My 1st post : )
SOUL CENTRAL feat KATHY BROWN - Strings Of Life (Stronger On My Own).

Couldn't for the life of me work out what the words to this were, had to look it up. It's actually meant to be:

'No more that i can take
don't need to serve this dish you made,
'Cause I'm stronger on my own,
I'm stronger on my own,'

Only in my head in the 2nd line she says
'don't need the circumcision man'!

Cracks me up every time : )
(GlitterGrl, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 22:37, Reply)

FF
another linchpin one, again from the beginning
CAN'T TEAR ME APAAAAAARRT!
also prettily easily becomes
GOD GIMME A PIIIIIEE!
especially if u spent 7 months of ur pathetic life thinking thats wot the words r, failing to realise the stupidity of it
(I R Tomsk pyromaniacs will only inflame the situation, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 21:55, Reply)

To the tune of Angels, by Robbie Williams
And through it all, it offers me protection
From a lot of runtime exceptions,
Whether that's right or wrong
And with your function calls, you can overload them
When you come to code them,
To get the internet - just use your modem.....

Worryingly popular song from Uni
(Eli-T, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 21:41, Reply)

Britney
Ok, Listen to the lyrics of toxic and i swear it says:
The taste of your poisoned paradise,
your toxic cum, slipping under!!
It does say it..IT DOES!
( cooler_king That's no moon!, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 21:26, Reply)

James
To the tune of James' Sit Down:
I wish the lyrics had been.....

"Oh Shut up, oh shut up, oh shut up,
shut up you greeting faced twat"

nothing personel, SirPsycho.
(OMG I bet he takes offence and hunts me down..)
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 20:10, Reply)

At college there used to be a dog ugly girl called Liz Miller
who on drunken nights in the bar would get serenaded with a novel take on "Bohemian Rhapsody"-

LIZ MILLER- NO!

We will not have a go

HAVE A GO!

We will not have a go

Funny? Yes. But not as funny as when she tried to top herself. . .
(le renard, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 19:29, Reply)

Every week I get sent to Hull
as I work there in a club. To this day I sing 'Level Crossing' to Maddonna's 'Like a Prayer'. Well that's what I always thought she said.

'Let the Choir Sing'... What choir?!
(Toby Anstis, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 19:16, Reply)

We have a friend called James West at school..
Go west!
to the drinks machine
Go west!
with 50p
Go west!
And get a coke for me
Go west!
to the drinks machine etc.
(od, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 19:10, Reply)

ACDC
"It's a long way to the shop to get a sausage roll."
(Maclir, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 18:55, Reply)

Frosty
Frosty the Snowman
Had no internal organs at all:
No heart, no liver,
No kidnies, no spleen,
Not even a set of snowballs.
(ring-finger is also a verb, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 18:33, Reply)

from
Tome Petty and the Bookmakers..


Well she was a librarian girl
Raised on catalogues
She couldn't help reading that there
Was a little more to books
Somewhere else
After all it was a great big world
With lots of places to read in
Yeah, and if she had to die
Tryin' she had one little library card
She was gonna keep

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy baby
She could read all night
She was a librarian girl

It was kind of cold that night
She stood alone 'mongst the reference shelves
She could hear the pages turn
Over in 441 (French writing system & phonology)
Like waves crashin' in the beach
And for one desperate moment there
It crept back in her memory
God, there's that periodical
Something that's overdue
So still too far out of reach

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy baby
She could read all night
She was a librarian girl
(haberman is singing in the changes, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 17:38, Reply)

A Finger Of Fudge
Huzzah for old adverts!

A kick up the arse
is just enough
to give your kids a treat.
A kick up the arse
is just enough
when they begin the bleat.
It's full of kinetic energy
that rapidly turns to heat.
A kick up the arse
is just enough
to give your kids a treat.
(Yousanem, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 17:22, Reply)

Another Neighbours one
and it can fit any occasion when you realise the party you're at has descended into chaos:

Mashups
Everybody is a Mashup
With lots of different drugs
You can find you're very mashed
That's when the Mashups
Become quite mashed.

The trick with it is to change the the 3rd, 4th and 6th lines...always remembering to use the "very" prefix in the fourth line, and repeat the thing in the 6th using quite instead. Unending fun.

Par example...

Mashups
Everybody is a Mashup
When they're puking in the bushes
You can see they're very sick
That's when the Mashups
Become quite sick.
(the joe factory what makes joes, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 17:17, Reply)

Baby Spice
Emma Bunton "what took you so long"

"what took you so long, I'll suck you all night" You hear that too, don't you?
(Winklepicker, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Rambo, The musical!
well actually just a song made by the SnackFoam team one boozy night, but we can always dream i suppose.

