OAP thievings
My Gran (RIP) died a few weeks ago, but was renowned for taking stuff like sachets of sauce, sugar, little cartons of milk, mustard, salt pepper and whatever else she saw as fair game whenever she went out for a meal anywhere.

Still sorting everything out, but maybe I'll be the lucky one to inherit as many condimemts as you could ever possibly want........
(brocky, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 21:35, 1 reply)

The Tesco's Scam
When the Self Service machines were first introduced in our local tesco me and some friends quickly realized a great opportunity to save money and feel dangerously cool.

In said tescos they also had a bakery section which was also self service, when combined with the self service checkout you had 4 bags bursting with various baked goods all coming to the price of one jam doughnut (14p).

Every little helps.
(ludwigvanbeefoven, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 21:05, 5 replies)

Another tale from the security guard
This one instead based in Asda, where some new thieves decided they wanted to gain themselves a few tv's free of charge with a pretty novel plan.

While most of the wee group headed over to the electrical department, one member was sent off on a wee mission elsewhere in the shop. To be exact he headed over to the clothing/furnishings area of the shop, where he proceeded to set fire to some of the products sitting there. In the ensuing chaos of a real fire, the rest of the guys then opened one of the back doors, backed up a van and loaded in a selection of the tv's on offer in the shop.

Luckily caught by an eagle eyed staff member sweeping the shop for remaining customers who hadn't quite figured the meaning of the fire alarm.
(442, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:54, Reply)

My father in law
Many years back I was in a famous DIY store buying bits to fit out my downstairs bathroom (sounds grand but was a converted coal shed).

Unbeknown to me my father-in-law stuffed a load of extras in the boxes I was buying and it wasn't until I'd left the buiding he confessed.

He got away with it but I still feel guilty
(ElGatodeBarco, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:52, Reply)

Stories passed on through the security guard at work...
Some thieves were caught in Sainsbury's, after getting away with stealing a 42" flatscreen tv almost every day for a week. How did they get the tvs out the door for so long before getting caught? Easy, they picked up a tv from the shelf, loaded it onto their trolley, and walked out to their van. One day even managing to get the help of one of the floor managers in shifting the tv. Everyone at the door just accepted the fact that they would obviously have paid over at the electrical department before walking out with the tv, and nobody ever bothered to check for a recipt until a run of missing tv's caused them to look into the matter a bit deeper...

I must say I do admire the balls of those guy's, only I don't admire the stupidity of doing the same thing too many times in a row, most people would assume a shop will start paying attention to where the tv's are going after multiple sets go missing over a short space of time.
(442, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:48, 2 replies)

fagin
my daughter, who is 2, stole me a £40 filofax the other day

i didn't take it back
(globalloon, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:22, 1 reply)

Shoplifting Solution
When I was still at school I used to work part-time in a shop which sold, amongst other things, sweets. Lots of schoolkids used to come in after school to buy sweets for the way home and as it was a 1 man job it could be hard to keep track of the thieving gypsies. Anyway, my boss noticed that we were down on a little on a certain type of lollipop and even though he reviewed the cctv footage we couldn't work out who was nicking them. Then he hit on a masterstroke. Just before the "school-rush" he put a note in the tub of lollipops which read "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!". We never found out who the kid was but I bet it put the fear of god into his/her young mind because the thieving stopped after that.
(ruud, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:21, Reply)

Glassware
You'd think coming off a council estate I'd be well versed in petty crime, and you'd be right. That said, I don't knowingly shoplift, and I'm one of those people who gets guilty when the shop alarms go off and I've paid for my goods like the upstanding citizen I am. However...

When I was studying in Manchester, I shared a flat with 3 geeks in a postgrad halls near Rusholme.

Being all geeky and studenty, we loved to go to the local pub and clear up on the pub quiz every Tuesday. It was good for two reasons - we'd always have a crate of beer for the week as our winnings, and we'd get to ogle the fit greek birds from the international halls across the road, despite having the social skills of a 13-y-o teenager and the looks of Herman Munster (only kidding ladies - I'm hot!).

