I got drunk...
and woke up in the Penguin enclosure in London Zoo.

I can only assume I slept there for a portion of time...next summer, I won't wander through Regent's Park after a bottle of Sainsbury's vodka. Demon drink.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 15:12, Reply)

I have slept...
- In a garden
- In the back of a Peugeot 205, in winter, with the window open
- In a freezing cold 'dome' in a hippy commune in Scotland in the middle of winter when I already had a cold
- In a physics class, in college, while stoned
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 14:58, Reply)

fork in ear
went to a girls only sleepover at a mates house and 1st rule is always- sleep with one eye open!

mate fell asleep -

we put a fork in her ear (blunt side)
made her new eyebrows with toothpaste
hid all her stuff
plus lots of other things too..but then...

we fall asleep, only to wake up at 3am to the sound of water running!

i look in the corner of the room and there is mates boyfriend home from his lads night out, absolutly w**kered, peeing up the wall in the corner of the sitting room where we were all sleeping!

we all shout "erghh gross, what the hell are you doing?"

boyfriend says 'peeing!' and goes up stairs.

poor bloke was so embarrased he legged it straight out of the house the next morning before we could say anything!

so strangest place i ever slept - in a room where man pees in corner!
(chixor, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 14:33, Reply)

not that strange really
I was out with some people from work and as I was leaving that shitty job to go back to college I got completely and utterly wankered. Anyway the last thing I remember is being manhandled onto the top of a bus shelter. The next thing I know is I'm waking up on the bus, upstairs with my bus fare still in my hand (it was in the days of bus conductors - so a long time ago in Sheffield) not that odd but the bus cunts had left me on the bus and it was parked up in the big bus garage with all the lights off. Twats. When I got home it was still only 9.30pm!
(dogspoo, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 14:29, Reply)

I do wonder how these "so-and-so woke up in another country" ones work
Surely they don't let you on a plane if you're that wankered. And airports are complicated enough when sober.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 14:09, Reply)

Scarborough
My (now ex) boyfriend, his two pillhead mates and squeaky clean me went to Scarborough about 5 years ago to 'enjoy' New Year's Eve on the beach.

We were actually aiming for Blackpool, but at 8pm in Leeds station when there are no other trains, any coast will do, as Jason Donovan doesn't sing.

12.00 came and fireworks were enjoyed. We had a very dirty kebab just off the seafront. Then we went to bed.

In the middle of the sodding beach. In our drunken/drugged minds we didn't twig that the tide just might come in (feet practically in the water as it was).

I have never been so cold, so miserable, so wet or wished I was home so much - which was Bradford, so you understand how bad I felt.

We ended up putting a shit hotel on credit cards and having to leg it in the morning cos the pillhead mates had stolen all the china. Twats.
(Northern Lovely, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 14:07, Reply)

Xmas eve 2004 on a slide in a kiddies playground
On the way back from the Pub 2am-ish, I sat down for a wee rest and next thing I know its 7 am Xmas day morning, one of my shoes has vanished and Ive wet myself. I dont know what was worse -the mile long walk home with only one shoe on in pissy trousers or the bollocking I got off the little lady when I got in.
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 13:54, Reply)

I once slept in my mothers womb
...slept like a baby for 9months before she squeezed me out.
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 13:52, Reply)

stopped me from sleeping a wink...
what can only be described as the thing in the seat next to me on my flight home today - it had swathed its entire head and body in a black blanket - kept allowing its hand to fall idly onto my knee and to stroke my upper thigh in its sleep.

this would be almost understandable if we hadn't been upgraded to first, so it had something of a stretch to be able to reach me. gah. every time i looked for a steward, there was none to be found, and every time i thought of saying something, i couldn't bring myself to do it. i mean, what do you say to a pervy scooby doo ghost for god's sake?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 13:05, Reply)

Too many times and places
On holiday in Majorca, a mate spent 3 hours looking for me only to find me fast asleep next to some speakers in BCM's nightclub. Again next to speakers in a club in Blackpool on my stag do, same night on a table in a kebab house while waiting for the minibus home.

When I used to bus to work, I knew the route so well, I could fall asleep within seconds of sitting down and my body knew exactly where to wake up. I had a girl come up to me one night in the pub who said that she always saw me on the bus but this was the first time she had ever seen me awake.

On my mother-in-laws toilet, in the dog basket, at my desk at work (several times), the toilet at work, various pubs and probably other places I don't remember.

