Haven't posted on here in a while....
At a house party I was found asleep/unconscious in a bath full of ice (The beer was being kept there, there was clearly some method to my madness)
(Slacker, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:28, Reply)

east london
after doing an exhibition in london for my final year of uni, i randomly woke up in a random flat in east london not knowing who i was with or where abouts in london i was.

crap story i know...
(sweatytramp, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:25, Reply)

on an uninhabited island..
..just off the coast of Melbourne, Australia.

9 of us took a boat to the island, to stay there for 24 hours, cooking what we caught etc. Standing waist deep in warm turquoise water spearfishing as the sun warmed my back was a very serene experience.

Anyway me and another camper decided to abandon our tents and sleep on the beach, under an expanse of stars. Woke up in the early hours alone (she'd gone to bed in her tent) and I lay watching the sun rise, absolutely fantastic!!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:25, Reply)

Narcolepsy?
I have a gift which enables me to sleep anywhere should I feel the need. However, I have also been known to crash in unsavoury locations thanks to the lack of a better alternative.

1) Goodwood Festival of Speed. Yep, after a day spent under the sweltering July sun watching racing cars being driven up Lord March's driveway I had to lie down and take a nap. Less than thirty feet away was Eddie Irvine giving his unsilenced F1 Jaguar some stick at 18000rpm which failed to interrupt my forty winks. I am particularly proud of this.

2) Luton. I am particularly ashamed of this.

3) Bolton - see above, but I was supposed to be top 'n tailing with a lady who jumped on me in the middle of the night, thus ensuring I only had two hours kip in said bed.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:23, Reply)

Blanket of Snow
After a night full of booze and frollics, it was traditional for us to pile back to my mates house, raid his cupboards for food and eventually pass out... this usually worked out quite well except for one fateful winters night (trying to add to the drama you see...).

anyway, my mate ended up leaving earlier than me, i stayed till the nightclub closed at 2am and waited in the snow a while for a taxi, got the taxi and barely scraped the fare with my last remaining pennies and was dropped by his house.

The door was unusually locked, and the lights were out.. hmm, strange... after much door banging and throwing mud at the window I figured that if he was actually in there, he was unconscious to the point of death.

I had no money, was miles away from anywere and had no credit on my phone so basically my only option was to set-up camp. I had a short sleeved shirt on, no coat (i'm northern ya see) aand no real way of keeping warm...

In my drunken state i decided that the step looked a bit damp (albeit slightly sheltered by 2 walls and a porch) so drunken logic advised me that the best, warmest and safest course of action would be to climb on top of the porch and sleep, as surely it would be much dryer and warmer up there........ so there i sat, soaked through with snow pelting into my fact at 3am huddled on top of my friends porch.

At around 4am the neighbours husband (who i occasionally exchange pleasantries with) arrived home from a night-shift, he graciously asked me if i would like to come in for a warm until my mate wakes up.. again.. drunken logic told me that my mate would get up soon and i was fine where i was....

eventually i passed out on the roof, in the snow, and the wet, and the wind.. my mate woke me up at 8am covered in snow, i could barely move but i've never been so happy to see anyone in my life, once i managed to fall down off the porch i literally crawled into the house and spoke in tounges for a while.

Took me a whole day of lying in a warm bed and drinking hot drinks to stop feeling cold.. still i would do it all again cos it just proves that if i can sleep in the snow with no special clothing im either a) a double hard northern bastard or b) all these mountain climbers are pansies with their tents and duffle coats!

apologies for length and girth, the cold did affect it so i may be over-compensating
(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:22, Reply)

A Barge
Far too many to accurately remember. The usual front gardens, train stations (complete with commuters milling around - very surreal) and a golf course.

The worst, or at least the most terrifying, was a barge moored somewhere in a little Oxfordshire village called, somethingorother-On-Thames.

How I came to be here is a story in itself, but I'd insisted on passing out in a field after spending a great deal of the day drinking brandy and alco-pops. All topped off with an excessively bawdy session in one of the local pubs.

Anyway, the last I remember is waking up and thinking 'bugger this, I'm walking home'. I was later told that the people on the barge saw me stagger blindly into the river and carry on walking. They pulled me out when they realised what was going on. Christ knows what would have happened if the barge hadn't have been there. The people who pulled me out very probably saved my life.

I awoke on their barge soaking wet and freezing cold. They told me what had happened and I don't think I've ever sobered up so quickly in my life. I had, and still have, absolutely no recollection of my little wander at all.