Having said that, even though the place was right in the middle of student-ville, it wasn't cheap - £3 a pint, even for nasty Carling, expensive even now - so we had to work out some kind of cashback/discount scenario. We'd have gone elsewhere for our ales but it was bang across the road and the other pubs in the area were the kinds of places where the student kind would be put on a spit, cooked for 3 hours and then served up on the carvery on a Sunday.

Anyway, towards the end of my time in the halls, we discovered that the pub had bought in a whole new set of glasses for their new belgian beer range. It was here where our comeback for being fleeced beerwise was realised.

Now, I like my posh beers, and having matching glasses would be a lovely idea. Thankfully, my esteemed colleagues agreed.

With two of my geeky housemates being of a lanky, emaciated trenchcoat mafia persuasion, we had the perfect transportation for our lifted items, and using an excellent ploy of moving empties onto our table as we returned from the bog for cover, we were able to put our plan into action.

Within about a fortnight, we managed to accrue the following...

6 Hoegaarden glasses
8 Stella glasses
4 Grolsch glasses
6 Guiness glasses (one of the lads was Irish)
16 (!) pint pots
8 shot glasses
4 tumblers

and, my prize possession until returning home from my Manchester days (in the move it got smashed)...

1 Duvel glass.

In all, about 50 glasses, plus various fancy beer mats, the odd beer towel and my own personal favourite, a selection of Guiness hats swiped on St Patrick's Day... We had trouble keeping them on the pitiful shelving the halls management had the cheek to call 'storage'.

The pub clearly sussed after a while because they stopped serving beer in the lovely shiny new things, and returned to the scratched, boring pint pots.

Not satisfied with these events (and with an outlook to snatching more and selling them on) I pissed off the manager when I announced, quite loudly, that in Belgium if you don't have the glass to match the beer, you get the beer for free (for good reason too... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_glass), and that really it should be the case here... Cue the majority of the regulars on a wind up for a good few weeks, claiming the same thing, until the manager caved and got out the lovely new ones again.

So, not only we were thieves, we were bastards too. Yes, thieving bastards.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 20:10, 2 replies)

My Dad
If he can get away with it , he would do it.
He once worked for the council when he was 17 at the tip , he use to be in charge of the machine that weighs lead from builders wanting to dispose of it. They of course had to pay the council a fee for disposal. first day on the job a builder told him that he would pay him £100 pounds if he made the weight smaller saving the builder a load of cash and making my day a nice profit (it was the 60's 100 could by a car!) my dad ran this scam for a year making 3 grand! Which he bought a house with when he was a student.

He worked the next summer at the car park in oxford. He use to charge people double the money by tampering with the clock, he was paid the princely sum by the council of 6 pounds a day but he made about 40!
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 19:39, 2 replies)

When I worked for a bank
I use to be a Security systems developer at a bank. we use to have computer systems clearances but because there were no inventories we could take any "old" equipment away.
This year I have had to dispose of many of theses items by giving them away.

click I like this and I will put a list of stuff I have left up for free (you must collect)
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 19:32, 2 replies)

Shotlifting
Spelt correctly ^^.

It is common knowledge that your average checkout monkey in a supermarket is glued to the desk and has the intelligence quotient of a small, out of date kumquat.

Thusforth, there are certain ways to procure things illegally without raising their suspicion.

For this scam you will need the following:

1. A taste for good whisky.
2. Appropriately smart attire.
3. Cash.
4. An adequately stupid looking checkout monkey.

Firstly, select your whisky. Glenfiddich is your easiest target for this scam, although certain other brands do have their advantages which i shall list later.

I am partial to Glenfiddich 21yo Havana Reserve. I am not, however, partial to the price of said whisky. It is, to put it lightly, somewhat beyond the means of a student's income (£59.99 at last pricecheck).

Select your Glenfiddich 21 yo. Take bottle out. Reinsert into Glenfiddich 12yo box. Your payment price has just dropped approximately £40.

Next, select checkout monkey. Checkout monkey will take bottle out to check it is the right spirit and that the tag can come off. This is where smart attire comes in. You look the part, they'll play the subservient part.

