
In fact, it's probably the most interesting thing you've ever taken part in.

Keep fighting back, I'm enjoying it.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:13, closed)
I'm not here for your
God-damn amusement, you cunt.
As for "interesting", as if you'd know anything about that. Let's face it, you're a one-trick-pony. Jokes about sex. And that's it, isn't it? No depth, no content, just a shallow brown pool of fuck-jokes.
The best thing you ever did on here was getting banned.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:53, closed)
At last
a response worthy of a reply.

I don't just make sex jokes, I joke about celebrities with cancer, and Labia Majora's hair.
My QOTW stories are second to none*, I inspired a revolution and enticed several b3tans over to Off Topic.

What have you ever done that wasn't insufferably dull? I don't think I've ever read one of your posts all the way through.

*is lies
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 11:59, closed)
Your QOTW stories
Are a fuckin' pile of shit.
The all seem to revolve around the fictitious "Mrs Sexmonkey".
The chances of you actually finding a woman who wasn't repulsed by the fact that you look like a female Romanian gymnast, covered in glue, fitting on a barber-shop floor, are slim to none.

I'm sorely tempted to ignore-list you, but watching your pathetic attempts at insulting me is actually far more satisfying.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:06, closed)
even if Mrs Sexmonkey were imaginary, she'd still count as one more girlfriend than you'll ever have.

I've only mentioned her in a couple of my more popluar posts, unlike you, always going on about 'hahaha this person lost a finger', 'hahaha, this person lost a hand'

BO-RING. Nobody wants to read your crappy little stories anymore, go away and stab yourself in the willy, at least then it might feel something.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:11, closed)
This is fuckin' pointless.
Like talking to a retard.
Listen carefully, I don't give a shit that you don't like my posts, so instead of crying about it like a freshly-buggered choir-boy, just click the fuckin' ignore button.

I'm gonna do the same, as you've proved yourself a waste of my time.
This conversation is over.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:21, closed)
You're a big fat girly
child molesting gayer and nobody loves you
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:24, closed)

Good effort by the way. RE teachers love that kind of thing.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:34, closed)
fantastic. Jesus fighting a bear!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 9:49, closed)
Can I just say...
... how much I'm enjoying teh Sexmonkey and Kaol flinging poo at each other?

Top work!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:14, closed)
Me too!
some of the best quality insults I have heard for some time!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:19, closed)
Mostly from me though
his are shit.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:23, closed)
You're a sick voyeur, Enzyme.
That conversation is over now. He's a waste of my damn time.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:23, closed)
come on
it was just starting to get interesting

and personal too
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:24, closed)
someone ring Trisha...
so we can at least see the action!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:24, closed)
That's what
your mother said
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:24, closed)
I am
I admit it.

It's very entertaining from an outsider's point of view, though.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:25, closed)
You love it
you sexy beast
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:28, closed)
Entertaining was not the plan here.
It's just a pain in the arse having to deal with some jumped-up little cock-sucker who thinks that hiding behind a computer screen makes him a big man.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:31, closed)
As opposed to somebody
who endlessly brags about his knives and hurting people, but is actually just an arse-licking little scrote?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:33, closed)
Oh, for sure it wasn't.
But that's the effect.

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:38, closed)
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:34, closed)
I'm having the time of my life!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:43, closed)
Personally I think they're the same person
and this is shameless attempt to get onto the popular page. Amusing to watch, but it makes me feel like a dirty, big brother watcher.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:54, closed)
We're not
I'm skinny and hairy, he's fat and speccy.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:21, closed)
arguing on teh internets....

This is such a rarity!

Although I am enjoying the abuse that is being heaped on each person...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:34, closed)

EDIT and don't forget to click 'I Like This' so that our petty squabble is immortalised on the Best page.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:35, closed)
Fuck off,
This is one of your posts. It's gonna end up drowned in the sea of mediocre posts, like all of your other shit.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:40, closed)
This is the first question I've replied to in months, I used to be a regular on the Best page, 'til you ruined B3ta with your monotonous, rambling posts about your bland, insignificant life.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:42, closed)
I ruined b3ta?
Interesting... I get the feeling that you being a regular on the "Best Of" was directly tied in to how sorry people felt for you.