Far from minding that I'd soaked their bed, they offered me cups of tea, a change of clothes and made sure I was OK. They even found out where I worked so they could return the travel card I'd accidentally left there. All for a drunken stranger.

So, if any of you happen to be reading this, thanks again! True stars the lot of you.
(Speculum, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:22, Reply)

Oo
In the shower. That was odd, and probably very very dangerous.
( Micro Prawnvica, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:22, Reply)

Alcohol is a lovely bedmate...
The best place has to be under a fir tree. Warm, dry and comfy -so long as there isn't any dog shit.

Worst place was on a stack of chairs in a high school, or the bar stool in my local. It's a long way to the floor, unless you fall on one of the locals.

I've also managed to fall asleep in a night club, pubs, church and the bum of a lass at a party. I don't know how many have here have fallen asleep with their arms around the toilet...
(CdrVimes, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:18, Reply)

DHSS hotel in Blackpool
Once went on a 40th birthday pissup in Blackpool, organised by a certain "PEB", who is a life long member of the stockport idiots club (but good company in the pub).He wouldn't tell us where he had booked us into until we reached said resort.
The Hotel Elkrington, turned out to be a haven for tramps and dole scum, all there paid for by the DHSS.
Checked in and went straight out on the piss for the first lunchtime session.
We returned a few hours later to find that most of the rooms had been broken into and had been burgled, one unfortunate had lost £140.
After "sorting out" one or two of the other residents to retrieve said property, ended up sleeping that night 4 to a double bed, due to lack of rooms not trashed, and for security!
4 guys sleeping perfectly still, with trollies and boots still on.
Even from the mass ranks in bed, you could smell the carpet!!!!
Returned to Blackpool the following year on a family day out, and went past the "Elkrington"
It had been closed down, and was on the point of being demolished, thank god !!!
Apologies for length and girth, but that place was truly the fucking pits !!!!
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:12, Reply)

Crossing Canada by train
I get up to go get some food. When I come back, one carriage is completely empty, and so hot you can't breathe in there. It had that horrible smell of burnt dust you get if you boil a kettle dry.

Turns out the aircon had gone haywire and they'd had to move everyone out. So my seat's gone. All the seats have gone. There are people sleeping two to a seat, in the aisles, in the toilets.

I ended up sleeping in the overhead luggage racks. Suprisingly comfy.
( chthonic, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:09, Reply)

Cinderella's Nightclub, Chester
Went to meet some old school friends. Drank a bottle of Thunderbird and a couple of Hofmeisters (this was the late 80's) and made our way to said nightclub. I remember the sparkly lights on the stairs but nothing more until I woke up. It was dark, I was sat upright and it was very loud. Then my friends took all their coats off my head and told me it was time to go home. For two hours, I had been an impromptu coat rack.
Happy days.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:07, Reply)

on a railway track, woke up to quite a fuss
not really

but i too have fallen asleep standing up, at breakfast time at work one morning. I woke up surrounded by work colleagues who all cheered as i came to,
the bastards

when pissed, i've slept in all the usual ridiculous places, including an empty house in grimsby with my head resting on the bottom of the stairs and my feet in stagnant dog-water - with no recollection of how i got there (i'd been drinking in hull)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:06, Reply)

A fair few places to be fair
But the oddest by far is when I refused to sleep on the floor of my mate's place- mainly because it was, and probably still is, a shit tip. So, I slept on the dining table, like you do.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 13:01, Reply)

Uxbridge
July time, me and a couple of mates, had gone upto london for a couple of days. Not having much money we concocted this great plan, of jumping on a tube and going to end of the line, cause they'd be cheap places to stay there.

There wasnt, so we spent the night in the starwell of a carpark (cause it was warm) until we got thrown out and then in the middle of some large roundabout, twas not warm. Caught the first tube back into london and went for breakfast in McDonalds.
(loquis, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:59, Reply)

Standing up
I too have slept standing up, but this was in Fabric nightclub in London. I was driving so could not drink and not being especially into that sort of music (I was only there cos my gf at the time liked it) was bored off my tits. So I decided to stand in a corner and have a bit of a doze. I woke up a while later and went out and slept in the car.

Even better than that though a house party on New Years Eve 99, the dawn of the new millenium. By about 12:30 I've had enough booze and decide a snooze is in order. Found a bedroom with a couple asleep in a double bed. What do I do? Climb on the bed and lay between them, on top of the covers mind, until my gf came and found me at about 4.