Checkout monkey will remove tag, not bothering to notice actual age of said whisky in box.

Monkey will ask for payment. Cash to hand to your pocket and you leave.

You have just scammed yourself, like a bandito, some fantastic whisky for a knockoff price.

...


...


This also works for brands of particular ages such as Laphroaig Quarter Cask substituted for Laphroaig original etc. the labelling is nearly the same.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 19:30, 3 replies)

Another uni related one
As a student we stole quite a lot from the streets of Cambridge.

we were living n a flat just off mill road in Cambridge (mainly student area), and I worked in a local bike shop, so I could take tools home, we hatched a plan to steal road signs and cones etc.

we were finally caught by the police with 432 signs in our basement , I got a fine and a telling off.

A friend of mine who now is a Doctor stole a human heart from a lab (pickled in a jar) and kept it in his room! I think he must still have said heart!

I also worked with my flatmate in a certain music chain that use to be owned by a beardy bloke. Over christmas because the stock control computer system was broken company wide we mnged to steal.
4 ps2's
2 xbox's
about 100 games
3 mobiles
500ish in phone credit
1 ipod 20gb
1 ipod mini
40 odd dvds
books
games
toys
even a display case

the manger of our store was so bent aswell
he took more than us!
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 19:29, 4 replies)

Drunken, Unintentional Stealing
About 15 years ago myself and my friend Steve were in the pub on a Friday afternoon drinking session. We finished our last pint of bitter, left the pub and as soon as the fresh summer breeze hit us, it put us in a mild state of drunkenness.

On the way home, I decided to call into the newsagents for a computer mag. I was looking at the magazines whilst Steve was buying some chocolate and a soft drink. He left the shop and I followed him. About two hundred yards down the road, he looked at me and asked, "have you paid for that magazine?"

I looked down at the magazine under my arm and felt the feeling of horror slowly wash over me. I turned tail and legged it towards the newsagent, panicking. I ran through the doorway, straight up to the counter and almost fell over myself trying to apologise.

"I'm so sorry, I picked this magazine up and left with my mate without thinking, I'm so embarrassed!" "Forgive me but it's probably becauae I've been in the pub all afternoon!"

I paid the man who was by this time was laughing uncontrollably at breathless word slurring. I also bought a Mars Bar and some lemonade as a kind of apology and thanks for being good natured about it all.
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 19:04, 2 replies)

Drinks, glasses
Mate of mine used to work in a bar, and we had a good scam going. He'd make me particulary evil cocktails containing all sorts of whatever was on the shelf, I'd give him a fiver or tenner, he'd give me back the same amount in change and I'd tell him to keep a quid each time. I was getting at least £7/8 worth of spirits in each glass, he made a few quid over a weekend.

Worked well both ways. Except it worked a bit better for me- I used to keep the last glass at the end of the night- full of drink (usually electric blue in colour) and complete with all the straws and whatever other junk he'd lobbed in. So I'd hide it under my coat or waistcoat (hey, it was the early 90s), hold it by the stem through my pocket and walk out.

Picture the scene: 230/300am, pizza shop, everyone drinking coke or whatever, me with a full on cocktail to swill down my meat feast. Still got a couple of glasses collecting dust somewhere in the depths of the cupboard too!
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 18:11, Reply)

not really shoplifting.........
But I always wondered if you're holding something in your hand and a fire alarm goes off and thay make you leave the store does it really count as shoplifting?

hmmmmmmmm

Ill have to try it sometime* =^_^=

*Not really

Want to see? too bad!
(Leoninus "Never lick a fresh turd on a hot day.", Sat 12 Jan 2008, 17:09, 1 reply)

I've stolen
all your hearts.

