Money Laundring (not really)
The first time I came to Canada, I brought with me $15.000 US in cash; pretty much my net worth at the time. I carried it in two seperate fanny pack-ish things I was wearing under my shirt. Being designed with safety and inconspicuousness, not comfort in mind, they were made of industrial strength nylon and clung on the skin. The portion of my torso covered with the bags sweated and itched constantly throughout the 9 hour flight.
Just as I though relief was near, I read on the US (connecting flight) and Canada customs declaration forms, that it was illegal to bring more than 10K in cash or negotiables to either of those countries. Luckily, nobody felt like giving me a patdown at either of the borders, probably due to the sweat and scratching, so I slipped into Canada with the questionable monies in my posession.
I moved into a shady B&B, and upon observing the barred windows on the first THREE floors, decided not to part with my money-laundrer bags till reaching a bank. It was a Friday and a long weekend extending into Monday followed. So I had to wear the buggers for another four days, until I could open a bank account.
Lemme tell you, nothing makes you relax like having your life savings on your person at all times.
(Yachtmaster, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:19, Reply)

Used to do Bank runs for me old job
I used to be in partial-charge of purchasing for a local computer company; plus I helped them do the banking. Sometimes I was required to walk down the bank with approximately £25k in a Lidl's carrier bag ffs.

Most probs the worst thing you can do is walk around looking nervous; so I'd deliberately walk close to the ruffians; they'd be too busy spying for the nervous ones anyroads to notice a Lidls bag full of money right in front of them.

I also used to have to pay in Business cheques in excess of £10k plus, and I had the fun of one day being refused by a bank. I went for me lunch and bitched them off to everyone. I mean ffs, how many banks do you know that WON'T allow you to give them £10,000? Bit fucking Irish that is.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:18, Reply)

I have just over
£1000 in my wallet as we speak - just about to take it to the post office to order some euros for my holiday next week.

The most I've had on me is £10,000 and that's when I bought a car - I was offered a bankers draft but I've always wanted to do the ripped jeans and t-shirt effect on a slimey salesman.
(Kip, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:08, Reply)

Hug The Money!!!
I used to work in BHS as a saturday job and quite often I worked in the cash office when the shop floor closed.
The saturday of the weekend before christmas, we collected the counter cash and worked out that infront of us was £125,000 in cash and cheques. with another £100,000 in credit card reciepts. I therefore proceeded to hug 125,000 dirty english pounds and it felt mighty fine!
Bastards wouldnt let me take any home though... £5.85 an hour my arse!
(iydlibm ...If I Am Online Here, I Am Definatly Bored..., Thu 22 Jun 2006, 17:07, Reply)

well!
about £300 in 20's, 10's, 5's and coin. I was buying a guitar that I'd spend aaaaages saving up for. I can't say it felt good to part with that much money for a piece of wood with wires on it. It is very sexy though, so I suppose it's okay.

well THAT was un-interesting!
( Lizzy_Bee is a mac user now, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:53, Reply)

money money money
My bf inherited what he bragged to me would be thousand and thousand of pounds but because he spent most of it before his trust fund was supposed to come out, the solicitors charged ridiculous fees so he got the princely sum of 9k instead.

4 k he gave to his ex girlfriend for shit loads of marching powder or some sort of child maintenance because he had a kid that he would only ever see if the ex wanted him to get some stupid marching powder.

1k he lent to my mate who i knew wouldnt pay it back. the other 4 k went straight into my hands.

i wanted a money fight. he wouldnt let me.

He spent it on trying to start a business of the dodgy kind and failed miserably (probably coz he shoved it up his nose in the form of marching powder.)

I never got to have a money fight. one day i will have a money fight.
(Salbo_baggins, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:51, Reply)

Credit Card and PIN with unlimited credit limit
When I was working in France at a law firm (just for a week as le stagiere) I was asked by the receptionist to go off and get her some cigarettes. Evil-smelling ones that she would constantly have cemented to her lips. She gave me her own credit card, told me the PIN, and I scampered off as fast as my english legs would carry me. I go into the shop and... nothing. Card is rejected. I go back. She tells me a different PIN, and it's still the same story.
She seems pissed. Nicotine withdrawals are obviously affecting her. So she goes to the boss of the law firm and gets the Firm Card.
Now I've seen Maitre Watel (the boss) use this only the day before, when he withdrew a total of €6000, so I know it's loaded, and just needs the slightest caressing before it spills all it's money out on me.
I go out, holding this card tightly in my pocket, and gaze in vain at the ATM I pass on my way to the tobacconist. The temptation to just take out a little bit of money... no one would ever know... I'm leaving the next day anyway...