I get the feeling you'd be more at home using crayons and your own faecal matter than something as complex as a computer keyboard.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:45, closed)
As much as I enjoy using my crayons and faeces
I find that the keyboard is a far better instrument for baiting you with.

You mongicidal fucktard.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:47, closed)
Surely it's obvious, even to an insect like you, that "Mongicidal" isn't actually in insult.

If anything, it means "someone who kills mongs".
So, thank you for suggesting that I'd like to tidy up the gene-pool a little. It's a shame you've had a chance to pass yours on already though.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:50, closed)
This is exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about
Do you seriously think that it's ok to murder disabled people?

Of course you don't, you're just a fannyflap who couldn't tie his own shoelaces for toffee.

You still live at home, don't you Kaol? -and Mummy makes you dinner every night. You don't have anything going for you. You're a loser.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:52, closed)
Yeah, I live at home.
I don't have a problem with it, I'm young, and it's cheap.

If I got to your age and was, then I'd worry.
Although if I got to your age and was getting wound up by having an argument on the internet, I'd seriously consider finding the quickest way down from a tall building.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:58, closed)
Oh believe me
I'm not wound up in the slightest. I'm just enjoying myself. Exposing you as the whiney, pathetic little girl-child that you are has been the most fun I've had all week.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:05, closed)
this is getting
better and better

and dirtier and dirtier.

I like it
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:57, closed)
enough is enough.....
they should be sent to their rooms to think about what they have said and come out when they are ready to be civil to each other
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:59, closed)
He chose this.
I offered him a chance to back down earlier, but he'd already got the stick well and truly up his arse by that point.

I'm going for lunch now, so if this is closed when I get back, oh well.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 12:59, closed)
Have fun
I hope you don't choke or anything, remember to chew your food.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:05, closed)
to keep this QOTW open till later this afternoon anyone?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:03, closed)

This is better than Tyson Hollyfield...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:00, closed)
I'm already crunching away
This is awesome because if they're arguing about which of them is the lamest, it's going to be a really close-run thing.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:06, closed)
That's a bit rich coming from you isn't it?

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:20, closed)
ooh counter-fight
see I mention "the lamest" and he appears
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:31, closed)
Don't pick on my man, emvee
just because you haven't got a fraction of the talent, sex appeal, popularity or charisma that he has, there's no need to get bitter.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:25, closed)
well he started it
*sulks outside the headmaster's office*
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:28, closed)
Don't cry little emvee, I love you really
but al's great, don't pick on him.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:11, closed)

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:34, closed)
Now now!
Don't make me come over there and split you troublemakers up!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:40, closed)

*Slaps wrist
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:45, closed)
What's with all the fussin' and the fightin' ?
Lets put on some mood music, get naked and oiled, and fuck.

There's just too much tension round here.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:39, closed)
*Grabs the baby oil*
Ok, me first, but there's a lot to oil so to make it easy start with my cock
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:40, closed)
Sounds good to me
bagsy I'm the woman...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:42, closed)
I'll go first and then let someone else break you in...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:45, closed)
If I call you "mummy"
don't let it put you off...

... its just something I do.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:49, closed)
Not a problem in the slightest...
would you like a reacharound at the same time?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:52, closed)
that's what my mum always used to do, so that would be nice.

Thank you. Thank you very much...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:54, closed)
I aim to please!
and I'm usually pleased to aim too
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:01, closed)
room for a wee one?
Can i join in? i don't mind if you two are dudes. Just don't let our balls touch. that would be gay.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:07, closed)
round the front and one round the back?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:09, closed)
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:19, closed)
Thank you
and thank you for this thread - it's been keeping me from work all afternoon :)
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:26, closed)
I've brought the Hate thread to QOTW
I feel so proud.

My morning went by so quickly that I didn't even realise the time, this has been one of my favourite threads for a while.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:12, closed)
This needs to be archived as a lesson on how to create a never-ending spiral of insults to inflame and perpetuate a fight about, well, nothing in particular when you think about it!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:44, closed)
let's get everyone clicking on this, and have it on the "best of"
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 13:58, closed)
This is fucking typical.
Monkeysex gets his back up over nothing, and you lot dance around like a bunch of pathetic children.

