Newspaper? ha.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.


What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.


Whats black, white and red all over?

Interracial Sodomy...

Goodnight
(Pingoo likes cheese, Sun 5 Mar 2006, 14:47, Reply)

>>>
what has 90 balls and screws old women

BINGO
(??no-idea??, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 17:59, Reply)

sick joke
The Queen visits a hospital and goes through a ward, she sees a man wanking and says "whats wrong with him?" Doc says "he has to much sperm and has to do that 5 times a day. Then she sees a nurse giving a man a blow job and asks "whats wrong with him?" Doc says "same thing, but he's with BUPA."
(celtbabe, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 16:24, Reply)

sick jokes
The police officer who shot the Brazilian on the tube has been kicked off the pub pool team. Anyone who takes 8 shots to drop the black, doesn't deserve to play!
(celtbabe, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Sick Joke
Old man pulls up beside this wee boy playing in the street. Leaning out his window he asks the youngster 'Hey wee man, if I give you a fiver, will you come in my car?' Wee boy replies "A fiver! For a fiver I'll come in your mouth!'

Boom Boom
(Tommy69, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 13:05, Reply)

wholly inappropriate
Me and two of my mates were in a taxi last night on the way to the Bulls Head. One of my friends' mother has been diagnosed with cancer and he was telling us that she was at the stage of losing all of her hair. My mate Si, out of nowhere, like a coiled cobra, then piped up "Did they have to shave her bush an' all?"
The tension was magnificent.
([email protected] Bollockchop, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 11:43, Reply)

old, but funny
What do you call a Greek necropheliac?
Nick Fuckacarcass
(jayj101, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 21:15, Reply)

Very topical
What was Jack Wild's chat up line when he met his wife?
Could I have a little tongue please
([email protected] Bollockchop, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Birds
The mating call of a Robin:
Tweet tweet chirrup.

The mating call of an Owl:
A twit to woo A twit to woo

The mating call of a Blackbird:
Ohh, stick it up my ass Leroy!
( Traducer, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 14:37, Reply)

Heard the one about
Have you heard the one about the hooker whose favourite hobby was joinery? Eventually she had to give up both job & hobby as she couldn't stand the smell of wood.
eethankyew
( petuniadb, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 9:42, Reply)

oooooh not that sick but funny
two old ladies are having a cigarette outside the old folks home and it starts to rain
one of them suddenly pulls a condom out of her handbag, unravels it and puts it over the cig so it doesnt get wet
"ooh whats that betty" the other asks
"its caled a condom, they sell them at the chemists dear" she answers
so the other goes to thge chemists and, when asked for a condom by such an elderly lady and seeing an opportunity for mirth the young oiik behind the counter smirks and asks
"so what would you like, a ribbed one, a french tickler, flavoured? etc....
"oh i dont mind dear as long as it fits a camel!"
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 22:26, Reply)

What do bored, eight-hundred pound hamsters do for fun?
Stuff gay guys up their bums! *rimshot*
(FightingComet got Boost Power on, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 22:14, Reply)

grim
what did one lesbo vampire say to the other?

see ya next month...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 15:02, Reply)

Can't remember if I already posted this but...
What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for christmas?


Cancer.
(Ed Can Do, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 13:54, Reply)

A little old lady goes into a sex shop
walks up to the counter and says to the assistant,

"Young maaaan, have you got a viiiibraaaatoor?"

He's a bit taken aback and not sure if her heard her correctly because of her shaky voice, but he picks out a modest-sized model and places it on the counter.

"Nooooo, nooooo, bigger than thaaat"

So he brings her the next size up.

"Noooooo, noooo, bigger than thaaaat"

This happens a few times until finally he places the biggest vibrator in the entire shop on the counter. It's eighteen inches long with a girth that would make even Jenna Jameson's eyes water.

"Yeeeees, yeeeees, thaaaat's the one. Hoooow do you tuuuurn it off?"
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 13:49, Reply)

oooh
Q: whats the best thing about fukking twentyeight year olds??
A: theres twenty of them!
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 13:45, Reply)

Camel wankers
Why do we call camels the ships of the desert??

Because there full of arab seamen!
(Mohammed, Thu 2 Mar 2006, 10:12, Reply)

Probably been done, but:
A bloke walks into a talent agents. he stands in front of the agent, and says;
Have i got an act for you! They're a family, husband and wife, boy and a girl, and the dog. what happens is....
/edit. hmm. not sure if i can continue... will consult the /talk board and return....
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Wed 1 Mar 2006, 20:33, Reply)

Whats Worse
What is worse than apeloverage being all big and clever?

apeloverage being big and clever without reading the PASS NOTES on the blurb to the question.

Now YOU APELOVERAGE look like a royal twat
(dani_B Bollocks, Wed 1 Mar 2006, 18:31, Reply)

eeeewww!
Whats nastier than fucking your granny up the ass?

licking the sweat off her back as you do it.
( Lilith, Wed 1 Mar 2006, 10:00, Reply)

hi-LAR-ious

A paedophile and a small child are walking in the woods, and the child says

"fucking hell, I wish people would do a search before they put the same joke up for the 10th time".
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 1 Mar 2006, 8:55, Reply)

Less sick joke, more horrific form of ASBOs
An aquaintance of mine once told me of an idea posed to him by a friend of his.

It goes a little like this:

You take all the peadophiles, give them a uniform and a van with a video camera in the back.

Essentially what these so-called 'Rape-vans'do is cruise areas which have problems with anti-social youths, and, well, the paedophiles rape the ring-leaders.

This experience will shock them into life on the straight and narrow, or, if they re-offend, you simply post pictures of whatever happened in the back of those god-forsaken vans around their area for all their delinquent chums to see.

Needless to say me and my friends found this hilarious.

Needless to say when we explained the principles of the 'Rape-vans' to others they were not as impressed.


I'd like to see someone illustrate THAT for the book
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Wed 1 Mar 2006, 0:02, Reply)

Two sausages
Two sausages are in a frying pan.

One says to the other: 'Jeez, it's hot in here'

The other one says: 'Bloody hell, a talking sausage!'
(Mr_Jums, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 23:32, Reply)

A lion, A bear and A chicken
All having a competiotion to see who is the hardest animal in the world. The bear says "when I roar the whole forest shakes". The lion says "Thats nothing, when I growl the whole jungle shudders", the chicken says "You pussies, when I cough, the whole fucking world trembles"
(Wook13 Been away but is now ducking a fuck on, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 23:03, Reply)

What do you throw to a drowning Paki?
His wife and kids!
(Leather Apron Bang Bang It's Thomas Hamilton, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 20:23, Reply)

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
A seizure salad.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 12:17, Reply)

Whats the worst that could Happen?
Why does Dr.Pepper come in a bottle?



Because his wife is dead.
(JohnPaulCassanova, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 12:15, Reply)

I made this one up I did - whether I should be proud of that I'm not so sure
They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

The exception to the rule... is muscular dystrophy!
(BIV was recently envatted., Tue 28 Feb 2006, 10:18, Reply)

Sick and wonderfully tasteless
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?



So you can look it in the eye while you're wanking.
( SuperMatt, Tue 28 Feb 2006, 8:10, Reply)

Slapshot
What do you call a black man with terminal cancer?

Out of his misery
([email protected] Bollockchop, Mon 27 Feb 2006, 16:21, Reply)