Most surreal was at the Maternity Unit waiting for my wife to see a midwife when she was very heavily pregnant. I only woke up when I heard a 4 yr old girl ask her Mummy why that man over there was asleep.
(brocky, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:53, Reply)

also
woke up in a car. not mine. no idea where.
been at a party, and had apparently vanished really late on. It appears I decided to walk home, and maybe got a bit (a lot) lost. so doing what any right minded person would do, I broke into someones motor, on their driveway, and slept it off on the back seat until I was sober enough to realise that I was probably going to be in deep shit if I got discovered.
(kaptinkurtz, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:50, Reply)

divine flashes
i keep remembering these
woke up on the middle landing in the stairwell of the girls only landing of Bradford Unis halls of residence. Dressed in a bloodied sheet, Im not ssure that the polite parents who disturbed my slumber were expecting me there at all. I had been out on the lash, gotten into a disagreement with a large gent (at 5 foot 6, thats almost everyone) and ended up in A&E having my head stitched back together. I bloody well pulled whilst waiting for triage, and ended up back at hers (the halls) and it wasn't until i completely failed to be anything other than falling over drunk and not have sex that she kicked me out into the hallway. I slept where I fell. My dad came to pick me up in the morning - he must be so proud.
(kaptinkurtz, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:48, Reply)

747
Whilst coming into land and having enjoyed drinking all the way, I fell asleep coming into land at Heathrow.
No real problem except I was the flight captain.
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:40, Reply)

its good, but is it good enough?
whilst at uni, a friend of mine also fell asleep with his head most of the way down the bog. One of my housemates did go for a piss around him. Good job he didn't wake up, she was ginger.
(kaptinkurtz, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:34, Reply)

Morning gunfire
I have just remembered another one. I was hiking with a mate in Northumberland, and we camped by a stream in the middle of nowhere. At 7am, we were woken by multiple 3-round bursts of gunfire, coming from all around us.

Fearing the worst - invasion by the Danes - I was very relieved to find out that it was just some of our esteemed squadies on a practice search mission.
(lardaholics anonymous, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:08, Reply)

Big White Telephone
Partway through a night of heavy drinking, a friend of mine (hello Wayne!) had the urge to talk to Jesus in the bathroom and fell asleep with his head on the toilet ring seat.

I confess I was so drunk I actually considered trying to piss around him, but instead settled for going outside.
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 12:03, Reply)

American Adventure
My (then) girlfriend's parents had won two tickets to the American Adventure theme park and gave them to us. The park wasn't actually finished at that point, but hey, free tickets!

At one point we were laid on the grass besides the pond and I took the opportunity to fondle her breasts. Then I stuck my head under her top for some hot licky sucky nipple action and... promptly fell asleep.

I'd been up since five doing my paper round.
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:54, Reply)

Thank ye gods it was clean

I fell asleep on the couches in the foyer area of my old hall of residence and the main bar in the students union countless times. Waking up with writing on your head eventually gets you out of the habit.

Strangest place was after my graduation ball. I was meant to be kipping on the floor of my best mate's room in a posh uni hall. However, my friend got a bit pally with an ex and I had to sneak myself into the hall, wander the corridors after hearing the "unavailability" of his room and find somewhere, anywhere to sleep. If you're in a similar situation I can say that you can do a lot worse than sleep in a bath.

The hard surface is good for the back and the lock is good for privacy.
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:54, Reply)

My cousin
My Cous is Armenian. He'd never been there. We went. They drink vodka there. A lot. After everything. "Hey! Nicolas just picked up his fork! Yay! Vodka". Nicolas, being 17, and raised in Britain is what we call a stupid teenager. In a nice way. In the way that all teenagers make stupid decisions. Like deciding he could drink. After all, he was raised on the mean streets of Stockport, where it was a badge of honour to drink 8 cans of stella without falling down. No match whatsoever for the Armenians.

After many, many shots of vodka at the dinner table, a good 3 hours worth where every single action/event/word was pre and suppended with a shot, Nicolas remarked that he felt surprisingly well. Then he stood up.

The next minute was rather entertaining. He burped, and then his eyes did something funny. He then started crying. In fact, sobbing like a small baby. After a minute of a rather heartwrenching performance including a couple of "please god make room and head stop moving oh god it hurts so mad" he just fell backwards, frozen, glass in hand, through the glass coffee table behind him. Where we left him for 18 hours, fast asleep. (after we checked for life threatening wounds of course).

He no longer boasts of his drinking prowess.

Sidenote: Isnt everyone an alcy now? Its really bad. You should all stop. Its not good for you. I'm going to. Honest.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:52, Reply)

Bench
At some point during the eighties I celebrated the end of my O levels with a few friends and several cans of quality 'tramp approved' lager.

Post consumption we toddled of to Slough high street on a quest for food. Just outside the entrance to McDonalds there was a bench which looked comfy.... I was woken at around 3 in the afternoon surrounded by Police and assorted onlookers concerned for my wellbeing.

Through circle of faces looking down on me I noticed the 1st floor window of previously mentioned fast food restaurant where my so called friends were sitting. Apparently they had been sat there waiting for a couple of hours to 'see what happened'

Bunch of camelarses.
( arsefez is back, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:52, Reply)

Falling asleep n Not waking up..
My mate Chris... Nose down straight into a Curry... We Laughed... Lifted his face out by grabbing the hair on the back of his head.. then laid him back down again (cheek first) in the curry.. didn't want him to drown... He slept for about 15mins before waking up...