Length? They would have found out if they'd woken up.
(Plumstix has been spying on you since, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:59, Reply)

Ah, Glastonbury...
Glastonbury, 2005. Around 4am.

Our group, minus one member who disappeared some hours ago, are sitting around some near-dead flares in various states of intoxication induced by massive amounts of alcohol, psychotropic fungi, pills and powders.

From behind some tents comes stumbling a ghostly vision in white, looking distinctly the worse for wear.

Matt, inexplicably clad in some sort of enormous cashmere shawl, walks up to the circle and announces proudly;

"I woke up in an ambulance!"
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:48, Reply)

In a dental chair. All night.
My first time, apologies for length, leaving lurk mode, etcetera.. Back in my student days, with a bunch of friends, on the way to a weekend in Durham, traveling from Manchester, we decided to spend the night at the Darlington dental practice owned by the father of one of our number. A fair amount of drink had been taken and much shenanigans ensued, the details of which will be kept for when QOTW covers such delights as Have You Ever Made A Plaster Cast Of Your Cock and Have You Ever Tried To Shotgun A Can Of Lager With Your Entire Mouth Anaethsetized. Anyway. Most of us ended up asleep in various strange places. I spent the night on a rather ancient leather dental chair. Very comfortable it was, too. I should add that I am now a dentist and, most lunchtimes, I enjoy a swift kip in the chair. Every home shold have one.
(lennylaw, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:42, Reply)

Stood up on a train
Piss up in Amsterdam all day - needed to get home to The Hague so jumped a busy commuter train, standing room only.
I only knew I'd fallen asleep stood up leaning against the doors when I was awoken by the train jolting to a halt at the station.
Could've been worse I suppose - the door opening would've been a nasty wake-up call.
(toadrunner, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:29, Reply)

Oh bloody hell
This QOTW stirred something scary I thought was tucked away for good. To cut an insanely long story short:

I slept next to a corpse in a family-to-a-room dwelling in an extremely poor part of Singapore, as the 'honoured' guest.

It's not the sleeping, it's the dreams and the waking up...

*shudder*
(baldie, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:25, Reply)

Strange places?
I have a little switch in my head when it comes to alcohol, drink a bit too much and i usually have about 10 mins before im gone so have collected a few such as

1) Burnley

2) A ditch / bush combo near Addenbrookes hospital after staggering home from Boogie Wonderland at the Cambridge Junction one warm summer night. Got some very odd looks from a woman walking her dog when i resurfaced.

3) A shower cubicle, the bath was taken

4) The boot of a Volvo, with loose golf clubs, phut

Length? its all talk ladies, im hung like a krill
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:25, Reply)

On top of a Mountain
Slieve Donard to be precise. The highest mountain in the Mournes in County Down in N. Ireland. Went camping in Newcastle (upon Shimna) when I was 16. We camped up about halfway up the mountain - far enough away from the town to not be bothered by the bizzies. We all proceeded to get very merry on Buckfast and Tennants (weren't we classy). It was the middle of summer and to this day I still don't know exactly what happened (apart from the fact that we clearly thought it was a good idea to climb the rest of the mountain) but I woke up, along with 2 mates, in a concrete hut on top of the hill. Great view, terrible headache.

The worst of it is, it's not a difficult climb, but not that easy either and when drunk and it's dark.... Still, at least I'm still here if the memory isn't!
(Thebigfella, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:17, Reply)

cultured response, this
on the hill behind the usher art gallery in lincoln. near a statue. probably owing to intoxication. a googly woogly.
(harestylenumber1 loves weiner, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:06, Reply)

My office toilet
I used to work nights for a couple of years and it was very common for people to pop off for a power-nap in the lavs.

I guess if you ever took the chance to have a toss at the same time it would've been a power-wank.
(misteroz, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 12:03, Reply)

Alcohol, the cure and cause of all problems
Was out in my local pub a few Friday's back. Had an official type presentation at uni that day so went out with my suit on (as compared to the usual baggies and a hoody).

The night goes on, drinking double vodka's and lemonade (fuck at £2.50 for 1 I should be allowed to drink as many of them as I damn well please!) until lost orders where I get 3 drinks and juggle them while dancing.