Burt, I'd offer you a gentleman's way out, in the traditional schoolyard manner, but something tells me that you'll already be hanging around the gates at half three, in a dirty grey mac, rummaging franticly in your pockets whilst staring glassily at the stream of young boys issuing forth.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:01, closed)
Oh fuck off
if this is between you and Bert then fine but no need to have a pop at everyone else just because you're having a little spat on the internet
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:03, closed)
Your supposed to me servicing my every sexual whim, pal!

Get back to work.

Make love not war and all that bollocks...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:05, closed)
Arse biscuits!
I can multi task tho!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:06, closed)
This is what I mean
the bloke's a cock.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:05, closed)
I see you're not denying
The kiddy-fiddling allegations.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:10, closed)
Why would I?
It's consentual, and somebody has to teach them the ways of the force
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:12, closed)

he needs taking to hand, he seriously does
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:13, closed)
That''s what I'm here for
No need to thank me, I'm just doing my job.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:19, closed)
it's one hell of a public service Bert!

I see he's had to go for the kiddy fiddling thing again, didn't the courts clear you on that one?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:24, closed)
I was let off with a caution. The judge said they deserved it, and they were very pretty little boys after all.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:29, closed)
Well fuck you both.
Here I am, defending my honour from an unprovoked attack, and cunts like you are jumping on the Monkeysex-bandwaggon.

You're the cancer that's killing QOTW.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:26, closed)
I think you'll find that
You're the cancer that's killing QOTW.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:29, closed)
Defending your honour?
What the fuck are you on about?

Are we back in medieval times? Are you going to come after me with your collection of knives or something?

I'm not part of the cancer, you;re part of the stagnating of QOTW with your 'oh look, soemone got hurt' stories
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:29, closed)

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:30, closed)
Hi Five
for mutual retort!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:31, closed)
That's fucking rich, coming from you.
You're a nobody, jumping into the spotlight for a desperate attempt at making a name for yourself.

Fucking pathetic.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:35, closed)
Someone's getting all pissy now!

So what if I'm a no one on an internet board, that's not likely to keep me crying into my pillow at night.

Unlike you I have a life outside of this while you appear to be stuck on here at all times of the day and night, you seriously need to get a life.

Oh yeah, and knives are bad mmmkay?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:38, closed)
A life outside of this?
Judging by your stories (which, incidently read like a mongoloid is randomly poking your keyboard) you've got about the most boring "life" of anyone I've ever come across on here.

Anyway, I'll let you get back to your sucking up.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:49, closed)
Sucking up?
Whatever, I'm doing it because I think it must be rag week (year? life?) for you and you;re lashing out for no reason...

Admittedly my writing isn't up to the standard of quite a few other luminaries on these pages and not even yours but at least I sometimes try to vary my themes and what I write about but your are just some type of template where you try and shoehorn in a dull story into the current theme. I'd like to say that you do it well but you possess less talent than Callum Best on a bad day.

Face it, your sad and pathetic little rants and outbursts are gong down as well as Bernard Manning at the local GLB annual meeting
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:55, closed)
As much as your little
Popular-culture reference would normally raise a smile, you've proven yourself to be a cunt.

I think I've proven my point, anyway, which is what I'd set out to do.
Burt seems to have either slunk off, or put me on ignore.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:58, closed)
A nasty boy on the internet called me a cunt...

I'm hurt and disgusted, I'm going to cry to my mum (or yours)

So you've had to lower yourself to just insulting soemone, very fucking high brow.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:03, closed)
I'm just
enjoying a nice little scrap.

Don't get many of them round here, and I don't do /board
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:06, closed)
I've been away for a bit...

...and can't be arsed to read through all of this.