As for not waking up...

www.humiliateafriend.com/barry.jpg

Took three hours to wake up Barry.. Even made LOADS of noise before taking the photo..
(bigdave40, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:50, Reply)

A barn... at Gatsescarth farm at the head of Buttermere.
... That had been used for sheep.
the sheep were out, We were tired and wet, and we dossed down in the nice soft hay...

Next morning we all had itchy pubic hair... The school nurse filed a report saying that we'd got lice from sheep... and we were forecably marched off to a meeting with a school doctor who lectured us on the evils of bestiality.

Goddam Pervert... *rolls eyes*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:50, Reply)

A stiffie like a milk bottle.
Long time reader first time poster so forgive the length.

Sometimes it's the circumstances that make a bed, and a very nice one it was too, a strange place. Scroll back a few years when I still kept in contact with the geeky boys that I was friends with at school, and one night on the sauce.

A mate was close to a jolly young woman who was inteligent, funny, loud and a county standard shot putter. We met her in a grotty dive in nottingham and the 4 of us (S who knew her, G who was on prozac and "going through some things" and me) ended up staying in her flat. A few drinks a few laughs and then to bed. S and I were asked if it was OK if we shared her double bed, and she and G would sleep in the living room... no really they were going to "sleep". So this is the moment when I woke up in the night and wondered how strange life could get. I was in bed with my drunk farting friend, whilst my mate on prozac was being touched in a wrong way by a lady shot putter, the guy in the flat below was playing his digereedoooo and I had an inexplicable stiffie like a milk bottle. That was the night when I realised that life isn't normal.

ps. Once also fell asleep on an empty train from Dublin to Belfast. Woke up in a very crowded train in Belfast with my head in a pool of dribble, and a nun offering me a sweet.

I'm new so be kind :-)
(rockers74 killed a man in Reno just to watch him die., Tue 2 Jan 2007, 11:15, Reply)

On a roundabout in Birmingham
having gone for a few beers in Sheffield. I have no idea how I got to Birmingham, and woke up at 1.30am cold, wet, and in possession of my passport and about £700.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 2 Jan 2007, 10:57, Reply)

In me local once....
Last-but-one birthday (back in the summer of '05), got incredibly sloshered and fell asleep in the corner of me local while holding a smuggled in kebab and having death-metal music playing loud enough to shake the windows.

I'd managed a good hour's kip too.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 10:40, Reply)

conkers deep inside a laydee
Back in the good old days - when I could drink 10 pints and still be in some sort of state to not only successfully seduce a girl, actually get a hard on too.

Maintaining consciousness was more of a problem though.

She was a fairly petite little thing (no paedo jokes here...) and I managed to pass out, conkers deep inside her, and woke up in exactly the same position.

The poor girl must have been lying there for hours trying to push me off, then either through exhaustion, fear or lack of other options had to sleep like that too.

On waking up and realising my faux pas, I did the only honorable thing and crept out of bed, put my clothes on and did a runner.
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 10:04, Reply)

It was raining
On a fully inflated bouncy castle.
In a mate's front room.
Far too small for the aforementioned bouncy castle.
My (now ex) wife left me there apparently due to my biblical levels of drunkenness.
Ah well, slept like a baby though. Woke up at 3 a:m 'cos I'd shit myself and was hungry, just like a baby.

(My)Knob (makes 'em) gag
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 9:45, Reply)

do toilets count?
was at a show in my hometown, oh, about 16 years ago. the headliner at said show was the most popular and greatest band of said hometown, and as i was/am a musician i knew them well and had played with them, or opened for them, many times. hence my drinking a bottle of vodka to myself at the "pre-party", vaguely recalling puking my guts out in a toilet stall reminicient of ye old trainspotting scene and waking up hours later with my head in the toilet, hearing the last song of their set, inside of toilet spinning, my head a urinal. surprised i didn't drown. i went home and banged on the door that wasn't locked, which my mother proceeded to open - she looked at me for a split second and expounded "you're pissed!" she made me stay up all night watching infomercials with her and then forced me to go to school.worst and best day of my life, as i went to school and cut class, smoked herb all day and humped my girlfriend. man, i miss the old days.
(goorf, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 9:38, Reply)

Does sleepwalking count?
it's 1997, i'm 17 and I decided I would visit my friend at his halls at Warwick Uni. A good night out was had by all and I decided the most comfortable place to sleep would be the communal living room area on the end of his ground floor corridor. So far so good, right?

I woke up standing outside the kitchen in only my pants. "Strange.." thinks I, but I knew that the lounge area would just be at the end of the corridor...

...Aargh! no lounge area, a flight of stairs instead! Remembering that I should have been on the ground floor, I decended as far as I could and finally found my intended snooze location. I found out later that I had sleep-meandered up to the third floor (which was a women only floor). I still have no idea what I was doing up there, but I assume I didn't disturb anyone up there as nobody screamed at me.
( TheAlmightyBeev, Tue 2 Jan 2007, 9:04, Reply)