And I'm not giving them back either.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 16:55, 1 reply)

im not sure if this is shoplifting
but this year, i went to florida with the family. It was getting to the end of the holiday and we started looking around the shops to find things to but, for ourselves and friends etc.
I seen in islands of adventure, in a shop there was " make your own bracelet" so i thought id make a few for my female friends.

i made two and it was a certain amount of dolleres for each thing you put on it.
one bracelet had one charm, the other two, and when i payed for them he charged both the same price.

so my brother the genuise he is, as we went back over to the charm bracelet thing, i asked him " how could we get one of the charms ?"
ans he replys with " i already got one, i put it in the bag ".
pure legend.
so yer, i guess its not shoplifting but...
(iamdean!x, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 16:42, 6 replies)

My Sister
Not me, my sister.

I'm working at the pub, doling out alcohol to the great unwashed, unemployed, and students.

Its coming towards the end of my shift, and I've got this uneasy feeling. Something isnt right. I go through the shift checks and ive done everything. The fryers are working fine, no problems with the gas for the beer. Everything is ok with the pub. Its the end of my shift, so I grab my bike and cycle the 20 + mins home.

finally I get home, and my mum is standing at the door. In tears. That uneasy feeling is now a wave, rather than a feeling.

After several attempts at trying to ask her whats wrong, she says your sister is up stairs. She was brought home in a police car.

right....

From Primark..

for stealing a top...

Worth £2.50.....

fuck sake. Primark! I mean, if you're going to take the risk of stealing a top THAT YOU CAN AFFORD, why not take the same risk in a more expensive store!?
(drain_bamaged, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:55, Reply)

How to shoplift
Stealing stuff is very simple, walk out of stores with complete confidence and don't be under 25.

I bought a bottle of whisky just before Christmas and didn't realize that the checkout person hadn't removed the anti-theft device from the bottle (it was inside a tube so I couldn't see it was still on). Over the course of the same afternoon I finished my Christmas shopping with the bottle and anti-theft device still in my bag, must have been in and out of twenty stores or so - I set off the alarms in every one of them but kept walking each time and didn't get stopped by anyone.

I looked like a complete pikey at my girlfriends family at Christmas though, offering people shots from a bottle with the thefty thing still attached - "I didn't nick it, honest."
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Not stealing, adding.
This game is best played with two or more participants in a busy supermarket - this game was invented by an old girlfriend of mine.

What you do is stalk round the aisles adding small and inexpensive items to trolleys and baskets - extra points if the trolley is being wheeled, or the basket is being carried at the same time.

On one memorable occasion I added a small triangular box of spices to a trolley (jaunty little backhand flick into the trolley as I passed the guy wheeling it)- by chance I later I ended up next but one in line at the checkout to the trolley owners, a middle aged couple.

The bloke was unloading the trolley and the woman was packing. He looked bemusedly at the spice package, shrugged then put it with the other stuff - his wife/gf picked it up after it had been scanned and asked him why he had bought this stupid thing.

He denied having bought it, a vicious screaming row ensued.

Feeling incredibly guilty and wanting to laugh like a baboon at the same time is quite an odd sensation.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:37, 3 replies)

I almost accidently stole something.
Its 6am and ive been up since 3am to take a 2 hour drive to the airport. Ive checked in and through security. I drifted into a store, and I get a packet of polos to rid a morning breath that would cut through bank vaults and a paper to read before my flight.

As I got to the check out to pay, I suddenly thought, umm im sure I got some polos?.. Where are they? A bit of soul searching later, and I discovered I had stuck them in my pocket!!!! I subconciously did it, and have no idea why!.. In the worst possible place as well! - an airport! Imagine missing an international long haul flight for such a stupid thing.

I pulled them out and paid for them. The check out girl didnt seem to notice. But I wonder if the security guard did?
(Miggyman, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:31, Reply)

when i was in college
i began shoplifting. first, beaded dresses for some drag queen friends. later, i traded tommy hilfiger and polo shirts with my dorm roommate's boyfriend for weed. i stole a day planner and some baby clothes to get my hair cornrowed by a co-worker. needless to say, i also accumulated personal effects like tampons and cute home decor. i stopped when i graduated because i knew it would be hard to get a job teaching school if i had a criminal record.
(paloozagirl, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Shoplifters.
I work as a stockroom monkey in my local branch of Next.