Could somebody please give me a blow-by-blow update?

or just a blow would be nice :)
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:24, closed)
Touch me, touch me
I wanna feel your body.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:26, closed)
Why the fuck
Should we pander to your laziness.
Read it or fuck off.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:27, closed)
Don't be horrible to Pooflake
the man has more writing ability in his left testicle than you have in your entire body.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:28, closed)
"writing ability"?
He churns out more retarded shite than Jordan's foetid womb.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:30, closed)
Unlike you
who has all the prowess of Jade Goody's prolapsed haemorrhoids.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:31, closed)
You leave Jade alone.
She's got cancer, so she should be treated with the respect that she deserves.
She's got a special place in Heaven reserved for her, next to Baby P and Diana.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:33, closed)
She'll soon be wif da angels!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:34, closed)
Ooh now...

We don't want to start on Lil' Ol' Pooflake do we?

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:40, closed)
I'll start on
Whoever the fuck I want.

But not you.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:41, closed)
I can give you a quick 'rundown'

KAOL is being a bigger twat than usual


that's about it really...
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:35, closed)
It's not an acronym.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:38, closed)
Although it should fucking be

Any other suggestions? I'm sure that at least 3 of those word have been used to describe you and the first is some creative spelling on my part
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:45, closed)
I never thought Kaol would be capable of taking this sort of thing so seriously.. not sure what to believe here. It's been entertaining for sure but I'm going offline for some fresh air.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:36, closed)
I feel like I missed something special here

some honesty on B3ta, what a breath of fresh air.

And Bert's right about OT, most of it is mind numbing shit, a sort of lonely geeks stream of conciousness shitted out onto the internet.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:52, closed)
OT is a terrible bore
the offenders know who they are.
My money is on Bert for this spat - more of this I say.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:57, closed)
It's become really cliquey, unintentionally I believe.


*hugs back*

*laughs at in joke*

*mentions a bash*

*starts protracted conversation about a tiny incident at a bash that no-one apart from the protagonists could give a flying fuck about*

Something about Tea.

etc etc........
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:06, closed)
This! ^
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:09, closed)
Quick question about the original story...
Did you spell 'Chernobyl' correctly at the time or was it a lovely, cute, irradiated 'Chernobble'?
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 14:55, closed)
I spelled it correctly
I was about 15.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:09, closed)
twenty paces etc
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:06, closed)
Before this QOTW closes, I might as well get this in here.

Yes, watching people argue on the internet is fun.
It's like a car-crash. Limbs and meat everywhere, and fascinating to watch.

You've all said it: "This kinda stuff doesn't happen around here enough."
No, it doesn't. T'would be a lot more interesting if there was more "lively debate".

P.S. You're all pretty gullible.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:10, closed)
Always with the insults with you, isn't it Kaol?

Fuck off back under your rock, stick your head firmly back up your arse and start singing Copa Cabana at the top of your lungs, we're all tired of your bullshit.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:14, closed)
Game's up Burt.
Plus I've gotta do some work now.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:15, closed)
Me too
Just as things were getting good, my boss started floating around.

That stupid bint had nothing to do, so she came to annoy me like a putrid smell.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:16, closed)
I think we've done what we set out to do.

If this makes Best Of I'll laugh my fuckin' arse off though.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:18, closed)
I've a terrible
sinking feeling that it might.

Those poor B3ta-cretins didn't even realise it was all just a cunning ruse.

Well, not really, I did mean everything I said.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:25, closed)
All the way through
I thought it was a cunning ruse, but was enjoying it all the same. Sadly I didn't catch sight of it all until it was too late.

Top form, fuckers!
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:26, closed)
Well, of course,
Me too.

I don't think it will.
But I'm not gonna get into an argument about it.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:27, closed)
Because you'll
lose again.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:32, closed)
*clicks ignore*

(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:33, closed)
*sticks his cock in Kaol's Dad*
*winks at his Mum*
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:34, closed)
Cheers guys
I enjoyed being a minor actor in this...

Plus killed some time the afternoon for me while I was looking for new jobs in works time! :)
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 15:18, closed)
I loved this
You're both brilliant at hurling insults.

Excellent stuff.

More of this please - far, far more entertaining that virtual cake.

*hands out cake*

*shoots self*
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 18:34, closed)
but especially me
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 18:35, closed)
I'm better.
(, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 20:39, closed)

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