Rambo number 5

And here's a few lyrics to go with it:

Ladies and gentlemen
This is Rambo number 5


One, two, three, four, five
Everyone in Vietnam, so come on let's fight
Shoot the guys/gooks around the corner
The script says I use a gun
But I really don't wanna
First blood like I had last week
I'm a washed up hunk and roids made me weak
I did,Rocky, Rambo, Tango and dredd
And by the end of this all these guys gonn' be dead
So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord
To me killing is just like a sport
Everyone'll die, they're all gook you dumb shit
Please send in the chopper


a little bit of gook-war in my life
a little bow and arrow by my side
a little bit of napalm's all I need
a little bit of first blood's what I see
a little murder in the sun
a little bit of CHARLIE all night long
Helllooo China here I am!
a little bit of war makes me a man
(theunluckydip, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:55, Reply)

to the scousers at the match:::
Feed the scousers
Let them know its christmas time
(just_steve, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:52, Reply)

singing the words wrong
Total smell of the Fart - Bonny Tyler
(I wrote an alternative top 10 as a kid in the front of a famous five book, that was my number one, I was 6, I wish I still had that book)


and

Cucumber, me lord, cucumber
Oh Lord cucumber.
( Sam, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:42, Reply)

To the tune of the band aid song chorus -
Kill the africans,
They should die cos they've got aids.


ps racism is wrong in every way.
(superficialfilter, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:41, Reply)

In the vein of making up silly lyrics to songs
Elkie Brooks – Pearl’s a Singer
# Pearl’s a singer, she stands up, when she pees, in the toilet,
in a nightclub#

Charles and Eddie – Would I lie to You
# Look between my thighs, can’t you see they’re open wide, would I lie to you baby?#

Culture Club – Do you really want to hurt me

#Do you really want herpes?
Do you really want scabs and boils?
Fungus growing on your foreskin?#
Er.. that’s it.
(MBH, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:17, Reply)

Heres a little advert ditty i mangled earlier.....
You can't get shitter,
than a Kwik-Fit fitter,
were a bunch of (cranberries)

I thank yaw very much
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:04, Reply)

Message in a Bottle
Instead of "a year has passed since I wrote my note", a friend of mine used to sing "a year has passed since I broke my nose"
(lambshank, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 16:03, Reply)

Robert Miles - Fable
Rather than "Tell me a fable", I always used to hear "Sell me a table".

Whenever I hear it on the radio I can't stop myself from singing along.
(Kittykat, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 14:45, Reply)

Rugby slapper
There's a girl at my mate's rugby club who has been systematically shagging her way through the team. Once the lads found out she wasn't exactly being exclusive in her affections, the next time she was in the bar, they put the Beautiful South on the jukebox and promptly sang to her:

"You know your problem
you've got a vast quim
you know your problem
you've had us all in"

They didn't make up any other lyrics. They didn't need to. She scarpered and hasn't been back since. Rumour has it she's hanging round the fire station now.
( Sausagegirl, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 14:39, Reply)

Evil brainwashing primary school
I went to what I always thought was a perfectly normal school, until I looked back on it and realised they were constantly trying to ram Christianity down our necks. (maybe this is why I'm so resentful of religion. hm)

Anyway, instead of the usual "casually we bow to him" (or however that hymn goes) we had "funky" god-songs, ripe with the fruit of mishearing and making up our own. Cue:

"Sing a-sandwich
sing a-sandwich
Sing a-sandwich to the king of things
sing a-sandwich
sing a-sandwich
sing a-sandwich to our thing"
(best done with the dim kid saying the extra 'of kings' at the end)

and the ever funky lord's prayer (you all know the tune..)

Our farter
Who farts in heaven
Alled by thy name
Thy king has cum
Thy will be bummed
On earth right up to heaven" etc.

There are a million more, but already apopologgies for length
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 14:39, Reply)

I'm sure this has been done before
but I can't be arsed to check all the way through.

To the tune of the Neighbours

Neighbours,
pick your nose and taste the flavours,
add a little bit of brandy,
to make it taste like sugar candy.

The perfect end to an afternoon of violence as an 8 year old.
(spatchcock, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 14:29, Reply)

heavily cumbrian
and charting the death of real industry

to yellow submarine tune

In the town where I was born
lived a man who went to work
and he told me of his days
making shoes for clarks and kays

now hes building nuclear submarines
nuclear submarines
nuclear submarines
( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 13:52, Reply)

Seeing some recent entries reminded me of these.
Guy in our office would sing alternative versions thus:-

Toploader - "Dancing in the Moonlight", became "Dancing in Your Mum's Tights".

Atomic Kitten - "You Can Make Me Whole Again" became "I Can Fill Your Hole Again"

Nelly Furtado "I'm Like Bird (Wanna Fly Away) became "I'm Like A Turd (I Won't Flush Away)".
(fluffbucket, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 13:51, Reply)

and the award for gayest jungle goes to...
ajilon! I discovered this while working at a rival company - we of course listened to it every morning to get us 'in the mood'... it is truly hideous.

www.ajilon.ch/song.html
(chesty, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 13:19, Reply)

greasy poo...
When I was 10 my friends and i spent a whole summer watching Grease at least 5 times a day, and we used to sing a really inspired version of 'hopelessly devoted to you' entitled, you guessed it, 'hopelessly devoted to... poo'.

used to have us rolling around on the floor in stitches, wish i was that easily amused now...

And of course my mum's favourite anecdote - I came home from sunday school and in my little angel's voice sang her my newly learned song: 'the belgian mary had a baby boy'
(chesty, Wed 2 Feb 2005, 13:07, Reply)