Over the last few days we've had about £400 worth of stock going missing. Kids clothes under a certain age are not allowed to be security tagged, for some reason, and some bugger has been coming in and stealing clothes.

Day 1: They take a whole size range (about 11 items) of a certain design of girls top.

Day 2: Next thing to go missing, is the whole size range of matching jackets.

Day 3: Whole size range of pants to go with the tops/jackets.

I'm not working now until Monday but I'm just wondering how much else is going to go!
(Xstopher, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 14:28, Reply)

I have never stolen from a shop
ergo I haven't shoplifted. Yet everytime I hear a theft alarm when I'm in a store I think it's me.

I must have stolen something accidentally, or put something in my pocket.

I pat myself down and check my pockets.

I slow my walking as if to show any security cams that I'm in no rush to escape.

Best of all, is when I'm some distance away from the store I get a massive rush and sense of 'phew, thank god for that!' - and it takes a few minutes for the feeling to subside.

Yet I've never stolen a thing.
(Heyzeus, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Brace Yo'self
My friend was one of the more nefarious types in my little gang of chums when I was at college.

He was a bit of clothes freak, and any opportunity to lift the latest wares would be taken with relish.

It was around this time that his little brother had a set of braces fitted on his teeth. On a family shopping trip to 'Meadowhell', our hero discovered that in some shops, the braces would cross the shop's sensors and set off the alarm for the shop security to collar the apparent thieving bastards.

My friend was not an A-grade student for nothing - and being very observant and logical, he realised that his freshly metalled-up sibling would be the perfect distraction for him to play out his favourite hobby.

It was simple, little bro would wait outside on look out, when the lift was made and the signal given, little bro would walk into the shop 'looking for his mum', set the sensor off, and older bro would walk straight through as the alarm wailed, without suspicion, whilst the alarm kept the shop staff occupied.

After a bit of testing and research into the susceptible shops, big bro was ready to execute his plan.

Despite having more gaps in the concept than the Sheffield Wednesday defence, the pair were amazingly successful and all of a sudden me and my college chums were adorned with plenty of the latest fashions - mostly jeans and t-shirts, but he managed to swipe the odd set of trainers and even a games console in his time.

To ensure little bro kept his gob shut, he always got 10% of the takings, which kept him in gobstoppers and Space Raiders for many, many months to come.

Apparently his mum and dad were happy for big bro to take little bro out on trips during the weekend, they took pride in the seeming improvement in brotherly relations and big bro's responsible attitude.

Now, you should never look a gift horse in the mouth as they say, and this was my chum's downfall.

After a six-month pillage of various department stores in the area, Sheffield's answer to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were caught in - of all places - Netto.

They'd executed the manoveure as usual, this time to swipe some sweets and pop. However, big bro had been seen by the burly security jobsworth and the doors didn't have any sensors to catch such thieving little so-and-sos - thus the cover was blown.

Apparently, little bro wet himself on the spot, big bro was in tears, and eventually found himself kicked out of college. All for a packet of skittles and a can of coke.

So, there a lesson there kids - it might be cheap, it might be nasty, but... NETTO KNOWS.

Still, the Levis were nice. Bit tight on the thigh, though.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 12:36, 6 replies)

Caught in the Acts
'A' Levels, little over a decade ago. Woke up behind the sofa. The last thing I remember was mixing JD with vodka, having run out of coke. As the mental haze lifted, I noticed a few trinkets and bibelots floating around the room. A decorated stick here, a gold (of colour, not the precious metal) plate there. A framed picture of a dozen white haired ladies touting both sweet and savoury preserves. A couple of candlesticks. Some dusty old books and a wooden box decorated with thick cord tassles. I'd broken into a Church.

Having re-read my post I now realise that this wasn't some humourous jolly but a proper criminal act. What next for QOTW, Your top 3 rapes?