But I'm a good little boy, and I buy the toxic cigarettes and give the card back straight away. I don't think I'll ever have so much money at my command ever again.
Dammit.
Yay! No b3ta virginity any more!
( Dave the Mighty, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:47, Reply)

All of it!
Once I went to Australia:

  ------
 / teh  \
| werld  |
|        |
 \______/
   \ /
    V
    |
   -+-
    0    <--Me

As you can see, I was clearly carrying the entire world, and thus all the money!
(chase, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:23, Reply)

Big Win
My cousin and myself flew down to the Spring Carnival for the Melbourne Cup. Being a bit of a pundit my cousing knew the ins and outs of most of the horses etc.

We were in front by a long way when the big race came round. Following my cousin - mind you he was winning - we placed the same trifecta on putting down a few aussies hundreds.

We couldnt believe it when they ran in the perfect 1-2-3. Shouting, clapping - back flips. You name it we did it.

Walking back to the hotel we both were carrying in our suit pockets - somewhere in the range of $15,000. We looked like the michelan men.
(Slatts If you cant remember it didnt happen, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:13, Reply)

I have worked as a slave bitch minion
in a few retail jobs, couple of which involved cash handling and accounting. As a supervisor for a well known DIY chain (that dresses its employees like leprechauns in orange and green)I would regularly cash up takings of anywhere between £100 and £10,000 but only really carried it to the back of the store so not much to tell there.

Couple of years later, I was working in a pub on a housing estate in South Birmingham. Not the prettiest of clientele but most were friendly and down to earth with the exception of a few skanky ruffians. In the middle of a shift one day, the landlord and his wife asked for a word with me. We went into the lounge which wasnt open yet. I was a bit nervous, and the thought that my P45 was about to make an entrance crossed my mind a few times. 'Our accountant hasnt been able to pay you this month as we've had some financial problems.'said the landlord in a very sombre tone.'Oh. I see.' i replied thinking 'thank fuck you havent sacked me'.The worry of how I was going to manage for a week then kicked in.'This is the best we could do in the circumstances.' he said, and handed me a fat brown A4 envelope. I looked inside and there was a hefty wedge of sterling in tens, twentys and a couple of fiftys. After putting my bulging eyes back in their sockets and checking for a TV crew I pulled out a slip of paper from the envelope. It was from Inland Revenue, who had basically paid me back £880 of emergency tax that I had accrued over the year. My bosses had thought of giving it to me in a funny stylee.

Finished the shift, and stayed at work getting wrecked, playing something like twenty games of pool in a row just because I could. Left at about ten pm for home, feeling happy, pissed and much, much...lighter? What have I forg..shit! Ran back to the pub and grabbed the envelope with about £800 left in it off the table and away from the local gyppo inbreds that were just sitting down at the table.

Ran home, threw it all over my living room and rolled over and over in it :)
( prem1um is full of life, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 16:10, Reply)

poker
15K cash.....
I had just won a Poker torney in luton. Let me tell you there is nothing like the joy of winning, only to realize ur last one out of a casino at 3am in a slightly dodgy area with 15K in a borrowed bag.
apparently theives wait outside casinos when they know torneys are on, hence now they give cheques. ahh the old days
(JLB8, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:56, Reply)

38 grand in mostly 20's
We had a large extension added to our house, around £40,000 worth and the builder 'prefered' to deal in cash (and we got a good discount), so once a fortnight, I would trot off to the bank in the High Street and ask for £9,000 in cash. Always took a couple of thick carrier bags with me, I'd then walk back to work and stuff it in my briefcase and take it home for the builder. The only slightly worrying thing was the teller in the bank would talk rather loudly, as he was confirming and counting out the money (shhhhh) and I'd look around the bank furtively as he was counting ....

Length & Girth fine - I'm disconnected .....
(chopper602, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:52, Reply)

100 Million....
turkish lire! All of about 5 quid but it felt damn good to see that many zeros on a note, told the kebab seller to keep the change too!

