Lennon?
All we are saaaaaying
Is bees come from France
(danshome, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 20:07, Reply)

big finger
= racist.
(oldflashy, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 19:56, Reply)

u2 - vertigo
i found a place called birmingham...
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 19:52, Reply)

torchers/chainsaws
In the choir at high school, instead of:

Torches, torches, run with torches
All the way to Bethlehem
Christ is born and now lies sleeping
Come and sing your song to him
Ah, ro-ro, ro-ro my baby
Ah, ro-ro, my love, ro-ro
Sleep you well, my heart’s own darling
While we sing you, our ro-ro

We’ve made up:

Chainsaws, chainsaws, run with chainsaws
All the way to Ian Huntley’s cell
Inject him with Aids with an unsterilized needle
Leave him to die in a cold dark bed
Chop his balls off, run away
Leave him to bleed without anaesthesia
Nobody cares for the cold-hearted murderer
Let him go and he’ll run furtherer and furtherer

Not bad for a pair of twelve year olds!
(The Disillusioned Starburst, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 19:48, Reply)

N*E*R*D-Rocakstar
I know the right words I just prefer my version:

You can't be me,
I'm a rap star,
I'm standing on the top of my Ford Ka.

I will be a rap star. You wait...
(something_smitty, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 18:55, Reply)

Wham
Last Chrismtas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day
You took my kidney
(Bertie, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 18:54, Reply)

R.E.M
You're all wrong, because R.E.M are actually singing about phoning up an old Doctor Who.

"Calling Tom Baker up, calling Tom Baker up".

First post.
wahoo.
(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 18:16, Reply)

Adam Ant...
Misheard the lyrics to 'Strip' this very instant.

"If I shit on you, will you shit on me?"

So wrong...

(first post. hello!)
(yourfairyking, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:57, Reply)

Happy jingles
Remember that Perfect Pizza jingle that used to be on the radio every 5 minutes?

Here's the words we used to sing:

Perfect Pizza's the one
To give you the runs
Flows from your bum like a river
Perfect Pizza.

Then there was the Trebor mint ad that went "Trebor mints last a little bit longer". My little sis used to go nuts every time it came on TV. She'd run round the house singing "Stick 'em up your bum and they last a bit longer" until one of the family caught her and slapped some sense into her.
(scratchypants, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:52, Reply)

Pretty tame
When I was about 13 a song was going round school about the Teletubbies: to the tune of the dumb song Barney the Dinosaur sings at the end of every episode:

I love Po
Po loves me
Let's go round and kill Dipsy
With a great big gun
And a bullet in his head
Sorry LaLa Dipsy's dead.

Not so funny when you sing it to your three-year-old cousin who is a Teletubbies obsessive and he bursts out crying.

First post, woo
( Maladicta, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:45, Reply)

I've always heard
(and still do hear) AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" as having the line:

"Hail Satan, paid my Jews, playin' in a rockin' band."

Shakespeare would be most pleased.
( benryves Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:42, Reply)

he's got the whole world in his
pants

all the other kids were mortified at my daring when i sang that in school

they didn't grass me up though - shitbags

( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:41, Reply)

also sixpence none the richer
a guy at school used to sing

"kiss me, underneath my chocolate starfish"
( eponymous Oh!, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:17, Reply)

Metallica-Master Of Puppets, but what about
Bastard Of Biscuits, it goes a little something like this. Only works if you know the song i guess.

End of biscuit tin
Crumbs are left within
Fill it up with jammy dodgers
They go well with tea, better with coffee
Offer them to all the others
Taste them you will see
More is all you need
Dedicated to, how there filling you.

Always made me laugh.
(wyliehorn, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 17:15, Reply)

My mother
has produced a few classics of these. Back in the day when Gangsta's paradise (Coolio) first came out, she was entirely convinced that it was Nipple Testers Paradise.

If you listen carefully, you can just about hear it, but to be honest I reckon its time to ship the daft old bat out to a home
(N00bT00b, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:54, Reply)

Sixpence None the Richer - Kiss Me
"... Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling..."

All I hear is...

"Strike up the band that makes my fart light in the silver moon sparky, so kiss me"

I'd rather not love.
(jonnybignose, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:46, Reply)

Avril Lavine
I am pretty positive she sings....

Promise me promise me - I'm never going to find your bacon.
( Spackweasel - because weasels get Downs Syndrome too, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:44, Reply)

We all like that cnut from blur...
we don't know the words
haven't got a clue
what the c*nt says...

(sung to "cuntry house"...of course)
(Tescos Toby, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:41, Reply)

Ah, then the fuel classic
blee-blah-blee-blin in my arse in my ass again
blee-blah-blee-blin in my arse again
( J-Rod chortled as he came, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:13, Reply)

blinded by the light
revved up like a douche into the roller of the night
( J-Rod chortled as he came, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:12, Reply)

dislexic musicals
My gran (bless her heart) gets lonely and often bursts into song when things are a bit quiet and she feels like a chat. On of the problems is that she is tone deaf and can't carry a tune in a bucket. One of the other problems is that she can never remember the words to songs. Musicals are her favourite source of inspriation and my favourite is always

"Oklahoma, O K L M N O P Q"

I should also add that my Mum sang this song with her for several weeks before realising why my dad and I were crying with laughter.

My Gran is also a big fan of

"Shitty bitty gang bang"

Apparently, she heard some of the kids on her street singing it. I like to think that she's just too senile to realise what she's saying.

My crazy family is often the first reason I give when people ask why I moved to a different country at the tender age of 18.
(ellen smellen, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:10, Reply)

I still can't hear The Smiths'
last album without singing the words 'Hair brushed and parted...typical me, typical me, typical me....I farted something.. and now I'm not too sure

so juvenile. snigger.
(bloodydoorsoff, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 16:06, Reply)

I like this
hippy music teacher at school in the 70s made us sing 'seasons in the sun' and we came up with:
we had joy
we had fun
we flicked bogies at the sun
but the sun got too hot
and the bogies turned to snot
(mizretailer, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:54, Reply)

When Smokey Sings...
I feel violence.

Apparently.
(Chumphry, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:42, Reply)

Moby...
Why does my Fart, smell so bad?
Why does my hole, squeal so bad?
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:39, Reply)

Peter Gabriel
In your thighs
The light the heat,
(Your thighs)
I am complete,
(Your thighs)
I see the doorway,
(Your thighs)
to a thousand churches,

Great fun with a group singing call and response style, plus the ad-lib chanting near the end.
(phantom_lychee, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:34, Reply)

Who built the ark?
No one, no one.
Who built the ark?
No one built the ark.

was the words I sang to this school hymn. I thought they were the words, and now I realise they probably should be.....
(The TPOL, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:08, Reply)

favourites from the church hymnal
My brother used to enjoy singing "I am the Lord of the Dancing Bee"
( smutch, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 15:02, Reply)

The Jam Eton Rifles
Eat some trifle
Eat some trifle

Sorry
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Tue 1 Feb 2005, 14:54, Reply)

ABBA's Sooper Trooper
My cousin was convinced the end of the chorus wasn't "somewhere in the dark there's you" but "somewhere in the downstairs loo".

Which basically makes her a c**t, doesn't it?
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Tue 1 Feb 2005, 14:51, Reply)