God, if you're reading this (as many believe you do), I am very very sorry.
(lestergunn ...hot holes o' heat..., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 12:18, Reply)

The Gibbies
I have never knowingly stolen anything other than beer from a Greek bar that i ran and that wasn't technically stealing as it was paid for - the owners gave staff drinks at half price so every so often when a punter bought a drink it was put through the till twice - huzzah free beers all round for me and my staff. serves them right for charging equivalent of £2.80 in drachmas for a pint - when it was costing about seven pence a pint to buy.

Anyway, I digress. the Gibbies (its a nickname so i assume its ok) they were the epitomy of pikey without actually being so. they lived in my hometown back in the early 80s and had three sons - the eldest and hopefully not the brightest Gibby - carried out a theft so daring and audacious that Columbo would have been stumped - he smashed open the old fasshionned electricity meter in his OWN house and ran away with all the 50 pences to London (from a village in northumberland). His haul he announced upon return to school a couple of days later £18.50. Cue two hundred kids pissing themselves with laughter and Gibby becoming a local legend.

They also had a patch of stolen carpet and a telephone (not plugged in) at their front door for show.
(i anglepoise, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 8:48, 2 replies)

Traffic cones and more
Was on a night out with my mates and I was designated driver for the evening so we were having a journey around different pubs than we would normally go in.

Parked up in one car park next to a pub and one of my mates clocks a skip full of all highway signs, traffic cones and flashing lights. I think roadworks had just finished there, but no-one was around.

He decided that he wanted a flashing lights for his bedroom, when I had a brainwave. Why don't we steal a load of roadworks and go and block off another street.

We went in the pub and hatched our plan. Drank our drinks and made sure noone was around in the car park. I had an old Metro at the time and we packed as much stuff in there as we possibly could - cones, lights, barriers, signs instructing pedestrians to keep to the left - all sorts.

All piled in the car, we had a bit of a drive to find a suitable road. Found it in the shape of a cul-de-sac and after 2 drive-bys started action.

I stayed in the car, accelerator primed and ready to go while the other lads hopped out and literally blocked the entrance to the avenue with load of barriers. Men at work signs were strategically placed, signs telling pedestrians where to go, cones, flashing lights - everything needed to block of a road.

Job done, everyone dived back in the car and we disappeared into the night. When I say night, it was only around 9.00pm so we had to come back later on to survey our works and see if anything had been moved.

1.00am and we are back there again, cars all parked at the end of the avenue and not a single barrier moved out of place.

We went back the next night and it was still untouched, only being moved by the following night. The skip also disappeared at the same time from the pub car park.

Cheers
(brocky, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 8:18, Reply)

ladder
for years my sis had an unusually long wooden ladder leaning against the wall-well, along the floor, reaching from the front door all the way to the back door....it was an annoying bloody thing 'cause at some point you were bound to fall against it, catch yer shins kind of thing..when eventually she came to move, she suggested that I (of all folks) should cut it up and burn it...why me? ses I
cos it was you that stole it ses she.
I'd turned up one dark a.m. (drunken would seem to fit the bill) with the said extremely long ladder, had awoken the house, arranged the ladder and had then off the sodded, never to mention the ladder again.
it burned well-much like I will, in the flames of hell, according to mr. grimes my old primary school headteacher.
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 5:20, Reply)

not really shop lifting, but who feels the need to be accurate to the QOTW anyway?
When my parents were renovating our house (which they needed to do as the back verandah led to the bathroom and was so rotten that it would not hold the weight of an anorexic rat), they didn't have much money. At all.
Seriously, we did't even have beds, just matresses on the floor, but my parents were wise enough to see that owning their own place was more important than air flow inder the matress.....
back to the point-ish

They did a nice big fancy 3 room, 2 level double brick extension on the back of our house.

How did they afford this?

My dad worked at the brickworks and they were allowed to take the occasional brick that got a bit mucked up, like if the temperature was too high or they were left in the kiln too long.

So he and his mates made sure that all the bricks were rejects until dad had enough for his extension. And then they helped him take them all home.

Dad built the extension himself, so it all worked out pretty much free.

I know I'm not a master storyteller or anything, but I thought the story somewhat fitting, so please be kind.
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 12 Jan 2008, 2:17, 2 replies)