For that brief second i knew what it felt like to be a high roller!
(crispyshark, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:37, Reply)

8k
all in 500€ notes.
(Arse Biscuits The question is not who, but why?, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:36, Reply)

The most money
I first had of my own was about £50. Birthday money, and since my birthday's on 1st January, I can go mental in the sales. Brilliant.
And I once held a 500-euro note. Probably effectively the most money I've ever had in my hand. Of course, my dad did have to tell me the moment that I gave it back that he'd actually taken it away to check for fingerprints...
Earlier this year, some kind of savings plan my parents had for me matured. Some of it had already been spunked on my laptop, some went into an ISA (and I've discovered how to transfer money out of that without anyone noticing) and I got £250 to spend on whatever I wanted. I'd lost my phone some months beforehand, so logically, buy a new one. I couldn't find my card to order it off the internet myself, so my mother bought it and told me to pay her back when I did find my card. So on the day I decide to go and spunk all the rest of the money away, I take the £120 for it out of the bank...before I set off shopping.
I tucked it into an unassuming pink A4 notebook I had in my bag from sheer fear.
It was a wrench to hand that over when I got back in that night.
Oh, and the time I got entrusted with a cheque for about £400 with no name on it. If you worked for a major live music venue in Newcastle, would you trust a teenager who could claim to be anyone, with a cheque like that?
It's a good thing I'd already showed myself up to be lovely and trustworthy.
(and now for someone completely different, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:31, Reply)

My Dad is a rozzer
but used to be a builder, and still does a few rather large "cash in hand" constructions on his days off.
Now, the filth keep an eye on his bank account to make sure he's not taking large bribes, so the money gets deposited into my spare account, and the old man withdraws that whenever he likes.
So, Im at uni, and the old man phones me up saying "Boy, have you got your spare bank card?"
"Yup."
"Good, cos Ive lost your one, and *reputable builder's merchant* needs paying - can you take out a chunk and settle the bill? It needs to be cash and it needs to be done today."

Now, my university was 150 miles from home, and my transport was a 21 year old Vauxhall Viva. I had to go to my local branch, withdraw as much as they'd let me (10k, as it happens) and then drive to another branch, for another 10k, and then another, and then another. At each one, I get out of the car, and stuff the huge wad into my pockets, for fear that it'll get nicked whilst I park the car.

I then start the 150 mile drive, which takes 3 hours in a Viva, and my legs get sweaty and uncomfortable with the pockets all bulged like that. SO WHAT DO I DO? I put it in the glovebox for the drive home, and when I get to the builder's merchants, walk in to the trade counter, and say, calmly, "I'd like to settle Mr [My Dad]'s account, please."
"Certainly sir, that'll be 40K."
"Discount for cash?"
"Certainly sir, that'll be 38k."

I put my hand in my pocket, and then my face turns ashen. Cue much frantic patting, rummaging and the removal of shoes as I try and work out what I've done with forty large.
The flood of relief when I remember it's in the unlocked glovebox of the shitty car outside with the passenger door that won't lock, in the roughest industrial estate in the area, surrounded by pikey plumbers and chavtastic carpenters, is a heart attack I will never forget.
And my old man let me keep 500 quid of it for remembering to ask for a discount. If he ever gets wind of this, sorry Dad.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:26, Reply)

About $2'000'000'000
That's two thousand million dollars, or two billion in the American language.

I used to work for a corporate finance and security printer in the City of London. When one company buys another, they sometimes make their purchase with "cash", in the form of bearer bonds.

So the price which company "A" paid for company "B" was $2'000'000'000 and I had to deliver the bearer bond for that amount.

It says on the front of a bearer bond: "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of..." just as it does on a bank note. Technically then, I could've walked into a bank and cashed it.
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:23, Reply)

Lucky Money
A few years ago, I lived in Hong Kong, and as a sort of flea-bitten backpacker, I was moving from one badly paid bar job to another.

I'd been paid from the job I'd just left (at a hellhole Irish pub but that's another story) and needed to cash the cheque they'd given me.

To cash the cheque, I needed to go to the branch of the bank it was issued at - this happened to be the headquarters of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation (that's now HSBC) in Central. It's a pretty mad building with escalators on the inside and outside of the building.

A mate of mine at the time, a chap called Brett, came along with me as we were off for a pint afterwards.

A we get onto one of the escalators, Brett suddenly bends down and picks something up that was sat at the bottom of the escalator, and deftly puts it into his pocket, and gives me a wicked grin.

I cash my cheque and we leave the bank building... Brett shows me what's he's picked up, a massive roll of bright red 100 Hong Kong Dollar bills, $12,000 to be exact, which at the time was about £1,200.

So we went out and got absolutely wrecked that night on cocktails...

Which was nice.
(ColdLazarus, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:19, Reply)

not really cash
but i once carried a blank cheque for 3/4 of a million pounds to a client (we weren't sure who to make it out to) who was around the corner from us. i was so tempted to write my name and get on that plane to mexico.
( ginmakesamanmean Few and far between, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 15:00, Reply)

Do you take...cash? Ker-ching!
Some months after the Cashline machine surprise, I felt I should invest this cash in a 2 bedroom flat, in Edinburgh. So I duly go out and buy one for £45,000 [this was 1990].