Start walking home with a mate and we bump into this guy we know. By now I was getting tired. Dying to go home but the conversation kept flowing. So I look around and there is this grassy patch beside the road. I think "fuck it" and go over there.

According to my mate they thought I had walked off so they went home.

Next thing I remember is me opening my eyes and the grass being bright green. So I think "fuck, police..arrested" but no the people knew my name. It was a couple of people I knew from my time around the town and they picked me up and told me I had to get home - didn't give me a lift mind you.

So walk into uni on the Monday and one of my mates comes up to me and says "drunk on Friday then where you" with a massive grin. It was then I remembered the girl driving the car worked in his place.


Should have just left me, that sleep was magic!

Aplologies for size, I was too drunk!
(puggs, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:55, Reply)

In a public toilet in Hasdin, France...
...lest that makes me look some sort of perv, I will explain. When I was 18 I went with a mate in his car on a month's camping tour round Europe. The last night he decided he wanted to sleep in a proper bed - quite reasonable since he'd done all the driving. So he checked into a little auberge while I, being too tight to pay £10 for a room, decided to sleep in the car.

Off he went to bed and I checked out the local bars. When they closed I returned to find the car park locked. No way I could get in and being a small guest house I couldn't check in. The only place I could find shelter was the local public toilet - it really was a night on the tiles.

Worst thing was arriving at the hotel next morning soaked, bedraggled and tired to find my mate freshly showered after a good night's sleep. I've never been so tight again.

Apologies for length etc.
(eesnahk, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:54, Reply)

One birthday night out
Was drinking in the local; went into town and started clubbing, while drinking lots. We eventually hit the "Escape" nightclub; venue to many a big DJ (regular haunt for Judge Jules, Dave Pearce etc in Swansea). In the main room Jules is there banging away mid gig, and I pick that oppertune moment to fall asleep on one of his bass speakers. There was a drink sitting by my head apparently and after 5 minutes the bass had literally caused the bottle to shake about 3 foot across the speaker, while I slept cosily.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:52, Reply)

Twas at a bus station...
..in Venezuela. After a hellish bus journey, lasting about 40 hours, in which 3 of the buses broke down and we were forced to hitchhike in the jeeps of the national guard, we were forced to stop at a bus station for a significant time while we waited for a connection.

The bus driver from our previous bus very kindly found us a room to lock our bags in, so without further ado we proceeded to lay out our sleeping bags upon the concrete, and settled down for a sleep.

I was awoken by the coughing of the rest of the group, and one member (who had been in the army) shouting "Don't worry guys, it's only CS gas!" It turned out a gruop of security guards had seen fit to try and move us on, and after we had failed to understand their ramblings in Spanish (I'm told I slept thruogh all this) decided to gas us out.

So, not only the strangest place I've slept, but most definately the strangest way I've woken up.
(Zem flolloping floopily around Squornshellous Zeta, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:41, Reply)

washing lines?
No-one who reds this will probably beleive it, but I kid you not.

on the night of my stag night we all decided to go to Amsterdam, but the place we had to rent was owned by this senile old bint who couldnt find her arse with both hands, so 5 lads wo are pissed beyond beleif are in control of a house, not a hotel room, a house, and on the last night I passed out from a martini contest and awoke feeling like an astronaut, I was in a sleeping bag, upside-down and pegged and glued to the owners washing line, only after 4 hours (no joke)was I able to wriggle to freedom, and pass out again, having cocks drawn on my face with permanet marker.

Bastards...
(the cactus kid- what a prick..., Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:41, Reply)

Bouncy bouncy...
When I was young I went to a summer camp where we slept on camp beds in classrooms in a school. One of the boys leaders was a really heavy sleeper, and we all envied that dorm coz they could do what they liked at night, with the leader never waking up.

The other leaders decided to take matters into their own hands.

Remember we're in a school. With a fancy gym containing the most massive trampoline ever seen. (Think olympic standard.)

So, one night the other leaders lifted Sleepy's camp bed, with him still on it, carried him through the school to the gym and lifted it to the centre of the trampoline. Not a twitch from Sleepy.

They left a couple of guys to sleep on the floor beside him in case he woke up the next day and killed himself falling off the thing. He woke very confused, apparently :o)

F x

PS: he later went on to marry a friend of mine, then had an affair and left her when she developed MS in her twenties and became wheelchair-bound. Click "I like this" if you agree he's a twunt.
(Flurble - The Innocent One, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 11:40, Reply)