I put down £30k deposit and I have to juggle money about so I can write a cheque from my joint account [that was with the now ex-Mrs Fire & Forget].

I trundle in to my bank with my cheque book, looking like a cross between Swampy, Eco-warrior and Von Eldrich, from The Sisters of Mercy, and I que up for a teller.

The well dresed man next to me is hassling the bank clerk for change for the parking meter, and turns to look down his nose at me so as I step up to the bandit screen I announce in a loud voice that "I would like to deposit £30,000 into my joint account"

His face was a picture.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:57, Reply)

More Cash
if we are talking my own money...

I inherited a good amonut of hard cash when I was 21 but it took ages to get a hold of; red tape.

On a night out about 12 weeks after my birthday, I had been getting the rounds in, like everyone else, and by 11.45 was a bit skint so as we were all heading off to another pub I stopped off at the cash machine.
As it turned midnight, I pressed "mini statement" and was pleasantly surprised to read I had £42,015.15 in my account. [The £15.15 was what was in there before midnight.]

We got trollied that night.

Still got the wee slip of paper.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:43, Reply)

Cash
I work for a large retailer who, like any other, need armoured vans to come and remove the filthy lucre we "liberate" from the public.

Atleast once a month I have to count, in bundles of £2,000, about £250k into plastic bags and give it to a nice man with a big shiney helmet.

And every time I think, "there is a years wages, and anothers, and anothers...."

It's only money
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:36, Reply)

Armless fun
I work for Blockbusters and am sometimes required to walk the 2 minute trip to the post office with anything up to 8k in cash.

A few weeks ago a Securicor worker was attacked and had his arm cut off* with a machette and the attacker got away with the box full of cash that was handcuffed to the unlucky guy, who later died**

Now whenever i go to the PO i don't take the cash in one of the bags marked 'Post Office £1000 in Pound coins' I use a carrier bag.

* cut slightly
** made a full recovery (i love the local rumour mill)

(Pesky Eskimo Gadzooks!, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:36, Reply)

car related cash
I was about to buy a car and required a largish segment of wedge from barclays(cunts). I filled in a form to withdraw £3500 and waited patiently while the teller counted it out. I noted that the teller seemed to be having trouble counting, indeed she had to get more cash from the teller next to her. Still I thought no more of it until she handed me a large housebrick of cash. I thought, "this doesn't seem right, I think I may have more than my £3500 here". In fact I was right, the teller had given me an extra £2000 by somehow confusing £50 and £20 notes. Ker-ching!!! I could now afford a better, shinier car. Karma prevailed however as I purchased a 3 year old Rover 820i which quickly turned into the biggest heap of shit I had ever driven. Sold it for next to fuck all 3 years later.

Second car related cash sum, was when I took voluntary redudancy from Reuters and ended up with £35K payoff, but also they gave me my company car as it was over 18 months old. The car was an MGF and since the logbook was in my name, I sold it (technically before it was actually mine). I told the bloke that bought from me that I accepted bankers draft or payment by cheque, keys to be handed over as soon as the cheque cleared natch.. However, matey boy turns up with £12k in used 20s and 50s in a carrier bag. He thought it would be a quicker transaction. Twunt. I made him stand next to me in the bank as the teller counted and checked the money, just in case he was passing dud notes etc..


other than that I am generally skint :(
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:31, Reply)

a couple of years ago, i need to draw out some money from am savings account to pay off some money on my credit card (had just paid for my honeymoon)
and some additional cash to pay the band we had booked.

i picked up £3K from the bank, after proving i was who i said i was and showing my passport and other stuff. i only had to walk down the road to a different bank and pay the money in but it makes you a bit paranoid when you have a lot of cash in your pocket.

i felt a bit off when the two guys standing at the counter next to me were paying in £18K (in cash) from a part share in a aeroplane they had just sold.
( Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:26, Reply)

Granny trolley
I had a weekend job in a shop when I was at uni and one day quite near Christmas I ws asked to go to the bank to get change. No due to the time of year this ended up being a fair amount of money. Now 2 of us had to go together to be safe and make sure we didn't get mugged and since safety was a priority you would have thought that the mehtod used to carry the money to and from the bank would have reflected this but no we were made to take a granny shopping cart. One of those fabric things on wheel. Now 2 young girls hauling one of these behind wouldn't look suspicious and make us a target for potential muggings!
(Delilah Papillon, Thu 22 Jun 2006, 14:17, Reply)